Bite my lip and close my eyes
Take me away to paradise
I'm so damn bored, I'm going blind
And I smell like shit

Mikey and I trudge back to our house through the chilly autum breeze. Although I continue to pull my jacket tighter around myself, I just can’t keep warm, "God damn, its fucking cold for September..." I complain, shivering, taking my hands out of my pockets and blowing warm air into them, rubbing them together.

Mikey doesn't say anything; he is too busy balancing a CD case, a bass case, a bag of cords, and an amp in his arms. I guess I could have offered to carry something for him but in the end it isn’t my stuff. Instead of continuing to let him struggle I stop, deciding to help him out at least a little. I am trying to be a better big brother after all. I turn around to face him, causing him to run into me.

"Mikey, what are you doing?" I question. "Put everything down."

Mikey obeys, looking on as I put everything in a line, getting down on my knees, praying that a car doesn’t come by. My little brother stands there, arms crossed, guitar silhouetted in the setting sun, watching me.

"You see this?" I say, holding up the CD case and looking at him. "You put this in here, then its one less thing you’ve go to carry, no?"

I open the cable bag, and stuff the CD case into it, zipping the bag back up. I stand up, give the bag to my brother, and continue walking. He doesn't say anything; just continuing to follow close behind me, breathing slightly heavier than usual. I shake my head, thinking about how hard he must trying to keep up, especially now that he’s got at least thirty extra pounds to lug around. He’s a good kid.

We don't talk for the rest of the way home. When we get to the front door, I open it for him, still trying to be nice. Mikey struggles to get through the door, the bass case getting stuck. I can tell Mikey is frustrated because he doesn’t even stop to turn the case, he just continues to try and get it past the door frame as is.

"Mikey, what the fuck, bro," I mumble, turning the case just for him to go flying through the door and trip on the stairs, letting out a loud growl before lugging everything upstairs. I follow him to his room. He drops everything on the floor with a loud thunk, before collapsing. He presses his inhaler to his mouth, breathing in before he sits up.

"You all right, bro...?" I question.

He nods, rubbing his eyes under his glasses, “Yeah. That was a fucking workout.”

I beam at him, “I’m so proud of you Mikes.”

"For what?" he replies looking a little confused as he replies to a message on his phone, it’s probably from Amber. I’m not sure what’s been going on between them lately but they both seem kinda distant. I’m sure it’s nothing, but I do worry about Mikey. He’s voiced a couple times that he isn’t necesarrily comofortable with how close Frank is to his girlfreind. I’m not trying to stick my nose in Mikey’s business. He’s a smart kid, I’m sure he can figure out how to resolve the situation. If anything I’m worried about Amber. Her cutting seems to be getting worse instead of better and she looks like she’s not slept in days.

"For deciding to start to play an instrument," I reply with a smile. "I knew you would eventually, but man, bass guitars are fucking awesome."

Mikey nods still breathing kinda heavy. I really do hope he’s alright.
"And,” I add, “I want you to do anything you can to thank Ray.”

"Bro, I know! Not many people would just give away a bass guitar, you know?"

Wanna check it out?" I question, eyeing the black case on the ground.

"Do you have to ask?" Mikey questions, jumping off the bed and opening up the case.

I swear I can hear a choir singing Hallelujah as it opened; inside is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. It is black and white, and incredibly shiny. Ray took such good care of it; it looked like it has never been used before.

"Holy...shit," Mikey whispers, gingerly picking it up out of the case and strapping it across his chest.

I smile at him; he looks like a bass player already. The bass guitar is already adjusted perfectly, right about even at his hips. He plays a D note, and it sounds deep, but also crisp and clear. He grins from ear to ear, looking at me.

"Gerard..." Mikey says, looking down at it. "This...this is...oh my God!"

I laugh at his voice as it cracks at the end of that sentence. He is so excited, and seeing this makes me happy. I don’t think I’ve seen Mikey this happy since last Christmas when mom surprised him with tickets to see Smashing Pumpkins.

"That's one hell of an early birthday present, yeah?" I say, rubbing my nose with my hand, "How the fuck am I going to top that?"

