The Hardest Part Is Letting Go Of Your Dreams

The morning passes in a blissful blur and even my therapy session with Dr Wentz passes without bothering me. After lunch Frank and I go to the common room and sit on the couch holding hands, his head resting on my shoulder, whispering to each other and getting wary looks from the nurses. Frank goes to his room to shower and I go with him and lay on his bed waiting for him. He has a share room but his previous room mate has been released recently so he has the room to himself for now. He is in the bathroom for a long time and when he comes out he looks different. The light in his eyes that I love is gone and his face appears to be hardened. "Why are you in my room?" He snaps and I immediately get up off the bed. "Frankie?" I ask, my voice wavering remembering the last time he was like this. "Get the fuck out of my room. You better not be stealing anything or I'll kill you" he threatens and I desperately want to run from the room but I feel like I'm stuck to the floor, frozen in fear of the man I love. When I don't move he crosses the room and shoves me, slamming my back against the wall, his hand coming up and wrapping around my throat. "Get. The. Fuck. Out." He spits in my face before pulling me forward and slamming my head back into the wall. When he releases me my vision is blurry and the room is spinning slightly. I stumble across the room as quickly as I can trying to get away from him. When I get into the hallway the door to his room slams shut and I stumble a few more steps before I collapse to the floor, sobbing and praying that he doesn't come out and hit me again because I can't move any further. Dr Wentz comes down the hallway after a few minutes and finds me still sobbing. "Gerard what's wrong?" He asks as he drops to his knees infront of me. I shake my head and don't say anything and he sighs and says "Frank again? I heard about the other night." I just nod slightly and I feel his hands on my arms, helping me up and escorting me to his office. Once we get there he sits me down and asks if I'm ok. "Yeah I just don't know what I did" I sob and he sighs and takes a seat next to me instead of across the desk. "Gerard I am not meant to tell you what's wrong with any other patient but I have received multiple reports that you and Frank are involved. You also are the only person in here that has gotten close to him the whole time he's been here so I think you should know because you are causing him to open up more and I think that will help with his memory. Gerard, Frank has Dissociative Identity Disorder. This means he has multiple personalities so the normal Frank we see most of the time is happy and nothing really bothers him. This is the Frank who is your boyfriend. The other Frank which you've seen a few times is like his anger personified. He lashes out at anyone around him and he has assaulted a few nurses in the past. Unfortunately we don't know what causes his changes in personality and with his loss of memory we aren't sure what kind of traumas he's been through or how long he's has this condition. You shouldn't take any of his mood swings personally Gerard, you need to remember they're not your fault and they're not directed at you. It's just something he can't help."
I sit there just staring at the wall, trying to process what I've just learned. I take a few deep breaths before standing up and Dr Wentz stands too. "Are you alright Gerard?" He asks and I nod before leaving his office and going back to Franks room. I knock lightly on the door and I hear something smash against the wall and Frank screams out "Fuck off." I flinch and flee to my room, shutting the door and collapsing on my bed, grabbing my sketch book and flipping through it.

Late that afternoon there is a knock on the door and a nurse sticks her head in. "Gerard you have a visitor if you're up for it" she says and I nod praying its Mikey. I follow her to an area I've never been before and when I enter the room she points out Bert is sitting on the couch in there. I freeze for a second before I run across the room and launch myself into his arms as he stands up. He wraps his arms around me and whispers in my ear "Oh Gee I'm so sorry babe. I had no idea things were this bad for you, I was just thinking about myself." I break down in his arms and sob into his neck as he guides us back onto the couch, settling me in his lap and stroking my back. He remains quiet and lets me cry it out before I pull back and he cups my face in his hands, wiping my cheeks with his thumbs. "Are you ok babe?" He asks and I nod before I say "I found him Bert. He's real and he's in here." Bert looks at me shocked and says "He's actually real?" I nod and tell him everything that's happened since I've been here. When I'm done he shakes his head and says "Babe I think you should come home with me. He's clearly not good for you if you're going to be abused all the time. I still love you and I made a mistake walking away from you like that." I stare at him in disbelief but he clearly misunderstands my expression because he leans forward and presses his lips to mine. I freeze for a moment but after the abuse I've just suffered I melt into the affection and I kiss back, sliding my tongue into his mouth. We continue to kiss as I slide around and straddle his lap, pressing closer and kissing him harder. Bert groans into my mouth and I press down and grind our crotches together causing him to gasp and break the kiss. "Gee" he groans out as he tangles his fingers in my hair and pulls me back in. All thoughts of Frank dissolve from my mind as Bert and I kiss and grind together until the sound of the door opening and a nurse clearing her throat startle us apart. I pull back and climb off his lap and the nurse says "Visiting time is over and if this is going to be the nature of your visits Mr Way they will be supervised from now on." I turn and glare at her before turning back to Bert who is now also standing and I step forward and wrap my arms around him. "I can't leave here Bert, I've already tried" I whisper in his ear and he rubs my back and whispers back "We'll find a way to get you out. Take care of yourself babe and when we get you out we'll talk this through and work us out ok?" I pull away and nod, pressing our lips together one last time before I am forced to leave the room.

When I get back to my room the nurse tells me I have twenty minutes before dinner and I nod before going inside, freezing when I see Frank sitting on the bed smiling at me.

Notes