I Think I Like It

I couldn’t really gauge how Cameron was feeling. He was upset, initially, then sad, and now he was stuck in some limbo between anger and understanding. Chris and Joe begged us a billion times to tell them what was wrong but, for obvious reasons, we just told them to mind their damn business. They got the hint after a while.
I was terrified walking into lunch. My eyes did their automatic sweep of the lunch hall, and came up short. He wasn’t even sitting away from his normal table – he just wasn’t there. I guessed he was just having lunch in his classroom – which made sense, considering the very hard to conceal damage he’d caused himself. I winced involuntarily. It’d been literally a day since I’d seen him, but I was already going crazy with worry. I hadn’t texted him or called him, because it didn’t feel right. That look he gave me before I left was so expressionless and blank that it left no doubt in my mind what he meant by it – that Saturday night didn’t change a damn thing.
I actually let out a small groan as the bell rang, indicating that we had to go to our final lesson. I didn’t know what it’d be like, but I imagined that he’d be sitting there, probably wearing a thick sweater of some sort, with those big, hazel eyes darting around the room to see if anyone was suspicious of him. I wondered if he’d look at me, or if he’d ignore me all lesson. I wondered if he’d-
“Ah, sweet, substitute!” Chris beamed. I stopped dead in my tracks, my mouth going dry. Substitute? Why did we need a substitute? Where was Gerard? Cameron stopped next to me and put a comforting hand on my shoulder.
“Do you know where-“
“No. I don’t.” I said softly, looking down at my shoes. He sighed and rubbed my shoulder soothingly before herding me into the classroom. The teacher at the desk was a fairly young, fairly attractive woman, her black hair falling around her shoulders. I tensed when she looked through his drawers, trying to find a pen, and fought the urge to scream at her to not touch his stuff. Since there wasn’t a teacher, there wasn’t assigned seating, so Cameron sat next to me.
“Hey, c’mon, he’s probably fine.” He murmured. I looked at him, eyes wide with panic.
“Probably?” I asked. He sighed and leaned against me, and I draped one arm over him uselessly.
“Y’know you could just text him.”
“No, I can’t. He made it clear that he didn’t want to see me.”
“By looking at you? Don’t you think that’s a bit immature?” he said incredulously. I sighed and pulled my phone out, hating that he was right.
When I did, though, I saw I already had a message from him. My heart raced – it was sent about half an hour before.

FROM: Gerard.
(1:36pm)Hey. You’ll find this out in a few minutes on your own, but I’m not at school today, or any day for a while. You’re right, I need help.
I’ll miss you every day, but please don’t contact me until I contact you. I guess we both need space, right?
Mikey is doing fine and sends his love. As do I. Always.

Tears sprang into my eyes at his message, and I had to read it again a few times. He wasn’t going to be there? At all? My heart fell even deeper in my stomach and I rested my head against the table, not even trying to hide the fact I was crying.
“Is he okay?” asked the substitute gently. Cameron wrapped an arm around me.
“He’s not feeling very well.”
“Oh. Should he go to the nurse?” she asked. Cameron was silent, waiting for me to reply.
“No, I’m okay.” I murmured. She looked at me concernedly, but carried on teaching anyway.
“D’you wanna talk about it?” Cam asked softly. I handed him the phone, and he sucked in a breath.
“I’m sorry, Frank.”
“It’s a good thing though, right?”
“Yeah, of course. He’ll be back in no time.” He said, squeezing my arm affectionately. I sighed and wiped my eyes.
“Sorry, you don’t wanna hear about this.” I said apologetically. He shook his head.
“Hey, don’t worry about that. This is important.” He said firmly. I squeezed his hand and sighed, trying to get back into whatever she was talking about, then just burying my face in my arms on my desk when I couldn’t.

