Well, I've been afraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older too
Although I wasn’t planning on going back to Mikey or Gerard tonight or ever again, Frank convinced me. I am happier when the quirky blonde and his mildly depressed brother around. In truth they both just make me feel different than anyone else. I’m a happier person, more willing to forget about killing myself. I guess eventually I would have gone back, even after what they said.

I stand outside for a minute, hand held in Frank’s, before entering the Way house. We reach the top step just in time to see a sick looking Mikey running for the bathroom. He’d let Gerard have the Jack he had tried so hard to keep away from him. Its obvious Mikey had some too, if he hadn’t he wouldn’t be sick.


"Gah...fuck..." Mikey chokes and I can hear the sounds of bile hitting the water.

Quietly, I enter the bathroom, kneeling down next to Mikey, rubbing my hand up and down his back, trying to comfort him. I take his beanie off of his head, trying to cool him down. In truth there really isn’t anything at all I can do. He’s go to get it out of his system.

Eventually, after what feels like hours, Mikey lifts his head, breathing heavily, looking right at me. He manages a weak smile, his arms closing around me. I feel absolutely terrible for him. He’s not been through his before…not ever been so drunk that he can’t hold it all. It’s scary at first I’ll admit, not something I really wanted to go through on my own. I’m glad Mikey didn’t have to.


"How does Gerard do this every night...?" Mikey asks. "No wonder he's so pale and unhealthy looking…."

With my help Mikey manages to get to his feet, slowly walking over to the sink. For a minute he just looks at himself in the mirror. I’m sure he’s seeing something different than I am but right now, even in his drunken state he’s perfect. His thin nose most girls would kill for, fairly clean skin though right now it’s glowing a bit, covered in sweat and his eyes...those brownish – green orbs set inside his head. Right now the white part around them is red but still…I could stare into Mikey’s eyes forever.

Over the past few weeks the youngest Way and I have gotten a lot closer. He’d hinted at liking me but I’d kind of just brushed off his advances. I swore I wouldn’t do that to any of them. I couldn’t possibly love one of them and then just disappear forever. That would be selfish. ‘You could always just not go through with your plans’ the little voice inside my head chides. Frowning I consider this. Would being with someone help me be happy? I have felt less terrible lately but only when I’m around my new friend group. Alone I sink back into the self-hatred that forever lurks just below the surface of my carefully constructed outer appearance. I roll around the thought of letting Mikey in while he continues to stand there. At least he would understand that I wouldn’t always be happy.


Mikey sighs, turning on the water and splashing it over his face. After wiping his face with a towel he cleans off his glasses and reaches for his beanie. Only a second after I’ve handed it back he’s got it covering his light brown hair.

He leans his head against my collarbone, his back bent into an very uncomfortable looking position to achieve this, “I’m sorry for everything I said Amber.”

I shrug, before standing him back up. Rising onto my tiptoes I gently press my lips to Mikey’s. It’s quick and more like kissing a friend but my stomach flutters a little.

“What was that for?”

“I think that you needed it,” I answer.

Together we head downstairs to Gerard’s room, Mikey stumbling a bit over obstacles that aren’t really there. Upon entering I notice Gerard lying with his head on Frank’s shoulder. He’s snoring, blacked out from what he drank. Frank waves at Mikey who responds with a quizzical look.

"Hey..." Mikey says and, in response, Frank puts a finger to his lips.

"Shh...." Frank whispers. "I think he's sobering up...."

"Yeah, he tends to pass out as he does that," Mikey agrees, sitting down next to me on the floor. “When did you get here Frank?”

“I came with Amber. I figured you guys might need some help with Gerard. Besides I don’t want my stupid mistake to fuck up all of us being friends. I’ll talk to him when he sobers up and I think things will be all right.”

Mikey nods, smiling at him, “I’m glad you’re here.”

We are all silent until Mikey talks again, obviously having something he needs to get out of his system.

"So...what's going on with you two?" he questions, looking up at Frank with wide eyes. Honestly, I’d like to know too.

"You aren't mad at me anymore?" Frank asks Mikey, raising his eye brown.

"No, dude," Mikey replies, resting his head on my shoulder, he obviously still doesn’t feel too good. "You've seen what I've dealt with on a day-to-day basis...you, sir, have earned back my respect."

"Aw, Mikes...that means a lot to me." Frank says, smiling.

