The World Is Ugly, But You're Beautiful To Me

Fallyn's POV

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Flashback
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I stared at myself in the mirror, trying to bring a smile to my far by sheer will but things weren't that easy, the never are.

Maybe I could get some tape and hold my face up like that, I don't really want anyone trying to hit on me so it's not like it'll matter.
What person would want this mess anyway?

My eyes looked puffy and my face was red and blotchy, my voice hoarse like it never talked. I'm a ruin, from the moment Kat's parents dropped me off outside my house I've been crying nonstop for the past seven hours, just wanting to die.

I truly want to die sometimes, I consider it but I don't think I'm fully ready to give life up just yet.
There's a few more people I'd like to screw with first.

Jules, she's going to be at tonight's party with Kat's ex Cain, I know that for a fact.
They're both classless idiots who only want to get trashed and whore around as they see fit.
Sissy and Vanessa will be there too and I have some very choice words that I'd absolutely love to share with them.
Finally there's Brock who has no other choice but to be there since he's the host of the whole affair.
There's so many things I'd like to say and do to him, with a motherfucking baseball bat.

I should consider doing that, I don't think I want to be staying around for that much longer anyway.
I want to hurt everyone, really, really, really badly.
I know that sounds kinda crazy and a dash psychotic but they fucking deserve it.

They've made my life hell and Katelyn's life even worse and I think I have the right to seek revenge on douchebags like that.
It's the right thing, it's...
Ugh what's the word?
It's a Machiavellian way of thinking.

A couple of people for the greater good of humanity.

They need to learn that they can't just go around hurting people as they see fit not matter how okay it may be to them.

Katelyn would agree with me, she always said she wished the town would burn to ashes.
I couldn't agree more. But I'm not a pyromaniac and I haven't get access to enough matches or kerosene for something like that.
If I'm lucky I could just wish it into reality.

I can tell right now if I had any super powers I'd want that one, there's probably be dead bodies everywhere in that situation, any situation but oh well.
At the pleasant thought of killing them a smile lit up my face.

Should I feel like a bad person for smiling after attending my best friends funeral?
Well I'm smiling because I'm thinking about killing the people who were mean to her so maybe it's not so bad or horrible.

Turning away from the mirror I went to my closet and tugged open the doors, looking at all the clothes in front of me. Okay it was a bit of an overstatement by saying 'all the clothes' I didn't have that many and most of them were black and/or band merch I'd managed to find cheaply at stores.
With a sigh I considered the clothes that would be reasonable to wear to a party, I don't have much that isn't black.
Hmm...

I guess whatever's a kinda bright colour will have to do for now, it's not like I'm the kinda person who'd go out to buy clothes for a dumb ass party.
I can't believe I'm even caring enough to actually put some nice clothes on.
Proudly wearing a frown I grabbed a vest, basically the only item in my closer that I've never worn and closed the door with a hip.

Throwing the vest onto the bed with one hand I reached for the chest of draws with the other. I only had one pair of shorts, Katelyn had given them to me ages ago when we'd been hanging out at the local pool. She'd thought it was ridiculous I'd been wearing jeans in the middle of a stinking hot summer.
We'd gone back to her house and she gave me a pair of dark green, acid washed shorts I'd 'absolutely love' according to her.
They were cute I guess but I didn't wear them all the time.

Most summers I'd stay in my bedroom, on my old computer, listening to music or writing. I'd also hang out with Kat of course, we'd climb trees or prank some houses, maybe sneak into the movie theatre.
We didn't do too much.

I remember one time when she'd gotten caught by an usher and we almost got kicked out.
I have no idea how but she managed to talk her way out of it and we got to stay for the rest of the movie. I'm not an amazing liar but I'm a good one and even I didn't know how she did it, possibly threatened them.
It's something I could picture Kat doing.

I pulled the shorts on, buttoned them up and was presently surprised by how loose they were.
It's been nearly two years since I've last worn these and they were tight then, I must have lost some weight.
I never would have guessed that.

Next thing I added was the vest, a little tight which was as much as of surprise as the shorts.
Well I don't think I have much left to do now, I should definitely put some shoes on though. I grabbed my sneakers from under my bed and tugged them on, not wasting my time with a stupid thing like socks or whatever.

Do I actually want to hang out with the quality of people I'll be forced to meet at the party?
Not really but I might as well try.

