I Think I Like It

I was miserable, again. I’d been miserable for the last two months, and today was no different. I think most of that had to do with it being a Thursday – I hated Thursdays. They were the only thing standing between me and Friday. Not that I really liked Fridays anymore either.
Hell, I didn’t like anything.

“You’re in a bad mood.” Joe observed. I rolled my eyes and shot him a dirty look.
“Does it have to do with-“ he said, gesturing with his head to Cameron, who was sitting with his friends, instead of with me. He was still mad about what I’d said the other day, and was punishing me by ignoring me. I think the only bad thing about it was that it reminded me of how little I cared about this whole relationship. It felt like a sham anyway, so why should I care that he wasn’t talking to me? I groaned and rested my head on the table. I wasn’t normally like this, and I cursed Gerard for making me so damn apathetic towards anyone and anything that wasn’t him. That selfish asshole.
“No, it doesn’t. I mean, yeah, maybe. I don’t know.”
“Yeah, whatever.” Joe said, looking back down at his lunch.
“What?” I snapped. He sighed.
“You’re always so damn moody now. What’s going on with you, man?” he said, exasperated. I didn’t say anything, because I couldn’t.
“I think I know.” Chris said softly. I met his eyes, my stomach flipping. I remembered what he’d said to Mr. Way the last time he’d seen him, but never mentioned it. I’d hoped he’d forgotten, but the look he was giving me suggested he hadn’t.
“No, you don’t.” I said, chewing my lip. He just shook his head.
“Dude, it’s okay.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Frank. I know, okay?” He said softly. I sighed and buried my head in my hands. This isn’t what I needed right now, at all.
“How long?” I asked, my voice cracking.
“A little while. I believed all of the rumors, at first, before we were friends. I only really noticed it for real after you started dating Cam.”
“Oh.”
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“It is. It’s the worst thing I could have done.” I snapped. He sighed, smiling a little bit. That was reassuring.
“No, it’s really not. Like I told him – you made a good choice. Both of you did. You care about him, and he’s clearly crazy about you.” He said. I pursed my lips and looked down.
“What’s going on?” Joe interjected. Chris shook his head.
“It’s nothin’ man. Frank’s just dealing with some shit.” He said, and I shot him a grateful look. He smiled back, but then changed the topic. I really, really loved that kid sometimes.

