That's when she said I don't hate you boy
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save

I dance around the Way’s kitchen to a song that’s been playing in my head since I woke up with morning, whilst popping doughnuts into my mouth. I’m hardly listening to what Gerard and Ray are talking about. I’d gotten up early, too full of energy to stay lying down on Ray’s couch. I’d been in a fucking great mood for the first time in what seems like forever. Sure, there’d been moments here and there where things looked like they might be getting better but this…this was like being on uppers or something.

Suddenly, the kitchen floor disappears from under my feet and I’m being set on the counter, a pair of hazel eyes looking into mine, “You’re making me dizzy.”

I giggle a little but nod like I understand. As Gerard goes to move away from me I shake my head, reaching into his back pocket pulling out a mini sketchbook he always keep there. As I flip through I see a few unfinished pictures of animals, a few of some vampire/werewolf creature, a superhero and the rest is filled with pictures of a girl. In each picture she’s killing herself in increasingly gruesome ways. Slowly, I realize who the girl is and the realization causes the sketchbook to fall to the ground.

“I can’t help what I draw,” explains Gerard as he leans over to pick it up off the linoleum.

I shrug before pulling out a fag and lighting it up, offering one to Gerard who, of course, takes it. I guess I don’t really care that he’s drawing me like that. It’s just strange to see all the thoughts I’ve had for so long drawn out.

“Amber, can I talk to you outside?” Gee questions after a few seconds of us all staring at each other in silence.

I nod, giving him a big smile. I’m sure he just doesn’t want us to smoke too much in the house.

Once outside Gerard turns to me, grabbing my arm and pushing up my jacket sleeve, “You know if Mikey saw this he’d be devastated. Besides, I thought we talked about this before. You said you’d stop. ”

I pull my arm away from Gerard, sliding my sleeve down to cover the pinkish marks that cover my arm, “I have a mental cat.”

“Don’t pull that shit with me Amber, I’m not stupid, I know what those are.” There is anger and softness in Gerard’s eyes and I can tell he’s not really angry he’s just trying to help. In truth I guess that’s what I need. I just don’t want to have to deal with it right now. I want to ride out this good mood. Maybe this time it will stick around.

“Yeah, well, it’s not like you can do anything about it,” I mumble taking a drag from my fag, letting the smoke come out my nose.

“I can help you,” Gerard says, placing his hand under my chin. “I want to help you…for your sake and Mikey’s. He’d be heart broken if he knew, Amber. He cares about you, this would kill him.”

“He’s been through worse, Gee,” I respond not in the mood to be lectured about what would and wouldn’t hurt Mikey. Gerard has put Mikey through hell with his drinking. I’m not hurting anyone with what I’m doing. I’ve got everything under control. Nothing that I’m doing is going to kill me. Everyone just needs to stop bothering me about it. As I reenter the house I find Ray sitting on the couch, his feet propped up on the coffee table. I flop down next to him, letting out a sigh wishing I hadn’t gotten rid of my fag outside.

“Is everything alright,” Ray questions, putting his arm around my shoulders.

“Fucking super,” I respond as Gerard comes back inside, slamming the door behind him. He stomps through the living room and disappears down the stairs to his bedroom.

“Amber what happened out there?” Ray says, muting whatever show he was watching on television.

“Gerard just thinks that I need to be babysat, which I don’t,” I answer back loudly, hoping that Gerard can hear me. “Frank is playing at the dive bar tonight. Do you wanna go with me? I’m going to ask Mikey too.”

Ray gives me a quizzical look but allows the change of conversation to happen. I don’t feel like letting something as stupid as Gerard worrying about me to spoil my mood or the plans I have for tonight. “Sure thing Amber.”

I smile back at Ray as Mikey bounds down the stairs. He’s still got the bass strapped across his body. The youngest Way comes to stand in front of Ray and I. As we turn to look at him, Mikey begins to play. Although he’s a little slow with the transitions, and misses a note every once in a while, I can tell what he’s trying to play. With a little more practice Mikey is going to sound killer. I can’t wait to hear what else he’s going to learn or come up with on his own.

“That’s sick as fuck,” a voice from behind me sounds.

Jumping off the couch I run to the boy who has just entered the Way house. Frank laughs, allowing me to jump onto him, my legs wrapping around his waist. “Did Ray text you?”

Frank nods his head before depositing me back onto the couch, “He said you were being a bit of a handful today. I just came by to make sure you didn’t get yourself into too much trouble.”

I wink back at Frank. I’m not going to get myself into any trouble, “All of us are coming to your show tonight.”

“Rad,” Frank answers back before wedging himself in between the armrest and me, “it should be an awesome show. Be there at seven for doors.”

I nod before laying my head on Frank’s shoulder. Tonight is gonna be epic.

Notes

Sorry for the short chapter.