I Think I Like It

Gerard was gone for two months and six days. Not that I was counting. During that whole time, he didn’t speak to me even once. There was a false alarm on New Year’s Eve, when my ‘Gerard’ phone rang. I pulled a muscle in my leg dashing for the phone, and was breathless by the time I picked it up.
“Hel-“
“It’s not Gerard.” Mikey said bluntly. Way to crush my dreams there. Still, I smiled to hear the younger Way brother sounding so healthy.
“Oh, hey Mikey.” I said.
“I just wanted to check on you.”
“I’m fine. How are you?”
“Better. I still get kinda confused about stuff, and it’s frustrating, but Gee’s helping me.”
I was silent.
“How is he?” I asked when I couldn’t stand it anymore.
“He’s doing okay. I think he’ll be able to come back soon. He’s drinking a lot less, and he’s been eating properly, which is good. Got a bit more weight on him. He still, ah, cries though. A lot.”
“Oh.”
“About you.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. He thinks I can’t hear him, but um, it’s kind of loud.” He said awkwardly. I sighed.
“How do you know it’s about me?” I asked, lips trembling. He sighed.
“Because he says your name. And swears. It’s pretty much your name followed by a string of profanities.”
“Oh right.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“N-no. You didn’t. I’m glad to hear he’s getting better.”
“Yeah. I just wanted to tell you that he misses you, because he probably never will. He’s kind of stubborn.” He chuckled. I smiled at that.
“Yeah, I kinda got that.” I laughed.
“Can I be honest?”
“Okay…” I said, shifting uncomfortably.
“He doesn’t want to see you ever again.”
“Right.” I breathed. Yeah, that hurt. A lot.
“No, not like that.”
“How else can it be?”
“He’s worried that if he sees you, you’ll fall in love with him again and get hurt. He’s not sure if he can love you properly.”
“Again? He thinks I fell out of love with him?”
“Apparently.” He said. I could sort of hear the smile in his voice, and realized that he was very amused by all of this. I couldn’t blame him – objectively, it must look pretty simple.
“I didn’t.”
“Yeah, I know. He knows too, he’s just being a child.” He laughed. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair – this really wasn’t what I wanted right now. What a shit way to end the year.
“I’ve got to get going, but thanks for calling me. If I give you a message, will you tell him?”
“Of course. It’ll make his year.” He laughed at his own joke. I rolled my eyes and smiled.
“Can you…god, I don’t know. Can you tell him that I miss him? No. Wait, don’t. Tell him that I’m happy he’s getting better. Just that.”
“You’ll drive him crazy with that one. He’ll be wondering what you mean until he sees you next.” He laughed, obviously not bothered about that. I smiled.
“Maybe it’ll encourage him to get his ass back to me.” I said, and Mikey laughed.
“Well, happy New Year, Frankie.” He said affectionately. I smiled.
“Yeah, happy New Year, Mikes. It must feel good to actually be here for one, right?”
“Oh yeah, you have no idea.” He sighed. We said our final goodbyes and hung up, and I actually felt a little bit better, just in the knowledge that Gerard was getting healthy, and that I’d see him fairly soon (and I was maybe just a little bit happy that he was thinking about me).

Our substitute teacher, Miss Pauper, turned out to be genuinely very nice, and she clearly knew what she was talking about. We managed, actually, to finish all of our work on To Kill a Mockingbird. I knew Gerard (ah, I mean, Mr. Way. How depressing) would be disappointed to hear that, but at the same time, at least it gave the girls a leg to stand on when trying to flirt with him, and I knew he’d appreciate that.
I thought it was a nice change, however, to have a teacher that all of the guys liked. Sure, she was attractive enough, but obviously I wasn’t bothered by her, and it was funny to watch all of the boys – Cameron included – fall over themselves to answer her questions or to laugh at her jokes, while the girls and I just looked at her, completely disinterested. Similarly to Gerard, though, she knew exactly the effect she was having, and purposefully batted her eyelashes a little bit more than usual when she needed a hand with something. When she tried it on me, of course, it didn’t work, and she just laughed and blushed instead of getting offended like some people might. If it weren’t for the small fact that I was absolutely crazy about Mr. Way, I might have actually wanted her to stay.
I knew Cameron definitely wouldn’t mind her staying – a fact I teased him about mercilessly.

