Scandalous (Frerard)

Franks p.o.v

When I wake, it's to the sound of soft music and a delicate hand rubbing my back. I turn slightly, just in time to see his face. His eyes are haunting, his face pulled into an evil sneer.
I scream, a heart wrenching cream, and thrust myself off the bed. My back slams into the wall, causing the curs on the back of my thighs to sting.
I feel more than one set of hands, and some whispering, but i'm not listening.
All I can do is yell, until I realise the hands aren't hurting me. They’re coaxing me, not harming me.
I open my eyes frantically, searching all the faces before me.
None of them are his face.
I look around searching for a threat, something even remotely alarming, but when I find none, I burst into tears.
“Frankie, baby, you're okay,” I hear Gerards voice coax, his arms wrapping around me.
“Don't touch me! I’m dirty!” I yell, pushing him away. “I’m so dirty!”
“Frabkie, baby, no your not.” He coos, gently pushing my hair back.
“His-his hands! They’re on me! He made me dirty, Gerard!” I shout, clutching at my arms. He tries to take me in his arms again, but i'm not having any of that.
“No! Im dirty! You're clean, don't you see Gerard? Your clean!” I yell, my voice cracking several times.
“Frank, look at me.” He demands, making me look up at him. “You are not dirty. You are absolutely beautiful and clean. You are clean. Do you hear me?” He says firmly, making more tears escape my eyes. I leap into his arms, ignoring his gasp.
“When is it going to away?” I sob, wetting Gerard’s shoulder with my tears.
“What baby?” He whisper, clutching onto me.
“His memory.” I whisper back, digging my head into is shoulder. I can feel Mikey's and Kendall's eyes on me, making me squirm uncomfortably.
I wanted to get in the shower.
“Soon baby. Soon, I promise.”
*
*
*
The next week pasted in a daze. When I wasn't with Gerard, I was with Mikey. When I wasn't with Mikey, I was with Kendall. They could all touch me freely without me spazzing out, and I really liked spending time with Kendall and Lyric, his grilfriend.
She was absolutely amazing. She knew not ask why I hadn't liked being touched and she knew how to handle Kendall. She took note of not to get intimate with Kendall in front of me, because it made me uncomfortable.
Kendall was understanding to. He told me he loved me every five seconds, just to get the point across, and I didn't really mind.
I hadn't heard it from him in a long time.
Gerard was out working one day, and I was with Mikey, Kendall, and Lyric. I hadn't seen him that morning, because he left rather early, but i didn't mind too much. We were talking about God know's what, when Gerard suddenly walked into the room, a shit eating grin on his face. I took note of the dress shirt and dress pants he was wearing.
He looked way more cleaned up then usual. His hair was brushed and pushed back neatly, and there wasn't any subtle on his jaw/chin.
“I did it.” He said, his words directed at Mikey. Mikey grinned so much I thought his face would fall off. He got up and practically jumped in his arms.
“You did it! I'm so proud of you!” He yelled, clasping onto Gerard.I wath for a second, feeling utterly confused.
“W-what's going on?” I ask meekly, looking at them with a tilted head. Gerard and Mikey pulled away from each other in time for Mikey to give Gerard a slight nod of his head.
“I didn't want to tell you earlier in case it didn't happen, but I got a job. A real one. I met up with a company looking for new artist and, well, they liked my art. I just sold two paintings for 1,500 each, They want to out my art in a professional art show and auction it.” Gerard announced, looking brightly at me. I felt my mouth fall open and my eyes water. I didn't know how to react.
I was so...happy.
“Frank?” Gerard asked nervously, making me snap back to reality. I jumped out of my seat and right into his arms, weeping proudly.
“I’m so proud of you! Oh my God! I love you, I love you so much!” I cried, kissing his cheek and mouth in between words. He laughed happily and kissed me back.
When we finished he set his forehead against mine, looking deeply into my eyes.
“Love you too, sweetheart.” He says, smiling.
“What ones did you sell?” I ask, pulling back to look at him. He scratches hi neck, biting his lip nervously.
“Uh, well, they were both of you.” He say, making my eyes bulge. I throw my head back, laughing.
“Seriously Gerard. Which ones?” I ask, still smiling playfully.
“I'm serious.” He states, making me frown.
“No one...is gonna pay that much for me…” I replied. He frowned.
“I would. And they sis. They payed for the one in black, white, and red and the close up one in color.” He says, looking seriously at me. His eyes get to me, and I fight the urge to kiss him.
In the end, I give in and press my lips to his.
“So you have a real job…” I ask slowly once we pull away. “That means no more drugs?”
“Well…” Gerard sighs, looking over at Mikey.
“Once I found a job, no more drugs.” Mikey declares, looking apologetically at me. Oh well, it's a start. I smile reassuringly.
“Okay.” I say simply, laying my head on Gerards chest. We sit in a comfortable silence after that, each of us consumed in our own thoughts. The whole time im just listening to Gerards heart, the sound it makes.
I clutch into him tightly. It hadn't occurred to me before, because I had never loved anything so much, but he could be taken from me in a flash. This- what i'm holding- could be gone, just like that.
But as soon as that happened, I’d be gone with him.
*
*
*
The next day, I come to a horrible realisation. I needed to get better to.
That part itself wasn't bad, but the in the few seconds after that, I came to a resolution.
Gerard was dropping everything he’d ever known for me, leaving behind Bert and the drugs, cleaning up.
And here I was, fucking him up again. I needed to get over him. He was irrelevant now, he was gone. Gone.
But how could I help myself? How the hell does someone recover from something like that?
Professional help.
I decided to check myself into a mental ward the following week.
As much as I fucking hate therapist and doctors, I force myself to believe it was the only way out of this damn depression, this ever lasting feeling of dirtiness.
The everlasting feeling of him.
*
*
*
I wish, that I could leave it all behind me
Go to my own world where no on can find me
I guess it's just the way I escape, yeah
I guess it's just the way I escape
And I wish, that I could take parts of my past
Hold on to the good and throw the rest in the trash
I guess it's just the way I escape, yeah
I guess it's just the way I escape
Have you ever been so broke, or frozen, it's so cold
Emotions are so blown, hoping you won't go
Back to that war zone, the place that you don't know
It's hard to go the right way when you're on the wrong road

Notes

Jobs. Hospitials.

Wut am I doing.

xoxMay<3