The Hardest Part Is Letting Go Of Your Dreams

When we can pull ourselves off the floor I crawl over and slide my pants back on. I sit for a few seconds before saying "I need to shower" and getting up, leaving the room. I step into the hot spray of the shower alone and just lean against the wall, letting the hot water soothe my body as my thoughts race about what's happening. I can't deny that I love both Frank and Bert and the lines between our relationships keeps blurring more and more to the point where I'm not sure who's in the relationship anymore. When I step out of the shower I quickly dry off and get dressed in loose sweatpants and an old T shirt and make my way back to the living room but when I get there what I see makes me stop in my tracks. Bert is sitting on the floor with his back against the couch with Frank straddling his lap, kissing like they're about to rip each other's clothes off and fuck. I feel something inside me snap and I run from the room, picking up my keys off the table near the front door and fleeing the house, leaving my wallet and phone behind and getting in my car, speeding off. I'm half way to Mikey's when I realise the broken thing inside me is my heart and I can't even see properly because of the tears clouding my eyes. I know it's irrational to feel this way after everything but I feel so hurt and betrayed that by the time I reach Mikey's neighbourhood I can't breathe properly. I park a block away, not wanting them to come over and know I'm there, unable to even handle the thought of seeing either of them right now before walking barefoot the rest of the way. When I reach Mikey's I pound on the door, praying he's home and when the door opens I launch myself into his chest sobbing. When Mikey takes in the fact that I'm barefoot and in clothes I would never normally leave the house in he cups my face and says "Gee what happened?" Inbetween sobs I tell him about Frank and Bert and he shakes his head and looks at me with pity in his eyes as he says "Come on. You can stay as long as you need" and we go inside.
An hour later there's a knock at the door and I get up and flee from the living room going upstairs out of sight while Mikey answers the door. It's his girlfriend and I sigh in relief before going back downstairs. When I decide to go to bed I go upstairs and lay down before I realise that as much as I don't want to see them it breaks my heart all over again that neither of them called or came here, meaning they aren't even looking for me. A new wave of sobs wrack my body and I cry into the pillow until there's just no tears left and I pass out, broken and exhausted.

The next day I call in sick to work and my boss says it's fine but I assure him I'll keep working on the comic for the store to sell while I'm unwell. He says that's fine and we hang up before I make my way into the kitchen and sit at the bench next to Mikey. He offers me a cup of coffee and I shake my head in refusal so Mikey says "Fuck, you're refusing coffee. This is serious" and I nod, feeling my bottom lip quiver. "Oh Gee" he says before standing up infront of me and pulling me into his chest. I bury my face into his neck and take all the comfort I can get from him until my tears run dry again and we break apart. "They don't care Mikes, they're not even looking for me." Mikey shakes his head and says "Well fuck them then Gee. If they hurt you this badly and they don't care then fuck them. I'll take you out and we'll hit up a gay club, I'll be your wing man, we'll get you a hottie with a cute butt." This makes me laugh before I say "You'd make a terrible gay man" making Mikey laugh too. We hug again and when we pull away I say "Thanks Mikes" before getting up and making my way back upstairs to my room to work on the comic with the limited supplies I keep here.

Notes