The Hardest Part Is Letting Go Of Your Dreams

I wake up feeling incredibly disoriented and my head feels like it's going to explode. I slowly drag myself off the floor and the memory of what happened floods my mind. Frank knows and Frank tried to kill me. I let out a choked off sob, my throat not capable of making actual noises and cross the room on shaky legs, pulling on a pair of sweatpants and struggling to breathe. I sit on the bed and pain floods my whole body as I drag in a few shaky breaths before I stand up and grab a shirt, pulling it over my head before walking out into the hallway and towards the kitchen. I stumble to the sink and grab a glass, getting a cup of water and slowly sipping at it. I hear a noise behind me and I drop it, the glass shattering at my feet and soaking the bottom of my pants as I shake uncontrollably, turning around and seeing Frank standing there. I can't meet his gaze, dropping my head to look at the floor as I slowly edge my
way back towards the door, sliding past him and running for the bathroom. I slam the door and lock it behind me, sinking to the floor and pulling my knees to my chest. I struggle for breath as fear grips my whole body. I shake and rock back and forth, trying to calm myself, my fear making it even harder to breathe. I sit for what feels like hours before I drag myself off the floor, making my way to the sink and when I see myself in the mirror I freeze. My whole face is black and blue, obvious knuckle marks a deeper black and my neck looks like someone tried to hang me. I gently run my fingers over it and flinch at the throbbing pain before dropping my hand and biting my swollen bottom lip to keep the tears in. I make my way out of the bathroom and towards the living room, knowing I need to confront Frank sooner rather than later but what I see tears my heart out and stomps all over it. Frank is bent over the couch being fucked by the guy he was kissing the other night, him twisted around so they are kissing and as I watch they pull apart and Frank moans out in pleasure before looking straight at me and plays it up, saying "Oh fuck yeah harder... Oh just like that." I break our gaze, his intentions of hurting me working better than he'll ever know as I walk out the door, no shoes or jacket or anything on me, just the sweatpants and thin t shirt I'm wearing but I'm too broken to even care anymore. I stumble down the street, tears stinging my eyes, people staring at me in horror but I don't care. I walk until my lungs ache with the effort of struggling to breathe and I reach a park. I wander in and find a bench, sitting down and finally feeling the cold, my arms and feet freezing in the winter air and I let myself cry again, laying down on the bench and curling up into a ball as I sob having nothing and no where to go. My mind tells me to go to Williams but I can't bring myself to do it so I lay shivering on the park bench until I fall asleep.
When I wake up again I groan at the sight of the park around me. So it's not all a bad dream. I sit up slowly, feeling my head spin and I pull my legs up, hugging them to my chest as I sit for hours, shivering and crying on and off. The sun goes down and I lay back down, settling in for the night as I drift off to sleep again.

The next day I drag myself off the bench and stumble through the park, looking around before making my way back to my bench and just sitting, watching the day happen around me. That night I sleep on the bench again and I wake up freezing and my back aches more than I've ever felt before. I sit on the bench and shiver feeling incredibly hungry but having no money so I spend another day just sitting on the bench, having no motivation to move anymore. As night starts to fall again so do my tears. It's been two days and I already would rather go home and take another beating than endure this any further. The next morning I drag myself off the bench and stumble through the park, cold and extremely light headed having not eaten in almost three days, my stomach cramping badly so I hunch slightly as I walk, finding myself back infront of our building. I stand there just staring for I don't even know how long, trying to build the courage to go inside before I take the few steps into the lobby. I go up to the apartment and knock lightly on the door, not having a key but no one answers. I sigh, defeated before turning away and making my way back downstairs and outside feeling worn out and out of breath. I walk a few steps down the street before I lean against the side of the building and I slide down, sitting and closing my eyes, needing to rest.

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