I Think I Like It

The prospect of living with Gerard full time wasn’t exactly unwelcome. It meant that I could see him whenever I wanted to, and that there was no dictating how often I could see him, or what we could do. That was good.
The only real downside to living with him was that he was somewhat overbearing at times, and I found, very quickly, that I couldn’t actually spend an extended amount of time around him without either fucking him or wanting to punch him.
Sometimes both.
He was very strict in terms of my plans, too. Now that we lived together, it was easier for him to interject when I wanted to go out with my friends – bringing up, constantly, that once incident with the girl. As much as I told him that it wouldn’t happen again, he still kept a very firm grip – often suggesting that I bring my friends to his place instead of going out to meet them.
I tried this only once. Joe came over for an Evil Dead marathon, which I thought would be safe, since Gerard wasn’t a massive fan of those movies.
I was wrong, though. He came downstairs and cuddled me through the movie, pressing kisses to my neck, his hand stroking my thigh. I wouldn’t have normally minded, but I could tell that Joe was heavily uncomfortable – which he made evident when he stammered an excuse and stumbled from the house in the middle of the second movie, which I couldn’t even blame him for.
After that occasion, Gerard admitted that he was being overbearing, and said I could go out whenever I wanted, as long as I always came back to him.
I said yes, and didn’t add that I had nowhere else to go.

Other than that, living with Gerard was pretty perfect. Every morning I got to wake up with him wrapped tightly around me, and every night I got to sleep with him in the same position. We had sex more often, and he taught me how to cook (not that he was a great cook himself, but he was better than my Mom).
Not only that, but the close proximity gave me more opportunities to hang out with Mikey, who I’d formed quite the comradeship with.
When I was bored (or, more specifically, when I was mad at Gerard) I’d go to Mikey’s room and hang out. We’d normally just watch movies or read comics or whatever. He was sort of like Gerard, but nowhere near as aggravating or horny. And that was nice – it was nice to spend time with someone who was almost like the love of my life. Mikey also frequently took my side in arguments, which was always a plus.
I liked to think it was because we both loved Gerard so much.
It was for this reason as well that both Mikey and I monitored Gerard’s alcohol consumption so closely. I could tell that Mikey was relieved that I was there, because it was easier to tell if he’d been drinking or not – especially because I had the added advantage of tasting it on his lips.
It’s not that Gerard drank a lot or often, it was that he shouldn’t be drinking at all in his condition, so – unsurprisingly – it was a measure for concern when he came home with whisky stained on his lips.
“I’m fine. I’m fine.” He’d assure me when I asked him to talk to me about it.
“Just a drink. Just had one.” He’d say as he got undressed. That was normally when I’d frown and say that he reeked of it, and he’d roll his eyes and ignore me for the rest of the night. He hated when I commented on his drinking, and I hated when he drank – we were at somewhat of an impasse on that subject.
Again, though, that was only a minor hiccup, and one that we’d get used to, eventually. Mikey pointed out that our little arguments were good, and that this whole situation was useful for when we got married. The mention of marriage, of course, always made Gerard go all soft, and usually ended up with us in bed together.
To be honest, though, most things ended up with Gerard and I in bed together. He really, really liked to fuck. I was fine with that, as long as I was the one he was fucking (which I was. I was sure of that, because I was always around him. More benefits of our living together).
The one downside that really, really hurt, though, was my Mom. I missed her like hell. It was painful enough to make me wake up in the middle of the night sobbing, and have to have Gerard stroke my hair silently. For maybe the first three nights he’d try to comfort me, but by now, he’d just sit and stroke my hair silently, knowing that there was nothing he could say to fix it. I knew he blamed himself, and I guess in a way I agreed with him. I wouldn’t have it any other way, though. Mostly.
I was, in some ways, being slightly overdramatic. I knew that if I just called my Mom, we could probably sort things out. But she hadn’t attempted to contact me, due to her own stubbornness, and therefore I refused to talk to her.
“You know you two are exactly alike? Fucking stubborn.” Gerard muttered, shaking his head. I glared at him.
“No we’re not. She is stubborn. I’m just making a point.”
“By being stubborn.”
“Shut up.” I snapped. He just sighed. I knew he was right, of course, but I didn’t want to be the one to break the silence – that would mean she’d won, and she needed to know that she definitely hadn’t.
So, for the next couple of weeks, the nightmares and general melancholy mood followed me around, even despite Gerard’s best efforts to keep me happy – and he did try hard. I couldn’t deny that. He was everything I could have asked for right now and more. It just wasn’t enough sometimes.

