S-I-N, I, S-I-N

15th, January
~~~

The days crawled by slowly, taking all the time in the world and doing an incredible job of testing my patience and my ability to cope under pressure. I had a million thoughts on my mind a day, anything ranging between wondering when Dale was gonna show up to trying to think of how I'd tell Gerard I knew he was in love with me.

I'd avoided the priest for ten days which takes a lot of effort when I have to attend mass every morning so I simply went back to the nurses office and feigned being sick, earning myself a reason to stay in bed all day and talk to no one. At the same time I also cornered myself and allowed Luka and Iris to come into the room whenever they felt like it, asking as many questions as they pleased with me struggling to come up with answers.

Iris would ask me different things, what gender I wanted the baby to be, what I'd name it, am I nervous or excited and the most common one was the recurring question as to who the dad was. I'd learned my lesson from Dale and didn't intend to forget it, I'd made a mistake telling my own brother about who the father was so there was an absolute zero percent chance that I was going to tell just a friend.

Luka had found out by coming over to check on me while I was 'sick' and he accidentally found the positive pregnancy test that I'd forgotten to throw out, he asked whose it was and I decided 'fuck it, Iris already knows' and told him. Surprisingly he was rather relaxed about it, sat down and nodded along as I explained as much as I was willing to, once I finished speaking he asked if I wanted to watch a movie then sat on my bed next to me and put a film on his laptop.

It would have been awful if he freaked out and it put a smile on my face for him to just pretend he never found the test and to carry on hanging out with me like we usually did. Iris was the more anxious of the two but over the space of a couple of days she came around and was calm like Luka instead.

There was nothing more I could have asked for than having my friends with me, they were the best distraction I had and when they were around, chatting, laughing, they took my mind off my brother and Gerard. Of course I'd always return to having a internal panic attack once I was left alone for a while but it was a nice, sweet emotional reprieve.

The tougher side of me wanted to go visit Gerard, try to figure out what we were going to do. My brother had been my plan B and I now had no plan B, just the impending sense of doom that grew each second. I knew once I talked to him it'd become even more blindingly obvious we couldn't do anything about the predicament. I had no new ideas that could work as a magical solution and I severely doubted he had any either because he still had to finish all his paperwork and other stuff on his list of things to do.

I had things I should be doing also, rehearsing for the play, homework, essays. I'll admit my things didn't sound all that important and I didn't want to be doing any of them but it didn't change the fact I was avoiding my responsibilities by faking being sick. I wonder how long I'll be able to keep that up, hopefully forever, that'd be very nice.

Sometimes I wish I had the opportunity to do things over and in all honesty I wouldn't undo me sleeping with Father Way, I just would have made myself smart enough to use protection. I don't regret being with him, it's what's come of it that makes me feel like a giant screw up who should have thought things over first.

I wish I could get a view into Gerard's mind for a moment, however brief. I want to know what he thinks of this whole thing. Is he freaking out as much as I am or is he laid-back about it? Was he actually serious when he said he wanted to be a dad or was he playing a cruel, horrible joke on me?

It's just that when I look at him, aside from the fact he's a priest I see a man that wants to enjoy his life, go out, have fun, attend a party or two. Then he lies down on my lap, looking freaking adorable like a baby faced teenager and starts talking about how he wants to go shopping for baby clothes and that he wants to raise our child like we're a normal family. What he says never matches how he looks, aside from the time passing between us when we have our clothes off and the door locked.

One of the most disturbing and appealing things about him is his ability to look completely innocent while saying some of the dirtiest things imaginable. That's supposed to be my trick, I'm supposed to be the one whose looks are deceiving yet he's taken my hook and used it upon himself, I didn't really mind though.

I know he's a priest and is supposed to be honest all the time but it can be incredibly obvious that he will emotionally manipulate people then feel smug about it once he's gotten what he wants. For example he finally got me into his bed but I haven't been around him long enough to know how he feels about it but there's a good chance I'll see a smirk, maybe hear a joke or two but nothing beyond that. I'm not stable enough to be poked fun of and Gerard's smart enough to see that.

I put my brooding on hold to look up when I heard a knock on my bedroom door, someone asking to come in. It didn't take me long to figure out it wasn't Iris or Luka since they just walked straight in without bothering to check if I was doing something in here, not that I would be.

"Come in." I said, sitting up straighter in bed and attempting to make myself presentable when in reality I've been panicking and holding back tears for the past half hour, it must be the hormones of my body changing that's doing this to me, I'd never cry for no reason normally.

"Uh, hi?" It was Gerard and he came into the room in the most awkward fashion possible, which meant stumbling over things on the floor that weren't even there.

"Hi." I mumbled back, not knowing what else to say to someone who I had done a sufficient job of avoiding for the past ten days which let me tell you is no small feat.

