The Hardest Part Is Letting Go Of Your Dreams

My eyes meet Franks and we just stare at each other, neither of us saying a word. Ruby shifts on my chest and makes
a small noise and this breaks the tense silent standoff we were in and I look down to see if she's ok. She's still sleeping so I gently start rubbing her back again and when I look back up Frank is staring down at her looking pissed off and I am confused by that until I realise he's not actually looking at her, but mine and Williams linked hands on the bed beside her. I stare at him until he looks back up at my face and I raise my eyebrow, daring him to say something. He clears his throat and says "I think we should talk Gerard. Alone." I look over at Mikey and he leans in and whispers "Talk it out Gee. I'll take Ruby, you need to figure out what you want to do, for her. I'll be right outside the door and if you need me just yell, I'll be right here I won't let anything happen to you." I nod my head and he gently picks Ruby up, cuddling her against his chest and resting her head on his shoulder and he leaves the room. William squeezes my hand to remind me he's still here and I roll my head to look at him. "Gee do you want me to stay?" He asks and I nod my head before croaking out "But Mikey's right and I need to do this on my own." William nods and leans over to kiss my forehead. "I'll be outside" he tells me as his hand comes up to gently stroke my hair back off my face and I smile and nod. He leaves the room, glaring at Frank and when the door closes my gaze returns to focus of Frank. We continue to stare at each other in silence for a minute before Frank slowly walks across the room and sits in the chair William just left. He reaches out for my hand but I move it, bringing it up to my chest and he sighs and looks annoyed. I continue to stare at him, refusing to be the first one to speak so he opens his mouth. "So it's over? You're with him now?" I feel myself getting angry and I say "I'm not with anyone. I am technically married to you and I thought we were in love but if you really love someone you don't hurt them in the worst way possible. You don't rape a fucking rape victim" I snap, my voice getting louder as I go, getting more and more upset. Franks face pales and his eyes go watery. "I love you Gee, I really really do. I know what I did was wrong but I was terrified I was losing you to him and I snapped. I can't stand the thought of you with someone else babe, it breaks my heart thinking about you with him." "So you beat me and then raped
me? That's a fucking perfect way to keep me" I snap, tears
now falling down my cheeks. Frank shakes his head before saying "I never meant to hurt you, it's my condition and I'm sorry, sometimes I can't control it." I stare into his eyes and he looks absolutely destroyed. "I know, but I don't know if I can endure any more of this. I love you Frank, whole heartedly, but I don't think I can withstand being hurt anymore. And how long until you snap and hurt not only me but Ruby aswell? I can't put her in danger like that." Frank chokes on a sob as he says "Please don't do that, don't take Ruby away from me." I sigh before saying "I think I should get my own place, and I'm taking Ruby with me. I would never deny you access to seeing her but you're not healthy Frank and I don't think you should be around her all the time. I can't just wait around until she gets hurt too." Frank is sobbing his eyes out now and I gently reach out and stroke the back of his head. "Please" he sobs out and that one word holds so much meaning. "Frank I'm not asking for a divorce or that we see other people or anything but I can't be with you right now. You've completely destroyed me and I need time to heal. I'm taking Ruby with me and if you fight me on it I will report you for raping me. I will never deny you access to her during the day but we won't be staying with you. I need to protect her and myself and if you really love me, you'll understand." Frank continues to cry as he nods. "I'm sorry" he sobs out and I say "I know but this time it's just not enough."

Two days later I am released from hospital and Frank, William, Ruby and I make the long drive back to the city. When we get there I drop Frank off and head over to Williams, Ruby and I staying there until we can find something else. When we get there Ruby is tired and cranky so I lay her on the couch with Suzie and wrap a blanket around her and she soon drifts off to sleep with no problems. William comes back into the living room and smiles at the sight of me sitting beside her stroking her hair while she sleeps and I look up and force a weak smile to my face in response. Once I'm sure she's fully asleep I get up and go into the bathroom, closing the door and sitting on the floor, bringing my knees to my chest and burying my face in them as I let myself cry out the hurt in my chest. William hears my muffled choked off sobs and comes in, sitting on the floor beside me and pulling me into his chest, holding me while I cry. I cry for everything, the beatings and the rape and the fact that my heart is shattered and yet I still love Frank so much it hurts.

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