I snatched my eyeliner and mascara up from the bench and succeeded with putting them on without looking or poking myself in the eye.
Huh, I must be the Queen of Emo.
Who knew?

There was the sound of a car horn honking outside and I walked over to the window, peering outside. Brock's all too familiar black pickup truck was parked outside my house and he was in the cab, honking his stupid fucking car horn.

I clenched my jaw, resisting the urge to not just storm out there and slam his head against the steering wheel. The honking was gonna get to me at any moment though so I should probably get in the truck before I kill someone.

Fixing my hair by simply ruffling it I ran a finger under my eye to make sure that I'd finished crying.
I'd been doing so much of it lately tears could start spilling down my face and I wouldn't even know about it.

I tugged my vest down, making sure nothing was going to pop out before leaving my room.
"You can do this, everything's gonna be okay," I whispered to myself, trying to believe my own rubbish as I entered the living room where Mum was sitting down watching television, "I'm going to a party," I told her, grabbing my jacket off a hook as Brock started his infernal honking once more.

"Alright, have a good time," she replied and I made a sound in response before walking out the front door, making sure to take my keys with me.

I strode right up to the truck and wordlessly got into the passenger seat, Brock turned and grinned at me.

"You are looking very nice." he purred, running a hand up my arm and I didn't even bother saying anything, "I'm surprised you even bothered to come to my party," he said, switching the gears and driving the car down the domestic road and towards his house.

"Well it's not like I have anything else to do," I muttered, as far as I was concerned I would rather sit in my room crying but this night was going to be for revenge, nothing more.

"Haha, yeah. Can't really hang out with your friend can you?" I shook my head, pursing my lips. I wanted to hit him so fucking badly and I wanted to cry at the same time.

"Gonna have a lot of booze at tonight's party?" I asked, changing the subject as fast as possible, I needed to remain calm and not freak out.

"As much as you want baby." His hand went to my thigh and I bit on my lip so hard that I could taste the disgusting copper flavor of blood in my mouth.

I should have worn longer shorts, I look like a cheap whore and I bet I'll be treated like one the whole time at the party.
Doesn't matter if it's by Brock or some other moron.

There rest of the car trip was silent, me staring out the window and him smiling to himself as if he's won some kind of competition.

The house wasn't even in view by the time I could hear the music, plain, pounding, techno sounds that came from artists with no real talent whatsoever.
I wanted to put my headphones on and disappear.
But I didn't have an mp3 of course.

Before Brock could try talking more to me I got out of the truck and walked up the driveway, towards the very large almost mansion-like house. The door was unlocked open and within moments of me being inside I was engulfed in a sea of teenagers, music and regret.
Already knowing what I wanted and where it was I headed directly towards the kitchen I could see at the far end of the open plan house.

Despite the low and completely freezing temperature outside it was hot inside, someone had turned on the heater and turned it up high, giving girls even more excuses to take off their clothes. I was perfectly fine as is, my jacket was by the front door and I was wearing shorts and a simple button up vest so it's not like I had many layers to get out of.

My mouth still tasted bloody and I needed the familiar comfort of alcohol to wash it away along with any feelings building up in me.

Bottles were setting on the huge marble island in the middle of the kitchen, cups everywhere, making to quite obvious it was a self-serve. I went with a drink I hadn't tried before, some kind of liqueur that looked like it'd taste nice.

I poured it into a plastic red cup and took a careful sip, checking the flavor first to make sure I wanted it.
It's good.
Sweet almost, like a rich raspberry cordial but kinda creamy at the same time.

I filled the cup over halfway and started a task on the top of my to-do list, getting drunk of my face and erasing the funeral I'd attended not that long ago. Before I'd even drank half of it my head started feeling a little blurry, the music slightly more tolerable and the people, well no amount of alcohol could change my opinion on them.

"Spread's good right?" I jumped at the voice next to me and it took a second for my semi drunk brain to register the face.

"Oh hey, Sissy. What the fuck are you doing here?" It wasn't meant to sound bitchy but it wasn't supposed to be nice either.

After all she was a fucking traitor, the same as Vanessa who'd be around here somewhere.

"I came here with Jules." Huh, at least she wasn't gonna try to deny it, I can appreciate the honesty at least.

"Nice, oh thanks for coming to Katelyn's funeral earlier today," I said, making sure to soak every single word in the thickest sarcasm I could possibly manage.

