Scandalous (Frerard)

Gerard’s p.o.v

I missed him. I missed the way he smelled, always like soap and something distinctly sweet. I missed the way he dressed, always baggy. I missed his smile the most though. I yearned to see it.
But, admittedly, I didn't missed his sadness. I didn't miss all the tears he shed, and I didn't miss his frustration with himself.
Thats was the only thing keeping me sane, knowing that he was learning to manage it.
So, I kept myself busy. I went to meet with my new employers every day, discussing my theme for the gallery my art will be out in. And if I wasn't with them, I was painting, but I was always painting him. Mikey had argued, but I was never satisfied with my work when it was done, because it never caught all of Frank’s beauty. BUt in reality, I guess there was too much too catch.
I did them in all shades of colors, different places, but the same face. In one of them, he was walking away, surrounded by cherry blossom trees. He was dressed in light blue and black, a stream laid out before him. It was Mikey’s favorite.
My favorite was the one I did the day he left. He was smile, his umbrella hanging above him, hope in his hazel eyes. A smile was plastered on his face, and he was dress his a black trench coat. He looked so genuinely happy that it was enough to keep me hopeful to.
Today, I had visitation with him. It was just going to be me and Kendall, because Mikey had an interview.
I made sure to look extra nice (well, hot). I was a nervous wreck the entire morning, fluttering around the house to clean in order to keep myself distracted. I kept on cleaning the same things over and over ain, until finally Kendall showed up. When he did, my hands were raw from scrubbing, and I groaned in spite of myself. Frank won't think that's cute.
Kendall greeted me warmly, as he always did, and vise versa. I liked Kendall. He was very positive, yet down to earth.
We quickly loaded into his Porsche (hot damn) and we took off. The hospital was only ten minutes away, so it was a quick, but nerve wracking ride.
When we finally make, I take a second before getting out of the car, bracing myself for whatever I was about to see.
Finally I get out, Kendall following my lead. We pause for a moment at the car, leaning against it together.
“Will you- will you hold my hand? Not in like, a boyfriend child of way, like an a childish kind of way, because I’m afraid if you don't I might chew off all my my nails?” I ask nervously, biting my lips harshly.
“Of course.” He responds, smiling warmly at me. He held his hand out, and I took it shakily, thanking him gratefully. We make our way inside the building, me chewing my lip nervously. Kendall sings us in, before were escorted toward a nice colorful room. It's a bright place, not at all like id expected. Franks not there yet, so I quietly take a seat with Kendal at a round bright blue table.
I sit patiently, pulling my hand away from Kendall’s gently. I chew my lip, watching as other patients enter, searching for the face Id longed to see.
Eventually he did apear, looking unbelievably happy. He runs toward me, making me get up just in time for him to slam into me.
“Oh, my god, I missed you!” He says hugging me tightly. I grinned and kissed his forehead nodding. He kisses my mouth fiercely, gripping my shirt.
Eventually we stop and sit down, hand in hand.
“So, how is it here? Are the people nice?” I ask, smiling as he nodded.
“I made a couple of friends. I like my therapist a lot. She’s very understanding and stuff, so I always feel comfortable talking to her.” He says happily, smiling. I grin at him, clutching his hand tighter.
“Good, I’m glad baby. How's the food?” I question, genuinely interested. He seemed to pause, hesitating before answering.
“Never mind that, can I just kiss you for a while?” He asks straightforwardly. I look at him in surprise but nod, kind of eager to feel his lips on mine.
He practically jumps on me, straddling me in the chair. I let out a surprised noise before my lips are captured in kiss.
Its eager and excited, not in the least bit scared. After at least five minutes he pulls back, sitting back in his chair. Him and Kendall talk for a minute, but I’m not listening. I’m watching him, taking in his demeanor.
He was obviously happier. Not by far, but a noticeable amount. He no longer had large bags under his eyes, and even something in his eye had changed. My baby was getting better.
I decide then to tune into the conversation, forcing myself out of my daze.
“....they made us all take our shoelaces out of our shoes. We have a lot of restrictions.” Frank says, shrugging boredly.
“Well, it's for your guys’s safety though, so it is what it is. Mom misses you.” Kendall says, smiling fondly at Frank.
“Tell her I miss her too. I miss the way she smells.” He stated, smiling to himself.
“The ways she smells?” I ask, trying not to laugh.
“Yep. I missed the way you smelt too. Like a cinnamon candle and coffee.” He says, grinning at me. I blink, confused. Cinnamon? The fuck? I mean, it smells good I guess, but I can't even remember the last time I touched cinnamon.
