Kat's POV

The house was quiet. I woke up alone, not unlike what I’ve been doing for about the past year. Attempting to fix my marriage was a way of trying to change that. For a little while things had been good and I had woken up with my husband. It was amazing how fast things happened. One moment we weren’t talking and then we seemed to be back on track right before returning to square one. Where I woke up alone. On the couch.

After the fall out with Dana the night before, I didn’t go back to bed. Instead I sat on the couch, mulling over my life until sleep finally won the battle sometime around three in the morning.

I jumped when my phone rang and hurriedly answered it. “Hello.”

“Katherine, great you answered. I was worried that you wouldn’t pick up.” It was Ray not that I had any idea why he would be calling. Of course it was about work. “I have a huge favor to ask you. My sister went into labor and I’m on my way to the hospital. Unfortunately I have the late shift today. Is there any way that you could take my place? I would really like to be here when the baby comes, but there’s no telling when exactly that would be.”

“Sure, I’ll do it.” It wasn’t like I had anywhere better to be at that time. I was still in my process of sobering up. The late shift will keep me away from the bar. It wasn’t like I had anyone to spend my time with, considering the fights with the only two people in my life that mattered.

“You will?” He sounded surprised. “Thanks a lot. I owe you big time!”

“You can lay off of me for a while,” I half joked.

“Deal! I’ll leave you in peace for at least the next week, I promise.” He seemed to be extremely grateful, even though I was kidding about the whole thing. I wasn’t going to complain, though. It would make my life somewhat easier without him breathing down my neck all the time.

After Ray hung up, I made my way to the bedroom and tiredly fell down on the bed, letting out a deep breath. I tried to think where it all went wrong. When did I make the wrong decision that ended up bringing me here? It wasn’t getting pregnant before having a life. It wasn’t getting married at a young age. I had still been happy after those choices. The first mistake I made was not saying anything when I first found out about Dana and Carrie, not the decision to forgive him, but the decision to keep the knowledge to myself. Maybe if I had confronted him about it, things would’ve been different. Or maybe that was nothing more than wishful thinking.

A few more minutes of sleep would do wonders for my state of mind, I thought, stretching. My hand came into contact with something tucked under Dana’s pillow. When I pulled my hand back to see what it was, I was holding a woman’s shirt and it definitely wasn’t mine. I never thought he’d be so stupid to bring his mistress home and to use our bedroom… And what the hell was she wearing when she left? It couldn’t be her shirt, because I had it in my hand. No wonder my pillow smelled different. Dana had brought Carrie here after he promised me that he had ended it. That lying, cheating bastard.

To be completely honest, I wasn’t even really surprised. I guess I kind of expected it. When he wasn’t being a jerk, he’s been trying a little too hard to make things between us work. I couldn’t help wondering how many of his late nights had actually been spent studying and how many were spent with her, the same with his weekends.

It hurt me.

I heard the front door open and realized that a few tears had managed to escape.

“Katherine?” It was Dana.

I hurriedly wiped my eyes. He didn’t have to see me in a vulnerable state. He didn’t have to know about my discovery. I guess history had a way of repeating itself.

“In here,” I responded, getting to my feet and shoving the shirt back beneath the pillows.

He came into the bedroom not a second later. “I was hoping I’d catch you.”

“You did?” I pretended to be curious as to why he would be looking for me.

“Yeah,” Dana said quietly. “I wanted to apologize for last night.” He looked sincere, but then again he’s probably had a lot of practice. “I realize that things got out of hand.”

I snorted lightly. Saying that things got out of hand was a bit of an understatement.

“I shouldn’t have acted the way I did and attacked you like that and I’m sorry.”

I shrugged off the entire thing. “It’s fine.”

“Is it?” The fact that he believed that astounded me even more than I already was. How could he possibly think that it was okay? How could he not tell that I was anything but fine?

I nodded, keeping my face as expressionless as I could when I told him, “Yeah, don’t worry about it.” I don’t know when he became so angry and that worried me. On the other hand, he was still cheating on me and that hurt. In that moment the hurt outweighed the worry.

