S-I-N, I, S-I-N

I think my mouth may have fallen open, I couldn't be entirely sure since my brain dropped to the lowest possible performance level. I don't think I even had the ability to talk, his response had literally stunned me into silence.

There were many reactions I'd been expecting, maybe calling me a slut or yelling, even saying he hated me would be reasonable but 'I'm gonna be a dad' was not the line I'd thought I was gonna hear. He'd gone from looking angry to smiling in the space of a few seconds and I'd frozen because of it.

I'd gotten myself into a certain state when entering the church and I'd been ready to defend myself, to say it was a complete accident and that he was the only guy I've been with. I thought it'd be the same as it was in the movies but it wasn't, it was more story book and I didn't like it one bit. It made me uncomfortable when I had plans suddenly change and this was the motherload of all plan changes.

Was there a chance he was joking?

One thing I don't get is that if he was joking, why would it be over something like this?

"Is it true, are you really pregnant?" After slowly defrosting I managed to nod, barely even a movement but enough to confirm what he asked, other than the pregnancy test in my hoodie of course.

Father Way rose from the desk and walked around it, stopping in front of me and my face flushed. I don't know why but I felt embarrassed which was stupid since I've done plenty of dumb things without so much as the blink of an eye.

I dropped my eyes to the floor, not wanting to look at him then retrieved the plastic stick I'd brought with me since I knew I'd have to show it to him, he'd have no reason to believe me otherwise. It's not like I was pregnant to the point of showing, yet.

He took the test and squinted at it, since he was a man it was obvious he wouldn't be able to know what the small marks mean.

"Two pink dashes, it means I'm pregnant." I mumbled, watching the look on his face, the smile he was already wearing got even wider as my face got redder.

"When did you find out?" He pushed his hair out of his face and handed the test back before surprising me by dropping his head on my shoulder, leaning against me with a small sigh escaping his lips.

"Just today, I threw up and Luka took me to the nurses office, remember? She joked that I could be pregnant then I went out and bought this thing." I held up the stick even though he couldn't see it and waited for him to say something.

"Are you absolutely positive it's right?" He asked, drawing back and sitting on the edge of his desk, resting his hands on his knees.

I took a couple of breaths then sat down on his couch, feeling the stress of the situation ease a little. I have the feeling I'd be freaking out a lot more if he were to be angry at me, I was kinda glad he'd managed to remain calm.

"Gerard, when it says I'm pregnant, it means I'm pregnant," he understood what I was saying and nodded, "what am I going to do? I'm seventeen and I'm expecting a child?" I felt a prickling feeling in my eyes and realised I was crying, just bloody wonderful.

"Lainey, sweetheart, it's alright." Father Way jumped up immediately joining me on the sofa and putting an arm around my shoulders, making an attempt to make me happier which didn't even work a little.

"My parents are going to find out, everyone's gonna know I'm pregnant and they'll think I'm a slut or something. You, you get to be home free, it's not going to screw with your life. If you wanted you could pretend you've got nothing to do with it." Tears were now pouring down my face, not looking like they planned to stop until my face was red and I was a sobbing ruin on the ground.

"I won't do that, I promise. I'd never even consider it, not in a million years and as for people thinking you're a slut...I won't let them. We'll find a way out of this and everything will be alright." He put his other arm around my shoulder and I hugged him, taking any form of comfort I could get even if it was from the guy who helped to get me into this mess.

"I don't want to get rid of the baby either, you can understand that, right?" I sniffed back enough tears to get some words out but I don't think he'd be able to hear me clearly, my speech would become a garbled mess whenever I cried.

"Even if you wanted it gone I wouldn't. Then again I'm not the person who gets to make that decision in your life. It's just, I've never considered the possibility of becoming a dad and now that it's in front of me, well, I really wanna be one." I could feel him shrug and his thoughtless rambling had a soothing effect on me and it did a good job of helping to slow down the torrent of tears that'd already ruined his shirt.

"You mean...you actually want to be a dad, not just some guy who got me pregnant?" I said, pulling away, I could have put that much more classily but I decided to be blunt instead, it was the easier option and he'd more likely understand it.

"I'll go all the way, if you want me to go clothes shopping with you then so be it. When you go into labour I want to be the person holding your hand. I'd like us to be like any normal couple with a kid on the way. I know it's weird and kinda screwed up sounding but I honestly want to be there for you as much as I possibly can." I'd never thought of Gerard and I as boyfriend and girlfriend, the whole thing seemed much too strange, he was a priest and I was a school girl, it was pretty damn weird and very inappropriate.

We had enough sexual tension between us and we wanted sex, it wasn't supposed to be anything serious, as least to me. I'd always thought he kept the same attitude as myself when going into this, it'd never occurred to me that he'd be the one to develop feelings. Ever since I started going to school, being around boys and men I'd learnt they were much more emotionally distant than women, my own Dad included.