“C’mon, Cam, I bet you’d fuck her.” I smiled teasingly at him. Chris and Joe whooped with laughter at the blush that spread across his cheeks.
“No, don’t be silly.”
“Psht, please. You would.” Chris agreed, making Cameron blush even redder.
“I would not. That’d be weird.” He said, clasping his hands in his lap.
“I think you probably look at her more than Frank looks at Mr. Way.” Chris pointed out. I chewed my lip and looked down at the mention of his name.
“Not possible.” Cameron grinned, obviously oblivious to my pain. That was fine, I didn’t really want to draw attention to myself anyway. I silently gathered my things and pressed a small peck onto Cameron’s cheek.
“I’m gonna get to Math. Miss hates me enough as it is.” I laughed. He looked at me with sad, concerned eyes.
“Are you sure?” he asked softly. I cupped his cheek and pulled him in for a proper kiss, my mouth brushing his gently.
“So gross.” Joe mumbled, and we broke away, smiling.
“I’m sure. I’ll see you later, okay?” I said. He nodded and watched me leave. Even when I turned around, I could feel his eyes on me.
Of course, I didn’t actually go to Math – I went to the bathroom. I locked myself in one of the stalls and slipped down the wall, putting my head in my hands. No one had really mentioned him for a while, and the sudden, unexpected pull back into the bitter reality was painful, to say the least. God only knew how badly I needed to see him. The amount of times I had, over the course of the last two months, considered going to his house or calling him probably exceeded the thousands. Each time, though, I just called Mikey and let him dissuade me, telling me that Gee wasn’t ready, or, even more bluntly, that he didn’t want to see me. It was harsh, but it helped, and I think Mikey knew that. In any case, we’d gotten pretty close, what with me pouring my heart out to him, and him pouring Gerard’s out to me (without his consent, I was sure). I felt comfortable around him, and I was glad that that, at least, had come from Gerard and I splitting up.
If it was a break up, that is. Surely you have to be together to break up, and he was always so ambiguous that I really didn’t know if we ever were.

Cameron was being slightly more persistent, sexually. After our encounter, he was constantly grabbing my dick, or rubbing himself against me. While I didn’t mind when we were at my place, it was a bit distracting to have him give me a boner while we were in school. I’d tried to talk to him about it, but he’d gotten so nervous and embarrassed that I felt bad and dropped it. So, I was stuck that day, as I was most days, with an awkward and uncomfortable boner in English class. Despite us still having a substitute, I couldn’t help but wonder if Cameron had done it on purpose.
“Want me to help you with that after school?” he asked in a voice that I think was meant to be seductive.
“Yeah, that’d be great.” I said, smiling. He was silent for a moment.
“I think we should have sex.” He said bluntly. I widened my eyes and stiffened, both at his words, and the confidence in which he’d said them.
“Uhm. You do?” I said nervously. He nodded.
“Yeah. I mean, I want to do it with you because I like you a lot, and I know you know what you’re doing, and –“
“Cam, we shouldn’t.” I said, holding his hand. He chewed his lip.
“Why?”
“Because it’s not good, honey. For one thing, it’s your first time, and that should be special.”
“It will be with you.”
“No, it won’t. You’ll be fucking some guy who’s imagining someone else the whole time. Do you want that?” I knew it was harsh, but I needed him to understand. His lip trembled and I prayed to God that he wouldn’t cry.
“No. But I do want you.”
“I know you do, and you can have me in any way but that. I’m just not the person you wanna give that away to, okay? Save it for someone special.”
“What, like you did?” he spat. I ran a hand through my hair. I was way too tired for this.
“Yes. Whatever you might think, it was special.” I said. He tore his hand from mine and turned back to his work.
“Yeah sure. I’m busy after school, by the way.” He snapped. I sighed.
“’kay.” I murmured, way too tired to care. I was too tired to care about most things, recently. My Mom wanted me to go to a shrink, but I knew that what I really needed was him. And that was very, very bad.

Notes

I know, another short one where nothing happens, sorry!
I'm starting the next chapter now, and hopefully I can upload it before I go to bed (it's like 8:30pm now so yeah, I hopefully should be fine) and stuff actually happens in that one so yeah, I'm sorry these last two have been kinda shit.