The Hardest Part Is Letting Go Of Your Dreams

When I wake up I am in my room again. The room is dark, no light coming through the bar covered window, the only source of light coming from the lamp that is bolted to the table in the corner. I sit up and immediately look around for my sketch book but I can't find it. I tear the room apart looking for it but still can't see it so I open the door and run down the hallway towards the cafeteria. Halfway there the nurse who helped me before comes into view and says "What are you doing out of your room? You're not meant to be walking around at night." "Where is my fucking sketch book?" I snap and she takes a step back from me and holds her hands out like she's defending herself. "Mr Way you need to calm down" she says and I snap taking another step towards her screaming "I know you have it so give it back RIGHT NOW." Suddenly two orderlies come running up to us and tackle me to the floor, pinning me there and telling me to calm down. "I'm calm please I just want my pictures" I choke out as I start to cry. The nurse takes pity on me and tells the orderlies to release me. Once I'm on my feet again I look her in the eye and stutter one word "Ppplease." She takes a deep breath before saying "Gerard you need to come with me." I follow her down the hall into an office. Dr Wentz is sitting behind the desk in the office and he tells me to take a seat. I sit down and he holds up my sketch book. I reach out for it but he holds it out of my reach and says "Gerard who is it you've been drawing?" I shake my head and reach my hand out for the book again as I say "I already told you I don't know who he is. I just see him in my dreams, I wouldn't even be in here if I knew who he was." Dr Wentz sighs and hands me back the book. "You saw him before didn't you?" He asks and I nod. "I'm crazy right?" I ask and he smiles softly and says "Gerard you're not crazy. He's real and he's in this institution. We don't know anything about him other than his name and age. He's been here four months and he has no memory of anything before he woke up here. We were hoping you could tell us anything about him." I shake my head "I've been dreaming of him for four months. I don't know who he is. What's wrong with him? Why is he here?" I ask and Dr Wentz shakes his head. "Doctor patient confidentiality Gerard. I can't tell you what's wrong with any other patient in here." I nod in acknowledgement before something dawns on me. "If he's real can I leave?" Dr Wentz frowns and shakes his head. "I'm sorry Gerard but we still don't know what's wrong with you to cause you to have visions and hallucinations of someone you've supposedly never met. You need to stay." I sigh and slump down in the chair defeated. "Can I go now?" I ask and Dr Wentz nods his head and says "Get some sleep Gerard. You have your first therapy session tomorrow." I leave the room with my book and the orderlies escort me back to my room. I throw myself on the bed and curl up around the sketch book I hold to my chest as if my life depends on it thinking about how I could possibly know this boy and what he means to me until exhaustion wins and I fall asleep.

The next morning I wake up and there is a knock on my door and a nurse sticks her head in and tells me it's time for breakfast. I go into my small bathroom and splash water on my face to wake me up before running my fingers through my hair and making my way out of the room and down the hall to the cafeteria. I get breakfast and sit at the corner table again, alone. Everyone is staring at me but I look around the room only interested in one person. When I see him we lock eyes but there is no recognition in his gaze and the look he's giving me is not the same as the one I'm accustomed to in my dreams. I try to smile at him but he frowns and turns away and I suddenly lose my apatite. After breakfast we are allowed to go outside before therapy sessions start so I go to my room and get my sketch book and find a tree outside to sit under. I start to draw him yet again and I'm almost done when a shadow covers my page and an angry voice says "Why are you drawing me?" I glance up and he is standing there glaring down at me and I suddenly feel scared of him for the first time since his face came into my mind.

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