The Hardest Part Is Letting Go Of Your Dreams

Once I get up I go into the kitchen to see Frank and Ruby covered in pancake batter and the wall and floor are splattered with it. "What the hell?" I mutter out and Ruby starts
laughing. "Big mess daddy" she tells me and I force a smile to my face and say "Yeah I see that baby, daddy so looks forward to cleaning that up later." Ruby giggles again but Frank catches the pissed off tone to my voice and he says "It's ok, I'll clean it up." I shoot him a frown before saying "Fine then" and leaving the room. While Frank and Ruby make breakfast I go into the living room and finish the decorations and when Ruby comes in I'm just finishing. "Pancakes daddy" she tells me and I smile at her and say "I'll be right there Rubes." I pick up all the rubbish off the floor and make my way into the kitchen, throwing it in the bin before sitting down at the table. "Happy birthday Rubes" Frank says and we all start to eat. After breakfast we take Ruby into the living room
and give her presents. Frank gives her some new barbies and barbie clothes and a barbie car. Her little eyes light up and she says "Dollies." "That's right baby. Happy birthday." She climbs into his lap and gives him a kiss and cuddle before I give her my present. I give her a small easel and a large scrapbook and paints (which I've never let her have before) as well as some colouring books and new crayons. "Wow daddy" she exclaims before giving me a kiss and cuddle too. "Love you baby girl" I tell her and she cuddles closer and says "Love you daddy." I leave Ruby with Frank while I go and shower and when I come out they are spread out on the living room floor playing with her barbies. I walk into the kitchen and see the pancake batter mess still there and I feel myself getting angry. I grab a damp cloth and start cleaning it up, most of it
going hard already. I scrub at it until it all comes off before throwing the cloth in the bin and when I turn to leave the room Frank is walking in the doorway and he says "I was gonna clean it up Gee." "Yeah well it's done now" I snap, pushing past him and walking towards the living room. Frank grabs my wrist and pulls me back and I wince in pain at his tight grip. "Frank let me go" I tell him and he says "No tell me what your big problem is with me this morning?" I twist my wrist but his hold remains tight. "Frank you're hurting me, let me go" I demand again and his hold loosens but he doesn't let go. "Let go" I say again, attempting to yank my arm back and just as I do William lets himself in the front door, immediately rushing down the hall to us. "What's going on?" He asks and I use the distraction to free my arm and I run straight for the bathroom and slam the door shut, locking it behind me. I sink to the floor and clutch my wrist to my chest, panting for breath in the panic that's overtaken me. I know he wasn't really going to hurt me but I can't help but fear that he would. I start to hyperventilate when a knock on the door makes me jump. "Gee it's William, open up." I slowly crawl over to the door and reach up to unlock it before sliding back and sitting back on the floor. The door slowly opens and William comes in, closing the door behind him and he kneels on the floor infront of me. His hands reach out and cup my face as he says "Hey hey it's ok. You're alright" and I realise that I'm still breathing heavily and erratically. I try to calm myself down and William says "What happened?" "He made pancakes and he and Ruby had batter everywhere and he promised to clean it up and he didn't so I did it and I was mad at him and he grabbed me and asked me what my problem was and then you came in" I choke out and William leans in and wraps his arms around me. "It's alright Gee, I won't let him lay a hand on you." I cuddle William until I calm down again and we stand up, leaving the bathroom together, Williams arm wrapped around my waist as we walk back into the living room. Frank watches us enter the room together and his eyes grow dark as he sees Williams arm around me. I take a deep shuddery breath as we sit together on the couch and he pulls me into his side as Ruby comes over and shows him all her presents. "Wow Rubes, that's a lot of presents" he tells her and she smiles and nods her head. Ruby walks back over and sits on the floor with Frank, playing Barbies again and I tuck my legs up and lay against Williams side, his arm wrapped around me tight, watching them play. Every now and then Frank shoots a filthy look our way and we ignore it, knowing that nothing is happening between us. After a while there's a knock at the door and William says "I'll get it" kissing me on the forehead and standing up, walking out into the hallway. Frank stands up, Ruby occupied with changing her dolls outfits and he says "Gerard we need to talk." I swallow hard and just as I open my mouth to object William comes back into the room with Mikey and his girlfriend Kristin. "Unk Mikes" Ruby squeals, launching herself off the floor and running over to him. "Hey cutie pie" he greets back and picks her up, kissing her cheek and giving her a cuddle. "Happy birthday." "I'm this many" she tells him, showing him four fingers. "Very good Rubes" he tells her and she smiles wide. Mikey and Kristin sit on the floor with Ruby after saying hello and they start playing Barbies. Frank walks over and grabs my wrist again, "Come on Gee" he says and I let him lead me from the room. We go into the kitchen and Frank pushes me back against the wall, his hands braced either side of my head as he leans in real close and says "Gee you're mine, not his. I can't stand to see him touch you like that. What the fuck is going on?" "Nothing is going on, with either of you but if you keep doing this to me I will fuck him infront of you, atleast then you'd have a reason to hurt me, or do you get off on hurting me just for the hell of it?" Franks stares at me, his mouth hanging open and I shove him off me. I take a step towards the door and he says "Gee please" and his voice cracks. I turn to look at him and tears are streaming down his face. "Please" he begs me again and I feel my heart crack all over again and I step towards him and open my arms. He rushes into them and bunches his hands in the back of my shirt. "Please Gee, I can't live without you any longer, there's a hole in my chest and I feel like I'm suffocating all the time. It hurts so fucking bad and I don't wanna do this anymore, I love you so much and it's slowly killing me being without you." He sobs into my chest and I feel tears prick my own eyes and my heart gives a painful throb. "It's ok" I whisper in his ear as I bury my face in his neck and hug him tight. When we pull apart I reach out and cup his face in my hands, wiping his cheeks dry with my thumbs before leaning in and kissing him. He kisses back, needy and desperate and we cling to each other, kissing like we don't need air, our mouths pressed together so hard it's bruising.

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