“I would like to make it up to you.” He reached out and touched my arm, searching my face for an answer.

“It’s really fine, Dana. Forget about it.” I shrugged him off. “I have to get to work,” I said, turning away from him and grabbing my bag. Everything I would need was already in there.

“Okay then. Love you.” He leaned in to kiss me, but I turned my head and let his lips connect with my cheek. I would probably be the second person he kissed that day.

“Yeah.” That was all I said before leaving. I didn’t confront him about his tell tales. I didn’t say anything. I knew I should have, but then what?

Running away from Dana meant that I was at work early, but I didn’t hesitate to get busy, because I needed to keep myself busy. Unfortunately, serving coffee wasn’t exactly rocket science and it didn’t do much to keep my thoughts away from the bad stuff. It wasn’t like my mind came up with any solutions either. I couldn’t run away, because I didn’t have anywhere to go. Divorce was out of the question, because…”

“Katherine, right?” I was pulled from my thoughts. I looked up into the face a guy with dirty blonde hair and glasses perched on the tip of his nose. “I don’t know if you remember me. I’m…”

“Mikey, Gerard’s brother.” I put on my friendly face. The fact that I was furious with his brother was no reason to take that anger out on him. I didn’t miss the slightly surprised look on his face when I told him I remembered. “What can I get you?”

“Black coffee, two sugars please.” I nodded and turned to the coffee machine behind me, grabbing a cup and filling it. “Actually, coffee isn’t the real reason I’m here.”

I pulled out two sugar sachets and placed them on the counter in front of him along with the coffee, looking at him expectantly.

“I wanted to talk to you about Gerard.” My first thought was that something had happened to him. Maybe he’d done something stupid after I had left him the night before.

“What about him? Is he okay?”

“I wish I could say yes,” Mikey started ruefully. “But unfortunately I can’t, because my brother is throwing his life away. I’m sure you’re aware of his problems with depression and alcohol.” Nothing new. I failed to see what any of that had to do with me and how it was in any way my problem. “The thing is, my brother is trying to pull himself together.” Clearly he hasn’t seen his brother lately. The Gerard I saw the previous night definitely did not want to pull himself together.

“He recently quit his job, because it didn’t do anything to help him with his problems aside from contributing to his negative feelings.” I frowned, because I had no idea that he had quit his job. Why would he do that? From what I could tell, he loved drawing. “Honestly, I think that if he wants to get back on track he needs to cut out everything in his life that gives him a reason to stay the way he is and that includes his friends.” Realization dawned on me, but I refused to believe it until his next words confirmed it. “Maybe you can do Gerard a favor and stay away from him.” Mikey finally got to the point.

“Excuse me?” I couldn’t help feeling insulted.

“I don’t blame you for the situation my brother is in.”

“Good,” I spat out annoyed. “Because I’ll have you know that your brother was a train wreck even before I met him. I dare say he got better after meeting me.”

“He also got worse, worse than he’s ever been before.” His answer came immediately. “And I hate to say it, but you’re the only thing that’s changed in his life in the last few months.”

“Me and you,” I didn’t hesitate to tell him, because he forgot that he only moved to the city quite recently as well.

Mikey frowned and I could tell that I was trying his patience. He clearly expected this to be an easier task. “I just don’t think that he needs any encouragement to continue the way he is. That’s exactly what’s going happen if he keeps spending time with you.”

I shook my head in disbelief. “I can’t believe you. Gerard trusts you with his life. Do you think that you deserve that trust when you’re going behind his back and asking his friends to turn their backs on him?”

“Be reasonable,” Mikey begged. “I know you care about my brother. I know that like me you only want what’s best for him.”

“Don’t kiss my ass,” I snapped angrily. That was the only thing he was trying to achieve with that last sentence. “Yes, I do want what’s best for Gerard, but our opinions on what that is are completely different. How can you decide what’s best for Gerard? Maybe you should trust Gerard to know what’s best for him and to make his own decisions.” I was mad at Gerard, but right then I was angrier at the audacity his brother had to come here and act so self-righteous. Mikey was in no way better than Gerard.

