Gerard's POV

I was getting way too used to sitting next to someone’s hospital bed. This was what Ray had warned me against, everyone actually. Things weren’t going to change and I was going to keep losing people that I loved. I had been sitting by Kat’s bedside for two days and she still hadn’t woken up. There was still a possibility that it might not happen at all and the thought of that scared me to death. It left me feeling cold and empty.

The past few days had passed in a blur. The police had so many questions and I couldn’t answer any of them. I had no idea what happened that night. I couldn’t bring myself to believe that Kat had meant for any of it to happen and yet… I looked at her lying there helplessly. If I could have taken her place, I would have. She had a cut against her forehead and her left cheek was bruised. She had other cuts and bruises too. Her wrists were tightly wound up in bandages. I gulped at the thought that she could’ve died if they had found her seconds later than they had.

The police assumed that after the incident with Dana and calling 911, she was probably afraid of the consequences and attempted to kill herself. I’m not so sure. Maybe they were close to the truth, but I think it was guilt that drove her to attempt suicide. Kat couldn’t kill anybody and when she did, not that we know for sure whether she meant to or not, she couldn’t live with herself. I’m sure the thought that she had killed someone had killed her from inside.

I never should have let her go alone. I knew something bad would happen. She was so sure it would be okay, though.

I got up and walked over to the window, gazing through the blinds that kept the room in semi-darkness. That’s one thing about hospitals: they loved artificial lighting. I heard movement and turned around to find Kat stirring. I rushed back to the bedside and grabbed a hold of her hand.

“Kat?” My voice was hopeful. We both needed to get out of here.

She was lifeless again for so long that I sighed and sat back down disappointed. I just wanted her to wake up and be alright. I rubbed at my tired eyes. I couldn’t sleep while worrying about her. When I looked back at her, I found her watching me.

“Kat, thank goodness you’re awake!” I exclaimed in relief. Suddenly the last couple of days disappeared to make way for the thrill of her being alive.

She gave me a weak smile, “Hey.”

“How are you feeling?” I asked, sitting down next to her on the bed.

She tried to say something, but nothing came out. I hurriedly got up and fetched a glass of water for her. After having something to drink she already looked a little less pale.

“How are you feeling?” I repeated.

“Weak,” she replied hoarsely.

I stared down at her, fighting back tears. I didn’t know why I wanted to cry – though I’ve done that multiple times in the last thirty something hours. It must have been from the relief of knowing that she was okay. It was like my entire being was lighter.

“Where am I?” she asked frowning. “What happened?”

“I’m not sure. You went to the house to get your things and I started to worry when you were away for a few hours. Then you sent me a text saying that you were on your way. A few hours later you still hadn’t returned and by that time I was freaking out. I went to the house and there were all these cop cars and an ambulance… I’ve never been so scared in my entire life. The first thought that crossed my mind was that you… I thought you were… I…” I took a deep breath, recalling the devastating feeling I had felt thinking that she was dead. “They told me about Dana and that they found you in the bathroom. If they had found you only a few seconds later you probably…” I couldn’t even say it. “These past few days have been torture. I didn’t know if you were going to make it; if you were ever going to wake up again.” I looked down at my hands, feeling my throat constrict with emotion. I never ever wanted to feel that way again.

Her face went completely pale and the heart monitor’s beeping sounds increased. “I can’t be here. I shouldn’t be here.”

She was panicking and I jumped to my feet.

“I should be dead. This isn’t right.” She started crying and trying to get up, but I pushed her back down.

“What are you doing? You just woke up.”

“No, you don’t understand. I killed him!” she cried upset.

My face softened. “He’s alive.”

“I can’t believe it. There was so much blood…” She muttered horrified. “I swear I didn’t mean to. It just happened.”

“Kat!” I grabbed her face and forced her to look at me. Her eyes were wide and panicked and glistened with tears. “Dana is alive.” Sort of. He’s been in a coma and they had no idea if he was ever going to wake up or not, but he was alive nonetheless.

