The Hardest Part Is Letting Go Of Your Dreams

After my shower I follow Frank into the kitchen, clutching tight to his hand, taking a seat at the table as he makes me some
toast. Ruby comes wandering in and climbs up into my lap, snuggling into my chest and stealing some of my toast. I eat in silence, just letting Ruby babble on about the cartoon she just watched, smiling and nodding in response. After I've eaten Frank takes Ruby to get ready and we leave the apartment, walking down a few blocks and stopping outside a generic looking office building. We go inside and Frank leads us to the elevator, pressing the button for the third floor. Once we get out he points out the door I need to go through before telling me he'll be outside when I'm done. "I love you" he whispers in my ear as he leans in to kiss me before pulling away and getting back in the elevator with Ruby, disappearing from my view. I take a deep shuddery breath as I start to walk, going through the door and telling the receptionist who I am. She smiles warmly and tells me to take a seat. I sit in the far corner of the room, my head down, wishing I was anywhere but here, about to spill all my secrets to a stranger. I jump when I hear my name being called and when I look up a dark haired woman with big red lips is smiling at me. I get up and slowly cross the room, following her down a small hallway and into an office. There is a desk set up in the corner but most of the room is taken up by two big couches and a smaller arm chair. She tells me to take a seat and I immediately go for the arm chair, bringing my legs up and hugging them to my chest as I sink back into the chair, finding it very comfortable. She smiles at me knowingly before grabbing a clip board and sitting on one of the other couches, putting her legs up and making herself comfortable. "Hello Gerard, I'm Doctor Ballato, but you may call me Lindsey if you would feel more comfortable. I understand your husband made this appointment for you?" I nod my head and she smiles and makes a note on her board. "Well this is your hour Gerard, what would you like to talk about?" I clear my throat before saying "You want to know why my husband sent me here?" She remains smiling as she says "If you would like to tell me that's fine, if not you could tell me about yourself so I can get to know you a little better." I nod, needing a distraction from my real issues. "Well I've been married for almost two years to a man I love more than I ever thought possible. We have a four year old daughter, Ruby" I offer and Lindsey nods her head. "How long have you been a parent?" She asks and I sigh in relief that she's willing to talk about the non threatening aspects of my life. "Almost a year." She nods again before saying "And how has that changed your life?" "It was hard at first, it was a big adjustment but it was something we really wanted so we made it work. I can't imagine my life without her in it now, even though I had no part in her creation I still feel like she's mine. My husband says she has my personality, she's quite the smart ass sometimes." Lindsey laughs lightly before saying "And your husband, Frank is it?" I nod and she continues "How is life with him?" "I wouldn't trade it for anything in the whole world." Lindsey smiles wide and makes more notes before I sigh and decide to just give in, deciding the sooner I get it over with the better. "Frank has his own mental issues which makes things hard sometimes but I can't hold that against him. He sent me here because Ruby's real mother came back into her life recently and she's fucking crazy, she stalked us and broke into our apartment while Frank wasn't home. She brought someone from my past who did a lot of bad things to me with her and he stabbed me in an attempt to take Ruby away from me. Since then I can barely sleep, I don't feel safe inside my own home and I can barely eat. Last night, she broke into our apartment again and Frank pulled a gun on her and I broke, completely. Memories of something that happened to me a while ago just destroyed me and it's like it was happening all over again and I could feel that unbelievable pain again. I don't know if I feel safe around my husband anymore and I hate it, I hate that they've done this to me." I am sobbing now and Lindsey stands and crosses the room, bringing me a box of tissues and taking her seat again. "Gerard I don't know what you've been through but Frank was trying to protect you..." "I know, I know that but I didn't even know he had a gun and now I feel like I don't even know who he is anymore." She sighs softly and makes more notes. I sob into my knees for a while until I get myself under control again. "Gerard our time is almost up but I would really like to see you again, I think you and I have a lot that we could discuss and I think it will really help you to let go of some of the things you're clearly holding onto." I nod and she smiles warmly at me again as we both stand up, making our way back out into the reception area where I make another appointment before leaving the office. When I get out onto the street Frank rushes over and wraps his arms around me, crushing me to his chest and I cling to him, burying my face in his neck as a few more tears escape me. "Shh baby it's alright" he tells me and I melt into him, needing his support to keep me together. "Don't hurt me" I plead into his neck and he pulls back, cupping my face in his hands as he stares straight into my eyes and promises "Never, I'll always keep you safe."

Notes