Miss Pauper had hinted that we’d be doing something different in class today, but she was a bit ambiguous as to what that meant. If it meant that she wasn’t going to turn up and was going to leave us to our own devices, she was making a good start. Ten minutes into the lesson and we were still sitting there, staring awkwardly at the front. Some students considered leaving, myself included, but we knew if she came back and we were gone, there’d be hell to pay. Cameron, continuing with his immature behaviour, was sitting at the back, as far away from me as possible. I rolled my eyes and looked down, doodling aimlessly on the corner of my English book. I couldn’t draw, but the motion of drawing little circles that linked up to make a chain was somewhat soothing. I glanced at the clock and sighed – still 45 minutes to go.
I heard the door open, and didn’t look up.
I heard Chris and Cameron gasp, and didn’t look up.
I heard a chorus of cheering, and didn’t look up.
I heard his voice, and I lifted my head slowly.
I didn’t really expect to see Gerard standing there, and for a second, I thought I didn’t. In front of me was a man, a few jean-sizes larger than Gerard. His hair was the same length, but it was black.
The only thing that was similar between this strange man and Gerard, was the smirk that spread across his lips.
Oh, that, and his eyes. Those damn hazel eyes that made my blood boil and my heart melt.
“Fuck.” I breathed. He dropped the smirk and smiled – a genuine “I’m so fucking glad to see you” smile.
“So, I’m back.” He beamed, perching lightly on his desk. It gave me the opportunity to really look at him, and my heart pounded in my throat. His hair, now black, made his porcelain skin seem even paler, more perfect than it already appeared to be. His eyes were crinkled slightly from where he was smiling, but they still shon-
Fuck. Was that eyeliner? That fucker was going to kill me some day, I knew it.
Despite how much I loved his thin, toned body, I had to admit, he looked fucking good with a bit of meat on him.
Jesus fucking Christ, he’d actually gotten more attractive than he already was. Was that even possible?
“Um, Mr. Iero? Are you in the room?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows. I cleared my throat and sat up straight in my seat.
“Um. Yes. Sorry.” I stammered. He tilted his head, confused, just for a moment, before continuing with what I assumed he was saying before.
“So, as I was saying, I hear from Miss Pauper that you finished all of Mockingbird. While I’m a bit disappointed that I didn’t get to finish it with you, I’m glad that you’re done.” He said, pacing in front of me.
It was then that I saw the lovebites on his neck. My stomach dropped, and I felt instantly sick. I needed to get out. I needed to get the fuck out right the fuck now.
“I was thinking we could start on another text, maybe? It’s a play, so we can have some more fun with it. It’s just…I was reading it while I was away, and it really struck a chord with me.” He said, holding up a copy of – of fucking course – Othello.
“It’s about this guy, this confident, well-respected, strong guy, who falls in love with a woman. Bearing in mind, she’s white and he’s black so it’s…forbidden. In a way. Yeah, I’ll say forbidden.” He said, laughing to himself. Well, I was glad he was enjoying himself.
“Anyway, over time, he becomes convinced that the love of his life is in love with someone else. It literally drives him insane as he finds himself becoming more and more obsessed and jealous.” He said softly. I felt emotion rising up my throat. I didn’t know why he thought this was a good idea, but it really fucking wasn’t – it just hurt. “Does anyone know how it ends?” He asked. Nobody put their hands up, even though I was certain everyone knew. He laughed softly.
“He kills her. And then himself.” He said, his eyes boring into mine. I felt a chill of pure fear running up my spine, and dropped my gaze. Not that I needed to – he’d already walked across the classroom. As inappropriate as it was, I let my eyes fall to his ass and bit my lip. God, if I thought it was good before, it was nothing like what it was now. I imagined what it would be like to run my hands down his back and squeeze it, or to have him naked on his desk in front of me while I buried my face between his legs and – oh God, I needed to stop before I had a very uncomfortable problem.
“Yes, Jasmine!” he called, smiling brightly at her. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
“I just wanted to say that we all missed you a lot.” She said, biting her lip. He smirked at her.
“Thanks, sweetheart, I missed you guys too.” He said, and I bristled. How fucking dare he call her that. Shit, how dare he fucking do anything that he was doing. He didn’t speak to me for two whole months and then waltzes in, looking so fucking hot that I could literally fuck him on the spot, and shows off the lovebites that someone else gave him, talks about a book that he knows damn well is going to hurt me, and flirts with one of the girls right in front of me. Without even thinking, I got to my feet and slammed my hands against the desk. He looked at me with vague amusement, as if this was the reaction he’d been waiting for.
“Is there something wrong, Mr. Iero?” he purred, leaning against his desk. I didn’t know if I wanted to punch his face or fuck it. Maybe both.
“Fuck you.” I snarled, heading for the door.
“If you leave, I’ll give you a detention.” He said, sounding bored. I stopped and turned around, feeling tears of frustration and anger prickling at my eyes.
“Fuck your detention and fuck you.” I shouted. The class fell silent. Cameron, who I could see from the corner of my eye, looked smug. Chris looked horrified. Mr. Way pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes.
“I don’t think that’s any way to speak to me, Frank. I’m going to give you one more chance to sit down.” He said calmly. Fuck, I wanted to fucking kill him. I ran a hand through my hair, the first of my tears falling down my face. I didn’t even care if anyone saw. His face softened at that, and he took a tentative step towards me, as if I was going to hit him.
“Go to the nurse, Frank. Just come back after class to see me, okay?” he said softly, some of that old affection in his voice. I stared at him for a second before coming to my senses and nodding silently, walking out of the room and clicking the door shut behind me. I put my head in my hands and sobbed quietly, my back pressed against the cool wall. I didn’t know if I was angrier with myself for letting him wind me up, or with him for being an insensitive asshole. Hell, I hated us both.
Maybe I hated him a little bit more, though.

