The Hardest Part Is Letting Go Of Your Dreams

I flinch away and try to hide my drawing even though he's already seen it. "I don't know" I mumble in a quiet voice and he leans down towards me and I curl into a ball to protect myself from the hit I'm sure is coming, starting to cry silently. I feel his hand touch the back of my head and I squeeze my eyes shut waiting for the pain but it never comes. His touch is soothing and he strokes my hair a few times before sinking onto the grass cross legged infront of me and whispering "It's ok. Just breathe I'm not going to hurt you." I slowly lift my head up afraid he's lying but when I meet his gaze the anger is gone and he smiles at me reassuringly. "I'm Frank" he says and I stare at him like I'm brain dead, just staring blankly while I process this information. I finally have a name for the man who has haunted my dreams for months. "Ggerard" I stutter out feeling nervous in his presence. He smiles again and says "It's nice to meet you. So why are you drawing me?" I look down as my face goes bright red and I mumble out "I dream about you." "What did you say?" Frank asks and I lift my head and meet his gaze again. "I dream about you and I don't know why." It's Franks turn to stare blankly at me for a moment before he smirks and says "Cause I'm so pretty?" I blush and say "Well you are but no I've been dreaming of you for months. That's why I'm in here." Frank continues to stare at me and I feel myself starting to hyperventilate so I stand up and run across the yard and back into the building only stopping when I'm in my room.

After my hour session with Dr Wentz where we talk about nothing he didn't already know I head back to my room. When I get there Frank is sitting on my bed with my sketch book in his lap. I close my eyes and count to five and when I open them he's still there flipping through the pages. I walk towards him and he actually stays where he is and I reach out and touch his shoulder. He stares at me like I'm crazy and I say "So you're really here." He nods his head looking confused and says "Aside from the whole drawing me a million times thing you're very talented Gerard." I smile and thank him for the compliment and he says "Sit down we should talk." I slowly lower myself onto the bed and slide around to face him. He moves to face me and sits the sketchbook between us. "You dream about me?" He asks and I nod before saying "About four months ago you appeared in a dream of mine and I don't know why but I felt compelled to touch you and be sure you're real. But every time I walked towards you I never got any closer. Every time I sleep you're in my dreams and I don't know why. I actually hallucinated you were there in a bout of self imposed insomnia and I almost got myself killed." Frank nods before saying "Do you know who I am?" I shake my head and say "Sorry. I don't know anything about you. I didn't even know your name until you told me earlier." Frank smiles and says "It's ok." We sit in silence for a few moments before Frank speaks up again. "I don't have any friends in here or I guess outside of here either. They're all too crazy. Would you be my friend?" I smile and nod saying "I'd like that a lot."
We spend the next hour making small talk, mostly just me telling Frank about myself as he doesn't know anything about himself. When a nurse sticks her head in the door to tell us it's dinner time we go to the cafeteria together and sit at my corner table. After dinner we decide to go back to my room instead of the common room to watch tv and I ask Frank if I can draw him while he's really there. He agrees and lays back on my bed making himself comfortable as I start to draw him. After a while his eyes shut and don't open again and I feel my own eyes get heavy and my vision gets blurry. I sit the sketch book on the floor and lay down beside Frank, keeping space between us. As I start to drift off to sleep I register Frank sliding closer to me and curling into my side.

I am woken up by Frank yelling and when I open my eyes he is leaning over me yelling "Who the fuck are you and why are you in my bed?" I flinch away and wonder if this is just some dream when his fist flies at my face and makes contact, an explosion of pain radiating from my nose and I know this is real. I cover my nose with my hands as I cry and try to curl up to protect myself from further blows when two orderlies and a nurse burst into the room and drag Frank away from me and out of the room as he thrashes against their hold. The nurse comes over and asks if I'm ok and I shake my head, letting myself cry as I move my hands away and let her look at my bleeding nose. "It's not broken hun, it should stop bleeding in a moment. I'll be back in a few minutes ok?" She says before standing up again and heading for the door. "Wait" I call out and she turns and looks at me "What's wrong with him? Why didn't he know who I was?" I see the look on her face and can tell she's debating with herself whether to tell me or not. "I'm sorry hun but I can't tell you that" she says before leaving the room. The bleeding stops and I lay down on my side and cry myself to sleep wondering what I did to cause what happened.

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