Kat's POV

“I’m sorry about what I said earlier,” I apologized, lying on Gerard’s couch and glancing down at where he sat on the floor, leaning back against the couch with his legs stretched out in front of him. His head turned to face in my direction and I could tell that he didn’t know what I was talking about which was fair since I had said a lot of things to him in the last couple of hours. “When you came by Starbucks,” I clarified. “You were open with me and I shut you down and left you. I had no right and I’m sorry.”

He waved a hand through the air. “Don’t worry about it. You were upset. I barely recall that conversation anyway.”

I didn’t believe him, but I didn’t push the situation.

“I was worried about you earlier,” he admitted. It was my turn to look at him confused. “You were telling me everything about your past, things that have probably been tearing you apart from the inside for a long time, but you just sat there talking with no emotion like it was nothing. It kind of scared me to be honest.”

“Then I’ll be honest and tell you that I’ve been highly medicated all day. Besides,” I paused, leaning forward and taking the cigarette from him. “What would be the point? I’ve cried… too much.” I shook my head, bringing the cigarette to my lips and taking a drag. “It doesn’t change anything, trust me,” I finished, blowing out smoke.

“You’ll feel better,” he insisted, stealing the cigarette back. “It’s good to let your hurt or anger win every once in a while.”

“Kind of like you did when you quit your job?” I questioned.

Obviously he looked surprised that I knew, because he never told me about that.

“Mikey stopped by Starbucks before you did. He’s worried about you.”

Gerard sighed deeply, flicking the ash off the end of his cigarette onto the makeshift ash tray. “Mikey’s always worried about me.”

“Can you blame him? You’re his big brother. Plus, you gave him false hope when you told him that you wanted to get clean.”

His shoulders sagged and he ducked his head guiltily. “I know. I needed a way for him to accept that I quit my job without him freaking out.”

“So you lied?”

“I thought we were talking about you?” he countered. “You said that you caught Dana cheating. Is he still…”

“No,” I said shortly, before he could finish his sentence. “He promised me that he was done with her. Of course that promise doesn’t explain the blouse and the smell of unknown perfume in our bedroom,” I said bitterly, staring ahead again.

Gerard shook his head. “Why are you still with him? You deserve so much better.”

“I know, but I can’t just… It’s not that simple. I have to learn to take care of myself first.”

“I’ll help you dry out,” he offered immediately.

I couldn’t help laughing. “Oh, so that’s why you’ve been feeding me alcohol?” I held up the bottle of whisky as if to emphasize my point. We haven’t drunk from it for a long time, not since the sun came up, but it didn’t change the fact that we had indulged in alcohol.

“Starting now.” Gerard crawled onto his knees. “I’m going to help you. Maybe there’s still hope for you and Dana.” I could tell that he had to force that last part out.

“Are you going to join me?” I wanted to know. Here’s for my part in trying to help him.

He stood up off the floor and dusted off his clothes. “We should probably eat something.”

“Gee.” I stared after him while he walked over to his little kitchen in the corner.

“What would you like? I have enough food to last us at least two days.” He was shutting down. The day before when he showed me his true emotions was a rare moment to which I didn’t respond correctly. I had my chance and I didn’t use it.

“Why don’t we start with coffee and then go from there?” I suggested, deciding to drop it for now. I’ll ambush him with the idea again later.

“I like the way you think.” He smiled at me and grabbed two mugs off the counter to clean them.

I was standing by his, I’m guessing, kitchen table, which was littered with all kinds of drawings. They were very good. I looked through them and was impressed by the detail and even the creativity behind some of them. It was also clear that he liked them a little on the dark side. My eyes landed on a sketch of a woman’s face.

“Is this me?” I asked in awe.

“What? Oh, shit, you weren’t supposed to see that.” He rushed over to take the page from me. “I drew this before we met.”

“It’s beautiful,” I told him.