I'd been relying on Gerard to not let his feelings take over, I'd been smart enough to keep my emotions on the sidelines and not just because we were having a strictly sex relationship. I was already sleeping with my priest, I wasn't going to start dating him too.
But back then I didn't think I was going to become pregnant.

"Um, maybe I should go back to my room." What he'd said had shot a whole bunch of thoughts and feelings into me that I hadn't had before, I wanted some time to be alone and think of what to do with the couple mindset he seemed to be in.

"Please don't, just stay. I've been stressed out for a while and you make me feel better. No ones going to come in, you locked the door didn't you?" I nodded as he adjusted himself on the couch, "then will you please hang around for a little bit?" Not seeming to give me an option anyway, he stretched out and dropped his head in my lap, facing upwards of course.

"You look beautiful, even from this angle." I don't know why he'd say that, I was wearing an oversized Nirvana hoodie, my hair was a mess and I hadn't even bothered with makeup, I wasn't beautiful, I'm not even pretty.

"Can I ask you a question?" He seemed much more talkative than usual and on top of it, it was strange since when we were together Gerard and I would be ripping each other's clothes off and going at it like there was no tomorrow.

"Sure." I was almost sitting on my hands, not feeling sure as to where I should put my hands, crossing them would block his face off a little and there wasn't many places I could touch him without it seeming as if I was attempting to initiate sex.

"I know this is a little stupid to ask since you and I just found out but, what would you rather the baby be? A boy or a girl?" I don't get why he'd think it was stupid, it was a perfectly normal question and I'd already came up with an answer.

"A girl, ever since I was eight I've known I wanted to have a girl when I grew up." Of course I thought by that point I'd be married with a great career and very much out of high school, I also hadn't planned for the father to be a priest.

Gerard grinned, his reaction suggesting what I'd said had been the right choice, if there was a right choice.

"I want a girl too." He was getting much more into this baby thing than I was, then again he didn't have to be concerned with the consequences of being a pregnant teenager, his life was hunky dory.

The next sound to escape him was a great big yawn and he quickly covered his mouth because my face was a little close to his for that, "sorry, I didn't get much sleep last night." He mumbled, yawning again, this time much smaller.

"Why not?"

"Ah, I had a whole bunch of forms to sign, I's to dot, T's to cross. I have to deal with everything that has anything to do with the schools church or religious studies, it can become a real bother sometimes. I'm also the fund manager for the play so there's all the paperwork from that on top of things." Another yawn, he was more than tired, he was exhausted.

"Why don't you tell Miss Coping that you can't run so many things?" It seemed like the obvious thing to do and he was a member of the staff so she should listen to him.

"I can run them. I'm great with scheduling things and doing what needs to be done but I can't get my own problems in order. My life's out of whack and I have no idea how but I'm still getting together with the band when they want to play a gig which is all the time." He was gesturing around but blinking faster, his emerald eyes staying shut for longer periods the more he talked, Gerard was heading towards falling asleep.

"Wouldn't it be easier to quit this job and play with the band full time? I've heard you guys, you're great. If you were to put as much effort into your music as you put into this job then I reckon the band could become big." He frowned, almost looking like he didn't understand what I was saying before sighing loudly.

"The thought of giving up working here is scary. My parents wanted me to be in the church ever since high school. I screwed around a bit more than most boys should so they thought the priesthood would be the best path for me. I wanted to make them happy. The day I graduated I signed up to be a priest and I've never done anything else with me life. I don't know how I'd do getting another job and being in a band takes cash. You have to buy instruments and upgrades not to mention that you never know if you're going to get a job or not. Besides, if I stopped working here, I'd have no reason to do mass and I'd have to move off the grounds which means I can't be with you anymore. Would you like that?" Gerard pushed his hair back, the black locks falling away and exposing his paler than pale skin that could even compete with mine.

"No, I think I want you to stay." I wasn't sure how else to put it, I didn't want to sound like I was obsessed and I didn't want him to think my life revolved around either when honestly a great portion of my time is spent in his office with him.

"Ya know, it wouldn't kill you to admit if you have feelings for me." He mumbled, his eyes finally closing and remaining closed, leaving some awkward silence between us, or maybe that was only me.

"Gerard, you're the one who's in love with me, not the other way 'round." There was a good chance he thought I was joking and for the first time I wasn't, I was being deadly serious...but he didn't hear me, he'd fallen asleep with his head on my lap.

I'd never gotten a chance to see him sleeping, obviously, I'd always refused to stay with him when he offered. There was an almost childlike innocence about his face, so relaxed and serene, like the weight of the world had been lifted of his shoulders.
It was similar to the time in the gazebo and at my birthday party, he ceased to be a priest and had turned into this boy I enjoyed being around...and kinda cared for, even if it was just a tiny, tiny bit.

