Scandalous (Frerard)

Chapter 6
Frank’s p.o.v

I wake to the sound of faint yelling and the sun streaming in, dulled by the white curtains that are pulled down. The yells seem to get louder, pulling me from the bed. I hesitantly get up, wary and little bit scared if i’m honest. Scared of what, I don’t know.
I reach for door handle, turning it slowly and finally open the door.
“This isn’t us Bert! It’s never been like this!” I hear Gerard’s voice shout, making me confused.
“Why? Why, Gerard?” Bert, I think, yelled back. I step back out into the hall, looking warily into the kitchen. Gerard stands by the fridge, his hands through up in the air, and Bert stands about five feet away.
“Because, if I had wanted it like that, I would have said something. It’s been eleven years Bert, eleven fukcing years, and your just now saying some thing?” Gerard says, scarily calmly. It actually makes me flinch, because really, it makes me question people’s sanity when they’re so calm. Switching moods that quickly mean instability.
Bert crosses the floor quickly, placing his hands on Gerards neck. Gerard noticeably stiffens before Bert pulls his lips to Gerards, making me hold in a gasp. Gerard rips away immediately, pushin him back.
“Stop it.” He says, shaking his head violently. I begin to back away from the scene, but right then, Gerard decides to notice me. He sends a glare at Bert before slowly crossing the room toward me.
“Sorry you had to hear that Frankie.” He says gently, finally reaching me. He smile apologetically at me, making my heart flutter. The fuck was that? Stop it, heart.
“Oh, it's him, isn't it? That's why! I was so fucking blind!” Bert shouts, throwing his hands up.
“Stop it, Bert. Now.” Gerard says, glaring daggers at him.
“Good luck with him Frank, because you’ll fucking need it! I wish you the best man.” Bert says, but I can't tell if he’s serious or not. I flinch a little at his loudness as he stomp across the floor and gets his shoes, and leaves. After a few seconds I hear a car door slam, then the engine start up and the rough skidding of tires.
I suddenly feel like crying, but not for any particular reason. I just felt exposed and in the way, but weak most of all. I felt weak and vulnerable. I feel tears well in my eyes but I try hard to ignore them.
“Frank?” Gerard asks softly, his concerned gaze making me want to cry more.
“A-are you okay?” I choke out, looking back at him.
“Am I okay? You're the one crying.” He asks, taking a step forward,
“He-he was yelling at you. I’m just...I don't know, I feel weak.” I say shrugging a bit. He stares at me a second before nodding and grabbing my hand. H leads me back to his room, where he quickly crosses the room and shuts the blinds, making it way darker.
He sits on the bed before patting it softly, gesturing for me to come to the bed. I hesitantly do, and he lies down, making me do the same. My back is to him, so I flinch a little when he scoots closer and puts his arms around my waist. I’m extremely rigid for a second, waiting for the images to come to mind. They don’t though.
I’m stuck between pushing him away and all these odd feelings or pushing myself further to see how much I can take.
I decide the latter though, and turn to face him, putting my arms around his neck and burying my head in his chest. He makes a sound of surprise, but I ignore and breathe in his scent.
Its musky and kind of earthy, but there’s a hit of cigarette smoke. I lay like that a long time, my face buried in his neck, my arms wrapped around his neck and my legs around his waist.
It's not until a hear a soft knock at the door that I look up, finding Mikey standing in the doorway.
“Hey guys.” He says softly, perching himself on the bed.
“Hey Mikes, what's up?” Gerard says gently. I feel the vibration through his neck and it makes me shiver slightly, but no one takes notice.
“Uh, did something happen with Bert?” He asks, tilting his head a little.
“Yeah, I guess, why?” Gerard responds, raising his eyebrows, but not unkindly.
“He wants to move out. He texted me saying he’s out.” Mikey says, hidden meaning in his words. What does that mean? Like...selling drugs? Gerard curses under his breath, making me look over at him.
“We’ll figure this out. I mean, it's not like were exactly struggling is it?” Gerard says to Mikey. Mikey smiles and nods, looking down at his hands.
Suddenly I felt a pang of want once I realised what we were talking about. Drugs. The one thing that could heal me. I feel myself start to shake a little, and the urge becomes bigger.
I scramble to get up, but Gerard grabs my wrist, stopping me.
“Frank, what's wrong?” He asks urgently, staring me worriedly.
“I gotta- I need...just let me go, I have to go, please.” I say, struggling against him.
“Why? For what?” He asks, keeping his iron grip on me.
“Gerard,” I cry, begging to get desperate. “I need...I need-” I cut myself off, my voice becoming to choked up. I begin to cry a little, tears making their way down my face. I shake violently, but I know it's not because I’m scared or anything, it's withdraws.
Whenever you get off drugs, they’re are always withdraws.
“Oh,” Mikey says, nodding understandingly. He crossing the bed before whispering something in Gerards ear. Gerard’s eyes widen but he nods and soften his grip on me.
