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The World Is Ugly, But You're Beautiful To Me

Chapter 6: I've Been Holding On Tonight

Frank's POV

~~~

I tried hard to sleep, I honestly did but I couldn't.
The whole time I thought of her nonstop and couldn't focus on anything else.
It's like I'm going crazy.

She's everywhere.
The flash of her hair, her giggle, the gleam of her beautiful sea green eyes, the radiant warmth of her body curled up next to mine.
By the time we're there I'll be completely insane or the guys will get tired of my panicking and I'll get kicked off the bus.

I just want to sleep and escape reality for a few hours, even one or two would be nice.
It's been a while since I've slept and I'm actually feeling tired but there's too much on my mind to let me rest.

Mikey, Ray and Bob were completely fine, they just sat around and chatted or in Ray's case, practiced guitar. When I'm stressed that's usually what I'd do, play Pansy until I felt better or everything had gone back to normal.
The only thing I'd think of while playing her would be Fallyn and the many times I'd taught her songs.
I guess they weren't kidding when they say absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Currently I feel that once I see her again I'm going to hug her and never let her go for as long as I live.
In other words, forever.

Seriously, Gerard can do whatever he bloody wants after we find her but there's no way I'm giving Fallyn up ever again.
It's only now I've realised how addicted I am to her.
She's a drug I can't get enough of.
I'm addicted, to a person.

The only thing that's managed to hit me this hard before was music, like going to my first concert as a kid.

I want to go to concerts with her, a whole bunch of them, I want to take her to see all her favourite bands and I need to see that breathtaking smile one more time. Even if I could have just one more hug would enough, a chance to hold her before she was taken from me forever.
It's so strange, it's like she should be sitting right next to me, I can almost feel her, the heat of her skin, the scent of her hair.

The aura of peace she projected into every room she entered.
Well maybe no one else noticed the peace but I did, just being around her made me feel better.
A sick man finally getting his medicine.

Do I sound obsessed, probably.
You know what?
I don't care.

I've officially fallen in love with Fallyn, the echo left of my once beating heart races at a million miles an hour, the thought of living for eternity doesn't seem do bad when she's with me.
I'd never thought I could happily spend the rest of forever with anyone but she's the perfect person.

She's perfect for me in so many ways.

I know I'm not christian, the closest I've ever been was going to a catholic school and I've never believed in heaven or hell or any deity but God if you can keep her safe or make her love me back then I will pray to you all the time.

This is how desperate I've become, I've actually resorted to praying.
Oh hell I'll do more than that if I have to, I'll make a fucking deal with the devil.
As long as she's okay, it's the only thing that matters to me at the moment.
I don't care about the band or my guitar or my friends.
Please, please, please just let her be safe and happy.

"Frankie, are you okay?" I jumped, not expecting Bob to appear in the drivers cabin, especially to talk to me when I'd been sulking for the past seven or so hours.

"Yeah, Bob, I'm fine." I mumbled, taking off my headphones and pausing the music that was playing through my mobile.

"Are you sure? You've been up here for ages." He put a hand on my arm rest, looking at me seriously as if he expected me to start babbling about everything.

"I told you, I'm fine." I started putting my headphones back on but Bob stopped me with a scarily serious look that I'd never seen him have before.

"Frankie, listen. I know you're worried about Fallyn, you've been thinking about her nonstop and Gerard's in the back grinding his teeth but you need to cope. If you can't deal with it now then you'll be psycho by the time we're in Blackford." I was fully aware of that, Bobbert really didn't need to point it out.

"It's just, ugh, it's so fucking hard. I can't get her off my mind, if she gets hurt it'll be all my fault." I sighed, propping my elbow on an armrest and resting my chin in my palm.

"How on earth is it your fault? You weren't to know that she was planning to run away." I still should have stayed out there with her, she was looking upset and I could have comforted her or done something.

"If I didn't kiss her Gerard wouldn't have said the thing about Fallyn being his sister and she'd have stayed on the bus. I'd be giving her guitar lessons and we'd still be heading for home." She should be goofing around with us and getting excited over Christmas, not running away.

"She would have done it anyway, you know what Fallyn's like when she makes her mind up about something. Besides she was probably going to do the same thing when Gerard told her anyway. It was just gonna be here or Jersey." I'd rather it be Jersey, at least I knew my way around the place, I haven't even been to Blackford before, plus I don't know where she lives.

There's only a two ways I can find her.
