You Only Hear The Music When Your Heart Begins To Break

After Gerard and I have the most passionate loving sex we've ever had right there on the floor where we got engaged I reach for the phone to call Trick. Just before I touch it it starts to ring and startles me causing me to jump. Gerard laughs at me and I turn my head to stick my tongue out at him before picking it up to answer. "Hey Z. I have something to tell you" Trick says and I smile and say "I was just about to call you because I have something to tell you too. You go first."
"William and I are getting married" he says and I can tell how excited he is about it. "He just asked after he took me out to dinner." I start to laugh a little and he asks me what's going on. "I'm so happy for you Trick and I was calling to tell you that Gerard and I are engaged too." Trick is silent for a few moments before saying "So he finally asked huh,"
"You knew he was going to?" I ask and he says "Yeah he asked my permission a while ago. You guys are still young but I see the way you look at each other and I know you'll be happy together." I laugh a little again before telling him that William asked for my permission aswell.
After we hang up I quickly walk into the bedroom and jump on Gerard on the bed. "Hey you" I greet him as he wraps his arms around me pulling me into his chest. "Hey beautiful." That night I fall asleep curled up on Gerard's chest, the sound of his heartbeat soothing me greatly. The next morning we wake up early and shower together before getting ready for our day. I start work at 10.30 and Gerard's first class today isn't until 11 so we decide to go out and have breakfast. We end up at the diner across from the restaurant where we sit next to each other in a booth stealing pieces of each other's breakfast inbetween soft loving kisses. After we eat Gerard walks me to the front door of the restaurant before cupping my face in his hands and kissing me like he never wants to stop. When we finally pull apart he tells me he loves me before walking to the bus stop just up the street to get to school. I walk inside the restaurant feeling on top of the world before seeing Shaun, who doesn't look very happy. "Z I want to speak to you in my office" he tells me before leading the way. Once in his office we sit down and he says "What was going on yesterday?" I take a deep breath and begin to explain about my depression and anxiety and the episode I had the night before, leaving out the specific details. He nods in understanding and his face softens. "I understand how it can be, my daughter suffers terribly sometimes and it's so hard."
"I'm sorry to hear that. I don't mean to press the issue but I'm new to the city and I don't have a therapist here, my brother and my fiancé want me to see one, would you have any recommendations?" Shaun smiles comfortingly at me and gives me the name and number of his daughters current therapist and tells me that he is doing really great things for her. I thank him and stand to leave the office.

After work Gerard is waiting outside for me, leaning against the wall smoking a cigarette. I walk up to him and snatch it from his mouth bringing it to my own and inhaling deeply. I sigh in relief before handing it back and linking my fingers with his free hand. "How was work baby?" He asks as we start our short walk home. "Good. Tiring. I talked to Shaun about yesterday, why I needed the day off. His daughter goes through the same stuff so I got the name and number of her therapist. I know how much you and Trick want me to go to
one." Gerard smiles down at me and says "I'm proud of you baby. Thank you" before stopping to wrap his arms around me.
When we get home I shower before laying down on my stomach on the bed feeling better now that I'm not on my feet anymore. Gerard comes into the room and straddles my thighs sitting on them gently before sliding my shirt up and rubbing his hands up and down my back before digging his fingers in and gently starts to massage me. I groan in contentment at the feeling and feel myself melting into the mattress as his fingers relieve all the stress I feel. After a few minutes he leans down and presses a few gentle kisses to my spine before massaging again. I feel so relaxed that I find myself drifting towards sleep, Gerard's fingers still working on my back.

My first therapy appointment comes and I am so nervous I spend the morning a shaking mess. Gerard has the day off classes and offers to come with me for support and I smile and tell him that would be nice. We take a cab to the building and go inside checking in with a receptionist before taking a seat and waiting for my therapist to come out. Before long I hear my name being called and look over to the doorway to see my therapist standing there smiling at me. He is short with tan skin and black hair and I look to him before standing, hugging Gerard who kisses my hair and tells me he will be waiting outside the building for me in an hour. I nod and he let's go before I follow the therapist into his office. Once the door is closed he tells me I can sit wherever I feel comfortable and I take a seat on the couch in the corner. He smiles at me and tells me most people choose that seat their first session. "Well Azali it's nice to meet you. My name is Dr. Wentz but if you would feel more comfortable you can call me Pete" he begins, grabbing his notepad and taking a seat near me. "I prefer to be called Z actually" I correct him and he smiles and apologises. I send him a short smile in return before he starts asking me questions about my life. Over the next hour we talk about everything, my childhood and growing up without a father, my mother and how I've coped since she died, my brother and being away from him for the first time in my life, Gerard and the rough start our relationship has had and the change my life has recently gone through moving to the city and getting a job. Then we move onto harder subjects for me to talk about, my self harm and subsequent suicide attempt and the abuse I suffered at the hands of Frank. I break down crying when the last subject comes up and Dr. Wentz crosses the room to get me some tissues. Once I've calmed down he glances at the clock and sees that we have five minutes left of my appointment. He asks me for details of my current medication and I dig through my bag handing him the bottle containing my pills so he can read the label. He nods, taking notes again before handing me the bottle back and asking how successful I think these pills are for me. I tell him these are the fourth different ones I've had since I was first prescribed and that they seem to work the best. He nods and gives me an easy smile telling me that that is great news. My appointment is up and I stand to leave the room feeling better and Dr. Wentz tells me he would like to see me once a week and to let the receptionist know when is suitable for me. Once I've organised a permanent weekly meeting on one of my days off I leave the building and am immediately pulled into Gerard's arms. "How do you feel baby" he asks between the kisses he is laying to the top of my head. "Good. I'm seeing Dr. Wentz once a week" I tell him and he smiles comfortingly at me before taking my hand and leading me towards a nearby diner, telling me he is starving.

Notes