She froze momentarily. “What?”

“You didn’t kill him,” I told her again and she broke down in tears.

“If something happened to you… I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. I never should have let you go alone.” I said barely above a whisper.

“Gerard, this isn’t your fault,” she assured me in a small voice after a few moments and I looked at her sadly.

I was still certain that this was my fault. “If I had gone with you, none of this would’ve happened.”

“I’m glad you weren’t there. Besides, there was no way you could have known that this would happen.” Kat insisted.

“What did happen?” I wanted to know.

She drank some more water and took a deep, shaky breath before answering, “I went back to the house to get my stuff and I was already finished packing when I sent you the text. I just got my last things from the bedroom and when I returned I found Dana in the living room. He was beside himself. We got into an argument and he started pushing me around and kicking me.” She shivered, remembering the events from the night before and I pulled her into my arms in an attempt to comfort her.

“I’ve never been so scared in my life, Gee,” she said, eyes tearing up again. “I thought I was going to die.”

My grip on her tightened, causing her to flinch. I had forgotten about her bruised ribs.

“I didn’t want to die… At one point I remember falling down the stairs. There was a huge struggle. I grabbed the first object I could get my hands on and hit him with it. He stopped fighting and fell down next to me. I thought he was dead. That’s when I called 911 and then I went to the bathroom and…” She stopped talking and looked down at her bandaged wrists.

“It’s okay; it’s over,” I whispered comfortingly.

“I was so sure he was dead.” she whimpered. “You’re sure he’s alive?”

I nodded and said with certainty, “He’s alive.” Fortunately for her, but deep down I kind of wished that he hadn’t been after everything he had put her through and now this. “Don’t blame yourself. It was self-defense, he would’ve killed you. If I had to lose you…I’d die too.” I meant it. “Please don’t ever try to take your own life again.” I came out as half a plea and half a command.

“You’re awake,” the nurse noted, coming into the room.

Kat wiped away her tears and looked at the nurse. I gave her some space as the nurse came closer to check on her.

“How are you feeling?” the nurse asked with a smile.

“I’m okay,” Kat replied.

“Excuse me, Miss,” one of two police officers said, coming into the room shortly after the nurse.

“We just have a few questions,” the other informed her.

“Are you fucking kidding me???” I snapped, feeling the blood boil in my veins. I’ve had to chase these guys off several times since Kat was admitted and now they were there again. Why the hell couldn’t they leave her alone or at the very least give her some time to recover? “She just woke up! She can barely talk and you want to ask her a few questions?? What is wrong with you?? Isn’t there some kind of law that prohibits this? This has to be some form of harassment. Where is hospital security?”

“Sir, please, it’ll only take a few minutes,” the first one tried.

“This is fucking ridiculous! What kind of system is this??”

“Gerard, it’s okay,” Kat said quietly, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze.

I took a deep breath to calm myself down. This was so not okay. Kat wanted me to leave the room to which I finally grudgingly agreed.

“It’s only a few questions that are important for the immediate progress of our investigation. You’ll only be questioned in full after you’ve been released from the hospital.” I heard them tell her as I left the room.

I stuffed my hands deep into my pockets, heading towards the cafeteria. If I stuck around I would most likely end up assaulting a cop and that would in no way help matters. Once I reached the hospital cafeteria, I bought myself a cup of coffee. I drank it on my way back to the room. By the time I returned the cops had already left.

“Are you okay?” I checked, since the nurse had also left.

She nodded, “I’m okay.”

“I didn’t even ask; can I get you anything?”

“My clothes,” she said. “Gerard, please. Get me out of here,” she pleaded.

“I can’t. You just came to. What if you’re not in any condition to…”

“The nurse said I’ll be able to go home by tomorrow. One day earlier won’t kill me. I just,” she sighed, “I just want to spend the night with you…just one last time.”

That didn’t make any sense. Why only one more night? They didn’t arrest her which was a good sign. Aside from that, I was worried about her physical condition. She couldn’t be strong enough to leave just yet. What if she collapsed or something? I didn’t know what to do.