He walked over and sat on my bed, about a foot away and looked at me curiously before attempting to start a conversation, "how are you feeling?" He asked, leaning in ever so slightly and brushing a loose piece of messy red hair out of my face.

"Fine."

"Really? You don't look fine." His voice was softer than usual and his face was full of concern, I'd gotten the rare caring side of Gerard that took over when the smartass, asshole part had, had a field day and was tired because according to Iris and Luka earlier 'the priest is on a rampage' which meant he was giving everyone doing the slightest thing wrong a detention.

"I've been thinking about a lot of things."

"Like what?" Gerard moved a little closer and I sighed, not wanting to lie at the moment, I'd just had it with lying, about a whole months worth of had it and I want to take a moral nap and refresh my dignity.

"My brother, I told him that I'm pregnant and he's on his way to England with the delusional thought in mind that I'm gonna head back to America with him." I got it all out with a sigh added at the end, I feel that if I tell him everything I'll be able to go to sleep and escape the constant, inescapable thoughts of how my life is a disaster.

"Okay, I think we'll be able to deal with that. Do you want to go with him or is this a kidnapping sorta thing?" I almost smiled, I didn't know if Gerard was trying to be funny or not but it was kinda entertaining.

"I'd like to say kidnapping but I'm not sure if it counts when it's your brother and he's taking me away from 'that priest' who took advantage of me or whatever. He thinks what he's doing is right but it's not, I don't want to leave. I've got Iris and Luka, and you know, you, hehe." I was trying to joke around but he saw right through me and a minute later Gerard was stretched out on the bed with me and I had my head on his chest.

"I'll do the best I can to stop your brother but you're under eighteen and I'm twenty four, being a priest doesn't help either since I'm 'in a position of trust' so that means what we've done is doubly worse. Your bro will only have to say a few choice words to the police and heaven knows what'll happen to me, there's not much I can do for you from a prison cell." He's right there and considering the ugly side of Dale I saw a couple of nights ago I don't doubt that he'd say whatever he needs to, to get me away from the UK.

"Is there anything else you want to get off your chest?" Gerard asked and I thought for a moment before shaking my head, of course there was the matter of his texts that I'd accidentally (on purpose) read but I definitely didn't want to say I knew he loved or was in love with me because that could get awkward.

"Iris and Luka know," I blurted out, deciding that was something he should know, "but I didn't tell them you're the father." I added since there was a good chance he could have had a panic attack thinking that the only thing keeping him out of jail was the promises of two excitable teenagers who could use their power for good or evil.

"How?"

"Well, I told Iris the same night I told you and Luka found out by accidentally picking the pregnancy test up. At first he thought it was Iris who was carrying and not me, that was a surprise. Anyway they're downstairs now, they said they'd throw the test directly into the dumpster so there's no other chances of people seeing it." It'd been Luka's idea and I thought it was pretty genius and the best possible preventative of stopping anyone else from finding out my secret.

Gerard went quiet for a little while and I got the feeling he'd be thinking about something, his brain's running churning out thoughts all the time without pause.

"You and Luka, you never fooled around did you?" I cracked up laughing without meaning to, of course I never realised Gerard had yet to find out Luka was gay and the one time I kissed him, he was completely disgusted.

"No, we've never done anything, never wanted to do anything and will never be doing anything. Just ask Luka why the next time you see him, he'll probably have no problem explaining." I kept laughing, the clueless look on the priests face just making the whole thing even funnier, I know it's not blindingly obvious but when you knew him well enough it wasn't hard to tell that Luka liked the boys.

While I was laughing I opened my eyes enough to see Gerard smiling angelically which managed to make me lose my train of thought briefly before I regained it and realised my heart was beating erratically.

"It's nice to see you smile again, you looked so sad when I came in here." It was true, I felt sad but somehow being around him got me to feel better, it's like a great weight has fallen off me, I've made a huge mistake avoiding him for the ten days, it's like I actually wanted to be in a bad mood. God knows why.

"Stop being cute, it makes me uncomfortable. Can't you just aggressively flirt with me instead?" He chuckled but I was being serious, the nice, boyish Gerard kinda took the wind out of my sails and disarmed me, I didn't like it. Then there was the flirty Gerard who made incredibly sexual comments, I felt much more comfortable around that side of him because it was easy for me to make retorts and sass off.

"Stop being cute? I'm not sure what you mean." Gerard pulled himself up on an angle so he was leaning over me and before I could shove him away or change the subject he kissed me on the tip of my nose then as a follow up, my lips.

His hand cupped the side of my face and he leant in, deepening the kiss and causing my brain to enter a state of panic, needing to resuscitate braincells before they all died out.

"Lain, we have a problem!" Luka said, bursting into the room and abruptly stopping when he noticed Gerard who was still wearing his collar, "bigger than you making out with a priest." He added and Gerard quickly moved off, his cheeks having gone the brightest shade of red I've ever seen in my entire life.