“We’re going out.” He announced one morning. Mikey barely looked up from his breakfast, but he’d piqued my interest.
“Where?” I asked, tilting my head. He grinned.
“I thought we could go for a drive.” He said. Mikey snorted in amusement, and Gerard shot him a look.
“What?”
“You drive everywhere, Gee. Every week you have an hour drive to the hospital.” Mikey pointed out. Though, that wasn’t strictly true. Of recent, Mikey had been driving himself.
“No, but this will be fun. We’ll drive down to a park and have a picnic or something.” Gerard shrugged, helping himself to a bite of my toast. I let him have it, knowing that there was no way to stand between Gerard Way and food.
Mikey looked at him incredulously.
“A picnic?” he snorted. Gerard stuck his tongue out.
“Well, you’re not invited.” He teased. Mikey chuckled.
“Literally, completely fine by me. I wouldn’t want to throw off the amount of gay.” He replied. Gerard wiggled his eyebrows.
“C’mon Mikes. You’re a little bit gay.”
“Nope.” He said, taking a sip of coffee.
“You fucked Frank.” Gerard said bluntly. I blushed, and Mikey spluttered.
“We didn’t… that wasn’t fucking! And I didn’t even want to, no offence, Frank, but…it’s because of your damn voyeurism kink!” he said nervously. Gerard scoffed.
“I think you’re being a bit defensive.” He said, before turning back to me.
“Anyway. Drive. Picnic. Sound good?” he asked hopefully. I grinned and held his hand.
“It sounds perfect, Gee.”
He leaned in and pressed his lips to my ear.
“And you can suck me off in the car if you want.” He murmured. A chill ran down my spine and I bit my lip. He met my gaze and I nodded slowly. Mikey groaned, and we both flicked our heads to where he was looking down at his plate and blushing furiously.
“You’re both so gross. And Gee, you can’t whisper.” He snapped. Gerard kissed me on the cheek and stood up.
“Well…sorry.” He said with a non-committal shrug. I squeezed his hand as he left the room.
I was aware, for some time, that Mikey was watching me.
“So you’re marrying him.” He said bluntly. I smiled softly and nodded. He smiled back.
“Yeah, good. I mean, you’re gross but…but he loves you, Frank. He loves you so much.” He said with a gentle smile. I sighed.
“I know he does. And I love him.”
“I know. It’s really great. Honestly, I’m super happy for both of you.” He grinned. I cocked an eyebrow.
“Excited to have me as a brother?” I teased. He chuckled softly and gave me a soft smile, patting my hand.
“You’re already my brother, dude.” he smiled. I sighed, biting my lip.
“Thanks, Mikey. That means a lot. I mean, I think we’ve come a long way since you told me you wanted to punch me the first time you met me.” I joked. He laughed.
“Well, can you blame me?”
“Not really. I was an asshole.”
“You still are.” He said, kicking my leg under the table. I rolled my eyes and stood up, stretching.
“Well, whatever. You’re not invited to my wedding.” I said, walking out from the room.
“Good!” he called. I chuckled to myself as I made my way upstairs to get ready.


