The Hardest Part Is Letting Go Of Your Dreams

Everything is black and nothing hurts. I feel like I'm floating in nothingness and I have no desire to ever find my way back towards light. I could stay here forever, not a care in the world, just surrounded by nothing where's it's safe. I take comfort in the nothingness until a loud bang shatters the whole thing, black fading out into red and everything hurts. I try to scream out in agony but I can't seem to find my voice so I suffer in silence as it feels like I'm being torn apart. Hands grab at me and I so desperately want to fight them off, I'm in enough pain already but my arms and legs are just dead weight now and I am completely at their mercy. The pain seems to be getting stronger and I can't take it anymore so I do something I haven't done since I was a child, I pray. I beg god to just take me, even if I don't go to him please just show me some mercy because even hell can't be this painful. I wait for the end, welcoming it now but it doesn't come and the pain keeps getting worse, the whole world getting brighter and brighter until I scream out again and this time I can hear it. I scream like I never have before and I feel the hands return to me. My thoughts start to slowly make sense again and I can hear a voice speaking to me and I think god is finally answering my prayers. I know the words he's saying but I can't make sense of them, they seem strange and foreign to my brain so I take a deep shaky breath and scream "Please just kill me." The next word that filters into my brain is a choked off "No" and I know this word and what it means and I scream out again in frustration. The world starts to shake and become unstable and I panic and in that moment of panic I fight through the haze and find the part of my brain that controls everything and I open my eyes, seeing myself floating through a room. It doesn't make sense so I screw my eyes shut tight before opening them again and seeing that I am actually moving through the room, suspended in mid air and when I tilt my head I see my Frankie and it all clicks together. I'm in his arms and he's carrying me and I'm safe again. He is god, he is the one who refused my death and gave me confusing messages. He brought me out of the darkness and back into the light and as much as it hurts if I had to come back I'm glad it was to him. I stare up at his face and it is blood stained and he is crying. I slowly reach one heavy arm out to touch his face and he startles, stopping walking and looking down to see my eyes open. "Oh god Gee" he sobs out before his hold on me tightens and he starts walking again. We walk down a hallway and I still can't place where we are until we walk through a familiar door and I am placed on my old bed. "Ffffrankie" I stutter out, only able to form the one word with plenty of difficulty. He kneels on the floor beside me and leans over, stroking my hair back and crying as he whispers out "Oh god babe I thought I lost you. Just keep still ok you're still bleeding really heavily and the ambulance will be here in a second." I slowly nod my head before reaching out again to touch his face. In the back of my mind I still don't believe this is real, like Frank is just some sick joke my mind had decided to play on me but before my hand even reaches his face everything fades to black again.

The next time the blackness fades I hear a steady beeping and it makes my head pound, increasing the pain I already feel. I force my eyes open and everything is white and I try to sit up to see where I am but everything in my body protests and I make noises due to pain that I never knew were humanly possibly. I slump back against the pillows and people rush through the door, surrounding my bed and making me panic. I feel myself start to hyperventilate and the annoying beeping starts to increase rapidly and someone reaches out and touches me face, telling me to calm down. I look in the direction of the hand and voice and it's my Frankie. How did I not notice him in the crowd? My gaze locks onto his face and I keep it there, staring at him and memorising every detail like I have millions of times before while he's sleeping but it calms me down and I hear the beeping slow again. I take a deep shuddery breath before the doctor starts talking and realisation dawns on me that I'm safe and Frankie's safe and I'm in hospital and I keep my eyes locked with his, a small smile on my face as the doctor keeps talking and I don't listen to a word of it. Once he's done I just nod vaguely and the doctor and the nurses all leave, closing the door behind them and finally it's just me and Frank. "You look much better than three days ago" Frank whispers and I screw my face up in confusion. "You've been unconscious for three days babe. It had me so scared but the doctor said it was your body's way of coping and you needed time to heal." I nod my head slowly as the words sink in and when my gaze leaves his face I notice a bandaid on the inside of Franks arm near his elbow. "What happened" I croak out and Frank follows my line of sight to the bandaid. "Oh, you lost a lot of blood babe and they had to give you some and it turns out we have the same blood type so I gave you some of mine." I stare at him in disbelief before I utter the only three words that are coherent in my mind "I love you."

Notes

I am sorry to anyone I upset with the turn of events in the last chapter. You should all know that it was so hard for me to write and I actually shed a few tears during it.