Columbia, Missouri - Memorial Stadium, Faurot Field

-8pm-

This place was different from all the others. It was a football stadium, which means the production was bigger and the people had assigned seats. The band would be playing with The Used live on stage tonight. The whole stadium was packed, the crowd was cheering and calling for them. Their screams echoed through the dome, intensifying as the minutes flew. I was standing on the sideline, ground level, next to a staircase. The lights were off, except for the people’s lighters that waved and shined in the dark. It felt magical, surreal.

And just when you thought it couldn’t get any better, the strum of Frank’s guitar blasted in the speaker, the sound resonating like madness. Everybody went nuts, white spotlights flashed all around and Gerard finally made his way on stage - but you could only see his shadow. The others followed shortly, all reaching their usual spots but staying completely immobile. All you saw was 5 shadows - 5 eclipses - contrasting within the white glow. The howling of the teenagers never ceased to grow louder - begging them to play, begging them to sing. We were all ready to die.

Gerard then slowly leaned into his microphone.

“Hello.” He huskily said, knowing how to tease the crowd and enjoying the build up. “I’ve been told you guys wanted to see 5 bastards from New Jersey. Ow, but I’m warning you, we’re not for the weaken souls. If you hate blood, ghosts and demons, I suggested you leave. Otherwise, enjoy, because this freak show’s about to start right----fucking----NOW!” As soon as Gerard pronounced the last word, lights illuminated all of them and Thank You For The Venom started to play - electrifying everyone’s ear canals.

Gerard jumped and shouted in the microphone, shaking his head and moving all around. Frank made love to his guitar, already kneeled down on the floor. Mikey was rocking his bass in the back while Ray spewed back-vocals savagely, curls covering his face. And to top it off, Bob’s drumming skills made us think an earthquake was on the verge of happening. This was definitely one of the best freak shows of my life.

After the second part, Bert and his band joined them on stage. Starting with the song Under Pressure. This goth nightmare ended around 11pm with a touch of sweat, passion and gore. But as I wrote some notes, I noticed something was off between Bert and Gee. They didn’t spit words into each other’s mouths like they usually did - they kept a distance. Don’t mistaken me, the show was great but their gay-ish vibe was gone. Because come on, who didn’t want to see them making out on stage. One thing was for sure though, they were drunk as fuck.

Once the music died and the lights went off, the boys gave their humble goodbyes. The crowd was pleading for a comeback but I think the beers and whisky were more persuasive on that part - I could see just how thirsty the boys were. They looked exhausted, drenched in water like fishes out of the sea. I really liked Gerard’s look tonight, he wore a sports team jacket and had a charcoal line drew under each eyes. His hair was puffed up and slicked in the back but a few strands curled at the front. We hadn’t talk since this morning. I felt a bit foolish for what I did though, just as we started getting along, I find some shitty excuse and disappear.

But anyway, the day’s been really busy for them, they had a shooting for AP magazine and a bunch of interviews. So yeah, no chance for me to sneak around. But that’s okay because I had a lot of work to do. I spent most of my day working and smoking in the van, sorting out papers and listening to my tape, until ending up here, ready to dissolve myself into another party. I tell ya, this rockstar life, it never fucking stops.

I didn’t want to drink that night, my liver was crying out for purity. But it was damn hard not to get influenced, they made it seem so easy and natural. As if drinking water was an insult, a statement against their identities. Of course not everyone was like this, but let’s say most of them. All those people I didn’t know, those ruthless punks or business managers, all those bands I knew nothing about, or those desperate fans following them all around. Everyone so fucking stoned and drunk and wasted and shit and wow.

But whatever, to look at the bright side (because yes, positivity’s still a thing.). This time, we weren’t located outside. The backstage area was huge. There was a long hallway with different doors, some of them leading to toilets, others to locker rooms with showers and the rest of them were the band’s lodges. Each lodge had a mirror, 2 couches and a table. And to make it even more confusing, there was a stairway at the end of the corridor that drew the whole the stadium. A couple of groupies also joined us for the chaos, Bert being the gentleman that he is, couldn’t resist the naive little girls.

I was just about to enter the MCR lodge when a bodyguard asked for my identification. The guy was bald and pretty fucking beef. I showed him my pass and waited at the door. Bald-guy seemed to scrutinize my picture.

