The Hardest Part Is Letting Go Of Your Dreams

I go into the living room and watch tv with Ruby and Frank stays in the bedroom. After I put Ruby to bed and I'm sure she's asleep I go into the bedroom and face Frank, psyching myself up to tell him what I've been thinking the last day or so. "Frank" I say, getting his attention. "I love you, so much that it hurts but I just don't think this is working anymore and I don't think I can handle much more of your abuse." Franks eyes widen as he climbs off the bed and comes to stand infront of me. "What are you..:" " I think this is it for us, I just don't think we should be together anymore." Franks bottom lip quivers and his eyes well with the tears he's trying so hard to hold back. "Please, I love you" he chokes out and I feel my own tears start falling. "I know but it's not enough, not anymore, not after all the things you've done to me." Frank takes the final step forward, reaching out and cupping my face in his hands. "Baby, please..." He tries again before leaning in and kissing me. I kiss back, savouring the last touch of our lips together before pulling back, my hand braced against his chest. We stare at each other for a long minute before I pull away from him, my tears still flowing. "I'll sleep on the couch until I can get another place" I tell him in a shaky voice, grabbing my pillow and leaving the room. I'm halfway to the living room when I hear Frank scream out, heart shattering sobs following and I swallow the huge lump in my throat and keep walking, knowing that I'm finally doing what's right for me.

I'm woken in the morning by Ruby turning the tv on and climbing up to lay on the couch with me under my blanket and I pretend to still be asleep until she's settled before quickly wrapping my arms around her and roaring like a monster and she squeals and giggles, trying to fight me off. "Morning baby" I say to her and she leans in and kisses me before turning back over and watching her cartoons. During the break between shows I slide off the couch, settling Ruby in the warm spot where I was and laying the blanket over her again, leaving the room and going into the bedroom. I slowly crack the door open and see Frank is still asleep. The sound of his cries seemed to go on for hours last night and my heart ached with every beat it took. I tiptoe over to the bed, finding Frank cuddled up around my other pillow, dried tear tracks on his cheeks. I sigh, feeling my own eyes well up again as I lean over and grab the blanket, pulling it back up over him, stopping to gently stroke his hair back off his face before leaving the room again. I go back into the kitchen and make Ruby some breakfast while I put the coffee on, feeling way too nauseas to try actual food. Once the coffee is ready and Ruby is happily eating her toast on the couch I pour a second cup, fixing it exactly how Frank likes it and I make my way back into the bedroom. Frank is still sleeping but he has shifted around in the bed and I walk over, leaving the cup on the bedside table and as I pull my hand away I freeze, catching sight of my wedding band, a million thoughts racing through my mind about what I'm meant to do now. Am I meant to take it off immediately? Do I ask for a divorce? Who takes Ruby? and my breath hitches, a full blown anxiety attack taking over and I choke on my breath, desperate for air. My heart feels like it's racing, set to explode and I sink to my knees on the floor, clutching at my chest and whimpering as I start to cry again, shaking uncontrollably. A warm hand grips my arm as another gently grabs my chin and eases my head up, bringing me face to face with Frank who is kneeling on the floor infront of me, concern written all over his face. "Hey hey breathe, it's alright. Just take a big deep breath" he whispers to me and I try to match my breathing with his, slowly coming back down from the pure fear that had hold of my body. "Thanks" I pant out when I regain control of myself, pushing myself off the floor and making my way out of the room on shaky legs, leaving Frank kneeling on the floor looking ready to cry again.

Notes

So.... Please don't be too mad : )