The first thing I saw when I entered the van, was Suko's wasted face pressed against the steering wheel. Her eyes were barely opened and a stupid smile drew her lips.

Guess they put a spell on me - for taking care of drunk people.

"Hey gurl..." She gibbered, almost seductively.

I sighed as I laughed. "Jesus Matsuko!"

"Want a lift cutie?" She winked at me.

"Oh hell no!" I exclaimed as I realized she was about to start the car. Her weak hand pawned at the slot. "I'm not letting you drive!"

"Uhhh, fuck off Mia!"

I quickly blocked her motion by gripping her wrist. "Dammit Suko stop it! You can't drive!"

"Arrfff come onnnnn! It's fiiiiineeee!" She giggled sloppily.

"Hey!" I shouted as I squeezed her cheeks. "Do you wanna get us killed or what?"

Her tired eyes expanded. "Huh, no..."

"Well then listen to me and get outta here! I'm taking the wheel tonight." I affirmed - inches away from her frightened little face. Guess she wasn't used to see me like this.

Suko growled like a child but eventually nodded in acceptance. She just crawled on top of me like a heavy slug.

"Holy shit Suko!" I yawped, completely crushed by her weight.

"Ehhh, sssorry." She babbled, eventually sitting on my lap, then she just stared at me and smiled. I swear she was so close, her breath punished my senses.

"Ugh what are you doing?"

She laughed again and hiccuped. "Well, you said you wanted to drive."

I shook my head. "Fucking hell." I thrusted her aside to free my legs - making her groan in discomfort. Then I hopped over the driver's seat. "Okay, let's see..." I exhaled, observing the dashboard in front of me.

"Huhhh Mia..." Suko whimpered.

I sighed. "What?"

"It's my...my-" She cried, showing me her seatbelt. Oh god, she was so drunk she couldn't even pull on the strap.

I rolled my eyes at her feeble attempt. "Don't move, I'll take care of it." I leaned unto her and fixed it in no time. "There you go." I said, redirecting my attention on what I was doing - which was - understand the fucking van.

"Hmmm, thanx Mia... love you." Suko purred just before snoring like a freight train.

Yeah, she was asleep now, gone deep into the abyss. Mouth opened wide and all. And there I was, alone and helpless again. Listen, I knew how to drive okay? But I've never drove a van like this before. It was vintage and had so many switches, so many levers. Plus I didn't even know where the hell we were going!

Heck, I wasn't even sober myself - I really needed to call Frank.

I searched for my phone, doing my best not get overwhelmed. I found it after 5 minutes, it had fallen at Suko's feet. I then hurried to dial his number. "Ow come on come on, pick it up Frankie!" I panted as the ringtone never seemed to end. But he finally answered, just when I was about to hang up.

"Heyyyyyyy!" He yelled very longly.

"Frank it's me! It's Mia!"

"Yeah I know, whass' goin' on?" Okay, he wasn't sober either, definitely not.

"Uh, well, nothing..." I said. "Apart from the fact that Suko's totally blacked out in the van, and I need to drive this old widget by myself..."

"Oh shit, she alright?"

I peeked an eye on her just to make sure. Suko drooled heavily, saliva rested on her chin and nasal groans escaped her mouth. She looked like a drunk Sleeping Beauty, pretty ungraceful, but weirdly innocent.

"Oh yeah, don't worry." I laughed. "She's tripping but she's fine."

"Yeah, it's that fucking champagne."

"Ugh, I know." I rolled my eyes, remembering how many times my cup had been filled. "Free booze's the best but it's the fucking worst."

Frank giggled. "Aw come on, it's not that bad."

"M'yeah, anyway, do you know where we're going?"

"Huh yeah yeah, just a sec-" Frank said, voice distancing but I could still hear him talk to the others in the background. "Nah it's Mia, she wants to know where we're going, apparently Suko's too smash so she has to take the wheel-----Yeah man-----Tssss fuck off!-----Oh, okay, yeah I'll tell her."

I waited agitatedly, biting my lower lip as I studied the clutch beside me.

