You Only Hear The Music When Your Heart Begins To Break

I am huge. My baby bump is so big I can't even see my swollen and painful feet. I am due in four weeks but because I'm carrying two babies that are fast running out of room the doctor has told me I could go into labour any day. I had to give up work last week on doctors orders because of how taxing the pregnancy has been on my body. I was sad to have to leave but Shaun was very understanding and offered me a position if I ever wish to come back.
I am laying on the bed tracing my hands over my bump and softly humming to the babies to try and calm them down. They have been kicking like crazy and it is starting to hurt and I am sure they are trying to break my ribs. Gerard is in class right now and I feel lonely even though I have the babies. The phone starts to ring and I have a lot of trouble getting up off the bed. I have to roll to get momentum to slide myself off the side of the bed until my feet hit the floor. I slowly stand upright and waddle towards the phone holding my back and only just reach it before it rings out. "Hello" I answer and Tricks voice answers from the other end of the line. We talk for ten minutes before I need to pee really badly all of a sudden and I tell him that I need to go. We say goodbye and I walk to the bathroom to pee for the ten thousandth time today.
When I come out of the bathroom I go into the second bedroom which we have turned into the babies room. We removed the bed and replaced it with two cribs and all the furniture we'll need including a rocking chair. Everything in the room is gender neutral in colour as we don't know if our babies are boys or girls. I walk around the room running my fingers over all the teddies and soft blankets that are on the bench. I open the blinds and the setting afternoon sunlight filters in through the gaps and I sit in the rocking chair picking up a children's book that we have bought and begin reading softly to the babies softly stroking over my bump with one hand. This finally seems to calm them down and the kicking slows before stopping and I smile knowing they are sleeping. "I still can't believe I got so lucky to have someone as beautiful as you in my life" I hear and I glance over to see Gerard in the doorway. "Help me up?" I ask as I hold my hands out towards him. He walks over and helps me out of the chair and walks me out of the room with his hand on my lower back.

A week later on Gerard's day off classes I wake up and before I can make it out of the bed I lean over and vomit on the floor. My stomach is churning and my head is spinning as Gerard jumps out of bed and runs around to my side avoiding the puddle of vomit as he helps me up and get to the bathroom. By the time we get there all the colour has drained from my face and I feel really hot but I get shivers at the same time. When I step into the bathroom I take two steps in before I feel hot liquid running down my legs and I feel like I peed myself. Gerard is already on his way out of the room to clean up the mess in the bedroom so I call out "Uh baby I think I need to get to the hospital." He comes running back into the room and stops when he sees the puddle of liquid on the floor and reaches out for me right before I double over in pain clutching my bump as a painful contraction hits. "Ok baby just stay calm" he tells me as he rubs my lower back. "I'm gonna get you some clean clothes and then we'll leave for the hospital ok. Just stay right here and I'll be back" he says as he runs out of the room coming back a second later with clean clothes for me. "Can you change into these while I quickly clean the floor?" He asks and I nod before he once again runs from the room to clean up my vomit. It takes me a few minutes to clean myself up and dress and as Gerard comes back another contraction hits. "Ok baby let's go" he tells me as he takes my hand and helps me to the front door where he grabs my bag that we packed for this occasion a week ago and out onto the street to hail a cab as an ambulance would take too long.
When we get to the hospital I am admitted immediately and taken in to be prepped for surgery. The doctor doesn't think my body is up for the strain of natural birth so we agreed a c section was the way to go. I clutch Gerard's hand tight as I am hooked up to equipment and jabbed with needles, suddenly terrified of giving birth.
After a few minutes I am wheeled into the room where they will cut the babies out of me and Gerard is separated from me
to change into sterile clothes before he is allowed to join me. Once he and the doctor enter things move quickly and after testing that I can't feel anything below the waist and setting up a sheet so I can't see the doctor begins the procedure. I freak out because I can't feel anything and Gerard squeezes my hand tight, wiping sweat from my forehead with a cloth and telling me how amazing I am and how well I'm doing. It seems like forever until I hear the first screams of my first born child. The doctor cuts the cord and hands the little screaming bundle to the nurse who gives it a quick wipe off before placing it on my chest and saying "Congratulations you have a beautiful baby girl." I tear up as I rest my hand on her back as she lays stomach down on my chest and when my hand touches her she stops screaming and opens her amazing little eyes looking around before settling her gaze on Gerard. "She's perfect" he whispers as he softly rubs his finger over her tiny cheek. The doctor speaks up and tells us he is about to deliver the second baby. I softly stroke my little girls back as she closes her eyes again when we hear the slightly quieter cries of our second child. One of the other nurses helps me pass our little girl to Gerard while the other one cleans off the second baby and repeats what she did with the first. "And a handsome little boy" she says and I can't stop the tears that fall from my eyes at how perfect my babies are. My little boy continues to cry so I snuggle him into my chest and shush him
soothingly until he quietens down and the nurses take both babies to clean them up properly and perform all the tests that need to be done. "Baby you are so incredible. Our babies are perfect" Gerard gushes and I smile before one of the nurses comes back in and asks us what we are going to name them. I look at Gerard and he smiles before telling me he likes our last decisions for each gender. I smile back and decide I am fully happy with that decision. "Our daughter is Bandit Lee Way and our son is Riley Patrick Way." "Beautiful names" the nurse comments before leaving the room again.

After the doctor has stitched me up and taken me into a room for recovery and observation Gerard leaves to call Donna and Mikey and Trick and William. While he is gone the nurses bring the babies into the room in their own little bassinets before handing me Riley who is making a fuss. "Time for a feeding" the nurse tells me cheerfully and helps me get set up. I am lucky and Riley latches on straight away sucking and soon my milk starts to flow and he eats until he falls asleep against my chest. I shift him slightly so he is chest to chest with me and gently rub his back for a few minutes when Gerard comes back into the room and takes him gently putting him in his bassinet and picking up Bandit who is still looking around wide eyed at everything. The nurses leave the room to let us bond as a family as I seem to be able to feed just fine and I offer Bandit my other nipple. She fusses for a few minutes before latching on and feeding until she too falls asleep. Gerard watches the whole time looking amazed and once he puts Bandit back in her bassinet and checks on Riley again he sits on the edge of my bed and leans over me gently pressing his lips to mine. I find myself exhausted and I slowly fall asleep after Gerard promises to watch over the babies.

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