“Is that really you?” He asked.

“Huh yes…”

“Hmmmm…”

I scowled. “Oh come on. You think it’s a fake picture?”

“Not sure yet, please step aside.”

“Huh, but I work for Kerrang Magazine! Just ask the band, they know me!”

“Yeah, I hear that a lot. Please just step aside ma’am.”

Damn I hate being called ma’am. “B-but there must be a misunderstanding!”

“Ma’am, you’re leaving me no choice.”

“Are you serious? This can’t be serious.” I couldn’t believe this bullshit. I spotted Mikey and Ray from afar and tried to wave at them as I screamed their names. But it was all in vain because baldy boy dragged me down the corridor and kicked me out like trash in the parking lot.

“Sorry miss, nice try though.” He said, just before clashing the door.

I groaned and threw myself against it, I punched it a couple of times but the harden frame hurt my knuckles. I cursed my lungs out before sitting on the pavement. I was miserable and alone - in the fucking dark. Oh well, at least I had my phone. If I got lucky, one of them would probably answer me. I dialled Suko’s number first, the ringtone went on for ages before a robotic voice advised me to try again - whatever. Then I called Frank, but no answer either. The party was probably too loud in there. That left me with the mighty option, Gerard Way. I pressed on his number and mourned nervously. I was just about to hang up when a voice answered - but it wasn’t Gerard - it was a girl. She sounded drunk.

“Hheeelllooww?” She said.

“Huh… Hello? Gerard?”

“Nah.” She laughed. “It’s Alicia.”

What the fuck? Alicia? Didn’t she just broke up with him? “Oookay, well can I speak to Gerard?”

“Hm I don’t think so, he’s really busy!”

“Doing what?” I asked impatiently. “I need to talk to him, it’s important! Tell him it’s Mia, tell him I just got kicked out in the parking lot!”

“Sorry, but Gee’s not available. Try another time.” She scoffed.

“WAIT!” I objected, but she had already hung up. “What a fucking bitch!” I yelled, controlling myself not to throw my phone away. This situation was pathetic, I couldn’t believe my eyes - all because of this dumb security guard. And now this stupid bimbo was back with Gerard. This was making me so upset and I hated it, I really hated it.

I stayed in the darkness biting my nails until my fingers hurt, tilting back and forth, hoping to find a plan. My butt was getting cold against the pavement. My first idea was to wait by the door until someone came out, but the problem is that the door led to nowhere, so the chances were small. My second idea was to harass Frank or Suko's phone until one of them would answer. I ended up doing both; calling Frank while waiting by the door.

I got lucky on my fifth try.

“HELLO?” Frank yelled, voice shattered by the background noises.

“FRANK! IT’S MIA!”

“Hey what’s up? Where are you?”

“I’m in the fucking parking lot Frank, next to the dumpsters.”

He giggled. “What the hell are you doing there?”

“I got kicked out, some stupid bouncer thought I was a fraud.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! Can you come pick me up? Please! I’ve been here for ages!”

“Yeah sure… wait a minute, there’s so many people in here. I can’t hear you properly.” I heard Frank bumping around for awhile until his voice became clear. “Okay, can you tell me which door you are?”

“Huh, the one at the end of the corridor, there’s a big EXIT sign on top of it.”

“Oh okay, yeah. Got it. I’m almost there.”

“Wow thank you so much Frankie!”

And just as I thanked him the door beside me opened. I was welcomed by Frank’s little grin, tears of joy jerked in my eyes. “OH MY GOD!” I threw myself on him and hugged him tightly.

“Whoaaa!” He laughed, caught by surprise but still hugging me back.

“I’m so happy to see you Frank! I thought I was doomed in here forever.”

“Aw well come on in Mia, it’s getting pretty crazy in here, you don’t wanna miss it.” Frank said, grabbing my hand and leading me the way. We stepped back inside, the hallway was super dark, people were chilling sloppily on each side, clouds of smoke blocked the view. It smelled like weed and other worse things. We finally reached the MCR lodge - the same bouncer was there, not so excited to see me again.

“It’s okay Mario, she’s with us.” Frank told him.

Mario stared at me suspiciously before nodding in acceptance. “All right.” He sighed.

I threw him a shy smile but he scowled, this baldy boy really hated me.