I actually didn't want her there or Vanessa either, I think if they were to have shown up with how I was feeling I would have more than likely killed them.
That could have been a downer.
Ha, a death at a funeral, if I hadn't drowned all my emotions with booze I would have found it funny.

"We played that song she really loves, you know, the one by My Chemical Romance. Right you don't because you're a traitor and a horrible friend." I slapped my forehead as if remembering something and Sissy stared as if I'd gone insane.
I'm already there.

"I-I'm gonna go find Vanessa now," she stuttered, grabbing her cup and pushing away from the island, beginning to walk off.

"Cool, bring her back here. We can talk about how you two completely backstabbed Kat and I and are close with the enemy. The one who drove my best friend into committing suicide," she gave me a cautious glance as if I might hit her which I felt like doing before scurrying away back to the Team Asshole, aka her friends, "don't forget to bring your little knives. I left mine at home! I can still twist them into my back if you like!" I called after her and I knew for sure that'd be the last time I'd be seeing Sissy for the night.

Jules will undoubtedly make an appearance soon and when she does I'm going to throw punches first, ask questions later.

I drained my cup, frowning disappointedly at the bottom and wanting some more of the magic liqueur to appear but it didn't and the bottle was empty.
Next best thing then.

Tugging my rather loose shorts up I went over to the fridge and pulled the door open, grabbing a random brand from the fridge and twisting the lid off, throwing it somewhere.
Bringing the bottle to my lips I sighed at the feeling of the cold drink pouring down my throat, officially and deliciously erasing any remnants of sobriety I had left.
It took one step away from the fridge for me to realize just how fucking drunk I'd gotten in an extraordinarily short amount of time and I've had a lot of practice.
This is a personal record.

I managed to stumble to the bar where all the food was laid out, cheap things like chips and pretzels.
Very classy for Brock's incredibly rich family.
Uh, I should probably eat something, I don't think I've even had a snack today let alone a meal.

Except for the alcohol of course which would explain how I've gotten smashed so easily. With a sketchy idea to punch Jules one more time I grabbed a handful of chips to soak up some of the alcohol and left the kitchen, stumbling as I went.

Lemme see where would I be if I was a horrible human being with tacky fashion sense, a habit of wearing too much makeup and no idea what actually music sounds like?
She would probably be dry humping any object in this house that could double for a stripper pole.
I started pushing through the people again, eating at the same time and question every life decision I've ever made.

I shouldn't be here.
Why am I here? Because I'm a dumbass who decided to go to a party just for the sake of hurting a few people that I'll hopefully never see again once I've left.
But then again I might get dragged into the vortex of redneck with every other moron here.
They could have been nice people if they didn't grow up in the middle of nowhere where a book was considered witchcraft.
That's what Brock's family was like.

If you ever have trouble picturing it just imagine the result of giving a redneck family ten million dollars. That's them in a nutshell.

What would I do if I had ten million bucks?
I'd make something of myself, get guitar lessons, move away from this place, go to a good school followed up by an even better college.

I don't want to die in obscurity even though I know it'll happen.
Everybody wants to change the world but everyone's gonna die.

The people who get to go onstage or just give a message to the public are lucky, they're blessed with more than I'll ever get.
Me, I know how my life's gonna work.

I was born in a small town, grew up in a small town and will probably die in a small town as well.
Then if it's not dying here it'll be on a plane flight away from Blackford, if I can ever make enough money for plane tickets.

There's not many job opportunities out here, shop clerk, receptionist, waitress and that was basically it unless I felt like walking people's dogs or mowing a lawn.
I'd tried almost every job available and either gave up on them or got fired for how little attention I payed to customers. I didn't like people so a job where I had to socialize with others isn't exactly the best idea on the planet.
Caught up in my own thoughts as I walked I almost fell over when I suddenly bumped into someone.

"Hey, watch where you're going spazzoid." The familiar voice said and I looked to at Jules who had a beer bottle in hand, the contents spilled down her almost nonexistent shirt.

"Don't blame me, I thought you were wrapped around a pole." I shrugged and ate another chip, giving her a lazy smirk I knew would make her want to kill me more.

"If you keep eating those you'll get fat." There was a definite snarky tone in her voice, yep I was getting to her, this'll be fun.

"Actually, these shorts are size four and they're loose so I actually need to gain some. You probably should too, might snap in half." I could almost hear her growling in response which wasn't that intimidating when you gave minimal fuck.

