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The Innocent Relapse

New Distractions.

I quietly wished you off from the bedroom window as you got in the car with the fair haired boy. Last day of school? I wondered what you thought about that. Happy that you would be spending more hours in my company or scared shitless that… you would be spending more hours in my company. I wasn’t quite sure which side you would take. But come to think of it, I was obviously teetering between the choices too. I was already trying to seek out a job so that I wouldn’t have to think about it.

I heard Dad’s car leave the driveway and I let out a muffled sigh. Good thing I wouldn’t have to spend more time with [i]him[/i]. With busy season already here in the bank business, Dad would be heavily occupied for the next two or three weeks.

I heard Mom’s bedroom door creak open and I thought back to what day it was. Tuesday. Her day off. This I could look forward too.

I sat for another half an hour, in my room, with tired eyes that were binged on caffienee and reality shows before deciding to make my grand entrance downstairs. I took a quick shower before half crawling down the stairs towards the living room.

Mom sat facing away from me, with a cup of French vanilla smelling coffee in one hand and the newspaper in the other. A bit crinkled from Dad’s pre-read of it, earlier. She hummed to herself in between sips. And I saw she had opened up all the blinds to let the light shine through the glass.

“Good morning,” I said with a half forced tired tone. Over exaggerating the preemptive drowsiness to make it seem like I had just awoken.

She jumped a little bit before turning herself around to face me in the doorway. “Oh,” she cooed. “Gerard, you scared me. What are doing up so early?”

I smiled and came across the room, sitting down in the chair across from her. “Just trying to get myself on a little better sleep schedule than yesterday, is all.”

Mom settled back down and flicked the local section into proper positioning. She spoke softly, occasionally glancing over the brim of the paper, “So are you job hunting today?”

I had forgotten what she was talking about for a second. My brain took a moment to line up the wires again. “Oh, yes. I thought I would. I filled out some applications before bed last night.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful, Gerard,” she made a loud slurping noise on the other side of the paper wall.

I sat there for a moment, tapping my fingers on my knees. My lips pursed. My conversational ideas run dry, already. At Reynard’s, I didn’t have to make conversation much. I kind of had trained myself out of it. Made it easier when people didn’t ask questions and vise versa. I think Mom understood this though.

“Oh,” she exclaimed. “Honey, I don’t mean to sound offensive, but you’ve grown a bit since you were fifteen.”

I looked down to the too small clothes I was wearing. Of course, she was right. I was glad she had brought it up before I had too actually go out in public with these clothes.

“While you’re out today, you should buy yourself some new things.”

I tried to smile and get up at the same time. “Okay,” I tried to make my escape from the living room. “Well, I’m gonna go throw something somewhat decent on and start going.”

“Try Mikey’s closet,” Mom yelled towards me trying to catch me before I left, “He’s about as tall as you now, if not taller. His clothes will fit you, I think.”

I froze in my place at the doorway. My mouth sewn shut and my eyes glued on Mom. She looked towards me and saw the obvious fear in my face.

“Fine, sorry,” she sighed and went back to the paper.

I unstuck myself from my spot and went upstairs, doing as I said I would. I tried to pull on a pair of jeans and roll the ends. A desperate attempt to make them into knee length shorts. They looked foolish, but I didn’t have the patience to care. I rummaged around for a shirt, finding one from a school play that used to be huge on me. Now it was only slightly large and massively tacky. I took a tight black zip up over my shoulder, with the intention of covering up the past that dared to emblazon my chest.

I grabbed the filled out applications on my bedside table and went back down stairs, grabbing the keys from the basket and popping back in the living room. “I’m off,” I waved towards mother, who had moved on to the entertainment section.

“Okay, you can take the blue card from my purse by the door. Go crazy. I miss having to pay for stuff for you.” she smiled. “and knock ‘em dead.”

“Thanks, Mom,” I smiled back and did as she said. I headed out towards the worn-in Buick in the driveway.


At the mall, there was a kaleidoscope of people. Working joes, desperate tourists, and the school skipping mall rats all moved around me as I began remembering the layout of the once familiar place.