“Don’t worry Mia, he’s a real pain in the ass.” Frank mumbled in my ear.

Once finally in, I followed Frank to the alcohol table, a red slick was installed on top of it, making it look fancy. There were a shit ton of people so it was really hard to move across the room. I grabbed myself a glass of water, not planning on drinking tonight. But then again, you can never be sure in those type of rock n roll orgies. Frank picked some random liquor and left with the whole bottle, he sat on a couch next to Mikey and Ray. There were a lot of people so Frank had to squeeze his butt to fit in.

Gerard was also there, he was on the floor and talking to Alicia. I tried to keep my calm and ignore the knot forming in my stomach. Ugh, but it was so hard. Alicia was so fucking pretty, everything a guy could ever ask for - with her long dark hair and juicy lips. But for a girl who never wanted to see him again, she sure did flirt a lot, whispering stuff into his ear. Though Gerard wasn't having it, he seemed spaced out, wasted. He wouldn't stop wiping his face with a towel. I stopped looking at them at some point, because it wasn't helping me.

I didn't know where to go actually, Suko was nowhere to be seen and I couldn't deal with all those strangers invading my personal space.

"Fuck it." I grabbed some wine and poured a small amount in a glass. I chugged my water down and went to sit on the floor right next to Frank. Gerard and Alicia were just a meter away from me, only a couple of people separated us. But I could see him perfectly, and so did he.

But there was one little detail I hadn't realize, Bert McCracken was sitting right beside me.

“Hey gorgeous.” He sneered.

“Oh, hi Bert…”

He grinned. “Wha’cha doin’ there?”

I shrugged. “Same thing as you, drinking, chilling…”

He snapped a cocky laugh. “Heh.”

“What?” I asked, bored as fuck.

“Well…” His fingers slid towards me, lightly circling my thighs “I was just… hoping we might finish what we started.”

Oh boy, I thought I made it clear last time. “Sorry Bert, but I don’t think so…”

“Hey come on, it’s not fair, you can’t play me like that. I had to jerk myself off thinking of you when you left.” He whispered.

I leaned back a bit, disgusted by his words. “What the fuck Bert…”

He laughed. “You wanna know what I imagined?”

I scowled. “No, please, don’t.”

“You were on all fours, spread like a little slut, begging me to fuck you hard. I’m sure you’d like that Mia…. since you’re such a fucking tease.”

That’s it. I stood up. “Shut the fuck up! I’m not having sex with you, go and jerk off for what I care, just leave me alone!” I shouted.

Gerard must've heard us because he was staring at me now. Alicia kept on babbling nonsense but he was totally ignoring her - his concerned gaze wouldn’t quit me. I swear his eyes were talking to me, asking for answers. I squinted at him and shook my head.

“Aw come on, can’t you take a little joke?” Bert whimpered.

“Fuck off.” I shot, turning away to find a better place to stay. This was ridiculous. Why was it so hard to keep it cool on nights like this? Drama always had to creep out the corner and I was getting sick of it. I wandered around with my wine in hand, bumping and apologizing to people, until finding Suko who was talking to some guy. I didn’t want to disturb their conversation so I just sneaked in and kept my mouth shut. She eventually noticed me and winked.

“How can you say Famous Monsters is a better album than Walk Among us? That’s just impossible.” The guy told suko, he had long hair and a black beard, metal suave vibe with tattoos sleeves - pretty good face too. They were talking about The Misfits.

“Because, I don’t know, maybe it’s just my love for the song Last Caress that taints my whole judgement…” Suko replied. “Anyway Raphael, this is Mia, my friend I was talking to you about.”

Raphael smiled and shook my hand. “Oh, enchanté!” He said.

“What does that even mean?” I asked, giggling.

“Means nice to meet you in french.” He explained.

“Yeah, you see Mia, Raphael’s a misunderstood. He’s just a poor romantic guy, hiding behind his beard and tattoos.” Suko joked.

“Oh!” I laughed.

“Don’t believe what she says!” Raphael bantered, nudging Suko.

Suko grimaced. “Anyway, Rapha’s working for the magazine ROCK in Germany, we met last year on Warped 2004, you guys have a lot in common.”

“Ow you’re German?” I asked him - I would've never guessed, his english accent was way too perfect. He also didn’t fit my stereotypical German idea, always imagined some blond guy with blue eyes - Raphael wasn’t that, at all. He basically looked like a punk rock Cat Stevens.

