You Only Hear The Music When Your Heart Begins To Break

I run from the party until there are a few blocks between me and Gerard before I slow to a walk. I don't want to go home incase he shows up there. I wander around in a part of town im not familiar with until I come across a 24 hour convenience store. I walk inside after wiping my eyes and trying to make myself look presentable. I wander the isles killing time until I come across a stand of disposable razors. My mind is blank as I pick up a packet and walk to the counter to purchase them. After I pay I take the packet and leave the store walking around the corner and finding a park. I take a seat on a park bench and open the packet before dropping one on the ground and stomping on it to break the plastic. Once it's broken I sift through the pieces to pick up a blade. It won't cut very easy but in my current mind frame the more damage to myself the better. I pull my sleeves up and decide to start with my arms but before I can press the blade into my skin I hear my name being called. I turn my head and see Ryan running towards me and I start crying again. "Z I'm so glad I found you, the guys are all out looking for you, this is a really bad neighbourhood. What are you doing with that broken razor?"
After a second realisation hits him and he asks me to put it down. I think about it for a second before dropping it onto the bench beside me and breaking down in sobs. Ryan wraps his arms around me and I sink into his embrace and let myself cry it out. After a few minutes he pulls back and takes his phone out of his pocket making a quick call before hanging up and sitting down next to me, holding me. Within a few minutes everyone who was out looking for me is crowded around us and I start to feel overwhelmed, my breathing becoming ragged. Trick kneels down infront of me and asks if I cut anywhere and I can't bring myself to speak so I just shake my head. "I'm proud of you baby" he tells me before helping me up and telling me he is going to take me home. As we make our way out of the park my eyes land on William and I apologise for ruining his birthday. He pulls me into his arms and tells me not to be silly.
Once we get home both Trick and William take me to my room
and settle me in bed before getting in either side of me. I turn on my side and cuddle into Tricks side needing the comfort and I feel William slide up behind me and wrap his arms around me. Feeling incredibly safe and comforted I fall asleep.

When I wake up Trick and William are still in bed with me sleeping and I see the clock reads 5.42am. I lay there for a
moment before I hear banging like someone bashing on the front door. Trick stirs beside me and opens his eyes having been woken by the banging. He looks over at me and upon seeing I'm awake he tells me to stay here with William who is also waking up. He gets out of bed and makes his way downstairs as William and I listen after him. Everything is quiet for a few minutes before we hear the lock click and Trick very loudly says "Fuck off you idiot. You're not welcome here so get lost and don't come back." "Z baby come out here" we hear Gerard slur out and tears stream down my face again. "She's not coming out now get lost or I'll call the cops" we hear Trick tell him before the door slams and the lock clicks again. William pulls me into his lap and strokes my back shushing me and trying to make me feel better. "Do I really mean that little that he could just do that to me?" I sob out and William continues to rub my back as he says "Z you're amazing. Any guy would be lucky to have you it's his problem if he's too stupid to realise that." My sobs quiet down to sniffles and I start to feel better. Trick comes back and we all lay down and eventually drift to sleep again.

Five days go by and I don't go back to school. I don't want to do anything so I just lay in bed all day. Trick and William swap their schedules around at the guitar store so one of them is always home with me but I just ignore them anyway. They try to keep it from me but I know Gerard has come by every day trying to see me. They never let him in but he asks them to tell me he loves me and he's sorry but they never do. The sun is shining in through the open curtains and I think about getting up to close them when I hear a tap on the window. I look over and Gerard is outside the window hanging onto the trellis he has just climbed up. I stand and walk over to the window and grab the curtains to pull them closed when he pleads with me to let him in. I almost ignore him but then he slips a little and I know I would never forgive myself if he fell and got seriously hurt. I open the window and step back letting him climb in and once he's in he steps towards me but for every step he takes I take one back keeping the distance. "Don't touch me. You have 2 minutes and then I want you out of my house" I tell him and he nods before starting to speak. "Baby I am so sorry for the way I acted the other night. I love you so much and I never meant to hurt you. I just let the alcohol carry away my thoughts and I never should have done that to you. Please don't throw what we have away, if you give me another chance I will do whatever it takes to make it up to you because I am miserable without you."
"You have a funny way of showing love by fucking some random girl you just met. I never did anything to warrant what you did to me. Look at what you did to me physically" I yell at him before pulling up my sleeve and showing him the dark finger bruises that are still on my arm. "And that's nothing compared to what you did to me mentally and emotionally. I've heard enough from you now get out."
"Baby I didn't have sex with her I swear."
"Yeah like I'm going to believe that."
"He didn't Z." Comes a voice from behind me. I turn around and see William standing in the doorway. "I went in there and stopped it." I shake my head and sink to my knees as I start to cry again for the first time in two days, the whole situation messing with my head. Gerard hesitantly drops to the floor beside me and pulls me into his arms. I resist for a moment before giving in and sinking into his embrace, feeling whole for the first time in five days.

Notes