Could I ever develop feeling for him like a girl who was in love with her boyfriend?
I don't know, before today the thought had never crossed my mind. I'd assumed he never wanted to be anything and decided I shouldn't bother putting any emotional investment in.

It was stupid to think I should allow myself to fall in love with him, even if I wanted to I'd have no idea what to do, surprise but I've never been in a relationship with anyone before. My parents wouldn't let me date anyone who didn't go to our church so I just didn't bother, yeah I'm actually that lazy.

I bet I'd make a crap girlfriend, I'm not into any of that cutsie cuddling and giggling. I have no interest in taking stupid photos or feeding each other strawberries, whatever it is that couples do I want nothing to do with it.

Maybe if I found someone to care about I'd want to be girly, isn't that how it worked?

He doesn't realise it but somehow Gerard's made me go against my beliefs of love, this is all his fault, he had to be the one to get all excited about me being pregnant, it would have been much easier if he was angry.

Now here he was, asleep in my lap as if we were a lovey pair and I didn't want to shove him off me.

'She came from Greece she had a thirst for knowledge. She studied sculpture at Saint Martin's College, that's where I caught her eye. She told me that her Dad was loaded.' I frowned when I heard music playing from out of nowhere then saw a muted white light flashing from inside his pocket.

'I said in that case I'll have a rum and coke-cola. She said fine and in thirty seconds time she said, I want to live like common people. I want to do whatever common people do, I want to sleep with common people.' Carefully so I didn't wake him up from his much needed sleep, I reached forward and pulled what must be his cellphone from his pocket.

'I want to sleep with common people like you. Well what else could I d-' I flicked it open and the music stopped playing as I held the mobile to my ear, hearing a familiar voice speaking joyfully on the other end.

"Hey, Gee. Are you comin' to practice today? We need to come up with some new chords for that song and there some practice to be done before the concert..." It was Frank, the guy from the bar who had shown me how easily Father Way could get jealous by kissing me and inciting a fit from the raven haired man.

"Um, this is Lainey. Gerard's asleep." I whispered, trying to not wake up the man who was snoring almost silently.

"Lainey?" He didn't seem to remember be but that was to be expected, we'd only been around each other for ten minutes, max, "oh Lainey, right. He's asleep is he?"

"Yeah, he's really tired, is there anything you want me to remember for when he wakes up?" I didn't want him to get up yet, he'd had a whole night and day of work and needed whatever sleep he could get.

"Remind him we have practice as Ray's place tonight, that's about it." His voice had the same casualness to it that I heard at the bar, Frank is a really laid back guy.

"Sure, no problem. See-ya."

"Bye." I ended the call and went to close the phone when a conversation on the screen caught my eye.

Should I read this?
I don't think he'll mind.

---

'r u srious?!'

---

'Yeah man, I think I'm in love with her.'

---

'redhd? the 1 at the bar?'

---

'That's her.'

---

'tha chk who's 1 of the mass attndnts? a stdnt at ur scool?'

----

'I fucked up didn't I?
----

'na, you'll be grt!!! yeh, u fckd up big'

---

I put the mobile back into Gerard's pocket before woke and saw what it was doing.

He's in love with me?
Full on in love?
What the heck?

I should have known this would happen, one way or another it's impossible to have a strictly sex relationship with someone. One of us was going to get their emotions involved, it happened to be him and he's dragging me down.

I think I'm beginning to love him and it's all thanks to him getting sentimental when I said I was pregnant. At least the baby, whether it be boy or girl, will have a dad who cares about them, every kid deserves that, it doesn't matter what the circumstances are.

With a sigh I looked down at the angelic priest on my lap, his messed up hair hanging completely off his face, his lips slightly parted, just enough to make him look unnaturally handsome. He's so perfect he's almost like a doll, it sounds weird but it's true.

"Damn you, Father Gerard Way," I muttered, running my fingers through his black hair that resembled silk, not for any reason other than it made me smile, a lot.

He's going to be the father of my child, the baby will be beautiful.

I guess I could be with him, if things end up working out I mean. If the school finds out he could go to jail and I don't want that to happen of course.
Sometimes I hate him but I wouldn't want to see him in prison.

Why can't we just be normal people?
Would that be too much to ask?

Knowing he was going to be asleep for a while I carefully adjusted my position, so I was almost lying down in an angle that left him with his head still on me. My movement seemed to pull him out of sleep a little and opened his eyes for a second then put his arm around my waist, cuddling me.

I guess it's a good thing I locked the door, it'd be pretty hard to explain why I was snuggling with the priest on the couch.

"You're really warm." He slurred tiredly, any words that followed that came out as illegible mumbles as he feel back to sleep.

Maybe I want to be his girlfriend...and I think I'd like to wake up to his sleeping face one day.

Notes

I reckon you should all go listen to this, now.