The Hardest Part Is Letting Go Of Your Dreams

I wake up still wrapped in Franks arms, my head buried in his neck and his breathing is soft and even, indicating he's asleep too. I snuggle closer even though I'm sweating but I still shiver. I feel my chest growing tight and I try to hold in the cough so I don't wake him but I can't hold it any longer and my whole body shakes with it, loud raw sounds ripping from
my throat as I cough so hard I can't breathe, my eyes watering and I sit up, Franks eyes snapping open and he sits up immediately soothingly rubbing my back and shushing me, telling me I'll be just fine. "Take a big deep breath babe" he says and I try, focusing on his voice as he comforts me and soon I get my breathing under control. "Sorry" I rasp out and he frowns and says "What for?" "I woke you up" I whisper and he shakes his head and pulls me into his chest, cuddling me tight. "Don't be sorry." I pull out of his hold, "I'm all gross and sweaty" I croak out and he says "So what" as he pulls me back in and I slump into his chest, too worn out to fight it.

The next few days Frank takes off work, using his sick leave to stay home and look after me. I am confused about what's happening with us because sometimes he cuddles me and treats me like we're together and others he is cold and distant. I don't push anything, unsure what I even want. I am laying on the couch watch tv under a pile of blankets and Frank goes to the store after I assure him for the millionth time I'll be just fine for twenty minutes. He's been gone for about ten when there's a knock at the door so I drag myself up to answer it, immediately wishing I hadn't bothered when I see who it is. "Hey is Frank here?" He asks and I stare at the man Frank has been sleeping with before saying "No but he'll be back really soon." I step aside and usher him in and we both go into the living room, me climbing back under my blankets and him taking the arm chair. "So you're Franks roommate?" He asks, attempting conversation and I stare at him in disbelief, my heart shattering into a million pieces, he doesn't even know I'm married to Frank. I cough before saying "Yeah something like that" before turning my gaze back to the tv, making it obvious I don't want to talk. A few awkward minutes later the front door opens and Frank comes in, stopping in his tracks when he sees the guy here too. "Hey you" the guy says and Frank glances over at me before looking at him and saying "Hey Mike." A few seconds later Frank says "We should talk, in private" before waiting for Mike to get up and follow him from the room, Mike throwing a wink at me before leaving the room and when I hear the bedroom door close I feel physically sick. I can't lay here and listen to them fuck so I drag myself off the couch, pulling on shoes and a jacket before grabbing my wallet and keys and leaving the apartment. I slowly walk along the street, freezing and shivering before I reach a diner and go inside, seeking warmth. I order a cup of coffee and sit there slowly drinking it, just passing time until I think it would be safe to go back home. I sit for so long that it starts to go dark outside so I decide to chance it and slowly walk back home again. When I walk in the door I am frozen solid, shivering uncontrollably and Frank launches himself on me, wrapping his arms around me tight saying "What the fuck Gee? Where did you go? I was worried sick, you shouldn't be going out in your condition." I step back out of his arms and say "Sorry, just needed to get out." He frowns and says "Why?" I look him in the eye and say "Because I couldn't sit here and listen to you fuck someone else." His face pales before he says "Gee, I didn't fuck him. I broke it off actually." I shake my head "Why would you? It's not like you're married or anything, atleast not according to him." He stares at me with the guiltiest look I've ever seen on his face and I shove past him, going into the bathroom and slamming the door. I run myself a bath and get in, laying back and breathing in the steam when there's a knock at the door. I don't bother answering him, hoping he'll get the message but a few seconds later Frank comes in, closing the door behind him. "Gee" he starts and I look at him expectantly, waiting for what's coming next but he doesn't say anything else. We stare each other down and I begin to think there's no going back for us, this is it. "Gerard you're the love of my life and I can't stand that we're like this." I sit there stunned that he said that before I say "Do you honestly think we belong together? After everything we've done to each other." He stares at me for a long moment before saying "I think you're it for me. The one person I'm meant to be with and if you tell me you don't feel the same way I think it would kill me." I continue to just stare at him before I sit up and say "Are you getting in?" He raises an eyebrow at me, questioning if I'm serious before nodding and pulling off his clothes, sliding into the tub behind me and pulling me back against his chest. When his arms wrap around me I slide mine down to link my fingers with his, conveying my feelings for him through the touch rather than with words. After a few minutes of silence he lifts one hand out of the water and gently touches my jaw, tilting my head to the side before leaning in and sealing his lips to mine and I immediately kiss back, desperate to have him care about me again. I turn around and straddle his lap, clinging to him as we kiss until I feel light headed. When I pull apart gasping for air Frank chuckles and shakes his head. "Baby take it easy ok" he says before leaning in and pecking my nose. I smile slightly and he cups my face in his hands, staring straight into my eyes as he says "I love you." I stare back as I say "I love you too" before leaning in to kiss him again. That night we go to bed naked, just pressed against each other, hands wandering each other's bodies in a non sexual way, just needing to feel that the other one is there. We share soft slow kisses until I fall asleep, my lips still pressed to his.

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