“Ja, aber wen kümmert's?” He winked - don’t fucking know what that meant. “Listen girls, you wanna smoke this?” He showed us the fat joint he had in hand.

Suko’s eyes widened. “Of course you moron! What’d you think!”

Rapha grinned. “Okay, but not here, too many fucking peeps and wannabes. We need privacy.”

“Where should we go?” I asked, staring at the massive spliff.

Raphael moved his hand, advising us to come closer so he could whisper in our ears - we all did so. “In the locker room, next to the showers.” He hushed, raising a cocky eyebrow - I really dug this german boy.

I gave Suko a questioning look - she grinned and nodded - advising me she liked that plan. I shrugged and had no choice but to succumb to their deal. A marvellous deal, nonetheless.

The three of us left the lodge, bypassing baldy Mario who spotted me immediately. I tried to ignore him, we strolled down the corridor, peeking through each doors, searching for an empty locker room. Different chilling areas were crafted everywhere, people somehow decided to sit randomly on the floor while others made out in the corners. The first room we found was the female’s locker. But it was already occupied by a gang of goth reciting some fucked up poetry - that left us with the boy’s room which was luckily empty. We sat on a long wooden bench, back pressed against a white brick wall. It was kinda dark - shower curtains were just beside us and a line of lockers was in front. Raphael lighted the joint and gave birth to the biggest cloud I’ve seen in my life - he almost choked to death. The strong smell invaded my nose. It felt like high school again, hiding from the teachers after gym class.

“Oooookay, your turn.” Raphael muttered, passing me the dope, voice ragged from his choking.

I grabbed the cone and examined it - not sure if I should try it - I never did this before.

“Come on Mia! Just puff it up!” Suko urged.

“Y-yeah… I know.” I said as I drew the joint to my lips and inhaled harshly.

“Wow! Not so much!” Raphael snapped. “You’ll be way too high!”

“Oop” I whooped, smoke escaping my mouth. I passed the joint to Suko and finally blew all the chemicals out. I felt like my brain just hit the back of my skull, my lids felt heavy and my vision turned blurry. But it wasn’t too bad, I kind of liked it.

“See? This is how you do it.” Suko taught me, dragging puffs ever so slightly.

“Yeah-yeah-yeah.” I whined. “We all know how good you are at sucking things...”

“WHAAAT?" She laughed a scream. "HOW DARE YOU!” She protested, punching my stomach before passing the joint to Raphael who was already pissing himself.

We kept on smoking the herb until the coil burned our lips. We were stoned as hell, we even ended up on the floor, watching the ceiling - convinced it was the sky.

“You know, sometimes, I wonder what’s left at the end of the universe. I mean, if there’s an end, that means that it stops. But- when it stops, what’s left afterwards? I mean, If there’s nothing, how can there be nothing? Because… what is nothing?” I ranted numbly - sorry man, I was baked as fuck.

Raphael blinked slowly. "Yeah... it's mind fucking, but really, I think the universe's infinite." He said. "D'you think another earth exists somewhere?"

“Of course there is! Earth 2 must be fucking cool!" Suko cheered. "I’m sure everyone can see behind their heads and talk the same language.”

I chuckled. "Sounds pretty horrible to me, imagine being able to see behind your head! I'd be fucking paranoid, seein' everything all the time. Nah, I bet earth 2 sucks, they probably don't even have bomb ass weed like that."

Rapha shook his head. "Nah Mia, drugs are for sub-humans like us. Earth 2's population got wings, they don't need that crap, they're like super advance, some sort of human-bird or whatever."

“Oh my god Rapha!” Suko hollered. “Human birds! The new species!"

Okay, I know what you think, but we were high so you have to understand. Anyway, we kept on talking about earth 2 and the flying humans birds for a good 45 minutes, literally making plans on how to move there. Raphael volunteered to built a spaceship and Suko said she’d do her degree in astrophysics to drive us there. We were under the grip of the THC - not even caring that we were chilling on a dirty floor. But our minds weren’t the cleanest too. I was just about to light a cigarette when a loud rumble came from the corridor. We all sat straight up, wondering what the fuss was all about. We heard people shouting.

“FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!”

“COME ON PUNCH HIM!”

“WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!”