Gerard’s eyes flickered to me several times as he drove.
“What?” I asked, laughing. He shrugged.
“I just think you’re pretty.” He said simply, taking my hand and bringing it up to his lips. He brushed his mouth against my skin, making the thin hairs stand up, a shiver coursing through me.
“God, Gee.” I chuckled. He smiled softly.
“What?”
“You’re pretty.” I retaliated. He sighed happily, leaning back and letting the sunshine wash over his face. It illuminated his high cheekbones, the sharp slide of his nose, and the way it flicked up at the end. It brought out the green and gold in his hazel eyes. His mouth twitched up in a smirk.
“So pretty you gotta stare at me?” He teased. I squeezed his hand.
“Most definitely.” I breathed. He let out a sharp laugh, turning the volume on the radio up slightly higher.
His eyes glimmered when he heard what song it was.
“This song is so bad.” I groaned. He ignored me.
“VIDEO KILLED THE RADIO STAR” “You’re a dork.” I muttered, but couldn’t help but beam as he sang along to the song, his impressions of the higher female voice being, surprisingly, actually pretty good. I snorted with laughter as he differentiated between all the different voices, batting his eyelashes as he sang.
“Your voice is actually good. That’s the bad part.” I smiled. He raised his eyebrows.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. You’re really good.” I assured him. He shrugged like it didn’t matter, but I could see that the compliment had meant a lot to him. I pressed my lips together and smiled.
“What? I bet you wanted to be in a band, didn’t you.” I pressed. He blushed.
“I…I guess so.” He shrugged.
“Go onnnnnnn” I said, nudging him. He sighed, laughing gently.
“Okay! Okay. Yeah, alright? I wanted to be in a band. I was gonna play guitar and sing, but I sucked, so they kicked me out.” He said passively. I leaned back in the seat.
“Huh. Well. I think you’re good.” I grinned. He kissed my hand again, letting his lips drop down to my wrist, feeling my pulse push against his mouth.
“I love you.” He breathed against my skin. I flushed.
“What about that blowjob?” I breathed. He let out a laugh, dropping our joined hands.
“Maybe later. I like this.” He admitted. My heart swelled with joy and love.
“I like this too.” I agreed, trying to savour the way his hand felt pushed against mine. It was a perfect fit – something I found somewhat ironic, considering the destructive and dysfunctional nature of our relationship.
“I like you.” He grinned, leaning his head back on the seat. I raised my eyebrows.
“Just like? That’s insulting, Gee.” I said, feigning hurt. He rolled his eyes and nudged my thigh.
“I love you, idiot. We’re getting married, aren’t we?” he grinned, and I couldn’t help but feel the swell of elation in my chest. I ran my thumb over my ring, biting my lip.
“We are. We so are.” I beamed.
“You sound excited.” He noted. I chuckled and nodded.
“I am. God, I’m so excited.”
“Yeah, Mr. Way?” he asked with a gentle smirk. My heart hammered in my chest.
“Mm. God, that sounds so good.”
“Frank and Gerard Way. All of our mail will be addressed to Mr. Way and Mr. Way. Or we could make it like, Iero-Way.”
“No! No, I want your name.” I insisted. He smirked, trailing his hand up my thigh.
“That makes you the wife.” He said.
“But you’re the one who has a dick inside them, so I think you’re the wife.” I retaliated. He laughed loudly, shaking his head in amusement.
“Okay, kid. You got me there. Now shut up.” He teased, holding my hand again.
I rolled my eyes at him, when I noticed him smiling like a fucking idiot. That wasn’t particularly unusual though, considering he was a fucking idiot.
“Why are you smiling, you dork?” I said, poking his cheek. He bit his lip.
“I can feel your ring against my finger.” He said. I smiled.
“You’re so lame.” I said, even though the words made my heart flutter.

We parked the car along a thin road which was covered sparsely in other parked cars. That was good – I couldn’t stand it when a lot of people decided to have picnics in the same area.
The term picnic in this case is used very, very loosely. We didn’t have food or even anything to drink – but we did have a guitar. I’d seen it in Gerard’s room when we were clearing out space for me to put my stuff, and I’d claimed it – I’d even scrawled my name on the back of it in permanent marker. Gerard had pretended to be angry at me, but I could see the adoration in his eyes.
He didn’t have a case for it or anything, so I just held it in my hand as we walked through the woods, looking at the tall expanses of trees above our heads.
“I’ve never been here before.” I said, biting my lip. Gerard smiled, taking my hand.
“I have, a few times.” He said with a shrug. I laughed.
“What? No melancholy anecdote?” I teased. He raised an eyebrow.
“I don’t think you’d want to hear it.”
“Well, now you have to tell me.” I prodded. He laughed.
“Fine. See that little river there?” He said, pointing to a small stream running in the distance. I nodded. He looked at me for a moment and laughed.
“Okay. Bert fingered me for half an hour in there.”
“Oh. Wait, he fingered you? You guys didn’t fuck?” I asked, feeling genuinely confused. He scoffed and rolled his eyes.
“No. I like…ah, just fingers sometimes.” He admitted with a blush.
“Where else have you…done stuff?” I asked, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. Gerard shook his head.
“No. No way. None of that stuff needs to have happened, okay? This can just be our place now.” He said, squeezing my hand. I smiled, but I didn’t feel at all comforted – maybe it had to do with the mention of Bert. After all, this had been the first time we’d talked about him since ‘the incident’.
I hadn’t realized I’d been acting weirdly until Gerard stopped, putting his hands on my shoulders.
“Frankie. Calm down.” He said. I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding.
“I’m sorry…it’s…”
“No, I know. Fuck, I shouldn’t have told you that. I shouldn’t have brought him up. I’m so sorry.” He said, petting my hair. I shook my head, but I felt the tears slide down my face.
“It’s fine. It’s fine, let’s just-“ I began, but he cut me off by kissing me. I dropped the guitar, barely caring when I heard it hit the floor, and held his face, kissing him back, our lips moving urgently against each other.
“I love you.” He choked against my mouth.
“I want to fuck you.” I replied. He laughed, pulling away a little, and I felt rejection hit me in the pit of my stomach.
“Can’t we just…not fuck? Just for today?” he asked. I felt my heart throb with embarrassment.
“O-oh. Oh, I mean-“
“Shit, Frankie. I want you. I just think it’s nice to…to not fuck.”
“Yeah. Shit, I’m such a slut,” I frowned. He tilted my head up and kissed me.
“You are. And I love it. I love you, Mr. Way.” He grinned, and I couldn’t help but smile back at him.