"Yo Mia!" Frank eventually called.

I snapped back."Yep?"

"Okay listen, we're all going to this little motel, it's at the end of the boulevard, should take us about 5 minutes to get there. Think you can follow us?"

"Huhh..." I panted as I registered the information. "Y-yeah, sure."

"Okay, hum, do you want me to send Gerard? Maybe he could help you drive..."

"NO!" I screamed unexpectedly. "I mean, no, i-it's cool, really, I can do it!"

"Alright." He cheered. "See you then, just call me if anything goes bad okay?"

"Will do, thanks man."

"No prob."

We both hung up at the same time. Then I hurried to find the keys - it took me a little while because Suko had dropped them on the ground. I twisted the keys in the lock, waiting for that deep vroom sound. The headlights shined the empty space around me. I then gripped the clutch to my right and pushed it forward, testing the pedals, everything seemed to work fine.

Oh well, this wasn't so bad after all.

The MCR bus started moving in front of me, aiming for the exit. We were rolling on the boulevard in no time. Shit, driving was so cool, I forgot how liberating it felt. I slid the windows down and let the wind invade my spirit. It smelled like summer, it really did.

Frank was right, it only took us 5 minutes to get to the motel. It was called "The Coral Motel" - a big neon sign flashed in pink at the front. We were just beside the highway, ready to leave for the next day. We all parked close to the entrance, the place looked pretty empty, except for a few cars. This was your typical cheap motel, the kind you see in movies. A few old prostitutes hanged on the sidewalk, haunting for new clients. Anyway, as soon as I got out of the van, I hurried to drag Suko out. She tumbled on me like an old rag, not even able to stand on her feet. Then one of the prostitutes noticed me and started cat-calling me.

"Hey gorgeous! Need a lil'comp'ny?"

"Huhhh, no thanks ladies!" I declined as I carried Suko through the parking lot. But thankfully Frank joined me, we both entwined an arm under her shoulders and towed her to the entrance.

"Ugh thanks Frank!" I said out of relief.

"No biggie Mia, you did the same for Gee, remember?"

I smiled even though I struggled. "Shit, yeah, almost forgot about that." It truly felt like an eternity since meeting Frank at the Red Lion. The day I found Gerard, wasted and helpless. Back when I knew nothing about them - nothing about him. I was naive and unaware of my faith. I guess life hits you hard, sometimes.

We finally entered the motel, me and Frank just settled ourselves in the lobby, holding Suko against the wall. All the others followed shortly after.

"Fuck man, she's so heavy." Frank grunted.

I chuckled. "I know man."

The interior of the motel was no great shakes. It was small, the paint was a sadish pink with a mix of yellow - very corny and artificial. Everything was poorly lighted and a woman stood at the reception. She mechanically licked her thumb as it flipped the page of a beauty magazine. I stared at her for a while - totally compelled by such dullness. But I snapped back when I heard Gerard's voice. He was still outside though, I could see him from the corner of my eyes, he talked to one of the prostitutes, just bragging and smoking. Guess he loved the attention, or maybe he just wanted to mess around. Oh well, you could never tell with Gerard.

But anyway, I did my best not to focus on him. Gladly the others booked the rooms in no time and Ray came up to me.

"Okay, your room is on the second floor, it's number 26." He said, handing me a set of keys.

"Great, thanks." I replied, still struggling to keep Suko straight.

"Think she'll be okay?" He concernedly asked.

"Yeah, it's fine Ray." Frank replied. "I'll take care of it, you guys can go, I'll join later."

Ray nodded and left immediately. "Okay, goodnight!"

Me and Frank gave our goodnights and started dragging her to the elevator. Her sluggish feet slid on the floor and her head rested in my neck. But we still managed to reach the room without dropping her. We just shoved her on the bed, gasping out of relief. Then I thanked Frank and hugged him quickly. Like always, he told me to call him if anything bad would happen, I reassured him and led him to the door.

As soon as he went off, I threw myself in the shower. I remember closing my eyes to the sound of the waterfall, the gentle flow was so warm, so perfect. Trust me, after sleeping in a van and washing in a parking lot, real showers were more than orgasmic.

