Beyond The Filter

Almost like de ja vu, I awoken the same room as I did a few weeks ago. But this must be another one of my sick twisted dreams. It was almost as if Ray was calling out, shouting for the boys to come in and for a response. It was almost as if Gerard was actually leaning over me in concern with eyes red and swollen, staying deadly silent. And then he smiled. That gorgeous smile I've waited for for such a long time. 
I missed him. 
I felt his hand slowly yet tenderly caress my cheek, running his thumb against it. But that's when realisation hit.

This wasn't a dream!
I wasn't dreaming! Shit I need to move! My eyes were open, yet I felt completely paralysed. I only managed a small groan and a twitch of the fingers to signalise my acknowledgements. Gerard began crying again and grasped my hand to then raise it to his own cheek. By now, everyone was in the room with equal amounts of concern on their faces. All except Mikey, of course. I've never known what's wrong with that guy. 
"Crystal. I've missed you, we've all been so worried." Gerard managed to get out between sobs. Wow, he actually fucking cares now. 
"We will go out, Gerard you stay with Crystal." Ray said as he kicked the other boys out, Frank went but not without a fight. He called out to me yet I didn't understand it. Oh well. 
"Crystal, I'm so sorry. For everything. I didn't mean to ignore you in any way. I just didn't want you hurt or something but it seems like you did either way. But I want to make it up to you."
"H-h-how?" I managed. Gerards eyes widened at the fact that I could talk again. 
"Well! Erm. I don't know how to say this but... Fuck it. I love you Crystal. Ever since I saw you on the bridge, I knew that there was something different about you. Something amazing. And I loved it. And I now love you," he finally got out.
Holy crap, he loves me. He actually does. And he's told me! If I could smile, it would be from eye to eye. I couldn't of felt more amazing right here. 
"I- I- I love you too. I-I-I can't-" was all I managed before my body sent a soaring pain up to my head. I winced and Gerard held my hand. 
"Its okay babe, that's all I need for now." he smiled. His gorgeous smile. 
"But if you could, could you answer me one question?"

"Will you be my girlfriend, Crystal May?"

"Yes" and I could manage to say that. In the moment of thrill and yet such unbearable pain, I could answer to the man I loved. He's now mine and to show that, I smiled at him, attempting to look half decent as he placed his lips on mine. Oh gosh they were everything I expected and more. His soft and delicate lips on mine, almost as if made for each other. It was only a quick kiss, but symbolised our love for one another.

As quick as it came, it finished and Gerard locked his eyes with mine, lips and cheeks slightly red.

"I love you." he smiled
"I-I-I love y-y-you too"
"Oh, my stuttering beauty, mi querida." still smiling, he glanced briefly at the door.. "I'm going to let everyone else see you, they've been worried sick. I'll make us all some coffee, sound good to you?"
"Yes! Perfect." and with that, he moved to the door, called the boys and gave me one last smile before exiting the room. Shortly, Frank came rushing in, giving me a light but nice hug while Ray followed him behind, chucking to Frank's reaction.
"You're okay! Thank god. I'm going to kill them basterds that did this to you-"
"Stop Frankie, hold off your temper. Crystal, I'm going to have to be blunt with you," he took a deep breath "You were raped, by the number of brusies on your body, it was by multiple boys. I'm so sorry about this. But in all honesty, you're going to have to take a pregnancy test, just to be sure." Ray explained with eyes full of sorrow. What he was saying was true, every last word of it, but yet still a part of me didn't want to believe it. I never thought something like this could happen to me. I still feel like i don't want to be here, I don't deserve to be here with people so amazing, so caring.

I should still be in that bus shelter

You're pathetic
Usless
Worthless

You should of died. You need to die. You're such a burden on them.

Sometimes i wish my brain could just fuck off.

Notes

More action to come!! Comments would be nice. Good or bad I don't care :)