Ideally, the place where we stopped to sit would have been perfect – right near the river, on a wide expanse of grass, the sun shining on us. And sure, that’s pretty much where we ended up, but it had more to do with the fact that I couldn’t be bothered to hold the guitar anymore than Gerard being romantic.
We flopped to the floor and I sighed, running a hand through my hair as I leaned against him.
“It’s too hot.” I said, shrugging off my hoodie. He didn’t reply, and I turned to face him, and bit my lip when I realized he was unbuttoning his shirt.
“Gee…”
“Shut up, I’m hot, okay?” he said with a blush. I wiggled my eyebrows as he threw his shirt to the side, the sun glistening off his bare chest.
“Mm. I’ll say.” I said, stroking my hand down his smooth chest. He bit his lip, his head falling back.
“Love that.” He mumbled, almost sleepily. I let my fingertips run down his chest, smiling as I felt his chest rise and fall against my hand.
“Play me somethin’.” He murmured, gesturing to the guitar. I pulled it onto my lap and strummed it softly as I tuned it, sighing as the sun hit my face.
“Any preference?” I murmured, my fingers dragging over the strings.
“Anything. Play me something nice.” He asked, his hand sliding down my arm.
I bit my lip as I started to play, my fingers making their journey across the fret board as my other hand strummed the guitar almost carelessly. I knew what the guys meant when they said I made it look easy.
“Shit, Frank.” Gerard laughed.
“Hm?”
“That song. I haven’t heard it in forever.” He admitted.
And okay, maybe the first song I thought to play was the Summer of 69 by Bryan Adams. And maybe Gerard laughed a little and leaned against me.
He sang along like I knew he would, and I couldn’t help but grin as I watched him. He got so into it, his eyes widening, and a smirk playing at his lopsided lips. I couldn’t contain the joy that spread through me. He was perfect, and this was perfect.
“We should start a fuckin’ band.” He said, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. He stuck one in my mouth, then his, and lit them both up. I pushed the guitar to the side and let the smoke billow out from my lips.
“Maybe. Maybe once I finish university. And if your comics don’t take off.” I teased, nudging his leg with my foot.
“They will. I’m awesome.” He grinned.
“Have you sold anything? Since that one of me?” I asked. He nodded, grinning around the smoke.
“Yeah, I drew a fuckin’ dragon a few weeks back, and that sold for quite a bit.” He said, nodding slowly.
“I’m not surprised. You’re an artistic genius, my love.” I said, leaning towards him. He grinned and kissed me, pulling away to take another drag.
“Well. Maybe we could write a comic book together, you know? You write it and I’ll draw it.”
“Shit, yeah.” I grinned. He chuckled, putting his cigarette out on the floor, and holding his hand out for mine, before repeating the action.
“It could be like, a superhero and his sidekick, and they’re both gay.”
“For each other?” I asked with a giggle.
“Yeah. Yeah, definitely. But they don’t know.”
“Aw man!”
“Yeah, they don’t know that they love each other, but everyone else does.”
“Adorable.” I grinned, resting my head in his lap. He stroked through my hair, dipping his head to kiss my forehead occasionally.
“Tell me a story, Gee.” I sighed, lacing our fingers together.
“Okay. So, you remember that field trip we all took a couple years back?”
“Yeah, it was like, historical.”
“Or something. Anyway, so you remember that there was two members of staff in each tent on either side of the student campsite.”
“I do.”
“And all the kids’ tents were in the middle?”