I wish I could tell you Gerard didn't brush my mind, but he did, a lot. I tried to think of something else, but it was too hard, so much had happened tonight.

I could still recall his lips, the way they felt against my neck. All the fucking things he told me, his words echoed in my head. And now, Alicia was out of the picture, just one less reason to push him away.

I even wondered how his body would feel against mine, right here, underneath the water. How soft or how rough his hands would caress me, or if his nails would scratch me, and if so how deep. Maybe he'd bite me, lick my blood, shove me against the wall and touch me.

Touch me everywhere.

Fuck.

My heart was racing now. This wasn't the time to fantasize about freaking Gerard, especially not after we agreed to stay friends.

"Shit, not right now Mia." I whispered to myself, wanting to chase those images away. I just lowered the temperature to the max. It was freezing as hell but the cold sensation overpowered my wild thoughts. I took my breath away, it froze my blood, but I liked it. I stayed there, waiting for my skin to crumple up and body to give in.

Then I crawled my way to the bed.

I fell asleep in no time, casting off beside my stupid drunken friend.

*

I woke up so quickly. I don't know why though, it was so freaking dead around me, well, except for Suko who was snoring. But I mean, the building was empty, even the sound of the highway was barely hearable. I twitched in the bed, hesitant to get up. But I eventually did, I needed some fresh air.

I just made my way to the lobby downstairs. First thing I spotted was a coffee machine in the back. It looked broken, but gladly, a green light flashed when my coins entered the slot. I just took a black coffee, no sugar, no milk. Then I checked my watch - it was 7am. I didn't even know what we were doing today. I just pondered in the lobby, talking to myself as I sipped my coffee. But this caused the woman at the reception to glare at me. Oh well, I don't blame her, I looked like a drug dealer. I wore a hoodie and a pair of loose pants. I really tried to ignore her though, but her deviant stare made it impossible. I just hurried to the backdoor to find a quiet spot outside.

There was no sun that day, the sky was white, but the air was sticky. I settled myself against the building and smoked a cigarette - gaze lost into nothingness.

But then I spotted a figure in the distance - sitting on a picnic table. I could already tell this was Gerard, from the way his back was curved and the nest of raven hair on top of his head. But he seemed to be concentrated, working on something.

At first I panted, I didn't know if I should join him, I didn't want to disturb him, he looked pretty busy and all. But then he looked at me and my knees buckled. We kept a steady contact for a while until he snapped back to was he was doing. I just took a leap of faith and jogged towards him - but my quick pace slackened when he lifted his head again.

Gerard held a notebook and a pencil but hid them under the table as soon as I got closer. I swear he almost smiled, but he didn't, he seemed confused - like he didn't expect to see me, at all.

A gap still separated me and the table, I didn't dare to close it though. I just titled on my feet, somehow waiting for his approval.

Gerard raised a suspicious eyebrow. "You can sit down if you want..."

"Oh huh..." I laughed nervously. "...y-yeah, sure." I said as I hopped my butt on the wooden seat, it was a bit wet so I hissed at the feeling. Then I placed my coffee on the table but the liquid spilled all around, oh man, even on his hand. "Oh shit, fuck, sorry! D-don't move, I'll clean it for you, ugh, sorry I didn't-"

"It's okay Mia." Gerard stopped me, observing me like I was the most fascinating thing on earth. He just wiped it off with his jacket, carelessly - controlling himself not to laugh at me.

I started blushing uncontrollably so I frowned away to avoid his eyes. They were golden that day, goddamn pretty. Aw fuck, I felt insecure now, I'm sure I looked fucking insane with my hoodie like that, just a homeless ninja on drugs.

Then a silence came - except for the sound of the highway that filled our ears.

Gerard cleared his throat. "You're up pretty early."

"M'yeah I... I couldn't sleep anymore."

"Yeah." He snorted. "Me neither."

I finally looked back at him. "Why?"

Gerard placed a cigarette on his lips that he let hang. "Dunno." He shrugged just before lighting it.