Katelyn, the devil-angels memorial is tomorrow at nine and there is a eighty percent chance she'll be there. I also know what Jules, Brock, Sissy and Vanessa look like so if I can find them then I'll find her. I'd also enjoy saying a word or two to that fuckhead Brock, I'd say the same thing about Jules but I'm not the kind of asshole who hits girls.

"Dude, we can't hit humans, you know that. You'll kill the guy and we've agreed to not hurt people." I shook my head, just one punch and he'd get the idea he shouldn't treat women like he does.

"Gerard will go spack if you do. He's already planning to murder you just for saying you're in love with Fallyn, don't give him more incentive. If you don't provide him with reasons then he can't stop you from dating her." Bob whispered the last part, probably hoping Gerard wouldn't be able to listen in.

"I heard that! Stop plotting with Frank!" Gee called out, I laughed slightly, short and humorlessly but it'd been entertaining for a moment.

Gerard wasn't making a joke by any stretch of the imagination, Bob and I both knew that but after the stressful day we needed to laugh whether we meant it or not didn't matter.

"Just trust me alright? You are a good guy, you've never done anything wrong and other than Mikey of course you're the closest person to Gerard on the bus, he won't be able to hold a grudge against you for long." Apparently Bob didn't realise what a fantastic grudge holder Gerard was, he could keep one for years and years.

I'd be lucky if he'd begin to get over it in another sixty decades, we've got plenty of time and if Fallyn's gone then I'll have an open schedule. What's the most I could do anyway, my whole life is just playing the guitar, touring and hanging out with the guys.
I don't really do much else.

"He's been a moody bitch ever since he realised I like her, it's not going to change but if you'd like to talk to him then feel free, I won't be stopping you." I waved him away but Bob didn't budge and inch, just crossed his arms over his chest.

"Talk to him? I'm not fucking going near him, you haven't been in the back with the rest of us. You get to be up here, listening to your music. Gerard hasn't shut up once and Mikey's a neurotic mess." I snorted, yeah it's no surprise, Mikes a bit of a spazz sometimes but he seemed to be really worried about Fal's so I supported him.

"I swear to Satan that if he doesn't shut up soon I'm gonna throw him off the bus." I'll admit I'm feeling a little sorry for the guys, I've had to put up with him as well.

"Ugh, hang on, I'll try talking to him." Gerard had pretty much banned me from any chatting the second the bus began to move but hey, it's worth a shot.

Even if he may make me want to kill myself with his teenage girl level whining.
I stood up, pocketing my mobile and shuffling around Bob in the tiny drivers cabin then walking down the bus to the living room where Gerard would be.

He was sitting on the couch, legs and arms crossed, staring out a tinted window and talking without pause.

"-and then Fallyn, my little sister Fallyn likes him? It didn't seem that long ago when she was telling me boys had cooties. If I touched something and then tried to hand it to her she'd make me wash it but she was just out in the snow, kissing him." Yeah I can understand a little how this would get to everyone, this was basically what went on in his head everyday.
Now everyone on the bus knew about it.

If they would have just listened when I tried to tell them they needed to learn how to mentally block him out.
They could do it to me, just not Gerard.

"Hey Gee, it's nice to see you making pleasant conversation. Have the guys had a chance to say anything yet?" He slowly turned to look at me, his eyes darkening and going completely venomous.
Geez if looks could kill.

"I'm not talking to you, ever again if I can manage it." He hissed before leaning back on the couch and clutching his elbows, at least I shut him up.

"Well that's going to make the concerts easier." I muttered, thinking of how the fans would react to seeing us fight, they'd be upset, I know that much and if-when we find Fallyn again she won't like the bickering either.

"I don't think I want to do concerts with you anymore." He growled just loud enough for the bus to hear before turning away from me.

He's the biggest drama queen I've ever met in my whole life and I've gotten the chance to meet a lot of people including a lot of teenagers since I obviously went to high school. The teenagers girls there, they'd bitch all the time with no end in sight and he was actually managing to beat them at their own special game.

"Come on Gee, we've been considering a new album and everything." I'll just come right out and say I'm having to try really hard to not start yelling at him at the moment.

The bus went silent after my response, Gerard sticking to his sulking and the guys, counting Bob who was now in the room, waiting to hear his response no matter how bitchy or douchelike it may be.

"Fine but please stop talking to me, go back to whatever the fuck it was doing until you came and annoyed me." I stared at his before going to his bunk and grabbing the only two objects that I knew would shut him up for the guys sake.

