Things Are Better If I Stay

Gerard pulled up outside of a row of shops after we had been driving for about five minutes. The store that we seemed to be parked directly in front of seemed to be the music store that Gerard had been talking about. The glass door was covered in old posters of bands, advertising dates and festivals. A varying range of instruments, mostly guitars, were hung in the windows either side whilst the ledge below displayed stacks of cd’s, some from local bands and others from more famous classics. The shop gave off an odd atmosphere. It was as though the shop itself was simultaneously dragging you into its welcoming arms, but at the same time made you want to turn and run as fast as you could. I decided to try and ignore the negative and focus on the positive vibes. It was probably just my odd and alien New Jersey senses acting up anyway.

Gerard exited the car first and after taking a deep breath I followed. My entire body was vibrating with excitement. I had always wanted to work in a music store, second behind being in a band. The bell above the door tinkled lightly as we entered the shop and walked over to the small counter just next to the door. The shop was cluttered, seemingly unorganised, but when you looked closer you could see that everything had a place and was exactly where it was meant to be. Lining one wall were rows and rows of CD’s whilst another wall was covered in more band posters with a door hidden in the corner. The other wall had shelves of instruments of every kind, and in the corner was a small stage with a band layout set up, complete with a microphone and amps. In the middle of the room were more shelves that held many more cd’s, guitars, music books and accessories and there were also stools dotted randomly around ready for people to sit on if they wanted to play something. Finally, taking up a major display in very front of the shop was a case holding hundreds of old records. My hands were just itching to search through every single one, certain that there were rare gems hiding in there just waiting for me to find.

Gerard pounded rapidly on the small bell that rested on the glass counter which held rare collectables on display. I was inspecting the items when a man burst through the door in the corner of the room, smiling widely. “Gerard, my main man!” he bellowed loudly, taking Gerard into a strong bear hug that Gerard returned gladly, “Please, for the love of God, tell me you’re here to stay!”

The mystery man held Gerard at arm’s length, his smile barley even faltering when Gerard chuckled, “No, sorry, but I have brought someone who is!” Gerard gestured towards me, and the man turned my way taking me into one of his suffocating hugs.

“And who are you?” he asked, holding me out like he had Gerard.

“This is my new friend Frank!”

“Ah, friend, huh! Since when did you have actual friends?”

“Shut up!” Gerard slapped him across the arm, “I’m allowed friends!”

“I never said you weren’t! I just didn’t think anyone would actually want to be friends with you.”

“Y’know, now you’re just being plain insulting!” I couldn’t help but giggle slightly at their attitudes towards one another. I guessed that they were best friends, or maybe even brothers. Gerard had mentioned a brother last night, I think? Although they didn’t look very alike, so the latter was less likely. The man laughed along with me as Gerard stood joke pouting.

“I’m Gerard’s friend Matt, by the way,” he introduced himself, now taking my hand in a firm handshake. I could already tell that Matt was one of those people who just liked to touch people.

“Hey!” I answered, enthusiastically.

“So, are you gonna work here for me then?”

“If you don’t mind…”

“Mind! Of course I don’t mind! You’re a god damn lifesaver!”

“Well, I wouldn’t quite say that!” I laughed.

“More like constantly needs his life saving,” Gerard interjected. Matt said something else directed at Gerard, but my easily distracted mind had already been caught by something else, so I didn’t catch it.

Matt and Gerard jumped back into their banter. I was trying to pay attention to the conversation, but I couldn’t help my gaze from wondering all over the beautiful guitars. Gerard and Matt had started engaging in another discussion that, from the sounds of it, I didn’t really need to be involved in so I glided over to one of the shelves holding a magnificent white electric guitar. I brushed my fingers lightly over the surface of the strings, scared to press with too much pressure as though I was afraid of inflicting pain upon the instrument. The small bit of light shining from the bulbs above glinted off the shiny edges, emphasizing its beauty even further. I wanted desperately to pick up the stunning object and just begin strumming the strings, the way that they were begging me desperately to do, and begin to fill the heavy air with the light twinkle of musical majesty.

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she,” Matt whispered, suddenly hovering next to me.

“Yeah,” I agreed breathlessly. I had always dreamed of owning a guitar like this, but my parents, despite their encouragement to always follow your dreams, saw buying expensive guitars as nothing but a waste of money that could be much better spent on more useful things, such as an even more expensive private school. I realised that soon I would be able to buy myself this exact guitar if I wanted too, and there would be no one to stop me. It was in that moment that I decided that that was going to be the first thing I would do next Monday, as soon as I got my money. It would be the start of me following my dreams, and there would be no one there to stop me. It would just be me and my guitar against the world.

“Anyway! Do you want me to show you around then?” Matt asked. I nodded enthusiastically. I was slightly confused as to why he hadn’t mentioned my bruises and that they didn’t worry him. They could drive customers away, although something in the atmosphere of the store told me that this was the kind of place where you wouldn’t really be bothered by being served by some kid with fight marks.

