Okay, there are some SERIOUS TRIGGERS in this chapter. Please read with CAUTION.
Triggers include: GRAPHIC RAPE SCENE, GRAPHIC VIOLENCE AND GRAPHIC SELF-HARM.

~

My pathetic house comes into view. I got lost a couple times because I didn’t know where I was after the chase I had with Gerard. Absently, my fingers brush my neck where he gripped today. I still can’t believe that’s all he did. He slapped me, pushed me and strangled my neck a bit. That’s all. His new found kindness scares me a little, but only a little. I really could get used to that side of Gerard. His words echo in my head though, “Shut the fuck up, you whore. You’re the school slut. How many boys have fucked your tight ass, huh?” And then something else, “Maybe I should help myself…” Fucking hell, why does everyone want to fuck me? I don’t really want to go home, but, my razor…

Opening the door, I quietly slink inside and start up the stairs.

“LINDSEY!!! RUN!!!” My mom’s terrified scream nearly makes me fall down the stairs.

“Mama?!” I call. “What’s going on?”

“Lindsey? Come here.” My dad’s voice commands from their bedroom.

“NO! RUN!!!” My mom screams again.

“Shut up bitch!” I hear a slap and a cry from the room. Before I have time to think I’m flying down the stairs and opening the door again. It’s time…I just know it. “I will have you…one day.” My father’s voice rings in my head.

I don’t make it one step out the door before I feel my dad’s hand tangle into my hair and yank me backwards. I struggle viciously against him, writhing and twisting in his grip.

“Lindsey you’re only making this harder for yourself.” My dad’s voice is hot in my ear and sends a scared shiver through me. I lash out, frantically trying to free myself. I am only rewarded with a punch to the temple which sends me crippled to the floor. My head rings and my vision grows spotty. I hear the door slam closed and then rough hands haul me to my feet. I stumble, disoriented before my dad pushes me onto the couch. He looms dauntingly over me, grinning.

I’m try to wriggle off the couch when he pulls me to my feet and bends me over the couch.
When I feel his hands slip onto my hips and start to pull down my skirt and tights, a new fear sparks a fire within me and I kick, hitting him in the groin. Then I spin around about to punch but he grabs my fist and backhands me hard across the face. The force sends me backwards and I collapse into the couch, dizzy, again.

I give a start when his breath tickles my ear and his menacing voice speaks to me. "Okay, sweetheart, here are the rules: struggling will only make it worse and I don’t think you want that. You will not make a sound and you will not tell anybody otherwise I will kill you in a slow painful way, got it? Now be a good girl and kiss daddy’s boo boo better.” He yanks his jeans down and before I have time to react his dick is forced between my lips.

He pushes it all the way down my throat I gag violently but he doesn’t seem to give a shit. Tears cloud my eyes until I can’t see. When he pulls up again I bit his tip hard. He screams out and pulls away. I spring from the couch but he catches me around the waist.

“Please, dad…please don’t do this.” I whimper. He pulls me back and again bends me over the couch, pressing my face into the pillows.

“I said be quiet.” He growls.

I turn my head to the side to speak. Tears are streaming down my face and my words become hard to understand. “Please Tom. I’ll d-do anything else, just p-please d-don’t do this…I’m sorry f-for whatever I d-did…p-please…” I’m sobbing uncontrollably. This can’t be happening. I can’t lose my virginity to my father, no… I don’t want to get raped. Oh God… This can’t be happening.

“For fucks sake,” he growls. I hear the tear of fabric and then feel something being shoved in my mouth. I gag and try to spit the piece of shirt out but it immediately soaks up all the moisture in my mouth and is suddenly stuck in place.

I moan out in protest, yelping when my arms are twisted behind my back painfully so I can’t move.

From upstairs I hear my mom yell out. “Tom, please. Don’t do this to your daughter. Come on, Tom, I know you’re better than this.”

“Shut the fuck up, bitch, you know she’s not even mine so close your mouth or I’ll make you watch.” My father spits out. I hear my mother swallow down a protest. No one can save me. No one cares. No one loves me. I’m nothing.

I cry out when my dad’s rough, cold hands tug down my skirt and tights. He pulls them down past my knees then pushes my legs apart more. Suddenly his fingers jerk down my panties. I feel his mouth on my neck and jaw, sucking and biting.

Oh God, please save me…please. I scream out in agony when he pushes his un-lubed, condom-covered dick into me. Fuck, I think I’m going to die. Right here, right now. This is where it ends, I finally die from being split in half. I feel something trickle down my thigh and I know I must be bleeding.

