I Think I Like It

No matter how I looked at it, or tried to reconstruct the situation, one thing was abundantly clear – we would definitely have to tell my mother about our engagement, and – by association – the almost year-long relationship we’d been in. That was a scary prospect on its own, and even scarier when I considered that my Mother had a crush on him.
“Frank. We can’t just not tell your Mom we’re getting married.” Gerard pointed out, cocking his hip to the side. I told him to shut the fuck up, and he laughed into his cornflakes.
Mikey actually agreed with me. He said that my Mom could easily form a legal argument or something against Gerard. While I doubted this, I still used it to try and convince Gerard to stop being so damn romantic.
He disagreed, though, and said that, unless we told her, he refused to marry me.
That’s how I found myself, much to my disdain, approaching my Mother a few weeks later.
“Uh. Mom. Hi.” I said nervously. She looked up from her coffee and gave me a hesitant smile.
“Is everything okay Frankie?” she asked concernedly. I nodded.
“Yeah. Yeah. Uh, I saw M-Mr. Way the other day.” I said. Her eyes lit up.
“Oh? How is he?”
“He’s good. Um. I invited him over.” I said bluntly. She seemed – unsurprisingly - quite taken aback by this, but pleased nonetheless.
“Oh. Oh, that’s…okay. When?” she asked. I chewed my lip.
“Um. This afternoon.” I said weakly. Her eyes widened.
“Jesus, Frank. You could’ve warned me! I have to clean up and make snacks and-“
“Woah! Mom. Calm it. He’s just coming over for coffee.” I laughed. She relaxed slightly and nodded. She rose to her feet, making her way towards the kitchen.
“Right. Yeah.” She murmured to herself. I smiled fondly at her, and her somewhat ‘ditzy’ demeanor, despite her intelligence. I really, really loved my Mom. In a way, I guess I was glad we were telling her – finally, the most important person in my life would know about the most important thing in my life.
Not only that, but it meant that I could stop pretending that I was dating Cameron. And that could only ever be a good thing.

Despite me telling her not to, my Mom still freaked out for the rest of the day. I guess she forgot that Gerard was gay, because she made a special effort to look nice.
“Mom, you know he likes dick, right?” I reminded her as she slathered mascara onto her eyes. She rolled her eyes at me.
“I know.” She snapped playfully.
“Well. I’m just saying.” I said, my fingers rolling around the ring in my jeans pocket. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. Not only was telling her a massive thing on its own, but it solidified it. It was like, bringing it into the real world – the one that existed outside of Gerard and I.
I remained nervous until he arrived a couple hours later. He looked gorgeous, as always, wearing his faded black jeans and what I recognized as one of Mikey’s shirts.
He was as nervous as I was, then.
He gave my Mother a hesitant kiss on the cheek as he entered our house, shooting me a significant look. My heart pounded in my chest in anticipation. I was so, so terrified it was unreal. Oddly, though, knowing that he was just as terrified as me, actually helped me to relax somewhat, as if I wasn’t completely alone in this. I smiled at him nervously.
“You look lovely as always, Linda.” He said charmingly, and I rolled my eyes at him, earning a bright smile shot in my direction. Mom laughed.
“Thank you, Gerard. Frank mentioned he saw you in town?” she said. Gerard froze a little in panic, so I cut in.
“Yeah. Bookstore.” I said, widening my eyes at him. He smiled.
“Oh, yeah. I saw him there.” He said awkwardly. I groaned internally, fighting the urge to just call the whole thing off. The only thing that stopped me was the ring that felt like it was burning a hole through my jeans. It acted like an anchor, keeping me rooted to the spot, and cementing the smile onto my face.
“Frank, is everything okay?” Mom asked. I tensed – she could always see right through me.
“Yeah. I’m just…sleepy.” I shrugged. She laughed.
“I didn’t realize that you could be sleepy when you sleep for like, fourteen hours straight.” She snickered, turning her attention to the coffee maker. Gerard fixed me with a smug grin.
“Yeah, Frank. Lazy.” He teased. I flicked him the finger behind my Mom’s back, and he stuck his tongue out at me.
Mom giggled, leaning against the counter as she waited for the coffee to heat up.