“Frank? Do you want to the urges to go away?” Mikey asks softly, his eyes wide and understanding. I nod through my tears, trying to force myself to stop shaking.
“M’kay, come on Frank, I’m gonna help you.” He says standing up. I try to stand to, but I’m so light headed I almost fall. Geard jumps up so quickly it makes me more dizzy, but he latches himself into me, steadying me. They take me into the bathroom, and I can hear them talking, but I can’t make out the words. I’m shaking so violently I can’t see, but I seem to be able to make Gerard’s scared face. I feel hands on me, trying to take my pajamas off, and I cry harder, because dammit, I can't stop them.
And the whole time all I can think is it’s happening again, its happening again, and I swear I won't survive. The hands finally get me to stop struggling so hard and one of them moves their hand to my chest, undoing the zipper of the onesie. The whole time i'm trying to resist, and i’m sure i'm yelling at them to stop, but they don't listen. And right then, i didn’t even realise who ‘they’ were, I didn’t realise it was just Mikey and Gerard trying to help me.
Because in my mind, it wasn't. It was him trying to do the same disgusting things to me, it was rape.
Soom I find myself under a cold spray that must be the shower, and I find myself calming down. Sobs still escape my mouth, but i’m no longer shaking, except for the occasion slight tremor. I lean back against the bath, trying to calm myself. I look down and discover I’m in my boxers still. It doesn’t bother me until I look up to find Mikey and Gerard staring wide eyed at me. They look genuinely scared and concerned.
“W-what?” I croak, looking at them.
“You- what you said..I just-”
“What? What did I say? When?” I ask confusedly, looking at them with furrowed eyebrows. Gerard just looks at me, his mouth agape, tears forming in his eyes.
“How could someone do that to you? Oh God, oh my God.” He says, clutching his chest.
My eyes widen once I realise what he’s talking about. He knows.
“He must’ve been to lucid to realise what he was saying.” Mikey mutters, more to himself. He leaves the bathroom swiftly, leaving me with horrified, wide eyes and an almost hysterical Gerard.
He returns a second later, turning off the water and handing me a cup of an unidentifiable substance.
“Apple vinegar. It helps with withdrawls. The acid in it helps or some shit, but it really works. Drink.” Mikey demands. I nod hesitantly and bring the cup to my lips, taking a sip. It tastes utterly disgusting, but I continue to drink it anyway.
“We’ll let you get dressed.” Mikey says quietly, moving away from the bathtub and out of the room. Gerard does the same, but somes in a second later with new clothes and a towel. He looks at me with sympathy and sadness, then leaves, shutting the door behind himself.
I climb out of the bath, pulling my boxers off and carelessly dropping them on the floor with a ‘slop’. I dry off quickly and brush my teeth, as I did every morning. I put on the boxers Gerard gave me,but ignore the other clothes and put on the onesie.
I walk out of the bathroom, feeling all too numb to care about the fact that I know they’re gonna stare when they see me. Finding out someone had been raped is a big deal to most people, I guess.
I find them in the kitchen, Mikey looking solemnly at his hands and Gerard gnawing thoughtfully on his lip, still looking sad. Their heads snap up when they hear me, each of them looking rather concerned. I just stand there, too numb to really care they knew. I knew I would care later though, I knew it would eat me alive, but right then, I think I was okay with everything falling apart.
We were all silent for a few minutes, all of us unsure as what to say.
“I’m gonna go.” I said suddenly, breaking the silence.
“What? No!” Gerard says, looking shocked and a little offended. “Why would you leave right now?”
“I just- Gerard you shouldn’t want me around. You're so pure and perfect, and i'm dirty and fucked up and- and he made me that way, okay? So please Gerard, run while you have the chance.” I say rather vehemently, staring solemnly at my feet.
“Don't ever say that! Ever! You are not dirty and I will not ever leave you! Yeah Frank, you're a little fucked up, but so am I. We can be fucked up together. And as to who ever ‘he’ is, don't let him fuck you up like that, Frank. I swear to God if I ever come across this mother fucker, I will beat him half to death.” He says, looking intently at me. Before I know what i'm doing, my body slams into his, and I feel my arms wrap around his neck.
“Gerard- I know i'm gonna regret telling you this, but I need you. I need you, and that scares me, because I’m giving you the leverage to hurt me.” I say, suddenly breathless.
“Frank, hurting you would hurt me to. It'd be like hurting myself- but worse.”
*
*
*
I don't fall slow like I used to
I fall straight down
You've stolen my air catcher
That kept me safe and sound
My parachutes will guide me
Safely to ground
But now the cord's not working
And I see you staring me down
I won't fall in
Love with falling
I will try to avoid
Those eyes

Notes

I don't know what I'm doing with my life! Okay? Okay.
Have fun reading this train wreck of a story.
Love you beauties.
xoxMay<3