The Hardest Part Is Letting Go Of Your Dreams

After Mikey drags me back inside he asks me how long it's been since I've slept. I hang my head and refuse to answer so he grabs my wrist, dragging me into the bathroom and handing me a sleeping pill. "I'm not taking this" I tell him like a sulky three year old and he shoots me a look that says he's not messing around before spitting out "Take the fucking pill Gerard." I cave and swallow it with the glass of water he hands me before letting him take me back into the guest room and putting me in bed. He sits on the edge of the bed with me until my eyelids get heavy and I close them for the last time.
When I wake up the sun is setting in the sky and Mikey is gone. I pull myself out of bed and stumble downstairs for my sketch pad but when I enter the living room there is a strange man in there with Mikey. "Gee good you're up" Mikey says and I nod and continue to stare at the stranger. "Gee this is Doctor Wentz from the Belleville psychiatric institution. I think it might be best if you went with him for a little while." I stand there motionless for a few seconds as it hits me that "You're having me committed?" I scream out and Mikey stands to comfort me. "Gee you need help. You're hallucinating about some guy you've never even met and you're obsessing over it and it's not healthy. You almost fucking killed yourself over it last night and I can't stand back and watch it happen anymore. You need help and I'm getting it for you. You're going with Doctor Wentz and you're getting help." I shake my head violently and turn, making a run for the door but Mikey is quicker and tackles me to the floor in the hallway. "Gee please, you're my brother and my best friend and I can't see you get hurt anymore. It's not forever, just until you feel better and I know they can help you. Every chance I get I will come visit I swear but for right now please go." I turn my head to look at Mikey's face and I see the tears in his eyes. I sigh, defeated once again and say "Only if I can take my sketches."

Later that afternoon I am checked into Belleville psych and a nurse shows me to my room. Because I'm new I get my own room for a while but soon enough I will be moved to share a room. Once I'm settled into the room the nurse leaves, telling me she'll be back soon to take me around and show me where everything is. I curl up on the bed and hug my sketch book to my chest as the first few tears escape, feeling terrified being in this place before a few tears turn into sobs.
The nurse comes back and sees the state I'm in and crosses the room, resting a comforting hand on my shoulder and telling me I'll be ok. I wipe my eyes and sit up, the sketch book falling out of my lap and onto the floor. We reach for it at the same time but she gets to it first and as she picks it up she looks at the top sketch of Bert that I did a long time ago before the dreams started. "This is very good, you're very talented Gerard" she tells me as she hands the book back. "Thank you" I mumble, taking the book from her and holding it to my chest again, feeling the need to protect it from her. She leans down and picks up a page that has come out of the book and when she turns it over it is a sketch of the mystery man. Her eyes go wide and she freezes up staring at it before turning her head to stare at me so I reach over and snatch the page from her. "This is my private stuff. Don't touch it" I snap and she nods, seeming to snap out of whatever daze she was caught in. "So who was that?" She asks and I look down at my feet before saying "I don't know. I just dream about him, I don't even know his name. He's the reason I'm in here." When I look back up the nurse nods and says "Well it's dinner time now so I'll show you to the cafeteria and afterwards I'll show you the rest of the facility."
When we reach the cafeteria I get a small amount of food and find a table in the corner that is empty. I sit down and pray no one wants to sit down with me and I am lucky, they all stay away from me. I pick at my food and before long I hear a loud laugh coming from the other side of the room. I turn my head and I see him coming into the room. He looks just as perfect as in my dreams and I am convinced I am dreaming. I slap myself but I feel it so I conclude I'm hallucinating again. I stand up and take a step towards him but he's not even looking at me and that is something that's never happened before, he is always looking at me with this expression like he's waiting for me. I take another step and suddenly my knees feel weak and my legs wobble as the room gets dark and the floor rushes towards my face.

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