My father’s disgusting grunts and groans fill my ear. “Oh fuck. So tight…oh yeah…fuck yeah…”

He slams into me a few more times before I feel a thick fluid rise in my throat and suddenly I’m vomiting. I start to choke because the gag pushes it back down my throat.

“Oh c’mon, Lindsey. Seriously…” Tom sighs, as if disappointed in me even though I’m the rape victim here. He removes the gag and I continue to vomit on the couch. He continues fucking my ass for what seems like hours, relentlessly. I feel like I’m on fire on the inside. So used, so broken, so helpless. I can’t imagine life after this…

“Oh fuck, Lindsey. Oh I’m close…” Vomit comes back up my throat and I soak the cushions with it. Suddenly I feel his dick twitch and fill the condom as he comes into my ass, yelling out.

“Fuck. Oh, fuck.” He milks out his orgasm for a few more thrusts before pulling out. Letting my arms go he slumps over my back.

“Mmmm. That was so good, Lindsey. You’re so tight, just as good as I expected.” He whispers in my ear. Then standing up I hear him pull up his pants before he pulls me up into his chest. My lower back screams out at the sudden movement.

Suddenly his lips are forced onto mine in a sloppy kiss. They travel down my jaw to my neck and he starts sucking again.

After a while he regains control of himself again. “Now, just remember if you tell anyone I will kill you.” Then releases me, gives me a degrading ‘bop’ on the nose and bounds out the door as happy as a jackal.

I collapse on the floor in a ball of despair, completely numb of feeling. Sobbing hysterically, I fall into an awful, uncomfortable sleep.

~

I awake with a jolt from a nightmare, only to cry out when I move. My ass and lower back are on fire, dried blood and pre-cum stick to my thighs. Vomit covers my shirt front and burns in the back of my throat. Since I haven’t eaten in a long time, most of my barf was stomach acid which set my throat on fire. Tears strain my cheeks and my hair is a matted mess. Why? Why are all the men in my life so awful? Why must they torture me? I never want to be looked at with lust again. I must make myself uglier…

Hauling myself slowly to my feet, it takes me ten minutes to make it upstairs.

“Lindsey? Oh my God… Come here, untie me and I will help you.” My mother’s concerned voice calls from their room. I don’t want her help though, I want to be by myself. I am nothing, I deserve nothing. I want to be alone forever.

Stumbling into my room I have one thought, razor… I find it buried in my closet and step up to the mirror. Pain, I must feel more pain… I peel off my skirt, tights and shirt. Sure enough my thighs are covered in blood. I look like absolute shit. Worse, I’m sewage. I’m less than trash; I’m the discarded shit people turn their noses at.

Tom’s harsh touch flashes in my mind. I wish I didn’t have an ass for someone to fuck or breasts for someone to lust after. Raising the razor to my chest, I press down firmly and draw a jagged line all the way around my left breast. I wish, if I pressed hard enough, it would fall off and then nobody would want me. The lump of fat I loathe, leaks blood down my stomach and thighs onto the carpet, but, I feel nothing. Because I am nothing.

I need to die. I know I can’t live any longer like this. No, a tiny voice says. You will never be strong enough to even succeed at killing yourself. You deserve the pain and torture of Gerard and school.

Reluctantly, I climb into the shower. My mom has stopped screaming for me to untie her. My whole body is numb. I scrub myself raw, actually venturing to try and wash the cum out of my ass and throat, he forced down.

Once out, I can’t even formulate clear thoughts and end up stumbling out of the house in a short skirt with no tights on, a sweat shirt and my half-packed bag at three o’clock in the morning. My breast is still bleeding and I think the blood has gone through my shirt. The cold air stings my skin, but still I trudge on. Where is this stupid determination coming from? I can’t feel a thing aside from the overwhelming feeling to kill myself and make it to school. School seems to be winning right now.

It’s probably a little past four when I reach school. Disconnectedly, I shuffle around to the back of the building to the smoker alley. Collapsing on the cold ground, I cry myself to sleep again.

~

“Lindsey. Wake up.” Gerard’s voice rings in my ears. Memories of yesterday come flooding back. How long did I sleep? It’s still dark, probably 6:30 in the morning.

I roll onto my back and almost scream at the pain. Wow, the numbness is definitely gone. My whole body feels like death.

“Get up.” Gerard commands.

“Just leave me alone.” I spit out angrily.

“Wow, someone is asking to be punished.” He grabs my arm and yanks me roughly to my feet. I scream in agony, scrunching my face up.

“Please, Gerard. Not today…please.” I whimper.

“What is wrong with you? Feeling a little under the weather, is that it?” He teases. I feel his hand come out to grip my throat. I squeak and start to fight back. To get a better grip he removes his hand a repositions it higher, tilting my jaw up slightly.

