Why are you so far away?
Even when you're standing next to me?
Your eyes give you away,
Telling secrets when your mouth don't feel like talking.


Around six-thirty all of us pile into Amber’s car. I had called shotgun as soon as I’d found out we were all going to Frank’s show. My legs are too damn long to sit in the backseat for the thirty minutes it’s going to take to get to the venue. Instead Gerard and Ray sit in the back, chatting away about something. Amber’s got the stereo on a click too loud but I don’t dare turn it down. For the first time since I’d met her, the redhead has the sparkle back in her eyes. I don’t want to do anything to ruin her mood. Instead I bob my head along to the songs, hand resting on Amber’s exposed knee.

My girlfriend smiles over at me, her eyes flicking away from the road for a second to land on my face. Amber had taken time to do her hair, curling it into tight little ringlets that now frame her thin face nicely. Her eyes, like usual, are lined in black, “You look really pretty.”

Amber rolls her eyes, but I do see her blush, a sure sign that she believes my words. Tonight is going to be epic. There will be no arguments, no worrying if Amber if okay. Tonight we are going to dance, and get a little drunk. Gee will drive us home, everyone stumbling up the street, eventually collapsing on Gerard’s floor. Nothing can do wrong.

Almost instantly, Amber and Gerard head towards the bar. Gee promised he wouldn’t drink tonight so that he was able to drive us home. I guess his promises only exist within the Belleville city limits. The spunky redhead hands me a shot and I take it; tonight is supposed to be about fun. We’ll figure out how to get home.

Amber and Ray are the only ones who really know Frank’s music. They both sing, jumping around to the music that is filling the tiny bar. Gerard and I watch them from our seats. I’ve never been much of a dancer, besides I think I’m a little too tipsy to be able to keep my balance.

“How’ve things been with Amber lately,” Gerard, who is nursing a beer, questions, his eyes never leaving Frank.

“Better. We’ve talked about a few things. She’s kind of distant but I have a feeling that’s just Amber. She’s like on this completely different wavelength, somewhere we only wish we could be.”

Gerard nods back, “I get that. I’m happy that she stumbled into our lives though. She’s done so much for all of us. I mean, look at me, I’m sitting here drinking and not getting shit faced. You seem happier than ever.”

My eyes flick to Frank, who has slowed the pace of the music, coming to sit on the edge of the stage. Amber beams at him, swaying to the singer’s words. I’ve gotten over Amber and Frank’s closeness but sometimes I can’t help but wonder if she’d be doing better with him…if they aren’t soul mates destined to be together and that I’m just getting in the way.

“Everything alright Mikes?” Gerard questions eyes finally landing on me.

“I just worry about her ya known, she’s kind of been all over the place lately. One minute she’s on top of the world and then next I’m scared to leave her alone with anything sharp,” I explain, hoping my words are making sense.

“When I was first introduced to Amber, Ray told me that was just how she is. I don’t think Amber has ever been very stable. I mean, she’s adopted; the Bryars are never home because of work. I don’t know how often Bob is around. She’s probably just acting out to try and get attention.”

Gerard’s words kind of upset me. I know that Amber has some issues but I don’t think she’s making them up or exaggerating them for attention. I’ve heard from not only her, but all of our other friends that Amber doesn’t like being at home. She’d rather be out. “I’m going to go dance.”

Getting up, I move to stand behind Amber. She beams up at me before twisting around so that she’s facing me. Her slender hand slides into mine, forcing me to sway to the music. She’s obviously drunk, a big dorky smile set on her maroon lips. As we dance around, she trips over her Docs a few times, using me as a support. I’m just happy that she’s enjoying herself.

Frank’s band plays another song before bowing off, the DJ in the bar taking over playing music. Amber bounces away from me to hug the sweaty guitarist. He beams down at her, lips meeting the redhead’s forehead for a second. The two walk back over to me, hands clasped.

“That was awesome man,” I shout over the music, wrapping an arm around Amber’s waist. She rests her head on my chest.

“Thanks dude. Hey, where’s your brother?”

All three of us spin around, scanning the small bar for any sign of my brother. He’s nowhere to be found. I had only left him for a second, “Maybe he went to the bathroom.”

“I can check,” Amber announces before stumbling across the dance floor towards the back hallway.

As I go to follow Frank grabs my arm, “Just let her go, she’ll be fine. I’m sure Gerard is back there, probably just had to piss. He’s had quite a few glasses of Coke. Mikey, do you know how much Amber’s had to drink tonight?”

I frown. I had lost count on about the fifth shot. I know Amber had more to drink than I did. She’s pretty wasted but as long as she can support herself and form complete sentences I’m not too worried. I know that my girlfriend parties and that she’s able to hold her alcohol just as well, if not better than Gerard. “A lot dude.”

Frank chews his bottom lip, “Will you just watch her for the rest of the night? She’s not in the best place right now.”

“She’s happier than I’ve ever seen her,” I answer back a little confused.

Frank shakes his head, “Look, there’s things that I’m not sure I’m supposed to share with you. Amber will tell you in her own time. Just watch out for her okay? You’re her boyfriend you’re supposed to do that anyway.”

I’m left standing by our now empty table completely confused. How is Amber not okay? What hasn’t she told me? I thought that everything was getting better. We’ve not fought in a couple days. Amber’s smiling again, nothing could be wrong. Frank just doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He’s trying to stir up drama or something.

Before I continue down my thought trail, Amber comes storming through the bar. Tears cling to her face. She passes by the table and throws the door open. Quickly gathering up her purse and jacket, I push through the crowd towards the exit. Amber is sitting on the curb, tears still flowing freely down her cheeks.

“Hey,” I say, gently sitting down next to her. “What’s the matter?”

Amber sniffs, gaze never leaving the ground. Her skin glows a soft yellow and red under the streetlight and bar sign. She’s never looked prettier, “I went to find Gerard. He was in the bathroom. I just told him that he needed to slow down. That we’re all counting on him as our ride home. He went off on me and told me that if anyone needs to watch themselves it’s me. That I’m just hurting you by getting plastered.”

I rub my fingers up and down Amber’s exposed arm, “Hey, I’m not upset with you. I don’t care how much you drink.”

She turns to me, “Don’t you see I’m ruining your life Michael! You’ve already had to deal with one alcoholic and now you have to deal with another. Gerard is better! I’ve done my job. You two act like brothers again.”

Done her job? What the hell is she talking about? It was never Amber’s job to try and fix my brother or get us to act like we loved each other again. Sure, she helped a shit ton but that isn’t why I was keeping her around. I don’t care if she drinks too much, I’ll figure out a way to fix her. I don’t like that Amber is talking like this. At a loss I get up and head inside to find Ray.

Although slightly drunk himself, Ray willingly follows me out to the parking lot. He sits with Amber for a while, the two of them passing a few cigarettes back and forth. Eventually, Ray pulls Amber to her feet. She sways for a second, looking like she’s going to fall back down, but then steadies herself. Ray pulls her into a tight hug as I walk back over.

Just as Ray lets Amber go she whispers something to him, something that I could only make out as, “It’s time.”

Notes

Song: Lloyd Dobbler by Pencey Prep