The Hardest Part Is Letting Go Of Your Dreams

By the time we get home Ruby is still on a little sugar high from her ice cream and she squirms down out of Franks arms, running through the apartment to her room, yelling and giggling. I watch her go, smiling wide and Frank walks up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, resting his chin over my shoulder and chuckling. "Look what you did babe" he says and I smile and turn my head, pecking his cheek. "It's funny. I'll get some water in her, she'll be fine" I tell him and he chuckles again and says "It is pretty damn cute." We hear a bang and I run into Ruby's room, Frank on my heels to find the lamp on the floor, luckily not smashed and Ruby bouncing on the bed. When she sees us she stops bouncing and looks at the lamp, her bottom lip quivering as she says "I'm sorry Geegee." I cross the room to her and scoop her into my arms. "Hey Rubes it's ok sweety" I tell her as I stroke her back gently. She sniffles a little, burying her face in my neck and when she pulls away I hand her to Frank who holds her while they watch me pick up the lamp and sit it back on the bedside table. "How about we go get a drink huh?" I ask and she nods her little head. We all head into the kitchen and Frank sits at the table with Ruby in his lap while I get her a cup of water. She drinks it all before I take her in to have a bath. Once all the sticky ice cream and sprinkles are gone from her hair I pull her out and dry her off, wrapping her in a towel and telling her to go to her room and I'll be there in a minute. Once I've mopped up the water off the floor I walk into Ruby's room to see her standing there in her underwear, struggling to pull her little pyjama shirt over her head. "Hey Rubes. Want some help baby?" Her little head pops out and she shakes her head no so I sit on the bed and let her go, watching her struggle to get her arms in the holes and then sitting down and wriggling into her pants. When she's done she walks over and stands infront of me holding her arms out to be picked up. I lean down and straighten out her clothes, pulling her pants up properly before picking her up and carrying her into the living room. We sit on the couch beside Frank and she climbs out of my arms and into his lap, snuggling in and playing with the buttons on his work shirt. "Ruby got dressed all by herself you know" I tell him and he smiles down at her and says "Wow Ruby, very good" causing her to smile wide and giggle. "I missed you Fwankie" she tells him and I see his heart melt. "Aww I missed you too hun." "Geegee says your my daddy." Frank looks at me confused and I nod as I mouth 'I'll tell you later.' "Yeah that's right hun." She snuggles further into his chest and a few minutes later Ruby says "I like that you're my daddy Fwankie." The smile on Franks face makes me smile too but inside I feel like I want to cry. Ruby clearly loves Frank and he loves her too but I don't think she likes me as much. I make an excuse to leave the room, leaving Frank and Ruby giggling together on the couch, and make my way into the bathroom, locking the door behind me and sinking to the floor. I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my around around them, resting my forehead on them
and letting myself cry, feeling completely worthless and unwanted.

Once I've pulled myself together I wipe my eyes and leave the bathroom, going into the bedroom and changing into pyjama pants and a tshirt before going into the kitchen and seeing Frank feeding Ruby dinner. "Hey where did you get to?" He asks and I shake my head and smile a weak smile. "Just not feeling well. I might go to bed." Frank comes over and cups my face in his hands, feeling my temperature. "You alright baby?" He asks and I nod my head and peck his cheek before leaving the room and going into our bedroom, laying on the bed and pulling the covers over myself. I close my eyes and will myself not to cry but it doesn't work and pretty soon I'm sobbing silently into my pillow feeling completely worthless. Once I've cried myself out again I lay in the dark until I hear footsteps coming towards the room and I hear Frank whisper "We have to be quiet incase he's asleep" and Ruby says "What's wrong with Geegee?" "He's sick hun. But don't worry he'll be ok." "I don't like being sick Fwankie, I don't want Geegee to be sick." The door slowly swings open and I close my eyes, unable to deal with the fact that I love these two so much but they don't even need me. I hear footsteps creak towards me and Frank whispers "Gentle kisses ok. He's sleeping" before I feel two soft wet kisses being pressed to my cheek and a small hand touches my forehead, patting gently and I struggle to keep my breathing even. I listen to the footsteps leave the room and I sigh before rolling over and burying my face in the pillow, letting myself drift off to sleep.

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