"What's up?" I asked, trying to pretend Luka didn't see what just happened.

"Uh, Iris and I were walking through the dorm to go drop the test off in the dumpster and, um it kinda fell through a hole in Iris' pocket and Miss Archer...she picked it up and started spazzing. Now everyone's downstairs and they think Iris is pregnant, you have to do something." Oh come on, is there no limit to bad luck or do you just keep falling until you end up a million feet under the ground?

I sighed and got out of bed, knowing there was only one thing I could do to fix this and it wasn't going to be pretty, no matter what angle I looked at it from. This is gonna suck but I'll use my bandaid method to get it out of the way before I talk myself out of it and jump out a window or something equally drastic.

I pushed past Luka who was still in a state of shock and panic, undoubtedly from the combination of people believing Iris was pregnant and the very sudden plot twist of me making out with the school priest. Personally if I were on the sidelines with a friend who was like me, doing the same kind of things that I've done, I would be beyond horrified and in the full belief that I'd befriended a nutter.

I wonder if that's how Iris and Luka feel, what about my friends back home? Do they think I'm shameful to be around or is that just my opinion on if I had a friend that was like me? I guess I'll never know.

Already hearing the sounds of people talking in the front entrance I descended the stairs and in a couple of seconds spotted Iris who was more or less backed into a corner while Archer thrust the pregnancy test at her and demanded answers. I'm not a doctor but I'm damn sure it's not appropriate to treat a pregnant (as far as everyone knows) girl like that, isn't stress supposed to be bad?

"Would you like to explain to me how one of our best and brightest students has become a pregnant teenager?" I didn't like the tone of voice Archer was using on my friend and I crossed my arms, waiting for the perfect moment to interject and hoping Miss Coping would show up soon to sort things out, she was the schools peacekeeper.

"I-I-I don't, uh, I'm confused it's just that the pregnancy thing..." Iris knew it was my test and was stuck between a rock and a hard place, wanting to tell Miss Archer that it wasn't hers and at the same time being loyal to me and keeping her mouth shut so I wouldn't be the one in trouble.

Gerard walked down the stairs and discreetly put his hand on my back, soothing and encouraging me at the same time. I wanted to say something but there was a knot in my stomach and I felt like I'd vomit if I had to say just a single letter, there was a good chance I'd vomit on the bitchy math teacher if I were to start talking. Then again, is it really that bad if I were to do that? She deserves is and I'd also have the excuse of morning sickness but that still loops 'round to me admitting I'm the one who's growing a baby and not my innocent friend who probably doesn't even know how sex works.

"Answer me straight girl! Is this yours?" Iris just whimpered not being able to say anything and I was shocked by the amount of students who were just watching, not saying or doing anything, "I'll say it for the final time. Is. This. Yours?"

"It's mine!" I called out, having had enough of seeing my friend get bullied by some witch who shouldn't be allowed near children, let alone close enough to work with them.

"Excuse me?"

"The pregnancy test is mine, I'm pregnant and Iris was just hiding the evidence for me. I didn't want anyone to know and that's why I've been in my room. I slept with a guy and now I'm pregnant, I'm the screw up, leave Iris alone and blame me instead." I gestured to myself and sighed, knowing the amount of shit I was going to get in for this, as long as no one knows it's Gerard who's the father.

"And what do you have to prove it." Archer sad, putting a hand on her lip, her upper lip curling slightly, managing to make her crone face even uglier.

"Four more unused pregnancy tests in my room, under my bed and if you check with the nurse you'll see I came in after vomiting with the exact symptoms of pregnancy only I lied and said I wasn't sexually active. There you go, Iris is innocent, leave her alone and transfer your Godzilla wrath onto me instead." I crossed my arms and stared at her, waiting for a response, not willing to let her bitchy attitude effect my mood.

"When would the baby have been conceived?"

"Anywhere from the eighteenth of december to the twenty second, I can't remember in exact detail right now." I replied in a monotone, already foreseeing the future and how the school was going to call my parents and demand I get taken back to America so I don't tarnish Rosehill's perfect reputation.

"When did you get the test?"

"The fifth, ten days ago, Iris came to buy the tests with me and I've got the receipt somewhere in my room." I shot back, not giving her the opportunity to claim I was making everything up on the spot, strictly for the purpose of keeping my friend protected from the drama she'd endure if she were to be the pregnant one.

"Who's the father?"

I almost replied with 'Gerard' which is an answer I should most definitely keep to myself, if I were to let everyone know what we'd done and what had come as result of it, I'd have to pray for my soul and hope I get out of this alive.

"I said, who's the father?" Archer demanded through gritted teeth and I started freaking out, I haven't got any other answer, I couldn't think of a name for a random person and if I didn't come up with something fast Archer would turn her attention back to Iris.

"It's me, I'm the dad."

What?

Notes