“Well, whilst you two actually do something useful today,” Gerard cut in, “I’m off to get a coffee at Starbucks!” In any other situation I would have been insanely jealous of Gerard right now, but at the moment I was more excited about the opportunities that awaited me in this small, if slightly odd, store.

Once Gerard had left Matt continued to show me round the entire shop which included the front of house, the small staff room, which contained nothing but a mouldy water dispenser, tattered sofa and old coffee machine, and finally the totally awesome recording studio he had hidden in the basement below the shop. After I had been shown around, I was shown me how to take inventory and work the cash register and was then told a series of jobs I had to do.

It had just gone about lunchtime, and I was emptying a box of cds onto one of the racks when Gerard finally returned. He handed me a warm Starbucks coffee, and I hugged it close gratefully, already tasting the great sensations from the warm aroma steaming off the liquid before I had even taken a single sip. Gerard also handed me a paper bag containing a delicious looking sandwich, which I thanked him for by flashing him a smile before diving in. I was absolutely starving so I managed to consume the entire sandwich before Matt and Gerard had barley even sparked up a conversation.

“So, how’s it going?” Gerard asked me once he had seen that I had finished eating.

“It’s good! It’s really good!” I gushed, “Sometimes it gets a bit boring, but most of the time it’s quite interesting.”

I hadn’t realised Matt had been listening in until he said towards Gerard, “Frank’s a really good worker! I’m thinking maybe I’ll put him behind the till tomorrow!” I felt myself smile at the idea, and I had a good feeling inside from the compliment and the chances of getting even more responsibility tomorrow. Apparently this idea meant a lot more than I had originally thought to Gerard and not in a good way either. His face dropped and he looked extremely worried. I didn’t know what for. What could possibly happen to me behind a cash register that wouldn’t happen to me as I wandered the aisle anyway? And if he thought that I couldn’t cope with handling the customers, then there was no problem with that seems as we didn’t seem to get any anyway.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea, Matt?” Gerard asked through a clenched jaw.

“Oh, lighten up Ger!” Matt laughed, “I’ll be fine! And Frank can handle himself just fine, can’t cha Frank!” I nodded hesitantly, still confused as to why Gerard was acting so strange.

Gerard still didn’t look convinced but muttered a reluctant “Fine, whatever,” and turned away from the two of us to flick through some of the records on the display. I tried to give Matt a ‘look’ in the hope he might give me an idea of what Gerard’s problem was, but he just shook his head and wandered back behind the glass counter.

Gerard left again soon after, leaving myself and Matt to continue working. After I had finished stacking the cds Matt gave me a list of other things to do and I quickly busied myself with them. Some of the tasks were fairly boring, like taking inventory of the small display of violins hidden down one aisle, but others I found quite entertaining, such as sifting through the box of local bands cd’s and organizing them into genre. That involved actually getting to listen to the music, and I couldn’t think of anything better to do with my time.

Throughout the rest of the day I began to pick up on a few odd things. Such as the fact that I was there all day, but I never heard a single customer come in. And I would often hear Matt talking to someone, only to come out and find that he was the only one who was in the shop, just pacing up and down the aisle. Matt was a very peculiar person. He would start randomly twitching, his neck bending and snapping in awkward angles that no-one’s neck should ever shift to, before snapping back into place and he would act as if nothing ever happened. More than once he would rush to the bathroom to clean up a large open wound across his forehead that was bleeding gruesomely, and he would come back out and all traces of the wound would have disappeared. I finally settled for the excuse that I was probably just imagining things and making something out of nothing, although when there were actual blood stains on the glass display case that you actually had to clean up yourself, it was a little difficult to convince yourself of that.

Despite all the odd occurrences, I still had a good and even enjoyable day. I had never worked a day in my life before now, and if work was usually like this for most people then I didn’t see why people were complaining all the time. Sure, if you worked in some boring as fuck office job, I would understand, but for people who worked in places like this, I didn’t get it.

Once it got to roughly five Gerard turned up again, ready to take me back home. His mood had improved dramatically since lunchtime and now he was skipping round the aisle as he waited for me to finish stacking a few things.

When we got into the car he put a cd on that I didn’t recognise, but I liked it a lot. It was on top volume but I could still hear Gerard bellowing the words out with the music right next to me. I couldn’t deny the fact that there was something strangely attractive about him in that moment. I couldn’t take my eyes away from him. At first he didn’t notice but when he did he became suddenly shy and stopped singing whilst instead flashing me a sheepish smile.

“You’re a really good singer,” I said, in the hope that it would get him back out of his shell again. It kind of worked, in that he sat back up in his chair grinning again, but he had turned the music down now and wasn’t singing along anymore.