“So, Gerard. What are you doing with yourself now that school’s out?” she asked. Gerard chewed his lip.
“I actually…I don’t work there anymore.” He said with a shrug. Mom looked shocked.
“What? Seriously?” she asked. He nodded.
“Yeah. I got ah…fired.” He blushed. Her eyes looked like they might fall out of her head.
“Fired? They fired you? That’s ridiculous!” she cried. Gerard shrugged.
“It’s probably for the best. I have more things I want to be doing with my life, you know? Teaching has been…amazing. But I think I wanna do more.” He shrugged.
Mom pulled some mugs out of the cupboard and nodded understandingly.
“I get that. Yeah.” She said with a smile. She shrugged.
“Well. As long as you’re happy.” She added. Gerard flicked his eyes to me.
“I’m very happy.” He said, and I couldn’t help but grin – I was always happy when he was happy. It was like they were two mutually exclusive things. One of us couldn’t be happy if the other wasn’t – it was just how it worked.
Mom nodded.
“Good. Do you take milk and sugar?” she asked, gesturing to the coffee. Gerard jolted, as if snapped out of a trance.
“Uh, no. Black, please.” He smiled. Mom laughed softly.
“That’s hardcore stuff.” She teased, pouring the coffee into one of the mugs, and adding milk and sugar to hers and mine.
She handed Gerard the mug and gestured into the living room. He smiled graciously and shot me a look that I couldn’t quite decipher as he led the way into the living room.
“Your house is lovely.” He smiled, sitting down on the sofa. I sat down next to him, my knees knocking together slightly. He moved his hand like he was going to put it on my leg, then caught himself, tucking his arm back by his side.
Mom came into the living room and put her coffee down onto the coffee table.
Before she could even sit down, though, her phone rang. Muttering to herself in annoyance, she pulled it out and sighed.
“Sorry, I have to take this.” She said. I smiled.
“It’s okay. I’ll give Mr. Way a tour.” I said, smiling coyly at him. He pretended not to notice my change in tone, but I didn’t miss the way he bit his lip. Mom signaled us a thumbs up as she hurried from the room.
He let out a relieved breath as soon as she left the room.
“Fuck. Fuck. That was intense.” He gasped. I laughed at him.
“What? Nothing even happened!” I exclaimed. He narrowed his eyes at me.
“She reads minds.” He whispered. I slapped his knee playfully.
“Oh, shut up.” I smiled. He rolled his eyes and pulled me in for a kiss.
“I’m nervous.” He admitted softly.
“Me too.” I said, holding his hand.
“Jesus, Frank. I mean, we’re not actually getting married for like, three years. We don’t have to tell her now.” He murmured. I sighed.
“I wish we didn’t. But you’re here now, and if we don’t do it now –“
“I know. We’ll never do it.” He mumbled. I rose to my feet and held my hand out to him.
“C’mon. Come see my room.” I grinned.
He smiled excitedly and took my hand as I led him upstairs.

“Huh.” He said as I opened the door. I sat down on my bed.
“What?” I chuckled. He shrugged, sitting down next to me.
“It’s just not what I expected.” He admitted, looking around. I laughed.
“What were you expecting? Pictures of you everywhere?” I teased.
“Yes.” He smirked, pulling me into his arms. I bit my lip and kissed him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He moaned and pulled me onto his lap, his hands sliding down my back, gripping my ass.
“Gee.” I panted, flicking my tongue into his mouth. He let out a deep moan as he kissed me back, harder, gripping my hips tightly. He flipped us over so I was lying underneath him, his arms braced on either side of me.
“We should fuck on your bed. Right now.” He growled, kissing my neck urgently. I laughed, slapping his shoulder, and he pulled away.
“What?” He asked, blushing.
“Jesus, we can’t fuck with my Mom here.” I smiled.
“Why? We fuck with Mikey right there all the time.”
“Yes, but Mikey knows. And I almost fucked Mikey, so-“
“I wouldn’t have let it go that far.” He mumbled. I wrapped my arms back around him.
“Neither would Mikey.” I beamed. He laughed and kissed me.
“Fuck, I’m nervous.” He sighed, brushing my hair back from my face. I stroked his cheek.
