Scandalous (Frerard)

Frank has been stuck on drugs for 5 months, after a tramatic experience.
Gerard has been dealing drugs since he was 15, as it was the only way he knew how to survive.

Will they help each other? Or end up making each other worse?

1. Manage me, I'm a mess.

   I stumble down the street, feeling all too buzzed to be walking. I felt so dirty, so gross, I needed to get into a fucking shower. The beer bottle slips from my hand, making a loud noise on the pavement. I reach the gates of my three-story house, stumbling in, thanking god I didn’t fall.

2. No one can fucking save me from me.

   A little triggering, maybe?

3. The chapter in witch Frank discovers Gerard is beautiful.

   I listened to the faint buzzing of the lights and the annoying beep of my heart monitor. I thought scientist said that when you're dying, all you could do was pray that you’d live, even if it as a suicide. And all I was thinking about how much I wanted to die.

4. What could've been.

   “Gerard, I’m sure he’ll be fine for the night. Besides he’s in the hospital, he can’t do much.” Mikey tells me, although he seems unsure himself. We were on the couch, watching Pirates of the Caribbean. We had just gotten home from the hospital, where we had been for at least 3 hours.

5. Walk on.

   I walk slilently down the hallway, Mikey at my side. My foot steps are light, whereas his are loud and demanding. Nurses and doctors pass us quickly, some of them giving us smiles, but mostly just ignoring us.

6. When you touch me, I don't feel him, I feel you.

   “You wanna come to my house tonight?” Gerard asks me, making me look away from the tv. “Uh, are you sure? I don’t wanna be a bother.” I say quietly, looking warily at him.

7. Withdraws.

   I wake to the sound of faint yelling and the sun streaming in, dulled by the white curtains that are pulled down. The yells seem to get louder, pulling me from the bed. I hesitantly get up, wary and little bit scared if i’m honest.

8. He knew it too.

   “Gerard?” I ask, looking at his artwork displayed all about the bed we were sitting on. His art was beyond beautiful, it was truly breath taking. Some of the pictures were quite violent, yet still amazing, and it kind of gave me this emotional feeling, like I'd cry if I stared too long.

9. I'll walk you out into the sun, my love.

   “Please, just let me do it myself.” I beg, not letting the paramedic touch me. I wasn't harmed to badly, but I had a few cuts and bruises here and there. Luckily he had hit the passenger's side of the car.

10. Brother.

    I didn't realise I was staring until I saw hands waving out of the corner of my eye, and a concerned looking Mikey looking intetlly at me. I then realise i'm holding onto the shelf to tightly, making my knuckles white, and my breathing is fast, almost hysterical.

11. I'm telling you the truth, I'm okay.

    I sit quietly in the small cafe, Gerard sitting at my side, holding my hand tightly. I had managed not to completely freak when I left the house this morning, but I wanted him close just to feel safe.

12. 12.5 of happiness.

    But, of course, my prosperity lasted about 12.5 seconds (figuratively speaking). It had been about a week since our little ‘sleep over’. I don't know why, but I found myself in the middle of a drastic melt down, freaking out for no apparent reason.

13. His memory, the everlasting feeling of him.

    When I wake, it's to the sound of soft music and a delicate hand rubbing my back. I turn slightly, just in time to see his face. His eyes are haunting, his face pulled into an evil sneer.

14. I'm Doing it For You, Angel.

    I savored every day with him after that. When ever he hugged me, I breathed in his scent, clutched onto him what felt like forever, and I almost cried when he let go.

15. Your Image is Painted to the Backs of My Eyelids

    I missed him. I missed the way he smelled, always like soap and something distinctly sweet. I missed the way he dressed, always baggy. I missed his smile the most though. I yearned to see it.

16. Darling, your crucial.

    The time passed in a daze. There were no more freak outs, my withdraws did not occur anymore, and literally anyone could touch me without me even caring. I ate regularly (which resulted in more weight, weight I truly didn't mind), I could get dirty without freaking out, and I showered one every day.

17. The first stage of grieving is denial, my darling.

    I wake up in Gerard’s arms, but I immediately know he’s not sleeping. His breath isn't evened out, and he’s not snoring. His arms are wrapped around my waist as I face away, and I find myself grinning.

18. A sadness you can't rid yourself of.

    My fingers trembled as I buttoned my dress shirt up, but I tried to ignore the anxiety that coursed throughout my entire body. I looked at myself in the mirror, feeling disappointed that I was already teary eyed. I paused a minute, trying to steady myself. I felt like I was gonna vomit.