I walked back in with his headphones and iPod then without a word put them on his head, despite Gerard looking like he wanted to kill me.

"I know you hate me right now but you've been talking without pause and frankly you're annoying everyone. I think even Greg has had enough." I told him and pressed play on his iPod, turning up the music until even he would have trouble hearing himself think.

"Problem solved," I said to the group, turning away from Gerard who was giving me the evil eye, "anything else I need to help you all with?" The guys were quiet then once Gerard leant his head on the couch with his eyes shut they started talking.

"Thank you so fucking much, I thought I was gonna have to suffocate him with a pillow." Mikey groaned and I laughed, we all knew none of us needed air but it was the thought that counts.

"No problem. Mikes, do you have some sleeping pills I could use?" I asked, other than Fallyn the only thing I could think about was getting some sleep for the next ten hours or however long it'd take I'd to get to Blackford.

"Sure, I've got like ten bottles. How many do you think you'll need?" I don't know how Mikey had managed to get his hands on ten bottles of sleeping pills and I didn't want to know.

"However many will get me to sleep and keep me asleep until Blackford. I just don't want to think anymore." The only other idea I had was to drink to the point of passing out but we didn't have enough booze on the bus for something like that.

Mikey nodded and walked out of the room to get the sleeping pills I asked for, in the meanwhile I leant against the wall and prayed that they'd help.
I shouldn't expect too much because more often than not the drugs never work.

To think a month ago I would have never even considered the possibility of telling a soul about my...condition, but now here we are and Fallyn knows everything.
I'm also in love.

Oh there's something that I haven't thought about, what if it ends up in a situation where I have to turn her. Fallyn would be so pissed off at me if I were to do that, she'd have to forgive me for it though, right?

If that situation happens I know that one way or another it would end up with her being a very angry vampire with the ability to destroy a lot of things. I remember how I was when I first woke up, I didn't recognise the band at all and thought they were strangers trying to hurt me or worse.
Even if it was just temporarily I'd never want Fallyn to see me as a stranger, I'd nearly made her jump of the bridge by accident when I first met her.

It very quickly became Gerard's fault, especially since he didn't even try to stop her and only came up with lines like 'it's her life to take' and 'what right do we have to stop her?'.
The answer to that is, every fucking right in the world because we are fully able to stop her and she doesn't need to when she has people who will more than gladly support her.
I wonder what would have happened if we never met her, if she just jumped off the bridge or her friend didn't commit suicide.

If she'd jumped before we got there then I wouldn't have been given the chance to meet her and fall in love. She wouldn't have been able to see that there's a lot in life worth living for no matter how bad times may be.

Then if her friend was still alive then I guess Gerard would have taken us into Blackford and we'd have met her anyway and I still think I would have fallen in love.
I wonder if Gerard's gonna have the same attitude towards every guy who's interested in Fallyn.
Maybe I'm just a special case.

Anyway if he does plan to treat everyone like that then I feel sorry for whoever tries to take her on a date for two reasons.

First, he's going to be under a lot of pressure when taking the little sister of a moody vampire out to a movie.
Second, if it's not me who gets to be with her whoever else it is, is gonna have a lot of standards to live up to.

Mikey came back into the room and passed me a bottle of sleeping pills that I was almost too happy to take.

"There's not that many in there so just take the whole bottle." Alright so Mikey shouldn't be allowed to get a job as a pharmacist or as a doctor either.

"You sure that's a good idea?" He shrugged and adjusted his glasses, apparently he didn't see anything wrong with the possibility of overdosing on sleeping pills.

"I need to take two full bottles just to get some sleep on a plane, you'll be fine. It's not like you can die." I sighed and opened the bottle, downing all the pills in one go.
I hope these work.

"Just try to sit down and get some sleep until we're there." Mikey gestured to the couch and I laughed, there's no fucking chance I'm sitting back here with Gerard.

"I don't want you sitting with me either." Gerard muttered in response staring at me grumpily before looking at the television once more, he probably won't be talking to anyone for a while now, especially with the his headphones on.

Was he listening to the music or the tv?
I don't now, don't care much either.

"Are you absolutely positive these'll work?" I asked Mikey and he shrugged again, he's not seeming concerned about much today, maybe he's got a lot on his mind.

"Don't worry, if they don't I can just give you some more. I won't be running out for a while and I think Gerard has some as well." He gave me a confident smile and I mumbled a thank you before turning and going back to my chair in the drivers cabin.