"Is that why you came here to draw?" I asked - knowing his notebook was still under the table.

Gerard frowned - caught off guard.

A short laugh escaped my mouth. "Hey it's okay, you don't need to pretend, I saw you..."

His frown deepened as he dragged a puff. "Saw me what?" He shot - blowing out smoke.

"Hiding your book."

"Huh yeah, but that's private shit, you know that."

"Yeah, but I don't get why." I pushed.

Gerard sighed. "That's because you're a journalist Mia, you can't deal with privacy."

I scowled. "Hey, don't turn this out on me! I'm sure there's a reason..."

He sighed again, louder. "Even if there was, I don't need to explain it."

"But I just..."

"You just what?"

I panted. "I just wanna see it."

"Uh-uh, hell no." He nodded a crucial no. "Don't start with that."

"But I won't judge you." I insisted.

Gerard seemed annoyed now. "I don't care Mia!"

"Please." I begged. "Just for a second, just a glimpse!"

"No."

"Aww pleeease!!" I pleaded as I hopped my chest over the table.

"I said no!"

"B-but-"

"Mia dammit!" Gerard barked through his teeth as he leaned forward - his hazel kill flaring again. "Don't play with me."

"Ugh, fine." I dropped my butt harshly on the seat and crossed my arms, pouting.

Gerard scoffed a laugh. "Why you're so mad anyway? It's just stupid sketches."

"No it's not!" I yawped. "See? This is what's making me mad! You're so scared to show your art because you think you're worthless." My voice cracked. "...b-but you're not."

Gerard blushed but he tried to hide it. "Pff, you're just tryna kiss my ass to convince me..."

"No I'm not! Fuck Gerard I..." I bit my lip. "I just wish you could see what I see."

Gerard frowned again. "See what?"

I sighed - oh god, was he really trying to make me say it? "T-that you're an amazing artist! Everything you touch, everything you sing or write, it's... it's fucking perfect." I trailed off to my feet. "But you'll never see it, you're too stubborn for that..." I said like it hurt me.

Gerard didn't say anything - my palpitations got wild. Shit, maybe I went too far.

Then I looked up, he just stared at me.... almost like, gawking? I stared back at him, confused as hell, doing my best not to get lost into his gaze. I felt embarrassed for everything I just admitted. Guess the coffee and the lack of sleep made me careless. But then he smiled, it was subtle though, his lips curved upwards on the left side, his eyes softened too.

Fuck was he gorgeous.

"You really fucking care don't you?" He mumbled.

I opened my mouth. "Uh." I sighed. "Y-yeah, I do."

Gerard kept on staring, chewing his bottom lip nervously, again doing that thing where I could never guess what he was thinking. Then he nodded. "O-okay but, if I show you, just promise you won't judge..."

"I've already told you Gee, I'm not gonna judge you." I swore.

"O-okay." He said, twitching a little just before putting his pad on the table. He just dropped it in the middle and started scratching his head. He was nervous as hell, he wouldn't even look at me.

I gasped - eyes plastered on the paper. It was hard to tell at first because it was full of shadows, but as you looked closer, you could see a girl, looking out a window, her face wore no emotions, except her eyes, her eyes looked sad. It was mysterious, really beautiful, but also... weird. Because somehow, the girl reminded me of myself. I blushed instantly, wondering if Gerard tried to draw me. But I chased the idea away immediately, I mean, how full of myself would I have to be? To think he draw me like that, at 7am in the morning, alone and sitting on a picnic table.

"You don't say anything..."

Gerard's voice snapped me back. "Huh? No, sorry, I mean..." I shook my head. "Y-your drawing, it got me lost for a second."

His eyes widened, insecure. "And is that a good thing?"

"Yeah, really I..." I blinked - held back by my thoughts. "I can't stop staring at the girl, it's like I've seen her before. She seems so... real."

Then I don't know what I did wrong, but his face quickly tensed up, he laughed nervously and shoved the paper away. "Yeah anyway, that's enough for today."