Mikey snorted. “Yeah, because that’s working out great for him.”

“You think getting his friends to abandon him is going to help, friends that might be just what he needs to help him through all of this? They’re the only support structure he currently has and they’re the only ones keeping him from going completely off the rails.”

“Not the ‘friends’ he currently has,” Mikey disagreed.

“And those ‘friends’ include me?” I wanted to know. Of course it did.

Mikey grumbled in aggravation. “Look, all I want to know is whether you’re going to stop seeing him or not?”

“No,” I told him firmly, not breaking eye contact. “And if any of his friends are worth the title, they will tell you the exact same thing.” I turned away, dismissing him. “Maybe just not as nicely,” I muttered. I waited until I heard him sigh angrily and walk away. I turned back just in time to see him leave.

Damn the way brothers for ever coming into my life. My life wasn’t great, but I handled it and then I met Gerard and everything turned upside down. Now I couldn’t rid myself of them. That proved to be truer than not when Gerard showed up later that afternoon to harass me.

Gerard's POV

“I don’t want to talk to you.” Kat said dismissively, not even looking at me and simply continuing to serve coffee.

“Kat, I’m sorry…”

“I’m busy.” She clearly wasn’t going to give me the time of day. The worst part was that I knew this was going to happen. I knew she would hate me as soon as I told her that I loved her and I wasn’t wrong. I couldn’t even blame her. I had been way out of line. If only she would let me apologize.

“Five minutes please.” I was desperate. To the point where I haven’t had anything to drink all day. Alcohol only ever got me into trouble.

She stopped in front of me and I could read in her eyes how upset she was. There was a storm brewing in those beautiful blue eyes.

“Maybe you misunderstood. I don’t want to see you right now.”

“I can understand that you’re mad…”

“Yes, I’m mad!” she snapped. “Why wouldn’t I be? You told me you loved me knowing that I’m married! And that after you knew what would happen considering that time you kissed me.”

“I know and that’s exactly why I need you to let me explain,” I begged.

“What can you possibly say to change what happened?” She asked dubiously. “I’ll tell you what. Nothing. Because you never should have done it.”

“I know and I’m sorry!”

I knew that she would be mad, but this was a lot more than I expected. She took an order from someone in the cue and proceeded to make the coffee before handing it to the customer.

“Gerard, I’m busy and I’m not in the mood so could you please just go?” She asked me almost tiredly.

“All I ask is five minutes.”

She sighed loudly, turning away from me and getting something from her bag.

“Look, Gee,” she started turning back. “Ray isn’t here, something about his sister having a baby or something and that’s why I got the late shift. Now,” I watched as she opened a small yellow bottle and removed some pills from it. “You wouldn’t believe how messed up everything is right now. My husband and I had a huge fight last night and I’m going to go ahead and blame it on you, because it’s your fault that I had to participate.” She paused in order to swallow the pills with the help of some water. “So now I’m mad at you and at Dana, and I can’t believe I have to work the late shift.” She muttered this last part mostly to herself. “As you can tell I’m tired and upset and quite frankly you barking up my tree isn’t helping.”

“All I need is a minute. If I can’t convince you of how terribly sorry I am and that I would never ever make the mistake again, you can forget all about me.” The words were out before I could stop them and I instantly regretted them. I wouldn’t put it past her to cut me out of her life like I said if I couldn’t convince her not to. That would definitely kill me. If only she wasn’t so angry at the world.

“Fine!” she gave in. “Fine.” She pulled off her apron and violently shoved it under the counter. “Max, I’ll be right back,” she told the guy working the shift with her. “Well, come on.” She impatiently led me out the back door and turned to face me.

“I’m sorry about what happened last night. I was drunk and I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“So then you don’t love me?” She asked.

“I do!”I sighed deeply knowing that I couldn’t win this fight even if I wanted to. “I know I shouldn’t, but I do love you.”

“You know, you can’t just say stuff like that. You don’t know me.”

“But I do. Kat, I’m the only person who does.”