A few new stores had gone in in my absence, but nothing that caught my attention. I ended up going to one of the usual teen clothing traps. It reeked of too sweet perfume and tanning oil. Heavy house music poured out the speakers. I tried to navigate around the tables, but nothing interested me. I found myself wondering if I had ever liked any of this stuff. What did I used to wear?

“Can I help you with something?” I turned and saw a girl to my left, leaning on the edge of one of the tables. She had choppy light brown hair that bared dangling braids with green and brown feathers tucked in the edges.

I felt myself lose my color as I realized that someone was really seeing me, in public. I had forgotten till now that this was a first of mine. I suddenly felt naked and helpless and like she could read every minute detail of the past two years in my face. “uh,” I stuttered out, “Just looking for some new clothes.”

Her eyes crinkled in confusion. “Do you want me to help you?”

There was something oddly thrilling about the feeling and mental process I was going through. I felt dangerous and edgy and scared beyond belief. I wondered how far I could push this before getting uncomfortable . “Yes.” I said simply, barely believing I had said it.

She was mirroring my uneasiness though. She shifted her weight, “What kind of clothes are you looking for? Shirts, jeans, tees?”

“Everything,” I said simply, before justifying, “I have no clothes right now.” I looked down towards my ghetto wardrobe and looked back at her.

Her eyes looked me up and down and nodded. “I can see that.” She looked around quickly. “Let me grab some things for you.”

I watched the girl go in and out of the room, branching off into the different sectors of the store. I stood patiently as she carried around growing armfuls of clothing. She moved quickly and precisely and it wasn’t long before she was back in front of me. I could barely see her brown eyes from the pile of cottony grey and blue and white fabrics she had climbing towards the ceiling.

“When I said everything, I didn’t mean everything in the store,” I mustered out, trying not to come across as mean.

She rolled her eyes, “Just follow me.”

And I did. Towards the white shutterbroad style dressing rooms.

She dropped the pile of clothing in the corner of one of the rooms. “Here,” she said, rummaging through the chosen pieces. “Try this.” She handed me a pair of jeans and a buttondown with a simple jacket. I took them in my hands and she quickly exited the room without a word.

I changed into the clothes. They fit. That was a good thing. But I felt uneasy in them. I didn’t feel very stylish. I opened the dressing room door and the girl peeked in. I tried to stand attractively as possible, but it seemed quite [i]im[/i]possible.

“You hate it,” she said.

I looked down, “No, I just… don’t feel right.”

She looked at me through squinted eyes. She wanted the truth.

“I don’t know,” I tried to justify again, “I just feel… uncomfortable.”

“Why are you here?” she asked, kind of bitterly.

I was taken aback, “Excuse me?”

“You don’t belong in this kind of store,” she said with the same harsh tone.

I sighed, excepting the obvious truth. “Well, where do I belong?”

The girl sighed and looked at her watch. “Hang on, let me take my lunch and I’ll show you. Undress.” She commanded, closing the door on me, leaving me no time to process what she had said.

I was alone in the dressing room that smelled too sweet. I sighed for what seemed the millionth time this week and changed back to my ugly clothes.

I came out and saw her standing with her purse and jacket. She no longer wore the navy and white uniform of the store, but a bright yellow destroyed shirt and black jean shorts.

“Come on,” she flipped open her phone. “We only got an hour.”

I followed her out of the store and down towards an area I hadn’t yet explored. The smell of the prior store began to grow fainter and fainter, even though I could still smell a bit of it in the girl’s hair as she walked two feet in front of me. She didn’t speak to me during the journey but made a sharp turn into a store quite a ways down from where we came from.

I looked around me and saw clean racks of colorful clothing. One side dedicated to girls and the other boys. The girl headed towards the boys section. This store didn’t smell like anything out of the ordinary and was full of bright overhead light. Bouncy, punk music played quietly as background music that didn’t overpower. Everything contradicted what we had just come from. Everything was different.

Again, the girl began grabbing things. Everything. Just as asked. “Here,” she unloaded the pile into my arms and pointed towards the corner of the room. “Get dressed.”

I didn’t take the command as quick this time, “What’s your name?”

She didn’t stop pushing me towards the corner, “Sierra Kusterbeck. Now get dressed.”