After about half an hour of not going to the nurse, and instead walking around the school doing nothing, I arrived back at Mr. Way’s door. I waited for the class to file out, some of them staring at me. I was glad that, apparently, Cam and Chris had already left. Once everyone was gone, I walked in. He was drawing again, as usual, and I took the opportunity to check him out again because damn, even if I wanted to murder him, I couldn’t deny that he looked really, really good. He sighed after a moment and looked up at me, his expression patronizing.
“Mr. Iero, can you please tell me what your explosion in class was about?” he sighed. I gaped at him.
“Are you kidding me?”
“No? I think a student who disrupts my class and swears at me owes me some sort of explanation for his behavior. No matter who he is.” He said. I could almost feel my heart tearing in two at the passiveness of his words, and I began to doubt everything Mikey had said about him missing me.
Hell, I was beginning to doubt whether we ever had anything at all. Is it possible that I imagined it all?
“You push me too far, sometimes Mr. Way.” I said, trying to seem as passive as him. He raised his eyebrows.
“How so?”
“You didn’t speak to me for two months.” I breathed.
“I told you why. Anyway, your constant conversations with my brothers should have been good enough, seeing as he filled you in on every single thing I did.” He sniffed.
“It wasn’t the same, and you know it.” I said softly. He shrugged.
“Well, it was unavoidable.”
“I’m not mad about that.”
“Then what?”
“I thought you might be a little bit happy to see me after all this time. Y’know, I thought you might have missed me.” I said, the last words dulling to a whisper. He leaned forward, resting his head on his hands.
“And what gave you that impression?” he asked. I felt like someone had punched me in the chest as the air poured out of me. I stammered for a moment, unable to form a coherent sentence.
“I…I don’t know. I just thought-“
“Well, you thought wrong. It was hard being away from you at first, but honestly, it got so much easier. You made me really unhappy, and I don’t need that toxicity in my life.” He said with another shrug. I felt the tears slide down my face as he tore my heart with each word.
“Anyway, I figured you’d be busy with your little boyfriend. Is that right? Boyfriend?” he asked.
“Yeah. I guess.” I said, my voice shaking. God, I was an idiot. I was so in love with him, and he hadn’t thought about me even once.
“Well, exactly. I definitely had fun without you.” He said, absently scratching the lovebites on his neck.
“Who was it?”
“Huh?”
“Who gave you those?”
“I don’t know. Some guy.”
“Right.” I sighed. They weren’t fresh – I’d place them at about two weeks ago.
“Are you jealous?” he asked, arching an eyebrow. I sucked in a deep breath.
“Yes.” I admitted. He laughed, and it felt like a knife in my chest.
“I think we’re a bit old for that, right? C’mon, Frankie.” He said, and I winced at the nickname.
“I just thought I meant a bit more to you than that.” I said, my voice nearly a whisper. He rolled his eyes.
“What, do you can fuck whoever you want, and I can’t?” he snapped. I didn’t reply.
“How do you know we fucked?” I asked. Of course, we hadn’t, but he didn’t need to know that.
“Because he looks way too pleased with himself to be a virgin.” He said.
I didn't say anything to confirm or deny his statement.
“How was he, by the way? Did you top?” he asked, his voice only now giving away that he was more than vaguely interested.
“No. I bottomed for him.” I lied. His smile faltered for a moment. Got him.
“Oh yeah? How was it?” he asked, regaining composure.
“Great.” I said. He smiled.
“You’re lying, Frank.” He murmured, looking at me from under his eyelashes. I didn’t say anything, because there was nothing to say. He laughed softly.
“I don’t know why you’re trying to make me jealous. I haven’t spoken to you in two months, and we haven’t been a couple” (he spat the word) “in almost three. I think that constitutes that we can see other people.”
“You mean you don’t want me?” I asked. He sucked in a breath.
“I mean that you don’t own me. Nor do I own you.” He said, rising to his feet. God, he looked fucking gorgeous, which just made this all the more difficult to get through.
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“What’s that?” he asked lightly.
“Do you mean that you don’t want me?” I asked bravely. I heard a sharp intake of air, and suddenly I was being pushed against the wall. Well, fuck.
“Of course I want you, you fucking idiot.” He snarled. My breath caught in my throat and I fought the urge to touch him.
“Then why are you doing this?” I asked softly. He stepped away from me, fixing his tie.
“Because things changed.” He said dismissively.
“What things?” I asked. The silence that followed was heavy, and I knew what he was going to say before he said it, but it still hurt when he did.
“I don’t love you anymore.”

Notes

I feel like this one is kinda badly written like??? Maybe it's bc I'm tired idk.
Anyway yeah sorry for being an asshole. I'll make it up to you guys real soon :)