“Don’t be. I love you, and she’s gonna be happy for us.” I insisted, trying to convince myself as much as him. He frowned.
“And if she’s not?”
“We’ll cross that bridge if we get there. But you know my Mom loves you, and other than the whole age thing-“
“And the illegal thing.”
“And the lying thing.”
“And the teacher and student thing”
“And the ‘my mom has a crush on you’ thing”
“And the sudden marriage proposal thing”
“She should be fine with it.” I beamed. He shook his head and kissed me on the forehead.
“C’mon, Frankie.” He murmured, holding his hand out. I pouted.
“Can’t we make out a bit more?” I asked sadly. He laughed.
“I would, I honestly would, but no. We might get caught. Besides, I think we have an engagement to announce.” He smiled.
“You say that like you’re excited and not shit-scared.” I grumbled, sliding off my bed. He wrapped his arms around my waist.
“I’m a very good actor.” He grinned. I leaned up and gave him a soft kiss. He sighed and cupped my cheek, pulling me in for another kiss, deeper this time. His tongue flicked against my mouth, and it took all my willpower to push him away.
“Gee!” I hissed. He smiled and kissed me one last time.
“Okay, sorry.” He grinned. I kissed his cheek and spun around with a wink, leading him back downstairs, where my mother was still on the phone. I could hear her fast talking from the closed kitchen door. Gerard winked at me and took a sip of his coffee. He wrinkled his face up and put it back on the table.
“S’cold.” He mumbled. I laughed and squeezed his thigh.
“I adore you.” I murmured. He kissed me chastely, rubbing a hand down my arm.
I believe we heard my Mom ending her call at the same time, because he jumped away from me the same time I jumped away from him.
We gave each other matching mischievous smiles, which faded when my Mom came back in, smiling gracefully.
“Sorry, guys. Work.” She chuckled.
“I wouldn’t know.” Gerard teased. Mom looked at me uncertainly and I smiled, so she did too. I guess not everyone got Gerard’s humor.
“On that subject. What do you think you’ll go into next, Gerard? You said you had plans?” She prompted. My mom was, above all else, amazingly good at ice-breaking. She was a godsend during awkward family reunions.
Or funerals. I probably wouldn’t have survived my Dad’s funeral without her there to make me feel more comfortable.
I pushed that thought aside when I realized that Gerard was talking and, more importantly, that I didn’t even know what it was he wanted to do. His answer didn’t surprise me, though.
“I was thinking art. Like, I draw.” He shrugged. Mom leaned forward, her cup of coffee long since forgotten, much like Gerard’s and mine.
“Really? What kind of stuff?” she asked with genuine interest. He glanced at me before smiling, wetting his lips with his tongue. I knew he wanted to say “your son”, but of course, he couldn’t. Not just yet.
“People, mostly. But I guess my big thing is like, comic books. I’d love to get into that.” He said nonchalantly. I tried to hide my surprise. He’d never really mentioned it to me. Not properly.
“Frank likes comic books, don’t you, sweetie?” She said, throwing the conversation to me. Thanks mom.
“Yeah. Love them.” I grinned.
“Maybe you’ll be reading some of Gerard’s comics some day.” She teased. Gerard bit his lip.
“Yeah. Maybe.” I mumbled weakly, sipping some of the cold coffee, just for something to keep me busy.
“Is there much of a job industry for that sort of thing? Comic books, I mean?” Mom asked, keeping the conversation rolling. Gerard seemed almost relieved as he replied.
“Yes and no. It really depends on who you know. I have a few friends in the industry, and they and I go way back to like, college days. So, yeah. I’m in a pretty good position.” He smiled at her. She nodded.
“I’m glad to hear it.” She said warmly and, again, with genuine sincerity.
The room went silent, and Gerard fidgeted uncomfortably. Once again, the ring burned in my pocket and I bit my lip, looking up at Gerard. He met my gaze and gave me a nervous smile.
We couldn’t procrastinate anymore. This was it. This was the moment.
“Mrs. Iero – Linda. I think…there’s something I need to talk to you about.” He said, choosing his words carefully. My heart raced in my chest. I felt my palms sweat, and tried to wipe them inconspicuously on my jeans. Mom looked up, eyebrows slightly furrowed.