"You know the police were saying how your friends arms almost snapped in two because she cut so deeply." I took a slow deep breath, refusing to let her see that what she'd said had effected me.

"She's been a better person in her sixteen years than you'll ever be, even if you live to a thousand." I took my time finishing the sentence, trying to not immediately punch her in the face like she deserved.

"Her? Better than me? Hardly," she snorted, any sensitivity she might have inside her was apparently not going to make a show today.

"The most she'd have to do is wake up in the morning to be better than you." No lies there, Kat was a wonderful person and at no time was she ever a douche anyone who didn't completely deserve it.

"You've heard all the rumours around a school right? How many guys she's been with. Kat liked the boys, can't be that much better than me." My eyes narrowed, there's been people saying that but I knew it was all bullshit, Kat told me herself.

"According to a few guys you've been whoring around too." It was bad enough hearing her talk about Katelyn like that but now she planned to drag me into too?
Fine.

"Alright then, I'm a slut. I like to bang and do the sex. By the way, how's your nose? Has it healed nice?" Jules seemed to be confused by my sudden question that I'd asked with a cordial tone which had almost killed me.

"What?"

I snapped my fist up, punching her square in the face and hearing her nose crunch once more, it hadn't even healed yet so it was easy. Jules fell down, landing on her butt just like last time and I gave her a satisfied grin before walking off, steadier now that some of the alcohol in my stomach's been soaked up...
Nowhere near enough to stop me from acting like an idiot unfortunately.

So being my stupid self I found the nearest and highest object then clumsily climbed onto it and stood up, attracting everyone's attention just like I wanted. The music was still pounding but everyone had stopped their dancing and was watching, probably expecting the 'crazy emo girl' to do something weird.
Well that's just what they're going to get and if the don't like it then bad luck.

"Ya know, I've been hearing some interesting and new, news lately, it's new to me at least." I started, leaning against the walk the table had been pushed up against as someone turned down the music.

"Apparently I'm a slut. No ones informed me though. Why wouldn't you guys do that?" It was blatantly obvious I was asking a rhetorical question and no one was stupid enough to answer.

"So I was thinking I'd help everyone avoid any further confusion like I've experienced." I was gesturing around, slurring a tiny bit which was unavoidable at my level of drunk.
Trying to stare everyone down at once I put a hand on my hip, the other one going to my chest.

"My name is Misty," I undid the top button of my vest, "Misty Findley,' next when the second button, "I'm a slut," the third button, "and apparently because someone said it, it must be true." The fourth button was undone and I took my vest off, tucking it into my bra strap.
I was getting some assorted wolf whistles and inappropriate comments now that I was in my bra but I don't care.

In the words of the great Fall Out Boy:
'I don't care what you think as long as it's about me.'
I grinned at my small audience, just imagining what Katelyn's reaction would be if she were here.

"Fuck all of you and fuck the rumors too and I am a slut, a music slut and none of you will ever be getting into my pants!" I reached down, undoing the button on my shorts and tugging the zip down, "and that my lovely lowlives is something you can take to the bank." I told them dropping my shorts and picking them up, a final grin on my face that in my mind was a middle finger to everyone at this dumb party.

I jumped down from the table landing on the floor with a small thud before pushing the slightly stunned crowd out of my way. I'd had enough for one night, I'd punched Jules, told everyone my opinion or them and did some completely crazy shit so my job here is done.

"Mist, babe, wait."
Maybe not everything...
"What is it Brock?" I asked, turning around and already knowing how I was going to end the conversation.

"How do you feel about taking the rest of those clothes off for me?" I grinned at him, trying to wear the most seductive look I could manage.

I brought a hand up gesturing for him to come closer with a single finger. Brock licked his lips and leant down to my level, actually being stupid to believe I'd be interested in what he could (or at least attempt to) give me.

"Not in a million fucking years." I whispered, the smile growing even wider on my lips.

He moved back, frowning and looking as confused as heck, and here comes the revenge.
I brought my hand up, slapping him heard across the face, hard enough that a handprint was left on his cheek and he looked dazed.

"You'll never, ever, get to see me naked and that's a promise." I pulled my vest out of my bra strap and put it on, buttoning it up as I walked away with my dignity possibly intact.

How was I going to get home?
I don't know yet.
I'll just have to wing it like everything else in my life.

Notes