The Hardest Part Is Letting Go Of Your Dreams

The next few days pass slowly and Frank never comes home. I try calling him countless times and he never answers. I begin to give up hope and the only reason I pull myself out of bed in the morning and pretend to be ok is for Ruby. She's asked where Frank is a few times but after my vague answers she's picked up that something's wrong and stopped asking. I'm sitting on the couch staring mindlessly at the tv, wondering where Frank is when Ruby stands from the table where she's drawing and climbs up into my lap, facing me. Her little hands come up to rest on my cheeks as she says "Don't be sad daddy" and that's the end of my self control. I feel myself break all over again as I let out heartbreaking sobs, pulling Ruby into my chest and cuddling her close as I sob, letting out the occasional pained howl. Ruby cuddles me tight and starts to cry too and this just makes me cry harder, hating to see her sad and this is how Frank comes home to find us, three days after he beat me and left with no word. I hear the door click shut and my arms instinctively tighten around Ruby, my head snapping up to see the intruder. When I spot Frank in the doorway I let out another pained sob and he runs across the room, launching himself onto the couch and pulling us into his arms. "Daddy" Ruby howls out, sobbing her eyes out as she shifts over to curl into Franks chest. Ruby's tears end before mine do and she sits herself back up and gently strokes my hair like I do for her when she's upset and I push into her hand, needing the comfort. When I finally calm down Ruby curls back into my chest and lets out a loud burp, giggling at the noise as she slaps a hand over her mouth and I laugh too, making Ruby giggle louder until she snorts trying to breathe and that makes both of us laugh even more. Frank sits beside us smiling, watching us laugh to each other.

Frank and I don't speak a word to each other and I stand and take Ruby into the bathroom and run her a bath. She strips off and jumps in, splashing around with her rubber duck and I sit on the closed toilet and watch her. Once she's done I help her out and dry her off, taking her into her bedroom and watching her get dressed. When she's done she walks over and hands me her brush, turning around and letting me brush her hair before turning around again and holding her arms up, waiting to be picked up. Once she's settled on my hip she kisses my cheek and says "Love you daddy." "I love you too baby girl." We make our way out to the kitchen to get something for dinner and find Frank plating up pancakes, having made them for dinner. "Sit down guys" he tells us and I sit down, Ruby settling herself in my lap. "Are you gonna sit here?" I ask her, gently tickling her sides and she giggles and squirms before nodding her head and smiling up at me. After dinner Ruby runs into her room to get Billy so we can watch tv together and Frank crowds me back against the bench and seals his lips over mine. I gently push him away and turn my head, "No. You can't just do this to me yet again and then take off with no word for three fucking days and expect it to be ok. It's so fucking far from ok Frank, we're so far from being ok." Franks forehead creases in frustration before he lets out a sigh, throwing his hands up and I flinch in fear, expecting to get hit, but he steps back and says "Fine, whatever Gerard" storming out of the room and slamming the bedroom door.

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