“O…kay. What’s up?” she asked, confusion and apprehension written across her face. He didn’t reply though, he just stared at his lap uncomfortably as he collected himself. Mom was patient, though, and watched him.
“Linda, as I’ve mentioned, I’ve been a teacher for a very, very long time, and never in my whole career have I ever met a student like Frank.” He said, his voice filling with warmth. Mom smiled.
“You did say that. And I appreciate it.” She said. Gerard nodded.
“But beyond that, I don’t think there’s a single person on this Earth who’s quite like Frank. He’s got something that I’ve never seen in anyone before. It’s unnamable, but it’s prominent, and it just…it shines through him.” He gushed. I fought the urge to hold his hand. Not long now.
“Thank you.” She murmured, still confused. Gerard sighed deeply.
“I think, before I continue, it’s important that you know some things. First of all, my parents were never really there. They were ignorant and unaccepting, and I basically had to raise my brother myself. Both of us suffered as a result from this, emotionally and mentally, and…it didn’t turn out well. We had to turn to other things to help us get through. Drugs. Alcohol. Sex-“
“Gerard, why are you telling me this?” she whispered.
“He has a point, Mom.” I murmured softly. She fixed me with the same gaze she’d had focused on him, and I squirmed under her eyes.
“It’s important that you know. I promise.” He assured her. Seemingly reluctantly, she nodded, and he continued.
“When my brother went into his coma, I thought I would die. I wanted to. I tried.” He admitted. I bit my lip to force back tears, and he gave me a small smile.
“It’s only been recently – really recently – that I’ve started to feel human again, and I know exactly what it is that’s causing me to feel whole again.” He murmured. He gave me a significant look, and I nodded. Mom just stared, seeming confused, like she had a puzzle she couldn’t work out.
“There’s no easy way to say this, Linda. So I’m just going to say it, as plainly as I can. I’m in love with your son. I love him, and I want him to marry me.” He said, his voice clear as a bell in the silent room. He entwined our fingers and I gave him a weak smile, too afraid to even look at her.
Eventually, though, I had to, because she hadn’t spoken.
She was staring at us blankly, but horror was etched into her plain expression.
“Mama, I know it’s hard to understand, but I love him, and he loves me. We’ve been together since I turned eighteen, and I’m sorry I lied to you, I really am.” I said, shaking my head.
“But I want to marry him, Mom. He’s everything.” I whispered, tears falling down my cheeks when she still just stared blankly. Gerard rubbed a hand down my back and I sniffed, wiping my eyes.
“This whole time?” she whispered eventually. I nodded, avoiding her gaze.
“Yeah. This whole time.” I mumbled.
“But…Cameron…” she stammered. I sighed.
“He was a cover up. I mean…we were dating, sort of, for a bit. But he was a cover up.” I explained. Her eyes flickered to Gerard and she stared at him accusingly.
“Did you fuck him?” she hissed.
“Mom.”“Frank! Quiet!” she snapped. I bit my lip.
“Did you have sex with my son?” she asked him again. I raised my eyes up to Gerard, and noticed the tears spilling down his face. He sniffed and nodded, pressing his lips together.
“Answer me!” She demanded in an uncharacteristically sharp voice.
“Yes.” He whispered, his voice hoarse. She was silent for a few more moments, her eyes flicking between he and I. She was angry and betrayed, and I knew it was my fault.
“You’re never going to see my son ever again.” She said, her voice cold. Gerard made a choked noise.
“No, Mom, please!” I cried, holding him tighter. Her face remained impassive, but her lip curled in disgust.
“He’s a fucking pedophile, Frank!”
“He’s not! Mom, I love him. I love him, please.”
“Oh my God.” She gasped. Her eyes focused on him.
“W-what?” I whispered.
“Those lovebites. Those horrible lovebites. They were all you.” She whispered in disgust.
“Yes.” He sobbed. She covered her mouth with her hand, shaking her head.
“Get the fuck out of my house. You’re never seeing him ever again.” She snapped.
“Mom, please. Don’t. I can’t…I need him, please.” I begged. She ignored me.