“Why?” I could hear the slight tremble in her voice. “You think because we both take care of our problems by dousing them with alcohol that we’re the same? We’re not.”

“Kat, look at me.” She did. “Look into my eyes.” Fearlessly, just like her, she looked me dead in the eyes and at that point in time for the first time in my life I let someone see right inside me. I bore my soul and she could see everything.

The raven-haired beauty looked away quickly, staring down at the pavement.

“Why would you do that? Why would you let me see that?” Her tone was almost accusatory.

“I wanted you to know that I really do understand. You and me, we’re the same. I’ve known it since the first time I saw you. Like me you bear scars on your soul where no one can or will ever see them. That’s why they don’t get it.”

She shook her head dismissively. “You’re broken, Gerard.”

“I know.”

She looked up at me with sad eyes and I was disappointed, yet not surprised to see that she was still fighting it.

“You really need fixing.”

“Yeah,” I sighed again. “I know.”

Kat breathed in deeply. “I can’t do this. I just can’t.” With that she headed back inside and I knew that it was over.

One good thing came from all of this. Now that Kat was out of the picture, the hardest decision I would have to make from now on was whether I would get drunk by myself or with the guys. Tonight I would fly solo. I had to be sure that I was somewhat in the right state of mind. After all, the woman I loved just turned her back on me.

Stocking up on alcohol for the night was quick and I also bought some cigarettes since I seemed to be out of those all the time too. My face still hurt like a bitch from the beating I took the night before, but that was all Bert’s fault. He damn well owed me a shit load by now, considering every time I’ve cleaned up after him. There was a knock on the door. Speak of the devil and he doth appear. Sort of.

I walked over to the door and opened it to reveal a pretty girl with onyx colored hair and big brown eyes.

“Gerard.” She seemed relieved to see me.

“Uhm, Meagan right?” I checked not sure if I remembered correctly. I was suffering through one of my lows when I met her a couple of weeks ago.

She nodded. “I’m sorry to bother you, but I kind of needed a favor and you’re the only person who can help me.”

“Me?” I was surprised. How on earth could I possibly help her? I couldn’t even help myself. Why me?

She looked so brave when she opened her mouth again to say, “I’m pregnant.”

“Oh.” I didn’t know how to respond to that. It’s not a situation I thought I’d ever find myself in. “Do you want to come in? I’ve got…” I was about to say alcohol, but then remembered that she was pregnant. “Coffee?”

She smiled wanly. “I appreciate it, but actually all I wanted was Bert’s number. Don’t worry, I’m not going to ask him for anything. I know I didn’t plan this, but I’ll be okay. I can take care of myself. I just think he deserves to know. He should at least have the choice whether or not to be a part of his child’s life.”

“Sure.” I hurried to pull out my phone in order to give her Bert’s number. I felt bad for her, because I doubted that Bert would care. He was in no position to become a father right now, especially unplanned like this. Chances were that he wouldn’t even remember her. If it would help her, in any way, I would provide her with his number though. It was the least I could do.

“Thanks.” She put away her own phone after having typed in his number.

“Sure. Good luck and, you know, if you need any help or something, I’ll probably be here.” I wasn’t even sure why I was offering her my help, but it felt like I had to for some reason. It was in no way my responsibility, but it felt like I had a part in all of it. It was ridiculous, I knew that, but maybe if it was the only good thing I would ever do in my life, it would be worth something.

Meagan suddenly stepped forward and hugged me tightly. I reflexively wrapped my arms around her even though the action took me completely by surprise. “I’ll be okay.” She offered me a reassuring smile before walking away down the hallway. I slowly shut the door behind me, still having a hard time digesting what just happened. Bert was going to be a dad. Shit.

There was another soft knock on the door and I instantly opened it, expecting that Meagan had come back again, but instead I was greeted by Kat standing just outside my doorway. I was about to invite her in, but she started talking before I could get a word out.

“You know, you can’t tell me you love me out of the blue.” She stormed past me into my apartment, turning swiftly to glare at me. “You have no idea what you’re saying.”

I was stunned by her sudden appearance and then her almost verbal assault.