He frowned at the drawing in his hand. “No, it’s terrible. It doesn’t look anything like you. This nose is all wrong. Your cheekbones and your lips are a little fuller. The jaw line needs fixing too. It’s definitely not my best work.” I didn’t know how to respond to that. Did he really study me that closely? Had he committed my face to memory down to the smallest detail?

I noticed his face soften, still looking at the picture staring back at him. “Except the eyes. They’re perfect. Big and beautiful and sad. They were what I noticed about you first.” He crumpled the page up into a ball and tossed it over his shoulder. It seemed sad for him to do that.

“I’ll make you a deal. Why don’t I make us brunch?” I checked my watch and it was about nine thirty am. “Yes, brunch and then you can draw me another sketch.” I gave him a proper smile hoping that it would persuade him to agree.

He looked skeptic. “Really?”

“Yes, please. I happened to like the one you crumpled up so you owe me a new one that even you like.”

He still looked hesitant, but he agreed to do it. At that I started to make toast and eggs for breakfast. When Gerard said that he had enough food to last us two days, it was a relative term, food meaning edible and not so much a variety. Our coffee mugs were also refilled during this time. By the time I was finished, Gerard was still busy sketching. He finished his breakfast at the table while continuing to draw and I paged through some of his comic books, the ones he didn’t worry about me getting food on anyway.

“Done,” Gerard finally announced after what felt like a very long time. I wasn’t all that into comic books and had been extremely bored. I jumped up and hurried over to see my new drawing and he was right, the other one didn’t look like me at all, in comparison with this one.

“Gerard, wow.”

“It’s still not perfect, but it’s the best that I can do.”

“It’s perfect,” I assured him quietly, taking in all the details of the picture. He didn’t leave anything out. The shape of my face, the curves of my mouth, my eyes and eyebrows, every strand of hair, every single detail.

He looked down embarrassed. “It’s okay.”

“Gee, you don’t have to be so modest. You’re an amazing artist and I hope you know that. You know that, right? That’s why I don’t understand why you quit your job.”

“I hated my job and you’re right, I can be good, given the proper opportunity and I wasn’t going to get it there, that’s why I left.”

“Then it didn’t have anything to do with your addictions?” I checked and he shook his head. “No, I didn’t enjoy what I was doing anymore.”

“And me?” He looked at me questioningly. “Did any of this have anything to do with me, you know, all the bad stuff?”

He put the drawing he’d been holding in his hand down on the table before looking at me again. “I’m not going to lie and say that it had nothing to with you, because it did. It had a lot to do with you, a really big part, but it wasn’t all you.” I guess I should have been relieved that I hadn’t been ruining his life, and I was, but something was still bothering me, though I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what it was.

There was a knock on the door and Gerard went to answer it. I stayed out of the picture, because his friend or whoever was at the door didn’t come here to see me.

“Bert.” He sounded surprised to see this Bert guy. The name rang a bell and I vaguely remembered the guy who collapsed in the bar some months ago, the first time I had seen Gerard.

“Can I please ask what possessed you to give some random girl my phone number?” Bert asked, walking inside without waiting for an invitation, much like I had the night before. “Especially when said girl claims to be pregnant with my child!” He somewhat shouted.

I sat down on the couch, listening to the rest of their conversation, because I couldn’t ignore it even if I wanted to.

“Bert, calm down, okay. Meagan showed up out of the blue last night, asking me for your number, because, well, she said she was pregnant. I didn’t know what else to do, but give her your number.”

“Yeah, and she called me,” Bert stated unnecessarily. “And then she told me this ridiculous story about me being the father, like I’m going to believe that!” he said scornfully.

“Bert, you didn’t see her the morning after you guys, you know…” Gerard paused awkwardly. “Anyway, I don’t think she’s lying.”

There was a pause before Bert continued firmly. “Either way, I can’t be a dad right now. My band just got off the ground. We’re going on tour next month. I can’t be changing diapers. I refuse to let this ruin my dreams.”

