The Hardest Part Is Letting Go Of Your Dreams

I wake up the next morning wrapped tightly in Franks arms. I feel him press a few light kisses to the back of my shoulder and I roll over to face him, burying my face in his neck and crushing my body against his, clinging to him desperately. His arms tighten around me and one hand soothingly rubs up and down my back as he shushes me. "Baby you're starting to worry me, are you ok?" He whispers and I respond with a choked off whine as I bury my face further into his neck. His hand continues to stroke my back and he doesn't say anything else, just holds me close. When I finally pull back I roll onto my back and stare at the roof until Frank leans over, cupping my face in his hands as he says "Babe talk to me." I try so hard to keep the tears back as I say "I'm ok. I just don't feel great" but by the end my voice wavers a little. Franks face crumples into a frown before he says "Babe do you need me to take another day off work?" I shake my head and say "Nah I'll be fine." He gently strokes my cheek as he smiles down at me before leaning in and pressing his lips to mine. I kiss back and clutch his arm, desperate to keep him there but little footsteps in the hall cause Frank to pull away from me, tearing my heart a little more. Ruby comes toddling into the room and goes to Franks side of the bed, climbing up and then standing, bouncing around by his legs and giggling. I lay there watching her until she drops down onto her hands and knees and climbs up the bed towards us, making little woofs like a dog. When she reaches us she climbs inbetween us when Frank slides over to give her room and she crawls around in a circle before flopping down on her side, laying there making little woofs again. "Wow I didn't know we brought home a puppy" Frank says in a playful tone. "I better go get Ruby, she'll love playing with a puppy." Ruby giggles and says "No daddy it's me" and Frank gasps. "I thought you were a puppy baby girl" he says before leaning over and digging his fingers into her sides, tickling her a little, causing her to shriek and giggle. When he stops he picks her up and sits her in his lap and she giggles again and says "Tricked you daddy." He leans in and kisses her forehead before pulling away and saying "You sure did." Ruby cuddles into his chest as he pulls the blanket up over her too and settles back against the pillows and I lay there, completely ignored. I roll over so they can't see the tears welling in my eyes before I slide out of bed and leave the room, going into the bathroom and stepping into the shower where I finally let myself cry again.

After Frank leaves for work Ruby toddles over to me at the kitchen table and says "I'm hungwy Geegee." I look down at her and say "What do you want?" She shrugs her little shoulders so I stand up and make her a piece of toast. Once I put it on the table I get her a cup of juice and sit it there too before helping her into the chair. While she eats I clear the rest of the table and go to get my work stuff, my comic due in two days. When she's finished I clear her plate and cup and say "I have to work Ruby. Go pick a toy to play with." She nods her head and runs from the room, coming back dragging her tub of building blocks. She tips them all over the floor making a lot of noise and mess, causing my slight headache to grow and she starts connecting them and building so I turn back to my page. I'm halfway through the second last panel when a little hand tugs at my arm, causing me to screw up slightly and I swallow down my urge to snap at her as I turn in the chair and look at what she wants. "Geegee will you play with me?" I sigh and say "Ruby I really need to work right now." Her little head drops and she walks away, leaving the room. I shake my head and turn back to the page and a minute later I hear Ruby come back in and drag the chair beside me out, climbing up into it with her own paper and crayons. She settles herself and starts drawing too and when I'm finished the second last panel I put my pencil down and say "Are you hungry Ruby?" She nods her head and I stand up, ready to get some lunch when she holds her arms out to me. I lean down and pick her up, resting her on my hip as we go over to the pantry. "What would you like?" I ask and she looks around before pointing at a box of cookies. "Cookies are for after lunch Rubes. You have to eat something else first." Her little face drops and she nods before I grab some bread and walk over to the fridge and get some cheese, sitting her down and making her a sandwich. Once I cut it up I sit it infront of her and sit down again, starting on my last panel while she eats. When she's finished I go to the pantry and get a cookie, sitting it on her plate and her eyes light up as she says "Thank you Geegee" and shoving it into her mouth. I get her a small glass of milk and sit it on the table before sitting and attempting the panel again but I can't concentrate anymore. I sigh, defeated, and throw the pencil on the table and shove my work away. Ruby watches me wide eyed and rests her little hand in my arm and says "Don't be mad Geegee." I look down at her and think 'You're the reason for all this' but don't say anything. Instead I scoop her up and sit her on the table infront of me. She reaches out and rests her little hands on my cheeks, like Frank does sometimes and the gesture makes me want to smile and cry at the same time. Her little hands start playing with my face, pulling my mouth up into a smile before poking my nose and she giggles so I start trying to nibble her fingers when they come near my mouth causing her to giggle even more. I feel the knot in my chest loosen just a little and I start to feel better when Frank comes home and walks in to find us still at the table, Ruby messing with my face.'"Daddy" she yells when she sees him and scrambles to get off the table. I lift her down and she runs over, almost tripping over some of her blocks which are still all over the floor and Frank picks her up, hugging her and says "Wow you guys made a mess today" playfully but I'm not in the mood so I stand up and say "Well maybe you guys can clean it up and have a blast seeing as you're her daddy and all" before shoving past them and going into the bedroom and slamming the door shut, collapsing face down onto the bed before I let my true emotions take over and I scream out as I pound my fists into the pillows and sob uncontrollably.

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