I laugh. Well played Toro...well played.... I think about the t-shirt I have stashed under my bed. There is no way Mikey is going to like that as much as this bass. I’m going to have to head back out ot the store, maybe pick up a song book or something.

"Wait." Mikey stops, pulling me out of my thoughts. He’s staring up at the ceiling, "What day is it?"

"It’s the sixth of September, bro..." I reply.

He jumps, “Shit, my birthdays in four fucking day bro!” Mikey turns in a circle, fake playing his new bass, the biggest smile plastered to his face. “I totally forgot.”

“Yeah dude, you’re gonna be sixteen. You’re fucking old bro,” I laugh, throwing a pillow at his head.

Mikey shrugs is off laughing, “Coming from the eighteen year old who acts like he’s thirty, that really doesn’t mean much.”

"You fucking know I act like I'm thirty," I respond, punching him playfully in the arm. He smiles, coming to sit down next to me on his bed, head resting on my shoulder.

"I love you bro," he says.

I turn and kiss the side of his head, “Mikes, you’re the most amazing little brother anyone could ask for.”

He smiles as we sit there, closer than ever before, not talking, just enjoying sharing this moment with each other. Eventually, I notice that Mikey has fallen asleep on my shoulder. He much be so exhausted from having such a roller coaster of a week. I’m just glad it ended on a good note. Slowly, careful not to wake him, I get off the bed, placing his new bass back in its case. I take his glasses off and place them on the nightstand before walking out of the room, pulling the door shut behind me.

Stealthily, I walk down the steps, descending into my cave of a room. I shrug out of my jacket and slip out of my shoes before pulling my hoodie over my head, throwing it in the corner. I flop onto my bed, staring at the ceiling. As my hands come to rest by my side I feel something unfamiliar. Picking the foreign object up, I realize that Frank has left his fingerless, skeleton gloves at my house. I smile, pulling them on. After a bit my hands warm up and I feel like Frank is here with me. I continue to smile as I fall asleep, nothing too terrible haunting my dreams tonight. _______________________________________________________________________

I am woken early Sunday morning to vibrations coming from my jeans that I forgot to take off last night. After getting over my mini heart attack I answer the phone, greeted by Ray and Amber. "Hey, Toro, Amber," I say groggily.

“Oh –” that’s Amber.

“– Did I wake you?" Ray finishes

I yawn, stretching my free arm, “Kinda, but I needed to wake up anyway.”

"Oh, okay," Ray says. "So what do you have planned for today?"

I think about it for a minute, yawning and rubbing my eyes, still trying to wake myself up, "Nothing, really. Why? Wanna come over?"

"Sure!" Ray replies happily.

"We’ll be over in about twenty minutes. How does Mikey like the bass, Gee?” This is Amber; her perfect accent making me smile.
"Oh dude, that is a fucking beautiful piece of art," I respond hoping Ray hears. “Mikey loves it.”
"Oh, I know, right?" Amber goes on talking as if no one is listening.

Eventually, Ray comes back on the line, laughing at Amber’s babbling, “She’s in a mood today man, I tell ya. She’s been up since three this morning and hasn’t shut up since.”

I laugh in respond. Frank told me that Amber can get that way sometimes, but I’ve never seen it in action. Today should definitely be interesting, "I'll make Mikey swear to keep that bass looking like that, alright?"

"Sounds good, man, see you in a little bit."

"Alright, Torosaurus," I answer before hanging up.

I roll off the bed, trudge upstairs, only to be greeted by the light strumming of bass strings emitting from my little brother’s room. Curious, I follow the sound, opening Mikey’s door. He’s sitting on the floor, bass in his lap, figuring out cords. He looks funny with his tongue stuck out, eyes crossed. I sit down in his computer chair and watch for a few minutes.

"Having fun?" I ask him.

He just nods, concentrating on finding the cords.

"You know, that's not a cheap bass, bro." I explain. He doesn't respond. "I promised Ray that you'd keep it looking like that, okay?"

Mikey nods again, but I know he isn't hearing a word I’m saying. I smile, shaking my head before getting up."What do you want for breakfast?" I question. "I think mom's working." My little brother doesn't say anything. "Okay, waffles it is, then."