“Yeah. I remember. I shared with Chris and he kicked me.”
“Okay, so I was sharing my tent with Mr. Tucker.”
“Probably so he could keep an eye on you.” I observed. Gerard laughed.
“Most likely. But anyway. So, I woke up at…god. It must have been like 5am? And…I heard something.”
I sat up a little, looking at him with an eager interest.
“What did you hear?” I asked. He pressed his lips together, his eyes shining.
“The unmistakable noise, Frankie, of someone…uh, pleasuring themselves.” He said, his voice dark. I squealed, sitting upright.
“No! No way!” I cried, my hands over my mouth. Gerard grimaced and nodded.
“Ugh. It was…awful. I just lay there like, wondering what to do.”
“What did you do?”
“Nothing. I pretended to sleep.” He admitted sheepishly. I cackled with laughter, tears running down my face.
“Beautiful. That’s beautiful.” I gasped, wiping my eyes. He slung an arm over my shoulder, grinning as he kissed the side of my head.
“And that is the most disturbing thing that’s ever happened to me.” He said, almost by way of conclusion.
I giggled, practically pouring myself into his lap. He sighed and wrapped his arms around me, kissing the back of my neck gently. His hand, I noticed, went straight to my ring, twisting it around my finger.
“You’re going to love me forever, aren’t you, Frank?” he murmured. I smiled.
“Yeah, baby. Forever and ever.” I beamed.
The moment was interrupted by the blare of my ringtone from my jeans pocket.
“Sorry, it’s probably just-“ I began, but froze when I saw who it was.
It was my Mother.
“Answer it.” Gerard said immediately when he saw who it was. I chewed my lip.
“I…I don’t-“
“Frank!”
“Fine!” I said, hitting the answer button. I took a breath.
“Hi Mom.” I mumbled. She gave a small sigh of relief.
“Frankie. Are you okay? I’m sorry I didn’t call, I just-“
“No, I know. Me too.”
“Are you safe? Are you alright?”
“I’m okay. He’s taking care of me.”
“That’s good.” She said.
A short silence followed, during which I chewed my lip nervously until she spoke again.
“I miss you.”
“I miss you too, Mama.”
“I guess…there’s no convincing you to come back home?” she asked.
“Probably not. I’m happy.”
“That’s good. I want you to be.”
“I’m sorry for lying to you.”
“It’s fine. I understand. I’m sorry for freaking out.”
“I understand.” I said with a small smile.
“Is…is Gerard well?” she asked almost reluctantly. I flickered my eyes to him and grinned.
“He’s well, thank you. He feels awful about-“
“I don’t want to hear it.” She said, a sharp edge to her voice. I sighed.
“Okay. Well. I love you.”
“And I love you. And miss you. At least come visit me soon, alright?”
“I will.”
“But um. Without him.”
“I guess…yeah. Okay.” I muttered.
Neither of us were good at goodbyes, so I didn’t take it personally when she hung up suddenly. I slid the phone back into my pocket, and was (happily) surprised by Gerard kissing me.
“Everything okay?” he murmured, combing his hands through my hair. I wrapped my arms around his waist.
“Of course I’m happy, Gee. I’m with you.” I smiled.

Notes

Hey guys! (Not dead, for those who were asking - and I was only gone 9 days! Come on!)

Anyway! Some of you (both in the comments and in messages) have been asking for some of my social networks and stuff, which I think is a rad idea, so I'm just gonna post them all here, and you should all totally feel free to add/follow me. :)

Instagram: im_not_hannah

Twitter: @im_n0t_hannah

Tumblr: stomachalien.tumblr.com

Kik: im_not_hannah

I look forward to talking with you guys and hurting your feelings more <3
(Also it's my 18th birthday tomorrow. Just gonna slide that in).