"But-"

"I said it's enough Mia, I gave you what you wanted, now don't push me." His voice raised - it was slightly menacing.

"Sorry." I murmured.

Gerard focused on his cigarette, a bit overwhelmed by me I suppose.

"B-but seriously." I dare again.

His eyes flared at me - warning me. "Lechowski!"

But I continued anyway. "Argh but just, d-don't stop drawing, ever, you're amazing! I-I mean, your drawings are amazing..."

Gerard blushed but tried to hide it with a nervous laugh. "Huh... thanks..." He said, a bit distantly though.

I smiled warmly. "I mean it Gee."

"Yeah I know, it's okay." He sniffed - all agitated now. Fuck, he was so cute, all shy and awkward like that, it made my heart leap.

"You're really bad with compliments huh?"

He shrugged. "M'yeah, guess I'm too humble for that."

I just shook my head and stole a cigarette from the pack he left on the table.

Gerard saw me and squinted. "Huh, you're welcome."

I chuckled. "Oh come on, I just praised you for 10 minutes, the least you can do is give me a cigarette." I taunted.

Gerard smirked and raised an eyebrow.

"What?" I asked.

"You're just..." He wondered - reading my face again. "...strange, that's all."

"Ts, you already told me that."

"Yeah." He scoffed. "I know."

I rolled my eyes, smirking slightly.

Then a silence came, we sometimes looked at each other but glanced away immediately. I could see him smile from time to time, but we just smoked without saying a word, it wasn't awkward though. I just knew he was thinking about a millions things, just like I was.

"Hey ladies! Having breakfast without me?" A voice shot from the back - I checked to see who it was - it was Frank. He held a tray with what seemed like food on top of it.

"Hey girl!" Gerard yelled back.

Frank giggled. "Brought you some food!" He sat beside me and dropped the tray on the table. There was toasts, oranges and grape jelly cups. Frank also brought fresh coffees, they smelled really good. Gerard's face lightened up at the sight of the hot liquid. Not like my cold coffee, which looked more like a bitter paste than a coffee now.

"Aw you're so sweet Frankie." I said - choosing a toast to spread jelly on it.

"My pleasure." He said, giving me a super big smile - the ones only him can pull off. "I'm starving man, the whisky killed me last night."

Gerard hurried himself to grab a coffee. "Thanks man."

Frank winked at him.

"So, what are the plans for today?" I asked, mouthful.

"Huhhhh." Frank made. "Well, it's our last show tonight, still in Texas though."

My eyes widened, I almost choked. "Our last show?"

Frank laughed at me. "Yeah, we're all going back to Jersey tomorrow, for 5 days."

"Shit I... I didn't know, it all came so fast."

"Yeah, time means nothing on the road." Frank confessed, stuffing his face with oranges.

Then I glanced at Gerard, he was daydreaming, not paying attention to our conversation.

"So.." I started. "Where are you going? I mean in Jersey, which city?"

"Ow, it's Belleville." Frank said.

"Belleville?" I exclaimed. "You kidding me right?"

"No." He laughed. "Why would I be?"

"Damn, that's so crazy, my parents live so close."

Gerard's attention suddenly drew back on me.

Frank looked at me, baffled. "What, in Belleville?"

"No." I shook my head. "In Newark."

Frank grinned. "Shit, that's right next to us!"

"Yeah." I said - totally shook. "Wonder what my old folks are at, haven't seen them in ages."

"Well." Frank claimed. "Guess we're all heading to Jersey then."

I chuckled. "Yeah...maybe." I stared at Gerard, unsure. "Seems like it." I shrugged.

Me and Frank finished eating and so did Gerard with his coffee, but he left before us, he seemed preoccupied, like always, but even more this time. He didn't say anything to us, he just left. Me and Frank kept on talking about Jersey and possibly new interviews for tonight. Then we headed back to the motel because we all needed to get ready. The show was earlier today, around 4pm. I also had to wake Suko up.

Man, I hoped to god she wouldn't be sick.

Notes

Okay, guess we're back at it with the Gee and Mia arguing thing, but they can't help it - it's tough love you know.