I leave him in his room and head to the kitchen. I’m too lazy to make home made waffles so I just take the frozen ones out of the freezer and pop them into the toaster oven. I wait in silence for what seems like ever, jumping when the toaster pops letting me know that my breakfast is finally finished. Laughing at my foolishness, I place the waffles on a plate. Swinging open the refrigerator door I pull out a can of Ready Whip and put a little on each of my toaster waffles. Amber has forever ruined regular waffles. I’m never going to be able to eat the damn things without whipped cream. While I eat, I search around for the coffee maker, eventually remembering I’d left it in my room. Shoving the last bit of my waffle into my mouth, I quickly run down stairs, grab the pot and start the coffee. After pouring it in my mug, I hop up onto the counter, drinking in silence as I wait for Ray and Amber to arrive

I’m onto my second cup when the two come barging into my kitchen, both laughing and goofing around. Amber looks much better rested than the past few weeks. Todays she’s actually smiling. She’s even done her makeup, hair pulled away from her face in a braid. I’ve not seen Amber look this put toghther in at least a month.

"Hey, buddy!" I say, moving aside to let Ray join me on the counter. "You eat breakfast yet?"

They both nod, laughing again. "Yeah, Amber made us eggs and bacon and fruit cups and french toast, thanks though," Ray says.

"So Mikey's liking the bass, huh?" Amber asks, getting herself a cup of coffee. I notice that her hands shake but figure she’s just cold.

"Mmmhmm...oh yeah, he loves it." I respond. "I have a feeling he's been playing it all morning."

Ray nods, “And how’s it sounding?”

As I think about it, Ray frowns at Amber, glancing at her cup of coffee. She sticks her tongue out at him before lifting the off white mug to her cherry red lips.

“Well, I just woke up but from what I’ve heard he’s decent,” I finally respond, feeling like that is a fair analysis.

"I have a feeling that kid's a natural," Ray says, and all I can do is nod in reply as Amber shoves half of a frozen doughnut she’s found in the fridge into my mouth.

“Yeah, he's got my ass kicked in croquet already, and now he's one-upped me on musical talent..." I respond once my mouth is clear, trailing off at the end.

"Dude, you got some talents, though."

"Like what, Toro?"

"Are you kidding? Look at your art, bro. That's incredible!"

"Nah, those are just doodles, I'm no good..."

Ray looks at me in disbelief, “I’ve seen those pictures you’ve done of you – know – who.”

I shake my head, “Doesn’t matter, I’m not trying to persue art. I’m gonna go out and get one of those stuffy office jobs and find a way to make it in the real world.” I answer back, an edge of sarcasm to my voice.

“Okay, so here's the deal; you like D&D, Audrey Hepburn, Fangora, Harry Houdini, and croquet. You can't swim, can't dance, and you don't know karate. Face it, you're never gonna make it."

I sit there for a second, thinking about what Ray meant by this, watching Amber dance around the kitchen to some track playing in her head. She’s so full of energy today. It’s hard to not let her happeiness take over.

"I don't wanna make it," I start, slowly. "I just...wanna...."

At that moment Mikey rushes into the kitchen, the biggest fucking smile plastered on his face, “Gee, guess what?!”

Before I can answer Amber leaps towards Mikey, her arms wrapping around his neck, her lips laying over every inch of his face. The two laugh before Mikey turns his attention back to me. "Guess what?!”

"Uh, what...?"

"I just learned Longview on the bass!” He pumps his fist in the air as Amber claps for him. "I taught myself, bro!"

He’s grinning, and I can't help but smile as well.

"Bro, that's amazing!" I respond. "In one day, you're already fucking shredding!"

Mikey smiles, his teeth showing for once, and he nods, “Yeah, I’m going to learn Brain Stew next.” With that he hurries back upstairs.

Amber is beaming like a proud parent, laughing a little as she eats yet another doughnut. I wish I had known we had those.

"Could he be any more excited?" I ask, laughing.

"If he was, I would ask who that person is, and what they've done with Mikey," Ray answers, and we both laugh, happy that Mikey is acting the way he is.

Notes

Song: Longview by Green Day