On the one hand, I could see where he was coming from and why he was panicking. He just found out that he was going to be a father, although it was not a part of his plans at all. To a certain extent I could understand why he would choose his dreams over an unplanned child and a very tiny part of me lately wishes that I had done the same. On the other hand, he had been irresponsible and had gotten this girl pregnant. He was supposed to take care of her no matter what the circumstances were.

“I get that, but you can’t just leave her,” Gerard insisted. “At least offer to help…”

“And what if she accepts?”

“Then you help her. This is both your faults.”

“Why the fuck am I even talking to you? And why the hell did she come here?” Bert shouted angrily.

“This isn’t my fault!” Gerard responded heftily in his own defense. “How else was she going to find you? This was the last place she saw you and since you didn’t bother to call her…”

“Don’t start.” I could tell that the other man was growing annoyed rather than angry now.

“I shouldn’t start?” Gerard was right back in there. “You slept with a girl you didn’t know on my couch and then you just left her here.” I jumped up at these words. Suddenly the couch wasn’t as comfy anymore. “I don’t know if you remember the condition I was in that particular night.”

“You were a mess. You’re always a mess.”

“Maybe, but that night was worse than before and you took advantage of that.”

“It’s not like I haven’t done it before,” Bert replied a little more feebly than before.

“No, it’s not, but none of the other girls have come back pregnant! Bert, I can’t deal with your shit for you. You do it.”

I heard the door open and close. Gerard sauntered back into the room, deep in thought. I looked at him, waiting for him to say something. He looked up and saw me standing there.

“Sorry about that.” He pointed over his shoulder back in the direction where the scene had played out. “Bert is… he’s a little rattled, that’s all.”

I nodded slowly. “I could tell.”

“Bert’s a good friend, whatever you might have been thinking.” He continued. “He’s a good and loyal guy. He’ll stand up for you no matter what and take whatever shit anyone gives you himself. Then again when it comes to handing out shots, he doesn’t hold back either.”

“Gee, it’s okay. You don’t have to explain anything to me.” He still seemed distracted and I made a suggestion. “Let’s go out.”

*

It was almost midnight and Gee and I were drunkenly sauntering down the streets. Neither of us could properly stand on our feet, but we were somehow supporting each other and managing along, laughing at everything.

“Fucking drunks.” Someone sneered when we passed him.

I suddenly stopped realizing something important. “You live there,” I stated, randomly pointing to a building. My thoughts were not at all coherent. Not even I could make sense of them. “Wait, no, you live there,” I said, pointing at another building. “I live there,” I slurred, pointing to his other side.

Gerard frowned, “You can’t live there. It’s the beach.”

“I always wanted to live on the beach.” I sighed, feeling somewhat nostalgic.

He grinned and grabbed my hand, dragging me towards the sand. We stumbled and fell down just as we reached the sand. If we had fallen a few feet earlier, we would’ve had a terrible meeting with the pavement. Uncontrollable giggles took control of our bodies. Being intoxicated sure as well felt a lot better than being sober. You didn’t have a care in the world.

The waves were hitting the shore every now and again and I was hit with a brilliant idea. “Let’s go swimming.”

“You’re drunk,” Gerard told me seriously as if it should mean something.

“So are you,” I slurred indignantly. I wasn’t alone in this. More giggles erupted from me. We were so very drunk. I could barely find myself.

Gerard took a deep breath, staring up the sky. He looked peaceful or maybe he was at the point of passing out. I crawled closer and looked down at him, my face obscuring his vision of the night sky.

“You need sleep,” I informed him.

“So do you,” he replied quietly, reaching up and gently pushing a strand of hair behind my ear.

“Let’s sleep then,” I said, falling down on the sand next to him. “It’s cold.”

“Come ‘ere,” Gerard murmured, pulling me into his arms.

I snuggled up to him and we fell asleep on the sand with the sound of the waves crashing to the shore and the sounds of the city in the background.

Notes

For once a bit of lighter reading and it didn't take forever.
Hopefully you enjoyed the chapter and I hope you all have a wonderful day!
xoxo