“JUST DO IT!”

“What the hell?” I mumbled - getting on my feet. The three of us sauntered to the door - clashing our bodies against the frame and peeking an eye outside.

No.

No.

I couldn’t believe my freaking eyes.

It was Gerard…. and…. Bert? Oh man they were fighting! My eyes grew wider than China, I watched the two boys, wasted like 2 old socks, attempting to throw punches at each other. But their moves were slow and imprecise. Gerard batted at Bert’s jaw, shoving him on the wall - though that only made him angrier. The crowd never ceased to feed the fire, shouting and encouraging them to kill each other. I wondered why no security guard was intervening - where was baldy Mario when you needed him? I wanted to go but Raphael grabbed my arm, advising me to stay out of it.

“But one of them’s gonna get hurt!” I whimpered.

“Doesn’t matter! Let them be dickheads, one of them will surrender, I’m sure.” He told me.

I groaned - I was really scared, I didn’t want to see Gerard getting crushed. I knew Bert was taller and stronger than him. No matter how much Gerard could get on my nerves sometimes, I really cared about him - even though this was a sudden revelation to me. You never realize how much you care about someone until their safety is threatened. Oh god. I was a fucking train wreck. Bert had blood coming out of his nose and so did Gerard. They pushed each other, pulled on their hair, bouncing on walls and eventually landing of the floor. Bert then hopped over Gerard and started punching his face ruthlessly. I gasped at the terror - Gerard didn’t fight back anymore.

“NO!!” I cried out, wanting to help him so badly, but Raphael was still holding me back.

At first, the crowd cheered louder, but then to my own relief - Frank, Ray and Mikey came to the rescue - they all grabbed Bert by the shoulders. Then they thrusted him in a corner, keeping him away from Gerard. They had to calm him down because he was mad as fuck. Mikey kneeled down beside Gerard and lifted his head. What I saw struck me; his face was covered in blood, his lip cracked open - eyes swollen like balloons. I tried to catch my breath, hoping to see him move. Gladly, he eventually did. Gerard violently pushed Mikey aside and got on his feet. All the people around were watching him.

“Gerard! You need to see a doctor!” Mikey said.

“Nah, I’m fine.” He grunted, noticing everyone around. “What the fuck y’all looking at? Heh?” He roared, almost barking like a dog after the postman - chasing everyone away. He might be wrecked but he was terrifying. Once you hit bottom rock, your pride is gone so your demons are free to take control. Gerard held his body against the wall, fighting against gravity because his legs trembled.

“Gerard dammit!” Mikey yawped.

“Leave me the fuck alone Mikey.” He retorted - lagging on the wall until disappearing in the darkness of the hallway.

There were so many people around, my eyes had already lost him. It was so weird, because if you looked at the scene, it now seemed like nothing happened. Everyone was back to laughing and drinking. Frank and Ray brought Bert into his lodge, locking the door behind them - probably asking for explanations. But I didn’t care about that. All I cared about was Gerard. I had to find him. He was hurt and alone. He needed someone - he needed me. Or.... maybe I was the who one needed him? I needed him to be okay.

Suko sighed. “Whoa that was nuuuuts!” She exclaimed, walking back to our previous spot.

I bit my lip. “Y-yeah, listen guys, I think I’ll go grab some fresh air, the weed and the fight made me kind of nervous...”

“Oh you want me to come with you?” Raphael asked.

“NO!” I yelled way too loudly. “I mean, no. It’s okay, keep doing your thing, I’ll see you later.” I advised them before running away.

I hopped in the corridor, clashing into strangers, alcohol dripping on me. I peeked an eye in the MCR lodge but he wasn’t there. I shook my head and continued my way, I scanned every restrooms, every cabins, but Gerard was nowhere to be seen. I even asked some random dude, but no one knew where he went. I grabbed my phone and decided to call him - the ringtone sang in my ears - I was panting, hoping he’d answer. But he didn’t. I kept on calling him nonstop and spotted the staircase at the end of the corridor.

“Oh god.” I breathed out - the stairways led to the whole stadium, they were so many levels - Gerard could be anywhere. I took a guess anyway and climbed the first floors, my feet stumping on the stairs so fucking harshly. The metal sound resonated in the tower. The blue walls were closing on me, my brain wasn’t thinking straight - I was so worried. I reached the 3rd level and stepped in the auditorium, welcomed by the incredible vastness of the stadium. Rows and rows of seats drawing in sight, the ceiling was so damn high, even my breath was echoing.