Cam came to my place after school, as he had become custom to doing. I went to his sometimes, but his Mom didn’t know we were together, so it made things difficult.
I squirmed at the idea of us being ‘together’. I guess it was pretty inevitable, but it still felt weird to say it. He’d get annoyed a lot, because I refused to call him my boyfriend. I guess that title was still reserved for someone else.
Cameron looked a little bit uncomfortable. I mean, he always did, a bit. That was kinda just his face. But today he looked especially uncomfortable, like he wanted to say something but couldn’t.
“What’s up?” I asked, leaning into him. He sighed and wrapped an arm around me.
“I’m bad”
“Huh? No you’re not.” I said, not sure how he could ever be bad. He was pretty much the poster-child for purity.
“I am too.”
“Why?”
“It’s embarrassing.”
“Tell me.” I demanded, reminding myself a little too much of Gerard. Stop thinking about him, stop thinking about him stop thi-
“Well, it’s just that I’ve been looking at you all day and I think you’re gorgeous. Like, breathtakingly gorgeous.” He said. I smiled.
“Why is that bad?” I asked. He sighed.
“Because you’re upset because the guy you’re in love with is in a bad place, and you miss him, and all I can think about is how much I want to suck your dick.” He said bluntly. I stared at him, eyes wide, and mouth agape. I must have looked fucking ridiculous, and I didn’t even care. He never said stuff like that. I didn’t even think he knew how to suck dick.
“Where did this come from?” I stammered.
“I’ve been thinking it for a while. I probably would have done it Saturday if-“
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
We were silent for a moment. My brain was going a hundred miles an hour. Truth be told, as much as I was attracted to him, I really didn’t want Cameron like that. Maybe it was because he was so innocent, or maybe it was because I still wanted Gerard, but the idea of him touching me made me uncomfortable. Then again, maybe if we did, I’d be able to forget Gerard, at least for a while. I sucked in a deep breath and kissed him gently, my hand stroking his face softly.
“It’s okay.” I murmured, my tongue sliding into his mouth. He let out a small whimper and kissed me back, his mouth hesitant and unsure against mine – such a difference to- stop stop stop.
I growled and grabbed his head, kissing him more roughly. He let out a shrill squeak that was nothing short of adorable as he tried to keep up with me. And failed, of course.
It wasn’t enough, though. I could still taste Gerard like he’d stained my lips. He suffocated me, rising in my lungs like smoke. I grabbed Cameron’s hand and led it to the bulge in my jeans and he gasped, clearly unsure of what to do, so he just let it lie there limply. I groaned impatiently and rolled my hips up to meet his hand. He got the picture, then, his hand pressing against me and rubbing, still unsure, but at least he was doing something. I moaned to encourage him, and he rubbed me harder, with more confidence. His hand was small and thin, not at all like the thick, heavy hands I was used to (stop, Frank, he’s not here), but it was nice.
“Do it like you’re touching yourself.” I murmured. He grabbed my cock through my jeans and started pumping it and I smirked (not like him, though. This was my smirk. Not his.)
“That’s right, sweetheart.” I purred. (Where had I heard that before? Stop it, Frank. You can’t have him.)
In a moment of what I was sure was sheer bravery, he pushed me so I was on my back. I looked up in surprise, and he blushed. I beamed and stroked his neck.
“C’mon, honey.” (no, not that word. I only called him that. Fuck.) He took a deep breath to steady himself before sliding down my jeans.
“I-I don’t know how to-“
“It’s fine. Just cover your teeth and you’ll be fine.” I murmured, stroking his cheek. He nodded and I helped him as he slid my jeans and boxers down. I felt a little embarrassed to be exposed to him, but I pushed it out of my mind. I needed to do this. He wrapped thin, hesitant fingers around my cock and pumped softly (Gerard would have done it better. Not that it matters. I can’t have him.) and I moaned to encourage him.
“Please G-Cam. Please.” I murmured. (Shit, did he notice? I don’t think so. He’s smiling.) “Can’t believe you’re letting me do this.” He whispered, licking the tip of my dick. I moaned, genuinely this time, and bucked up into his mouth. He smiled nervously before wrapping his pale pink lips around my leaking, hard cock. I breathed heavily, my head falling back against the pillows as his clumsy, inexperienced mouth pleasured me, his tongue sliding out every now and then to swirl around my skin. As much as I appreciated him trying, I knew I couldn’t cum like this. He was being too careful, and I knew if I fucked his mouth he’d probably gag (Gerard, I remembered, didn’t have a gag reflex). “Let me help.” I said softly, wrapping my own hand around myself. He pulled back but I shook my head.
“No, keep going. I’m just gonna help.” I said, and he sort of smiled (as much as he could given the circumstances) and nodded. I pumped myself in time to his sucking and actually, it felt pretty good. I didn’t want to tell him that it was only because of my hand, though, so I moaned and wrapped my free hand in his hair.
“So good, sweetheart. So good.” (stop saying ‘sweetheart’. That’s his thing and you know it.) He moaned loudly, and I noticed (how didn’t I notice before?) that he was palming himself through his jeans, which actually turned me on so much that I pulled my hand off of myself and let him continue sucking me, watching as his hand fumbled with his jeans.
“Want some help?” I asked with a smirk (stop it, you’re not him). He looked at me like I’d just given him the answer to the meaning of life and pulled off of me, nodding. I had to admit, he was pretty hot with his lips red and swollen, saliva and precum dripping from him. He gasped as I pulled him into a rough kiss, my hands easily undoing his jeans and sliding them down his thighs. My hands automatically went to his ass and I smiled against his lips at how he felt, grinding my cock against his. He moaned and buried his face in my shoulder.
“God, Frank, please.” He begged, his fingers scratching my shoulders.
“Please what?”
“I need to…” he said, squirming awkwardly. I didn’t realize how much I wanted him to say it until he didn’t.
“Need to what?” I asked, feigning innocence. He rolled his eyes and moaned simultaneously.
“Cum. Frank, I need to cum, please.” He begged. I groaned and rolled my hips up to meet his again.
“Why didn’t you say so?” I asked, my mouth twitching into a smile. I held his cock and mine in one hand and jacked them together, moaning at the feeling of my hand, and the friction of his erection against mine.
“Shit, I-“ he stammered, his hands gripping my sheets. I smiled, amused – he really wasn’t going to last long at all. With that in mind, I moved faster, hoping I’d get off before he did.
I didn’t, though. He threw his head back and came with a loud moan, his toes curling as he came all over my hand. Instead of being aroused, though, I was just somewhat frustrated. I hadn’t considered the mess he’d make. I wiped my hand on my bedsheet and waited for him to calm down. He smiled at me softly.
“That was-“ he panted, then moaned lightly. I laughed and kissed his nose. He chewed his lip, looking at the erection that I was slipping back into my jeans.
“Don’t you want me to-“
“Nah, it’s cool.” I said nonchalantly. He sighed and pulled himself up into my arms.
“Did I help to distract you?” he asked, his voice sort of sad.
“You weren’t a distraction.” I laughed. Lying, of course.
“Promise?”
“Don’t you trust me?” I teased. He just laughed and I was relieved that he didn’t say anything more.
But for the record, he was a shit distraction. My head was still spinning, my heart was still broken, and I still wished I was wrapped in another person’s arms.

Notes

A) Sorry, it's hella short. It's kind of a filler bc the next few chapters are gonna be pretty fast-paced. Hooray I guess?
B) Sorry to all of the people who hate Frank/Cameron, I'll make it up to you soon!
C) You're welcome to all the people who love Frank/Cameron (is there any of you out there?)