I hear him gasp. “Well, well, well, what are these?” He pulls me closer and starts to inspect my neck. “Hickeys.” He confirms. Oh shit. He chuckles although he doesn’t sound very happy. Actually he sounds enraged. “Did someone finally give you a good fucking? Worm their way between those thick thighs of yours, hmm?” His eyes look furious, but I’m not scared. How dare he? I will rip his fucking head off…

“FUCK YOU!” I scream. “You know fucking nothing, you ignorant bastard. You play football on the stupid star football team and screw all the girls, probably go home and have your mom bake you a fucking cake just for being alive.” I shove him hard on the chest and he steps back against the wall. “You live in your perfect world and take out your non-existent anger on the poor fuck-up. You make your perfect life even more perfect by fucking destroying mine. You are the fucking devil, no you are the devil’s assistance because my father is the fucking devil.” I am full on screaming in his face, crowding him so much he’s begun to slide down the wall. “You have no idea what I go through-what I went through. How fucking dare you make a joke about my fucking sex life.” He’s sitting on the ground completely, staring up at me. I feel like I could burst into flames from anger right now. I grab the collar of his shirt, bringing my face closer to his. “Well, guess what? I DIDN’T FUCKING WANT IT! I DIDN’T! And it fucking hurt like hell itself and I cried and begged and begged and pleaded and he wouldn’t listen…” Suddenly all my energy vanishes and I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. I sink to my knees that are straddling his thighs. Tears stream down my face and I barely manage to choke out in a whisper, “I didn’t want it…I…didn’t…want…it. And now, I’m dead. I’m nothing but a hunk of flesh that can barely move. I…d-didn’t…w-want…it.” I’m sobbing uncontrollably by the end. My body disobeys me and I find myself burying my face into Gerard’s chest. I’m clutching the collar of his jacket tightly in my fists as I try to ignore the pain that sitting on his lap brings to my ass.

Suddenly I feel him stir beneath me. This is it. He’s going to fling me off of him, call me a whore, tell me that I deserved it. Give me a few punches to match my bruised body and leave me cold on the ground to die. And then I feel strong arms tighten around me and pull me tight against his chest. He lifts his chin and rests it affectionately on my head. “Lindsey, I’m sorry.” His voice is low and raw, almost pained sounding.

I pull back suddenly, shocked, and search his eyes. He stares back at me. What’s going on? Why is he being nice? I flinch when he brings a hand up to wipe my tears. I let him gently swipe the pad of his thumb across my cheeks to clean them.

“Lindsey, who did this to you?” His voice has a dark undertone, one I know all too well.

I shake my head furiously. “No, he’ll kill me, I can’t.”

“Lindsey, please. Just tell me who hurt you.”

“No, I can’t. He’ll kill me!”

“No, he won’t! I won’t let him!”

Ugh! This is too confusing. I narrow my eyes at Gerard before climbing off his lap. He catches my hand though and pulls me back down. I fall onto his lap and nearly start crying again from the pain in my ass.

“Lindsey, fuck, I’m bringing you to the hospital.” He scoops me into his arms and grabs my bag.

I thrash around in his arms and scream protests. “NO! No, I’m fine! Stop! Put me down! Gerard...” My escape attempts are in vain though, as his grip on me only tightens.

“Stop, Lindsey, you’re only hurting yourself more.”

“Just leave me alone. I don’t want your help.”

“Oh shut up.” He starts walking towards the parking lot. “If you tell me who did this to you, I’ll put you down.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “M-my d-dad…” My eyes start pouring a fresh round of tears. I hear Gerard gasp and set off at a run towards his car.

“Hey!” I yell. “You said you would put me down.”

“Shut the fuck up, Lindsey. Do you want to die?” I don’t say anything, because truthfully, I do.
The pounding run he starts hurts my body. My vision starts to cloud over again and I feel so limp…



Motion…we’re moving forward, fast. A car. It’s speeding.

“We’re almost there…just hold on.” Gerard’s soothing voice tells me. Too tired…



“Nurse! Doctor! Please help her.” Someone yells.

“Oh dear! Here lay her down on this, boy.” Some old lady’s voice is heard and then soft materiel in under me and more motion.

“You stay here, young man, no! No, Sir, you can’t come. Stay…"

Notes

Ahhhhhhhhhhh, I'm so sorry for that. It was really hard for me to write, but as I warned, this is not a story for the light-hearted.
Rape is a serious topic and I in no way mean to poorly represent the pain surrounding it, so, if you have critique or comments on how I handled it, please share! I am, myself, personally unfamiliar with rape.
Stay safe,
Yours,
writing2savelives