But I suddenly heard something. It was a ringtone - not mine - but another. It came from behind me. I ran through the seats, almost falling down, following the melody. And there, I saw him. Well, I wasn't sure at first, because he was curled up on the floor, just below a seat. But a trail of blood drew me to him, vanishing my doubts away. I just tiptoed slowly, not wanting to scare him.

“Gerard?” I dared.

He moved and groaned - I couldn’t see his face.

“Gerard... please… it’s me.” I mumbled.

“Go away.” He grunted.

I sighed. “Gee… you’re hurt, you need help.” I walked up to him anyway, despite his gutturally objections.

“Go away I said.” He repeated - but I wasn’t about to back off, I kneeled down beside him, placing a hand on his back, he jumped at the touch.

“Gerard, please…”

He groaned again, twisting his figure. “Get out! I’m fine.” He pleaded harshly.

“No you’re not! You think I didn’t see what happened? I’m not leaving! Not until you come with me…”

“And why would you care Lechowski? Bert’s in pain too, why don't you go see him...”

“I don’t care about Bert! He’s a fucking asshole! For christ’s sake Gerard please, stop acting like a fucking baby and let me help you!”

But Gerard didn’t say anything back. I waited a couple of seconds - then he turned around to face me. I almost fainted from all the blood covering his skin. His lips were swollen and cut, one of his eyes was shut and his hair was all greasy. But that last detail wasn't new, I guess.

“Oh my god…” I gasped, quivering. “G-gee…” I tried to touch his face but he pulled away from my hand.

“I don’t need your pity Mia…” He spit blood on the floor.

I sighed. “But Gerard! Just look at you, we… we need to clean you up.”

“I said I was fine!” He roared.

“No! No you’re fucking not!” I shouted, tired of his denial. “We need to get you to the bus, find the first aid kit and clean those bruises before they get infected.” Wow, I sounded like my mom - but dammit I got so scared.

He sighed and scowled, scanning the ground. “I don’t wanna go back there.” He grouched, crossing his arms, like he wanted to sink in the floor and disappear, forever.

I shook my head. “Go where?”

“The fucking party, all those people I… I can’t stand them.” He sniffed.

“Well fuck those people then! Just come with me, I know the exit.” Good thing Mario threw me out. “If you stay here they’ll find you Gerard.”

He stared at me through his puffy lids, god, I just wanted to hug him. He swallowed deeply and finally nodded. “O-okay... but we have to be quick, I don’t want to be seen.”

I told him everything would be alright and prompted him on his feet, he was a bit heavy but could still walk properly. We reached the stairway and I told Gerard to put his arm around my shoulders so he wouldn’t fall. When we landed on the ground level, I peeked an eye on the corridor just to make sure no one would see us. The party seemed far ahead and the lack of lightning would secure our chances.

“Okay, coast is clear.” I muttered.

Gerard glanced at me and nodded. “Let’s go.”

We rushed to the exit door in no time, crashing our bodies against it, and without having the time to blink, we were already outside in the parking lot - the same daunting spot I was earlier.

“Wow.” Gerard claimed out of breath. “That was intense.” He was still wrapped around my shoulder, shaking lightly.

“Yeah, but we made it, see? I told you.” I bragged, all proud of myself.

I think I heard him laugh but I’m not sure - his breathing was very loud and he wouldn’t stop making noises. Guess he suffered a lot. We then paced towards the MCR bus who was ahead of us. Once arriving, I forced the handle open with my free hand - I had to hurry because some fans were wandering around - we could hear their voices.

“Ah-ah.” Gerard hummed.

“What?”

“You need the key.”

I frowned. “But I don’t have the damn key!”

“It’s in my pocket. Wait.” Gerard let go of me and searched through his tight pants lazily, I swear they were about to drop on the floor. He finally found his key and inserted it in the slot. He sniffed a couple of times, blood was dripping down his nose. I felt shivers just from looking at him. Once the door opened, I led Gerard up, making sure he wouldn’t fall, his steps were uneven and weak. I dropped him on the couch and turned the lights on.

“Okay, where’s the first-aid kit?” I asked eagerly.

