The Hardest Part Is Letting Go Of Your Dreams

As I walk home the chilling wind picks up and I huddle further into my jacket, inhaling the smell of William. I freeze up and stop walking knowing that when I walk through the door Frank will know and I won't be able to deny it. I slowly start walking again and when I reach the apartment I share with Frank I take a deep breath and go inside, ready to face whatever comes at me. I walk down the hall to the living room and the lamp on the table is on but the room is empty. I continue into the kitchen and the lights are off so I walk to the bedroom finding the light on but Franks not there either. I see a folded piece of paper on the bed and I slowly walk over and pick it up, seeing my name on the front. I open it up and read the note from Frank. 'Babe I finished work early and I'm going out for drinks with the guys from work. I might be pretty late so don't wait up, I love you.' I drop the note and sigh in relief before walking to the laundry, stripping off and shoving my clothes in the washer before walking through the apartment to the bathroom where I get in the shower and reluctantly scrub William off me. Once I'm clean I slide down and bring my knees to my chest, hunching over under the hot spray as I freak out about what to do. I still love Frank so much and I would die for him but there's just something about William, I'm so attracted to him sexually and after this afternoon I think I might be seriously falling for him. I sit there trying to figure it out until the water runs cold and I drag myself out and dry off, walking into the bedroom and flop down into bed naked. I sigh before closing my eyes and letting myself finally give in to the tiredness I've felt since Williams house and I drift off to sleep.

A few hours later I am woken by a loud bang followed by a loud deep giggle and another voice hissing out "Shhh." I sit up and rub my eyes looking around and seeing the clock in the corner glowing out 2.45am. I slowly drag myself out of bed and pull on pyjama pants before leaving the bedroom and walking to the living room door. When I get there I freeze, seeing Frank standing in the middle of the room kissing some guy I've never seen before, their hands wandering all over each other's bodies. I let out a small sigh but in their drunken state they don't even notice me. I stand there watching and when Franks shirt hits the floor my mind frees me, having decided I've seen enough and I scream, before erupting into sobs that shake my whole body as I run from the doorway back into the bedroom, locking the door behind me. I pace the room a few times as Frank bangs on the door and I snap, throwing whatever I can grab around the room before pulling on a shirt and jeans, grabbing my boots from the corner and pulling them on before shrugging on my coat and unlocking the door, running into Frank. "Gee" he slurs but I let my hurt feelings take over and I shove him hard into the guy standing behind me saying "Do whatever you fucking want Frank, I don't care anymore" and run from the apartment, tears streaming down my face. I run out of the building into the freezing night, not knowing where to go, just needing to get away. I cry as I hurry down the street and after a few minutes I realize where I'm going. When I reach Williams building I go inside and up to his front door. I knock loudly and after a minute William cracks the door open. Upon seeing it's me he opens the door wide and pulls me inside before looking at my face and seeing the tear tracks and the red puffy eyes. "Oh baby" he croons out as his hands cup my face. "Are you alright?" "Can I stay here?" I ask and he smiles and nods, taking my hand and leading me towards the bedroom, turning the lights off on his way. When we get in the room he closes the door and I shrug out of my jacket. "You need something to sleep in?" William asks and I nod so he throws me a pair of pyjama pants. While I change William climbs back into bed and pulls back the blanket, opening his arms and when I'm changed I climb into the bed and lay down, my head on his shoulder as he hugs me close. "Wanna talk about it?" He asks and I sigh before saying "I don't even know what to say." William doesn't say anything else, just holds me in silence for a minute until I pull away and press my lips to his. We lay side by side just kissing and running our hands up and down each other's sides until we fall asleep again. The next morning William and I get ready for work before walking there together, hand in hand. A block away I stop him and when he turns to look at me I press our lips together, sliding my tongue into his mouth. We kiss for a minute before pulling apart and continuing our journey, still hand in hand.
All day at work William and I flirt with each other and steal quick kisses whenever we can. At the end of the day William is on for close and clean up while I get to leave right before closing time so I take a seat in the back corner with a coffee and wait for him to be done. Once the store has closed I pull my phone out of my pocket and turn it back on for the first time today. When it starts up I have twenty text messages and five voicemails, all from Frank. I scroll through the messages, rolling my eyes at the "I'm sorrys" and "Please come backs." I decide to not even bother with the voicemails knowing they'll all be the same shit and as I go to put my phone down, knowing I shouldn't be this upset seeing as I fucked William, the phone buzzes and Franks picture flashes up on the screen. I sigh as I ignore it and shove my phone back in my pocket as William comes over, smiling at me as he says "Hey handsome. You ready to go home?" I freeze and stare at him blankly and he says "I mean my home." I smile and nod and as we leave the store I see Frank walking toward us on the street and I stop walking muttering a "Fuck" under my breath. William turns to look at me then follows my gaze before looking back at me with a sad face. "Gerard" he says and I turn to him and say "Baby maybe you should just go home without me. I'll see you really soon ok, thanks so much for last night. I'll text you later ok." William smiles at my pet name and he says "Ok I look forward to it. I wish you could come with me." "Me too baby" I say and we hug before Frank reaches us and William walks away. I turn to look at Frank and prepare myself for yet another fight.

Notes