I just laugh, smiling lovingly at him.
“Have they talked about your treatment plan?” Kendall asks, crossing his legs. Frank chews his lip thoughtfully, before sighing.
“Well, they haven't talked about when I’m going to get out, but they want to put me on meds. With my constant, over bousky, because it’b be illegal because I’m an adult.” He explains, looking at his hands.
“Do you want to be on meds?” I asks, tilting my head slightly.
“No. I mean, to mood stabilizers. I think I’d like to be on sleeping meds, so I can sleep all the way through the night and not wake up from nightmares.” He says, looking me in the eye.
“I support whatever you want to do, baby.” I says, resting my hand on his knee. He grins and sets his hand over mine on his knee.
“It's almost time to leave.” Kendall sighs, looking at his watch. Franks eyes get all sad, before he turns to me, kissing me eagerly. After a minute, he pulls away, smiling at me.
“I love you,” He whispers against my lips, shutting his eyes.
“I love you more, my darling.” I whisper back, resting my forehead against his.
“Impossible,” He responds, swaying as we stand together.
“You have no idea.” I tell him, pulling away slightly, so that I could kiss his cheek.
“I’ll see you next week.” He says, removing himself from my grasp.
“You know it baby.”
I watch as him and Kendall say goodbye, before he leaves. I exit the room with Kendall, catching one last glance of the love of my life. We walk silently out of the building, each of us too solemn to strike up a conversation.
We climb into his car, and suddenly a thought hits me. I never told Frank about his dad.
That'd be too much of a burden to him right now, but didn't someone deserve to know? It should be taken care of, right?
Just as Kendall exit the parking lot, I decide to tell him. I’m quiet all the way home, working up my courage to tell him.
When we did get to my house, Mikey’s car was parked outside the apartments's, so I was slightly more comfortable.
“Do you wanna come in for a bit?” I ask, trying to smiling. He grins at me and nods, parking his car next to Mikey’s, and pulling his key out of the ignition.
We get out of the car, and he takes the lead inside mine and Mikey’s apartment. When he opens the door, the sound of music and the smell of pizza hits me.
Mikey sits on the couch, the pizza box sitting on the couch as he eats a slice.
“Hey guys! How was it?” Mikey asks, smiling warmly at us.
“It was good. He seems happier.” I say, smiling at the memory.
“Way happier. He made out with Gerard for like, ten minutes. I didn't know he was comfortable enough to do that.” Kendall says thoughtfully, smiling a little. I nod, crossing the room to sit next to Mikey. I pat the seat next to me, gesturing for Kendall to sit down next to me.
“I..I have to tell you something.” I say to Kendall, biting my lips. “I should have said something a long time ago, but I was scared and I didn't think anything could change it. I was going to tell Frank, but I decided it was better not to.”
“Okay…” Kendall says, worrying creasing his forehead.
“I’m sure you know I was your dad’s dealer after his last one went to jail. Frank said he thought his father- your guys’s father, was just buying weed.” I say, hesitating with the next part.
“And…?”
“He was buying heavier shit then that. Like, cocaine and heroin.” I say, gluing my eyes to the ground.
He’s quiet for a second, but I can feel his eyes on me. I just hoped he wasn't angry at me.
“Thank you for telling me.” He says, his voice calm. I look up at him in surprise.
“You're...not mad?” I ask, tilting my head a little.
“Mad? No. I do wish you had told me a little sooner, but I understand.” He says, shrugging a little. He looked miserable rather than sad.
“Are you okay?” Mikey asked, concern leaking into his voice.
“Yeah, I just...I don't want to go home, I don't think I can handle seeing him.” Kendall says, looking down at his hands.
“So stay here.” Mikey says, or rather demands. Kendall bites his lip, hesitating.
“Please. We want you to.” I tell him, nodding my head. He looks at me, seeing I’m genuine, and smiling a little.
“Okay.” He says shortly, nodding a little.
Mikey cranked up the music, making it fill the entire apartment. I could tell all conversation was over, so after a few minutes I got up, walking to our spare room where my art stuff was stored. It was still messy from my latest project, but I ignored it and got a brand new canvas, grabbing the colors red, orange, yellow, gray and black, before getting several paintbrushes.
And for the 5th time that week, I painted Frank. My muse.
His damn image was painted on the backs of my eyelids, and his smell was still on my pillow case. I couldn't look at his clothes without getting this weird mixture of sad and happy inside of me, and it physically pained me to think of him lying back on my chest.
I just wanted to hold him, I wanted to taste his lips, but I knew this pain was for the greater good. Or, at least, I’d hope so.

Notes

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