This time, I went. I locked the dressing room door and grabbed a pair of jeans from the pile. I pulled them on. They were tighter than the ones at the other store, yet somehow more comfortable. I looked in the mirror and nodded, impressed. I then grabbed a t-shirt from the top of the stack and pulled it over my head. I looked in the mirror this time. It felt considerably better and it looked good. I felt my confidence boost a couple points.

I stepped outside and Sierra was waiting, leaning against a clothing rack. She looked up and immediately smiled. “Much better,” she nodded, “you like?”

I nodded cause I didn’t really know how to tell her in words.

“I know, I’m good,” she praised herself. “Now try on the other stuff, quickly.”

I dove back into the room and tried on the remaining items. I actually felt human again, in real clothes. It felt like a relief. I grabbed all of the winning items and checked out while Sierra poked around the girls’ clothes. I took my bags and proceeded towards the exit. I was surprised when she followed me.

“So who are you?” she said bluntly as she led me back into the mall traffic.

“Gerard Way?” It came out like a question for reasons beyond my knowledge.

“So did all that great shopping work up your appetite?” she looked straight forward, but there was a hint of cliché humor in her voice.

I smiled to myself at the irony of this adventure. I began so confused and alone, but now I was looking presentable and going with another individual for lunch. “Yes,” I said simply.

With this, Sierra led me towards the epicenter of any mall, the food court. She got in line for the Taco Bell and proceeded to order, not being self-conscience in the least. She looked to me with the next order. I shook my head, timidly, communicating that I wasn’t interested in food.

She got to the end of the line and started going through her purse for her wallet.

I handed the cashier Mom’s card before she could get to it.

Sierra looked up at me. For the first time since our meeting, her eyes looked unsure or shy.

“It’s the least I owe to my personal stylist,” I waved away her look and took the receipt.

She didn’t seem to accept that I had done it but she continued, carrying her bag towards an empty table. The confidence immediately found its way back in her bouncy, big step strut.

I sat across from her and watched as she unwrapped her meal. She took a bite and processed it for a moment before speaking. “So where’d your clothes go?”

I felt my face turn hostile, but I don’t think she noticed. “Uh,” I stumbled for an excuse, “I just got back from school up north and we had uniforms. None of my old clothes fit me.”

She seemed to take this half-truth.

“So what’s up with you working at that smelly teen store?” I asked her.

“What do you mean?” she sucked a dab of liquefied cheese from her thumb.

“Well, no offense, but after you changed your clothes, you seemed to not fit in so much there,” I tried, yet again, to sound polite.

“Oh no, that is the highest compliment. I didn’t get a job at the store I would actually shop at, so I was forced to work there. Not my cup of tea though, how kind of you to notice.” She rolled her eyes with a smile. “So what kind of school is this? University?”

I twiddled my thumbs a bit, nervously. “No, it was kind of a boarding school where I could finish high school early.”

“So that makes you how old?”

“Eighteen… next week,” the second part came out very quiet. I had not been wanting to except the fact that my birthday was almost here. For reasons that may or may not be obvious. “What about you?” I tried to force the topic off me.

“I’m nineteen. I’m going to college locally and working at your lovely mall in my spare time. Originally from Florida, though.” She took a sip from her raspberry tea.

“Florida? Why be in Jersey than?” I was kind of afraid to ask.

Sierra shrugged. “Fresh start. Fabulous job opportunities.” She gave a sarcastic chuckle. “Speaking of.” She checked her phone, “I must return to mine.”

She got up and moved towards a near trash can. I followed her and watched as she tried to speed away. Not from me, but back to the store. She seemed like the type to always be rushing. “Nice meeting you.” I sputtered. “Thanks for helping me.”

She turned and smile with a wave, “No problem. Come see me sometime, Gerard.”

She just as quickly as she had walked in, she walked out. Leaving me back to alone. Back to thinking about you.


ok so just finished reading this in one day. this plotttttttttrtrttttttt

This is the best fan fic I've ever read. It has a very unique story line and I love it dearly. I'm sure it would get better if iT WAS EVER UPDATED!

waycestislife waycestislife

I have the distinct feeling I'm not getting the end of this.

Please update? Just read all 47 chapters in one go, need more! X

NOOOOOOOOOOO you can't just leave it like that.One thing I can't stand the most is cliffhangers!!!!!
please update soon