I looked at her intently and she looked genuinely desperate to get out of there. She obviously wasn’t well and she was trusting me to take care of her. I walked over to the small closet and pulled out some of her clothes. It was the same clothes she had worn when she came in.

“I was here ever since you came in so you don’t have any clean clothes, but you can have my hoody if you don’t feel comfortable with these clothes?” I offered apologetically.

“It’s fine. I’ll change once we get back to your place.” Kat slowly sat up and swung her legs down the side of the bed. I shut the blinds and handed her the clothes. She quickly changed. As soon as she tried to get up however, her legs buckled under her. I caught her just in time.

“You should stay in bed,” I stated.

“I just have to get used to being on my legs again. They’re pretty limp after being in bed for a few days.” She looked down at herself and I could tell that she felt sick at seeing the dirty, bloody clothes. I didn’t hesitate to take off my hoody and give it to her. Of course she was very grateful for this.

I still wasn’t sure about checking her out, but I put my arm around her waist to support her as we made our way down the hospital corridor. After we checked her out and left the hospital we headed straight home where she took a shower and put on some clean clothes. Kat didn’t feel like leaving the house which was completely understandable. I would do whatever she wanted me to if it would help her feel better. I knew she still felt guilty and she probably wouldn’t believe that Dana was alive until she saw it with her own eyes. The events of that night would most likely haunt her forever. Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do about that.

“I’ll call and order some food. What do you feel like?” I asked, grabbing my phone off the cluttered coffee table.

Kat shrugged. “I’m not hungry.”

“You need to regain your strength. Besides, you’ll feel better after you’ve eaten something.” She needed to eat. She still looked bad after everything that’s happened.

“Fine,” she sighed. “I’ll eat some pizza.”

I knew she wasn’t mad at me and didn’t take her reply personally. This had nothing to do with me. Once the pizza arrived I had to convince her all over again that she should eat something. She probably only had two bites of pizza, but it was better than nothing.

“Why don’t you sketch me?” Kat suggested after a quiet, conversationless dinner. “I loved the last one you did.”

I nodded, getting up to grab my sketchpad and pencils. I knew what she was doing. This was an attempt to distract me which was ridiculous, since she was the one who needed distraction, but if this was what she wanted me to do, then I would do it. She shifted on the couch and waited for me to begin. What I saw was a sad and lonely girl, someone who had given up. The strokes of the pencil started out light and increasingly became darker, her silhouette forming clearly on the page in front of me. She stared off into space and from the rapid rise and fall of her chest I could tell that she was reliving the events of the other nights. She was going to replay it in her mind until she went mad.

I put the sketchpad and pencil down and moved to sit down next to her. My hand came up and my thumb brushed away a tear from her cheek. Her eyes darted to my face, first meeting my eyes and then moving down to my lips. Without any further warning she kissed me. Her lips were desperate, begging me for a response, but I couldn’t do it. Not in her current condition. She was asking too much, because I knew she would wake up to regret it.

“No, Kat,” I whispered with my eyes still tightly shut. “You don’t really want this.”

“Please,” she begged and her hands and fingers became entangled in my hair. “Please,” she repeated, kissing me again and I gave in, allowing her to pull me down on top of her. Maybe it would help take her mind off things.

*

I woke up alone. It was completely dark, but Kat wasn’t in bed and I received no response either. According to my phone in was after three. I pulled on some sweatpants and a t-shirt before turning on every light in my apartment in search of her, but without any success. Where the hell is she? I couldn’t help worrying that she had done something stupid again.

I hurriedly grabbed a jacket along with my keys and ripped the door open, ready for a long search only to find her outside my door in the hallway.

“Kat!” I bent down next to her limp for. She had drunken so much that she was completely fucked up. I had no idea how she managed to get back here. She must have snuck out as soon as I had fallen asleep. Dammit!