“Do you really think so?” Gerard asked sincerely, “My brother always used to take the piss out of me for my singing. I don’t really know why. He must have thought it was at least okay if he was willing to stand up on stage with me.”

“On stage?”

“Oh, um ,yeah. Back in high school we had to do this school talent show thing. There was like, a huge ass cash prize that he wanted for something or other, and I already owed him so he kind of forced me into it.”

“I wish I could’ve seen that!” I laughed.

“Maybe I’ll have to show you sometime,” Gerard joked, winking at me and making me laugh even harder.

We drove the rest of the way back to Gerard’s apartment in a comfortable silence, only broken by Gerard humming along to his favourite lines very quietly. Once we arrived we both made our way back up stairs.

When I walked inside I saw a selection of bags sprawled out on the sofa that was still covered with the sheet I had slept in last night. I sent Gerard a quizzical looked which he didn’t seem to see as he had already walked into the kitchen carrying a few grocery bags.

“What’s all this?” I called to the kitchen as I began sifting through the selection of items. There was everything from t-shirts to jeans to even underwear.

“Oh, I brought it all for you,” Gerard called, poking his head through the kitchen door, “I figured you would need clothes and shit, since you ended up borrowing mine today. I think it’s the kind of stuff you would like and I think it will fit you! You can try it on in the bathroom if you’d like. Dinner will be ready in about half an hour.” He flashed me another breath-taking grin before he disappeared back into the kitchen. I heard the crashing of pots and pans with the occasional curse as I looked more closely through the bags. I was still trying to decide if Gerard buying me clothes, especially underwear, was creepy or incredibly sweet of him as I carried some of the clothes into the bathroom.

The clothes I had picked were a pair of black jeans, and a white v-neck. There was also an awesome leather jacket in one bag, but I had just left that on the other sofa seems as it seemed to be far too expensive and I couldn’t accept that as well as everything else. It was probably just something Gerard had brought for himself and accidently left in with everything else he had brought for me. The v-neck rested well on my body, not too baggy and not too tight. The jeans were incredibly skinny, tighter than I had ever worn before. I usually wore baggy trousers, but I now realised how much of a mistake that had been. The jeans hung just right on my waist, and the tight fabric made my ass look great. Not that I had anyone to impress or anything. I couldn’t help but think it was an odd choice for Gerard to make. If I had been in his situation, I probably wouldn’t have gone for things so different to what the person had been wearing when I first met them. Of course, Gerard could just have a natural talent when it came to fashion or maybe he had just wanted me to become some kind of body model for him or something. The fact that a large part of me was hoping for the latter was starting to worry me. I could worry about my unsure sexuality later though, because right now I couldn’t stop myself start to get giddy with excitement about the idea of Gerard checking me out. The clothes did fit to my body well enough to show off my figure, which now I looked closely wasn’t as bad as I had always thought. I was fairly confident that Gerard would probably like what he saw.

I folded up Gerard’s clothes that I had been wearing and left them on one of the small shelves. I then walked out of the bathroom trying to keep my body straight instead of slouched like I usually was. I caught a glimpse of my reflection in one of the large bay windows and quickly fixed my hair to a better position to cover up my bruises again. After a few moments of thought I decided that, just this once, I could borrow Gerard’s new leather jacket. When I put it on it was a perfect fit for me, making me doubt that it was for Gerard seems as the arms would be far too short for him. In the reflection of myself I was able to see that the jacket was the perfect thing to finish off my simple yet strangely attractive outfit.

Gerard was still humming in the kitchen and I could see him from where I was standing in front of the cooker with a mug of coffee in his hand that he was slowly taking sips out of. With a sudden surge of confidence I strutted over into the kitchen and right up to the cooker. I took a deep, exaggerated breath of whatever it was he was cooking and said happily, “Mmm, smells good!” before turning away from him again, smirking when I noticed him gawking at me. I stood leaning against a cabinet and watched Gerard as his eyes roamed over my body, drinking all of me in. I would usually have felt shy and nervous in situations like this, but the clothes and the look Gerard was giving me were keeping my confidence levels high. “Thanks for the clothes by the way,” I said nonchalantly as I glanced around the kitchen, pretending not to notice Gerard as he still stood staring with wide eyes, “I’ll pay you back for them when I can.”

Gerard still didn’t react to what I was saying until I cleared my throat, snapping him out of his trance. His head snapped back towards the cooker as he blushed, adding a spark to his usually pale face. “Oh, um, don’t, uh, you don’t have to worry about it.” I could tell I was making him nervous, and I felt kind of guilty about that, but at the same time it felt so good. I had always felt horrible about myself, but having someone not even able to look at you without losing focus was a great self-esteem booster.

However, for now it would probably be best if we could have an actual conversation so I sat down on one of the stools and tried to just look like my normal, average self again.

Notes