“You’re lucky I’m not calling the police. You’re so fucking lucky. So get the fuck out before I change my mind. And if I ever see you near my boy again, I’ll have you arrested, or I’ll shoot you myself.” She hissed. Gerard stood up without any argument. He turned to face me, tears sliding down his face.
“I’m so sorry.” He barely choked out. I jumped to my feet and hugged him tightly.
“I love you. Please don’t go.” I begged. He stroked my hair.
“I’m sorry.” He repeated. In desperation, I leaned up and crashed my lips against his, holding him tightly. He held me back, but it was weak and feeble, like he didn’t even have the strength to fight for me.
And maybe he didn’t.
Mom wasn’t even looking at us when we pulled away. He brushed my hair one last time with his hand and kissed my forehead, making his way to the door.
It struck me then the severity of our situation. He’d die without me. And I couldn’t live without him – nor would I ever want to. Having made these conclusions, my next words spilled out without my consent.
“I’m coming with you!” I called. He froze and stared at me, his expression of shock matching my Mother’s.
“You can’t.” My mom said firmly.
“Yes I can. I’m eighteen and I’m an adult and I love him. I’m going with him.” I said.
“This is ridiculous!” she exclaimed.
“N-no it’s not. I’ll take him.” He whispered. I beamed at him despite my tears, and he replied with a weak smile.
“Frank, stop this. You can’t be serious.” My Mom said, getting to her feet.
“I am. I’m so, so serious. If you say I can’t see him anymore while I live under this roof, then fine. I’ll live under his. I’m there enough anyway.” I said. She looked actually wounded, but I couldn’t find it in me to care. It wasn’t me being unreasonable, it was her.
“You can’t leave me. I’ll be alone and-“
“And what? If I stay, I can’t see him. I’d rather die, Mom. I’d rather die than not have him!” I cried.
“You’re just a fucking child. You don’t know what you want.” She snapped.
“I want him! I’ve been through so fucking much with him. He and I have faced things that most people can only imagine. Did you know that I saved him from killing himself on multiple occasions? One of the times being over the phone while you were in the next room? Or that I was there when his brother woke up from his coma? Or that I was sexually harassed and he helped me through it? Did you even realize any of that?” I spat. She looked taken aback, and for good reason.
“How could I? You didn’t tell me. You hid it from me…”
“Because I knew this would happen. We wanted to tell you about our getting married so that you’d be happy for us and give us your blessing, because you’re the most important person in the world to me. I love you, Mom, I do. But I can’t be without him. I won’t even try.”
Gerard moved forward tentatively and wrapped his arms around my waist, kissing my head. I leaned against his chest, comforted by his presence. Mom watched us with wide, curious eyes, like she wasn’t completely sure what she was seeing.
“I can’t. I can’t be okay with this. How can you even ask?” she whispered.
“I’m marrying him, Mom. I want you to be a part of it.” I murmured.
“What about Uni? When you go away-“
“We’re gonna work that out when we get there. We don’t know everything, and we’re scared. The whole world has been against us this whole time, and now that we can finally be together, I want you to understand. Please understand.” I begged.
“I can’t.” she sighed after a moment. I felt my heart drop.
“I have some stuff at Gerard’s place. I’ll come back for the rest another time.” I whispered. She looked heartbroken, tears streaming down her face, but there was nothing I could do.
I reached forward and hugged her tightly.
“Reconsider.” She whispered. I sighed.
“I was going to say the same to you.” I murmured.
The look in her eye matched the look in mine, and I knew then that neither of us would ever change.
It was for that reason, and that reason alone, that I left a few moments later with Gerard. We were both shaking and fighting tears, but by the time we’d slid into the car, we’d lost all composure.
He sobbed in my arms and I sobbed in his. We exchanged wet, salty kisses, holding each other bruisingly tight.
“I’d never have let you go.” He whispered.
“Now you don’t have to.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. I made the right choice.” I murmured confidently.
It was true, too. I knew I’d miss my Mother, if she never came around, and I knew that she needed me. But I needed him, and he needed me.
After all, my Mother gave me my life so I could live it. I pondered this idea as Gerard started up the car, his hand resting on my thigh as he drove us back to his place.
Perhaps, then, it was time for me to start living.
Really living.

Notes