I scooped her up into my arms and stepped back inside the apartment. My foot pushed the door shut behind us. Once I had her tucked safely into bed, I couldn’t sleep right away. I was going to have to worry about her anew. Self-destruction seemed to be the path she was on now. I couldn’t blame her, but I did. She wasn’t in this alone. I realized that I had no idea how she felt, after all I hadn’t been there. Nothing I said or did could help, but I would like to try. I would prefer she talk to me rather than go off on her own in the middle of the night. Was this what she did after she had lost the baby and found out about Dana’s affair? I was mad at him all over again for allowing her to get this bad. I refused to be like that.

It felt like I watched her sleep for hours before falling back to sleep again.

*

My eyes slowly fluttered open. For a moment I worried that Kat had disappeared again, but I sat up to find her sitting next to me on the bed, fully dressed.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Hey, Gee,” she said quietly.

I shifted closer to her, searching her face, hoping to hell to find something in her eyes that would assure me that she would be okay even if it took some time. There was nothing.

“I just wanted to say goodbye before going,” she informed me quietly.

“Going where?” I asked confused. What did she mean by goodbye?

She sighed deeply, looking down at the old grey sheets on my bed. “I was never supposed to leave the hospital.”

I still didn’t comprehend what she was trying to tell me,

“The two policemen who questioned me at the hospital yesterday told me that they were going to arrest me as soon as I was released from the hospital and when I disappeared, they most likely figured that I had made a run for it.”

This was bad. What had she been thinking? I frowned deeply. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I didn’t want you to worry. All I wanted was to enjoy one last day with you without any worries before I was taken in,” she explained. “I even left my phone at the hospital so that no one will be able to call.”

They were going to thinking that she was guilty for sure after that. Why else would she disappear? I should have realized that something else was going on. I should have thought ahead. This was my fault. Things were only going to get worse from here on out.

“Now what?” I wanted to know.

“I’m going to go to the police station and turn myself in,” she answered simply.

“I’ll come with you,” I said, hurriedly getting out of bed and putting on some pants.

“Gerard, no!” she exclaimed. “I mean I can go alone.”

“I want to go with you. I don’t want you to do this alone.”

“I don’t want you to come with me!” she stated firmly.

I didn’t understand it. I was good enough the night before. Why was she pushing me away?

“This is hard enough as it is, okay. If you come along and I have to see the look on your face as they take me in…I don’t think I’ll be able to handle that,” she calmly explained, looking up at my devastated face.

I sighed, sitting down next to her.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly. Her eyes met mine and there was some reassurance there now that hadn’t been there a minute ago. “I want to thank you. These past few months have been the greatest. You’ve changed my life, you know? Thank you… for letting me care about something again.”

“You talk as if this is the end,” I noted.

“This is the end…”

“No it’s not!” I insisted. “You and I just started. This is far from over.” I caressed the side of her face as I said this.

“They’re going to arrest me for attempted murder! That is the end!” Her voice was almost hysterical.

I looked down at my hands, because she was right, this was serious, but I refused to accept that things were over just like that. It was finally our time. It couldn’t be that we were only supposed to have a brief moment in time. We deserved more time.

“I’m sorry, Gerard, but that’s the way it is!” she said harshly. “Dana is in a coma and now I have to face the consequences.”

“It was self-defense!” I retorted.

“I went to see him last night,” she told me sadly. “He’s in bad shape. I did that. It doesn’t matter that it hadn’t been my intention, because I still did it.” She stood up and looked down at me. “I love you, Gerard.” She said suddenly, completely knocking any feeling out of me. I hadn’t expected that.

That was all she had, because after that, she disappeared out the door and I heard the front door open and close. She was gone.

I sat dazed and confused for a few minutes as I processed what just happened. I didn’t know what was going to happen to Kat once she turned herself over. One thing I did know was that I wasn’t going to let her go through it alone. I hurriedly pulled a shirt over my head and ran out the door after her.

Notes

Long, somewhat busy chapter. What do you guys think?