I immediately put my headphones back on, going to press play on my mobile when I was stopped.

"So what the hell's going on? I understand the girl's missing but what's up?" I looked at Greg who was taking glances between me and the road ever few seconds.

"Fallyn's gotten in some trouble with us. I did something I probably shouldn't have done and Gerard said something he wanted to keep to himself. She didn't like hearing some things I guess but she ran away." I felt awkward telling him anything about what was going on between Fallyn and the band but he should get a chance to figure out what was going on.

"That got anything to do with the yelling going on earlier? Something about Fallyn being Gerard and Mikey's sister." I slowly put my feet up on the dashboard and placed my mobile in my lap.

"Yeah, that's it."

"And why's Gerard angry at you?" I laughed a little thinking about the reason, it was so simple you'd never think it'd matter much but here we are.

"I kissed Fallyn and fell in love with her." I mumbled, I hadn't decided I was in love with her just now, I've been in love for ages, probably since the bridge where her just turning around almost killed me.

Greg grinned and me an chuckled before thumping a hand down on my shoulder like a congratulations, "good for you Frankie, you deserve a nice girl like that but it took you long enough." I frowned, it took me long enough, what's that supposed to mean?

"What?"

"It took you long enough to kiss the girl, you like her, she likes you. It's blatantly obvious but neither of you seem to realise it." He started counting things off like a grocery list and I leant back in my chair, smiling a little, "and the brother thing, saw that coming a million miles away." There no way he could have known that, that secret was one of the greatest plot twists of life that I've ever experienced.

"How?" I sounded a bit mean but I want to know how the hell he'd have managed to see that.

"She acts like Gerard, mannerisms, gestures, habits, stuff like that. I mean her and the Way's couldn't look less alike but they act the same. She might be a little more determined with things than them, bit nicer too." I nodded, Mikey was a good guy but Gerard has been totally out of character lately.

Who knows he might have been replaced by an alien life form or has some magic reset button that'll make him the friendly, easy to get along with person he'd been before. I've never let myself become an asshole, I might seem like one at times but I'm too much of an idiot for me to not have nice personality.
People wouldn't like me otherwise.

"Don't worry though, your girl's got a lot more common sense than them as well. She'll be fine, I really don't think she'll do anything stupid or regrettable." I wish I could believe that but I knew once Fallyn made up her mind it couldn't and wouldn't be changed.

"I'll try and keep that in mind." I mumbled, hoping that she'd be at the memorial in Blackford and we'd be able to take her back to Jersey, safe and sound.

"Do you want to talk about anything else?" Greg asked and I yawned, shaking my head, I think the meds are starting to kick in.
One way or another I feel tired.

"Na, I'm just gonna get some shuteye, I wanna sleep through the trip if I can. I took a shitload of sleeping pills for the event." I closed my eyes and leant my chair back, adjusting my legs on the dashboard.
Screw safety.

With one hand I pulled my headphones on, clumsily picking my mobile up and opening one eye I scrolled through my long list of bands, selecting one I haven't listened to for ages. As vein as it might be I usually stuck with listening to My Chem, my own band but right now I didn't feel like hearing myself.

I hit shuffle on some Nirvana and dropped back on the chair, listening to the music.
Maybe this will help me sleep better than the last time where every song I heard just made me think of Fallyn.

Notes

Comments

Please update soon. <3

Ellie-phant Ellie-phant
2/27/15

Oooh boy..look who's here! Dammit Falls WHY DIDN'T YOU RUN DAMMIT! Grrr *drops laptop in frustration* *quietly picks it up* *stares at the screen in hopes of an update*

So happy for an update!

Sharpest_Life_B Sharpest_Life_B
12/30/14

Ooooooooooohhh....here comes troubleeeeeee!!!!

Best line - I don't even effing sparkle. Lol I was just musing to myself a few chapters back how much I loved that you were able to keep this story from becoming a cliché. (Sure the vampire stuff factors in but it's not the only focus. Kat & the hotel events would have been enough to carry a story I think. The vampire/human love story isn't sophomoric, cartoonish or stalkerish like another story we all know. As entertaining as it is to watch the other, I believe this relationship could happen. Yeah Frank felt an instant connection, which I'm not sure if is bc of his powers? But they fell in love slowly and they both know it. ; )

Sharpest_Life_B Sharpest_Life_B
12/2/14