As he moves, Gerard moans lightly, and adjusts his position, snuggling up even closer to Frank, wrapping his arm completely around Frank's tiny frame.

"Shit, fuck," Frank mutters, but Gerard doesn't move much after that.

Frank sighs, "You really wanna know what happened?"

"Yes."

"You sure?"

Mikey glances up at me through cloudy eyes. I nod. Mikey needs to know what’s going on especially if he’s going to be the one dealing with his brother on a daily basis.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"Okay..." Frank takes a large breath, and begins to tell the story.

Mikey and I sit in silence, listening, our fingers intertwined. I’d opened the gates to the slippery slope that is liking one of your friends. I can’t really take back what I did and as I think about it more I realize that I don’t regret my actions at all. Mikey is a good guy and he wouldn’t ever purposely hurt me. For right now I’ll see how things go, if my attitude about life changes. I’ll figure out what to do if it doesn’t later.

“You see, I had this dream...and it was weird..." Franks starts, Mikey nods to keep him going, “Gerard and I walked out of class, and he randomly pinned me against a wall...and kissed me. Like, kissed me, you know?"

Mikey lifts his head up quickly, shaking it. I’m positive he’s trying to keep that image out of his head. In hopes to help him I place my lips to his cheek, waiting for him to turn his head so I can place my lips on his.

After a few seconds of this Frank coughs, “This is new.”

“I’m trying it out. Mikey admitted to me a few days ago that he’d developed feeling for me and I feel the same way,” I respond, receiving a huge smile from the youngest Way.

Frank’s face falls, his eyes losing their usual sparkle. I make a mental note to talk to him about it later.

"That's not half of it though," he continues, diving right back into his story. "Gerard had the same dream too. And he drew a picture that was exactly the same as what happened in my dream.... It was fucked up, bro."

"Do you have this drawing?" Mikey questions, he’s more curious about this than I thought.

Frank shakes his head.

"Nah, I ripped it up and threw it out my window."

"Understandable." I nod. I don’t think I would have kept something like that either.

"Yeah..." Frank smiles a little at me. He’s all over the place today. "Anyways, Gerard randomly showed up at my house this afternoon, and we were talking about our relative dreams, and he whipped out the drawing and I was so confused…. I don't know what got into me I...."

Frank looks terribly upset, "I basically launched myself at him, attacking him. He had no way to resist it...and we ended up making out for a lengthy amount of time..."

I get up off the floor to go sit by Frank who lays his head on my shoulder, letting me run my fingers through his bangs. I can’t imagine how terrible he feels now. Frank just had a lapse in judgment and I really can’t be too upset with him for confusing Gerard. Frank’s always been a curious person. He’s very big into experiencing everything he can before making a judgment. This was probably just another one of those times.

"Whoa..." Mikey comments reaching up over the edge of the bed to grab my hand, trying to tug me back onto the floor with a half smile on his face.

"Mmmhmm..." Frank looks at Gerard.

He is still fast asleep on Frank's shoulder, breathing evenly.

"So...what does this mean for you guys?" I question Frank.

He just shrugs, "I don't know, Amber, but I'm scared."

“It’ll be okay Frank, he’ll forgive you eventually,” I whisper wanting him to be okay. I can’t stand seeing Frank this way. It’s depressing especially since Frank is almost always cheerful. He needs to know that no matter what I’m here for him.

After a while, Gerard wakes back up, rubbing his half-asleep eyes and moving his head around. "What's going on...?" he slurs. "Why are you guys on my bed...where am I...?"

He looks around, confused, and Frank lightly shoves his head down onto his chest, and strokes Gerard's hair. If Gerard is gay I wouldn’t want him with anybody but Frank.

There was a period in time that I would’ve given anything to be with Frank. It just seemed right. He was my best friend. We’d already slept together a few times and most nights I ended up falling asleep in his arms. Eventually I just realized that it would never happen. Frank didn’t see me that way. I’d moved on. Even though sometimes I still wonder how things would work between us I know that things are better this way.

If Frank was to be happy with Gerard I’d be happy for them both.

"Shh...Gee, just sleep..." Frank whispers, and Gerard nods allowing his eyes to fall back shut.

As Mikey climbs on the bed, curling up with his head in my lap, I can’t help but wonder if things are going to change between all four of us.

Notes