“You can’t even begin to realize how upsetting those words were and not because I’m married.” I was unsure of whether she was angry with me or the situation in general. “Yes, that too, but my experience with love…” She let out a short breath. “People who tell me they love me always end up abandoning me.” And just like that all her fight was gone. “My parents. Dana.” Her anger had never been directed at me.

I walked over and led her to the couch where she sat down, staring into space for a long time and I wished more than anything that I could know what she was thinking in that moment.

“All this time I’ve been bugging you for an answer, a reason as to why you are the way you are,” she quietly began. “But I never gave you mine.”

“It’s okay,” I assured her, not wanting her to tell me something that she wasn’t ready to, or maybe reliving something that she didn’t want to.

“I never told you my entire story. Instead I’ve been getting angry with you for every little thing you do, because you didn’t get it, but how could you when you didn’t know?” She wasn’t really making sense and I waited for her to continue. “Remember that I told you that I met Dana when I was sixteen and that we started dating soon after that? I guess you can say my story begins there. We were young and in love, both from wealthy families and our futures all set. Nothing could stop us. He was at Columbia and would eventually take over his father’s company. I would be going to Yale to study pre-med and eventually become a pediatrician. Our parents were so proud, especially since their perfect children happened to end up together. Things couldn’t be better.” She looked nostalgic talking about her past. “I had the perfect life, for a while anyway.” She shifted on the couch in order to look at me. I would have offered her something to eat or drink, but I was afraid that if I did, she would stop talking and that I would then never hear the full story.

“About a week before my graduation, I found out that I was pregnant. Everything came crashing down around me, my hopes and dreams, everything. Dana was pretty mortified as well. It wasn’t something we had planned. It wasn’t something we had expected to happen. It’s not like we were stupid and failed to take the necessary precautions. We did. Something somewhere simply didn’t serve its purpose. Neither of us was ready for the responsibility nor the sacrifice it would mean. The part I had dreaded the most though was telling my parents.” I was shocked. There was a baby? She has never mentioned her child before. It’s only ever been Dana this and Dana that. She looked down at her hands momentarily before carrying on with her story. “I waited until after graduation to actually tell my parents. They flipped out, obviously. They were respected people and now their youngest daughter was pregnant before finishing school. I disappointed them, so much so, that they kicked me out of the house or should I rather say that they all but disowned me. So much for parents loving their children unconditionally,” she said sadly, but rolling her eyes in an attempt to make it off as nothing. The sad look on her face made room for a deep frown. “Dana’s parents took the news a lot better. They were devastated, but they chose to be good parents and support their son,” Kat explained bitterly. I could see why she lost herself and turned to alcohol.

“Barely a month after my graduation, Dana and I got married. It was a nice wedding and I was happy. Sure my parents and I weren’t talking anymore, but I was marrying the guy I loved and we were going to have a beautiful baby. Dana’s parents were nice enough to even buy us a house in the city. Of course, certain things weren’t going to be going according to plan anymore. I wouldn’t be able to go to Yale anymore. Dana went to work at his father’s company, because we needed an income. He would take evening classes in order to complete his degree. Despite Dana’s misgivings, I got a job as a secretary at one of the middle schools. It was only to keep me busy and it was extra money we had in a month. We could use it to help raise our child.” She was right, I had no idea. I didn’t know her at all.

“We became used to the idea of becoming parents and at one point started looking forward to it. We had just found out the gender of the baby when…” She paused, taking a deep breath. I wanted to reach out to her, hug her, but I wasn’t sure how she would respond, not after everything that’s happened.

“I had a miscarriage,” she said barely above a whisper. “It was devastating and it was what ruined everything. We were young and inexperienced. There was no way we could have handled something like that.” It sounded like she was trying to apologize for what happened, like they should have taken it better and handled things differently, but under the circumstances they probably did the best they could. “At the time when we needed each other the most, Dana and I abandoned each other. He buried himself in his work and his studies. Me? Well, therapy seemed to be the best road for me to take considering everything and it helped a little for a while, but what I had really needed was my husband. Then one day I decided to go talk to him and to tell him how I felt. My therapist agreed that I needed to talk to someone who would understand, someone I cared about and who better than Dana? We could have a proper heart to heart that might end up helping us both feel better.” Kat let out a strangled sound. “Who knew co-workers served more than one purpose?” She smiled wryly. “Walking down that hallway to his office only to find him attached to some other woman… That was the moment that broke me.”

