The sixth part ((frerard))
Chapter 2 // mad as rabbits
Frank POV
That teacher wasn’t overreacting when he said ‘issues’ I think this dude is schizophrenic or something. Still I don’t mind, whatever it is, I’d still fancy the fuck out of him. I just really want to know what’s wrong. Yesterday when he went all weird in RS it scared the hell out of me. His eyes looked so dead, in so much pain, it’s like he was possessed and then when he couldn’t remember it scared me shitless. He leads me into the toilet and closes the door.
‘Is it just us?’ he writes in his sketchpad.
“Y-yeah”
'Please keep an open mind about this. I am not a psychopath, I am not possessed, just different’
I nod nervously.
'Have you heard of dissociative identity disorder?’
I shake my head.
'Multiple personality disorder’ he adds in brackets.
I feel my jaw drop to the floor, I struggle to form thoughts let alone words. That’s what that murdered claimed to have!?
'Everyone dissociates sometimes, ever drive home to find you have no memory of the journey?’
I nod weakly, slightly understanding. I notice his hands shaking slightly.
'Up until the age of nine’ He starts before ripping out the page and restarting. 'There’s safety in numbers, if you get hurt, that’s it you’re hurt, if you’re in lots of separate parts, if one part gets hurt the rest can carry on’
I nod. Makes sense.
‘My childhood was kinda traumatic. To deal with this, without even realising I dissociated so I wouldn’t have to remember what happened. I separated out aspects of my personality so that I could preserve them and escape into them. A side of me turned into like a friend who I had long conversations with in my mind and who came out and took over for me as I dissociated. My current personality is split into 5 separate identities, alters, who take any hurt, guide me and look out for me. Is this making sense?’ He writes before turning the page. I nod.
‘The first is me, Gerard, the host personality, I’m out maybe just less than half the time, I’m selectively mute, I talk aloud in ‘safe’ situations. Then there’s a guy called saviour, I talk to him a lot inside but he hardly ever comes out and when he does he is completely mute. There’s G, he’s a writer, he is in his late 30s, he is amazing but only ever comes out in happy situations. He often leaps out for a few moments if pancakes or something he likes are around. He gives me advice and reassurance on the inside and is fine talking when he is out. There’s Party Poison. They’re non binary. They can talk freely, they’re not mute at all but they don’t talk if they’re out at school because only our mum, brother and therapist know about all this so basically they have to pretend to be me. Anyway they were my first alter and I talk to them all the time. They are out as often as me, in fact they did the eyeliner I’m wearing right now, I’m sure you’ll meet them soon. Then there’s this unknown guy. He takes all the hurt for us, when he is out no one else can remember what happened and it scares us because that’s when I find myself shitfaced with cuts up my arm and no memory of anything that happened. I think you met him yesterday?’
I nod in shock, unable to say anything. I don’t think he’s weird or anything I just need a moment to deal with all this information. He turns the page.
“So there’s like 5 different people inside you?”
'Yes, imagine a car, Party and I are normally either driving or riding shotgun then in the back there’s G, Saviour and that dude who none of us know. The passengers can chat to the driver and eachother and if the driver starts struggling someone else jumps in and takes the wheel. Do you get it?’
“K-kinda, so do you remember what happens when you’re not in charge?”
'Mostly, I remember most of what goes on especially when Party is out it’s just it’s not like it’s me in the memory if that makes sense.’
I have so many questions.
“W-what’s it like when you’re not the one in charge?”
'Depends on which alter is in charge, mostly if it’s not me its party and with them a lot of the time it’s like I’m detached from it, like I’m watching what’s happening but it’s not me carrying out the actions, I’m just commentating. Sometimes, especially if it’s this unknown one, I have no recollection of it, either it’s like the car home but not remembering the journey thing I mentioned earlier or it’s like I’ll be sat and 5mins will pass but then I look at the clock and it’s been 3hours and there’s just a chunk of my life missing’
“That must be terrifying”
He nods.
'Sometimes, especially the rare occasions saviour’s out I have a bit of foggy fragmented memory but not lots and I can’t place where it from. Most times G’s out I’m right there like I am with Party’
“Wow”
He turns to another page and I see the drawing he was doing in the first English lesson. Underneath written in swirly writing is ‘Party poison’. I gulp. He turns onto another page and I see a small drawing of a guy in a bright blue suit with orange hair a bit shorter than Gerard’s. Underneath is written ‘G’ in a box. He turns onto another page. There’s another guy with the similar features but with short white hair, he’s wearing a majestic jacket black jacket with silver buttons and underneath ‘Saviour’ is written.
I feel a shiver run down my spine.
'Please don’t be scared, you must think I’m crazy but none of us will hurt you okay? Individually we’re all pretty normal it’s just there’s only one body for us all but I understand if you wanna stop talking to me but if you hang around you’ll get to meet everyone and you’ll see how there’s nothing to be scared of’
“Of course, what kinda douche would I be to ditch you after you open up like that? I mean this is kinda cool”
'Really?’
“Yes. I promise. Anyway we should get back to lesson”
I spend the lesson thinking over what I've learned, I'd love to find out more. Once I think about it I'm not that freaked out. Okay I'm intrigued and surprised but not scared. The only thing I am concerned about is this unknown alter. He looked in so much pain yesterday but I'm almost angry at him. How dare he harm Gerard? But I guess, I can't talk, my arms are covered in scars too.
That teacher wasn’t overreacting when he said ‘issues’ I think this dude is schizophrenic or something. Still I don’t mind, whatever it is, I’d still fancy the fuck out of him. I just really want to know what’s wrong. Yesterday when he went all weird in RS it scared the hell out of me. His eyes looked so dead, in so much pain, it’s like he was possessed and then when he couldn’t remember it scared me shitless. He leads me into the toilet and closes the door.
