The Hardest Part Is Letting Go Of Your Dreams

I wake up screaming and panting for breath, terrified that Bert has me but when I open my eyes it's Frank holding me, not Bert. "Shh Shh baby it's ok" he whispers to me and I feel instant relief, knowing I'm safe. "Baby maybe you should see someone, just get it all out. Or you can talk to me, you can tell me anything you like." I shake my head, not wanting to talk to anyone about it right now and Frank nods in acceptance. We lay in the dark, holding each other until I feel my eyes droop shut and I fall asleep again.

The next day as Frank is getting ready for work I notice a few scrapes and bruises on his hands and I ask him about it. "Oh I fell last night when I was out, embarrassing as hell but everyone else laughed so...." I shake my head and take his hands in mine, pressing soft kisses to the scrapes. Frank leaves for work and I decide I need to get out of the house so I decide to take Ruby to the movies. We have a great time and Ruby loves the movie, eating her body weight in snacks and when we get home again I feel great, better than I have in the last few weeks. Ruby is in the bath, washing off the candy and ice cream stickiness when my phone rings and I tell her I'll be right back, leaving the bathroom and answering the phone. "Hello" I answer, the number not familiar to me. "Hi is this Mr Gerard Way?" "Yes." "Mr Way this is Katrina from NYC emergency department. We have a patient here, Mr Robert McCracken. You're his emergency contact in his file and he is in quite a serious condition." I feel my breath catch in my throat. "What's wrong with him?" I choke out and she sighs and says "He was found severely beaten in an alley, he's also been sexually assaulted. Mr Way he was briefly conscious and asking for you..." "I have a restraining order out on him, I'm not coming in" I tell her before hanging up and dropping the phone, walking back to the bathroom in a daze. When Frank gets home I tell Ruby to go play in her room and I tell him to sit on the couch. He sits down and I sit on the coffee table infront of him, grabbing his hands in mine. "So you fell last night?" I ask, rubbing my thumbs over his scrapes. "Yeah" he says before adding "Whats going on baby?" "Tell me you didn't do it" I plead, trying to hold back the tears that desperately want to fall from my eyes. "Do what babe?" "The hospital called me, Bert's in there, severely beaten and raped and left for dead in an alley. Tell me you didn't do it." The look that crosses Franks face for a brief second tells me all I need to know before he hangs his head and let's out a deep breath. "Baby I..." "No, don't bother lying to me like I know you're going to, I found your bloodied clothes in the hamper." Franks head snaps up to meet my gaze and he opens his mouth but I cut him off, pulling my hands away from his and standing up. "Why would you do that? Why would you stoop to his level? Did you think I would want this? And he was raped? Just tell me Frank, what was he raped with?" Frank takes a deep breath before standing up and saying "A pistol." I let out a deep shaky breath before turning my back to him. "I can't even look at you now, how could you do that to someone, even if it is him?" Frank stammers but doesn't really say anything until he grabs my shoulder, turning me around and taking a deep breath. "I did it for you, he deserves everything that happened to him...." "No you did it for YOU. I would never ask you to do something like that and I would never do that myself, so don't you dare fucking tell me you did it for me." "Ok yeah I did it for me too, he fucking had to pay, I couldn't let him do this to you and not get him back." I shrug Franks hand off me and say "Just don't touch me. I can't handle being near you right now knowing you could do that to someone. And I can't believe you lied to me and would have happily continued to if I hadn't caught you." I turn and leave the room, going into the bedroom and slamming the door shut, sinking onto the bed and sobbing my eyes out into my pillow.

Notes