“Kat stop.” I couldn’t let her keep talking. This wasn’t doing her any good. I watched the color keep draining from her face with every word she spoke. It bothered me that she hadn’t burst into tears yet. After everything she’s told me in the last few minutes, crying would be the preferable response. At least she would be showing emotions. Instead she just sat there emotionlessly telling her story and it scared me.

“I left without even letting him know that I had ever been there. I went to the first bar I could find and I had a drink. And then I had another and another. It wasn’t because I found out he was cheating on me. I wasn’t upset because I had a miscarriage. It was everything, all of it. I wasn’t sad about the miscarriage, only everything it represented. I had lost everything, my family, my dreams, my baby, Dana, my entire life and all for nothing,” she said through clenched teeth. “It had all been for nothing.”

“Katherine!” I shook her by her shoulders and then she broke down, falling into my arms and crying.

“That’s why I tried so damn hard to make this marriage work even after everything, because it was all I had left. If it failed then it definitely would have all been for nothing.” She cried into my shoulder. “Too much has happened. I can’t fix it anymore. I give up.”

I pulled back to look at her. “Kat, no…”

“You don’t get it! You telling me you love me scared the hell out of me, because I’ve already lost too much. I can’t lose you too.” The last part almost got lost in her choked up condition.

“You won’t. I’m not going anywhere.” I couldn’t have said it with more conviction. If it were up to me, I would never let her go. I just wanted to protect her and make her happy. There’s nothing else I wanted. In these short few months I’ve known her, she has become everything to me and I couldn’t explain it.

“No.” She pulled away from me and wiped her eyes. “You can’t promise that. You don’t know what’s going to happen. I…”

“You still have me after everything. I’ve seen the good and the bad and I’m still here. You’ve tried hard to push me away and I am still here. I’m not going anywhere,” I assured her, pulling her into a hug.

“Why?” She mumbled against my shirt.

I sighed deeply, caressing her hair. “So many reasons. Because you care. Even at my worst, you’re always there for me.”

“Point in case last night,” she muttered. “By the way, how are you feeling?”

“I’m fine, really. My wounds will heal.” Hers maybe not so much and that worried me. She was already taking pills. Who knew what else she would try to feel better?

“Don’t.” Kat interrupted my train of thought. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.” She pursed her lips. “I’ve been fine before.”

“Great, because everyone’s wants to be fine.”

“Gee, I’m going to be fine.” It was a little more convincing the second time she said it. “Thank you.”

“What for?”

“Being here.” She started to get up.

“Where are you going? Why don’t you stay here the night?” I suggested also stumbling to my feet. “You can have the bed and I’ll sleep on the couch. Please. I don’t feel comfortable with you leaving, not like this.”

She shook her head. “Gee, I can’t. I have to get home. Dana will worry.”

“Will he really?” The question was out before I could stop myself.

Kat frowned. “Yes, of course. He’s my husband.”

“I’m sorry,” I apologized. “That was out of line.”

“It was,” she agreed. Her pretty face was still frowning and I had no idea why.

“Please stay only a little while longer.”

Kat looked lost for a brief moment then nodded her consent. She dropped her bag on the floor and sat back down. I smiled slightly, relieved that she was staying. She needed to let me take care of her, because I got the feeling that her husband wasn’t doing a proper job at it. She deserved so much better and I was going to show her.

***

Either my internet has gone bad or this site won't let me add an author's note.

I just wanted to say that that was the last chapter that long. From now on the chapters will be shorter. I don't think anyone will complain. Also, the story is more than half way. You can start looking forward to the end from hereon out.
I appreciate everyone who has stuck around for this story and who is still reading a lot so thank you!
xoxo

Notes