‘Is it just us?’ he writes in his sketchpad.
“Y-yeah”
'Please keep an open mind about this. I am not a psychopath, I am not possessed, just different’
I nod nervously.
'Have you heard of dissociative identity disorder?’
I shake my head.
'Multiple personality disorder’ he adds in brackets.
I feel my jaw drop to the floor, I struggle to form thoughts let alone words. That’s what that murdered claimed to have!?
'Everyone dissociates sometimes, ever drive home to find you have no memory of the journey?’
I nod weakly, slightly understanding. I notice his hands shaking slightly.
'Up until the age of nine’ He starts before ripping out the page and restarting. 'There’s safety in numbers, if you get hurt, that’s it you’re hurt, if you’re in lots of separate parts, if one part gets hurt the rest can carry on’
I nod. Makes sense.
‘My childhood was kinda traumatic. To deal with this, without even realising I dissociated so I wouldn’t have to remember what happened. I separated out aspects of my personality so that I could preserve them and escape into them. A side of me turned into like a friend who I had long conversations with in my mind and who came out and took over for me as I dissociated. My current personality is split into 5 separate identities, alters, who take any hurt, guide me and look out for me. Is this making sense?’ He writes before turning the page. I nod.
‘The first is me, Gerard, the host personality, I’m out maybe just less than half the time, I’m selectively mute, I talk aloud in ‘safe’ situations. Then there’s a guy called saviour, I talk to him a lot inside but he hardly ever comes out and when he does he is completely mute. There’s G, he’s a writer, he is in his late 30s, he is amazing but only ever comes out in happy situations. He often leaps out for a few moments if pancakes or something he likes are around. He gives me advice and reassurance on the inside and is fine talking when he is out. There’s Party Poison. They’re non binary. They can talk freely, they’re not mute at all but they don’t talk if they’re out at school because only our mum, brother and therapist know about all this so basically they have to pretend to be me. Anyway they were my first alter and I talk to them all the time. They are out as often as me, in fact they did the eyeliner I’m wearing right now, I’m sure you’ll meet them soon. Then there’s this unknown guy. He takes all the hurt for us, when he is out no one else can remember what happened and it scares us because that’s when I find myself shitfaced with cuts up my arm and no memory of anything that happened. I think you met him yesterday?’
I nod in shock, unable to say anything. I don’t think he’s weird or anything I just need a moment to deal with all this information. He turns the page.
“So there’s like 5 different people inside you?”
'Yes, imagine a car, Party and I are normally either driving or riding shotgun then in the back there’s G, Saviour and that dude who none of us know. The passengers can chat to the driver and eachother and if the driver starts struggling someone else jumps in and takes the wheel. Do you get it?’
“K-kinda, so do you remember what happens when you’re not in charge?”
'Mostly, I remember most of what goes on especially when Party is out it’s just it’s not like it’s me in the memory if that makes sense.’
I have so many questions.
“W-what’s it like when you’re not the one in charge?”
'Depends on which alter is in charge, mostly if it’s not me its party and with them a lot of the time it’s like I’m detached from it, like I’m watching what’s happening but it’s not me carrying out the actions, I’m just commentating. Sometimes, especially if it’s this unknown one, I have no recollection of it, either it’s like the car home but not remembering the journey thing I mentioned earlier or it’s like I’ll be sat and 5mins will pass but then I look at the clock and it’s been 3hours and there’s just a chunk of my life missing’
“That must be terrifying”
He nods.
'Sometimes, especially the rare occasions saviour’s out I have a bit of foggy fragmented memory but not lots and I can’t place where it from. Most times G’s out I’m right there like I am with Party’
“Wow”
He turns to another page and I see the drawing he was doing in the first English lesson. Underneath written in swirly writing is ‘Party poison’. I gulp. He turns onto another page and I see a small drawing of a guy in a bright blue suit with orange hair a bit shorter than Gerard’s. Underneath is written ‘G’ in a box. He turns onto another page. There’s another guy with the similar features but with short white hair, he’s wearing a majestic jacket black jacket with silver buttons and underneath ‘Saviour’ is written.
I feel a shiver run down my spine.
'Please don’t be scared, you must think I’m crazy but none of us will hurt you okay? Individually we’re all pretty normal it’s just there’s only one body for us all but I understand if you wanna stop talking to me but if you hang around you’ll get to meet everyone and you’ll see how there’s nothing to be scared of’
“Of course, what kinda douche would I be to ditch you after you open up like that? I mean this is kinda cool”
'Really?’
“Yes. I promise. Anyway we should get back to lesson”
I spend the lesson thinking over what I've learned, I'd love to find out more. Once I think about it I'm not that freaked out. Okay I'm intrigued and surprised but not scared. The only thing I am concerned about is this unknown alter. He looked in so much pain yesterday but I'm almost angry at him. How dare he harm Gerard? But I guess, I can't talk, my arms are covered in scars too.
Notes
A really short chapter and i only updated yesterday but i cant stop writing this thing. I have another chapter written yet but i'm gonna wait a bit before i post it bc ik i wont be able to keep up w it.
Question:
How long are your chapters normally? Mine are normally just over 2000 words. I think thats p short but at the same time a lot of ppls are less than 1000. This one is just over 1000, I had a chapter coming up to about 3000 words written but posted the first 1000 now. This is probably all way too short though, I'm new to fanfiction writing.
Also random but in 2 days I'm seeing Paloma Faith fuckkkk am i excited!!
Okay thanks for reading :)
Megan x
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omg that's so cool wow setting the bar low lmao but yess omg I met them again exactly a week later and died so hard
11/20/15