“Second shelf, top of the sink.”

I nodded and spiralled around. I ventured in the kitchen and inspected the inside of the cupboards. I skipped through cups and random stuff until my hand grabbed a plastic box. I verified what it was - it was the first aid kit - I strolled back to Gerard and sat beside him. I opened the box, prepping a cotton ball to disinfect his bruises, with rubbing alcohol. That thing smelled strong as shit, but I weirdly liked it.

“Mia.” Gerard then whined.

“What?” I shot, concentrating on what I was doing.

“I think… I think I need to go to bed, m’fucking dizzy.” He babbled.

“Ow sure, you want me to take you?”

“Nah, it’s fine.” Gerard crawled to the bed bunks in the back, but I knew he was still drunk. I followed him with all the stuff in my hands. I watched him scoot against his blanket as he opened a little lamp just above his head. “M’kay, much better here.”

I squeezed my butt beside him and had to clench my body down a little because there was another bed on top. Gerard’s face was just underneath my arm. “Okay Gee, I’m warning you... This might hurt a little.” I said, slowly approaching the cotton ball on the deep cut of his lip. “Just chill out.” I took a deep breath and applied a light pressure.

“FUCK!” He hissed.

“I told you.”

“Aaaah, I don’t need it, don’t want it.” He groaned in pain, pushing me away.

I sighed. “Gerard, we need to clean your bruises! Just squeeze your eyes shut, it won’t take long.”

He groaned again but nodded in acceptance. He squinted firmly. I wiped the cotton ball on his mouth again, Gerard cursed and roared and screamed. He even bit the sheets at some point. Once I was finished with his lip, I did the same with his nose. Then, I grabbed a kleenex and spat on it to wash away the blood from his face.

“Ugh that’s so gross Mia!” Gerard whined.

“Sorry but you wanted me to be quick!” I argued, wiping his face intensely as it stretched his features. “I’m almost done now!”

“Uaahhh.” He moaned.

I giggled. “There you go homeboy, all clean.” I finally let go of him - his blood was on my hands now.

“Yeah… 'specially that my face's all covered in your spit.” He scoffed, patting his cheeks.

“Well..." I lingered. "You got my spit, I got your blood." I showed him my hands.

Gerard glared at me with widened eyes. “Jesus Lechowski! You’re fucking mental...” He grimaced, adjusting himself on the pillow to look at me properly, but underneath, he was fighting a smile.

And I swear, at that moment, I think the weed must’ve exploded something in my brain, because I started laughing hysterically. At first Gerard puzzled me, but soon after, he joined my crisis. Guess we just realized how insane our lives were. We giggled together, it hurt my stomach. But the pain felt good. Then we stopped laughing progressively, catching our breaths as we stared at each other.

“T-thank you… for being there.” Gerard spoke softly.

I replied with a smile, not knowing what to say. Well that’s not true, I had a lot of things on my mind, but like Gerard once told me, some things are better left unsaid. I watched him trembled as he seized a cigarette from his pack, he placed it in between his teeth, searching for his lighter. I couldn’t believe he was smoking after everything that happened - he was such a fucking disaster.

“Gerard, you sure you want to smoke?” I was concerned.

“F’course. I need it.” He said through his teeth. His thumb slipped on the flint wheel of his lighter, no fire was coming out. He went on like this forever before finally giving up, throwing the cigarette away. “Aaarghh, fuck it, I need a beer.”

I frowned. “A beer?”

“Yes.” He hiccuped. “I need more poison Mia, I need it.” The urge in his voice startled me, he gripped my leg, holding on tight to it.

“Huh, think you had enough for tonight Gerard…”

“NO!” He panted. “Please Mia, bring me a beer, f-from the fridge.” He begged and moaned as he rubbed his cheeks on my thigh. What the damn hell was he doing? Seducing me for booze?

Seriously, I didn’t know what to do. Either be wise and give him water - or ease his pain away with drugs. Either way I was fucked. But I didn’t want to be an enabler. “I-I don’t know Gee…”

“Pleaaase.” He cried out. “I need my poison Mia.” God he sounded so desperate.

I squinted. “B-but Gee… why do you want alcohol if it’s a poison?”

“Because Mia…” He whispered. “There are things inside of me I need to kill.”

Notes

part 1 over - m'kay that was long af.