The Hardest Part Is Letting Go Of Your Dreams

A week later we decide to take Ruby to a play group to help her get ready to socialise for when she goes to school next year. When we walk in she immediately grips my hand and says "Daddy" in a shaky voice. I kneel beside her and say "Rubes don't you wanna play? Look at all the toys." She shakes her head so I say "It's alright baby girl, the other kids just wanna play too. You might make a little friend." She screws her face up before sighing like I make her life so difficult and Frank chuckles at the action before she lets go of
my hand and walks slowly across the room to two little girls playing with Barbie dolls. I stand back up and watch her go, grabbing Franks hand as we watch together, smiling wide. Ruby grabs her own barbie and settles on the floor with the other two girls and I sigh in relief before Frank and I make our way over to the side of the room where there are chairs set up, other parents sitting and watching their children. We are sitting for about fifteen minutes before an overly cheerful lady comes and sits on my other side. "Hi I'm Carol it's great to see new faces here. Which child is yours?" I smile at her and say "The girl in the purple shirt" pointing towards Ruby. "Oh she's just precious" Carol exclaims and I resist the urge to gag, her overly happy demeanour creeping me out. "Now I don't mean to be rude but you are a gay couple correct?" I shoot Frank a wary look before turning back to her and saying "Yeah." "Well we have certain shared views here and unfortunately your lifestyle doesn't really fit our play group. Parents are meant to be mommies and daddies not daddies and daddies and some of the other parents are highly uncomfortable, they don't want their children asking questions and...." "Are you fucking kidding me?" Frank cuts her off, standing up and looking frighteningly angry. Carols false smile falters and she looks back to me "You understand right?" "Oh yeah, I understand perfectly well you fucking homophobic bitch, you have no right to speak to us like this and if this is the kind of fucked up play group you're running I damn sure don't want Ruby exposed to that." I stand up, marching across the room to Ruby and saying "Come on Rubes, time to go home." She stands up and drops her barbie on the floor, holding her arms out and waiting to be picked up. I pick her up and carry her across the room, Frank waiting for us by the door. Once we're out on the street Frank lets out a string of curse words before he collects himself and Ruby says "Daddy bad words." "I'm sorry baby" he says, leaning in and kissing her cheek. Ruby huddles closer into my side for warmth as I carry her down the street until we reach a diner. "How about we go in here for some pancakes huh?" I ask and Ruby says "Yay." Frank shoots me a small smile and I smile back before walking inside. While we wait for our food Ruby says "Daddy why don't I have a mommy?" I hear Frank suck in a sharp breath and I reach out under the table and squeeze his hand to calm him down. "Well baby sometimes boys and girls like each other and they become mommies and daddies and sometimes girls like other girls and boys like other boys and they become mommies
and mommies and daddies and daddies and that's ok. There's nothing wrong with have two daddies or two mommies instead of one of each." Her face crumples in thought for a moment before she says "They said it was yucky to have two daddies." I squeeze Franks hand tighter, feeling him grow more tense beside me. "Do you think it's yucky?" I ask and she shakes her head before saying "Its yucky when you kiss." Frank snorts out a laugh and I smile and shake my head before leaning in and kissing all over her face, making her giggle and squeal. "There's nothing wrong with having two daddies ok? People who say it's yucky just don't understand but don't you listen to them alright." Ruby nods and smiles before saying "I like having two daddies." I smile back before leaning down to kiss the top of her head. "Good" I say right before the waitress shows up with our food. As she's sitting the plates down she smiles at Ruby and says "Hi cutie what's your name?" "Ruby" she replies and the waitress says "That's a very pretty name and who are these guys?" She asks gesturing to us. "They're my daddies" she tells the waitress and she smiles at Ruby before saying "Well you're a very lucky girl to have daddies who take you out for pancakes." Ruby nods her head and the waitress says "Have a good day guys, nice to meet you cutie" before walking away and we start to eat. "Good thing not everyone is a homophobic asshole" Frank leans across to whisper in my ear and when he pulls away I lean over and kiss his cheek. "Love you" I whisper in his ear and he smiles and says it back.

When we get home Ruby runs off to her room and Frank and I settle down on the couch. Frank lays down and rests his head on my lap as I gently card my fingers through his hair. "Are we wrong?" He asks and I look down at him confused. "What do you mean?" I ask and he says "Depriving Ruby of a mother, are we wrong?" "Babe does she look unhappy to you? We provide everything she needs, we give her love and support. Who cares whether she has a mom or not?" "I just don't want her to grow up unhappy and picked on because of us and end up resenting us. I want only the best for her and I want her to be happy." "And we'll do everything we can to make sure she's happy. She'll be fine babe I promise you, don't let that homophobic bitch get to you." Just as I say that Ruby comes into the room dragging her tub of Lego behind her. "Will you play with me daddy?" She asks and I smile and say "Sure baby." Frank sits up and I slide off the couch to join her on the floor as she tips the tub over, Lego scattering all over the floor. "Daddy come on" she says, looking at Frank and he slides down to join us, the three of us building a castle together.

Notes