18th, January

~~~

It only took a day for everyone in the school to hear about the American boarder who'd gotten pregnant to the nephew of the headmistress or that's at least how it went for most who didn't know the truth, the exception being only two people, my best friends.

It's amazing how quickly things can change, one moment I'm dealing with having a little crush on a priest as the worst case scenario then it suddenly jumping to me expecting a child, it's a little more than most teenagers had to worry about, exams and hanging out at the mall for example. One of the most interesting things I thought about the whole situation is how everyone will come up and ask me about it, names, gender, whether or not I was planning to keep it. It was reasonable for Iris and Luka to ask those questions and expected from Gerard but as far as I was concerned it was none of anyone else's business.

One of the things I remember reading out of the Rosehill Academy brochure on my way to England was that you're supposed to be polite to everyone at all times. Lets put it this way, when people start asking if then can pat my stomach I'm not put into the best of moods, if anything I want to start slapping everyone in sight.

I'm a couple of weeks pregnant at most, I'd have to be at like three months before anyone would even have a chance of guessing. I almost want to wear a sign around my neck that says 'don't fucking touch me' so I don't have to explain every damn time why someone can't pat my stomach.

Of course I have worse problems to deal with than the simple issue of personal privacy. For example, if you look to your left you will see that I've been abandoned by my parents and to the right you'll see that I'm trying to find a place to live which at the moment will be with the school priests/my baby's father's brother.

Speaking of the whole trying to find a place to live thing, I'm now getting up at eight in the morning on a fucking saturday because Gerard's decided that it'd be best to go visit his brother who I could be possibly moving in with at a ridiculous time in the morning.

I never knew it was possible for me to hate getting up early more than I already do but apparently I can.
I've got jeans that aren't fitting right, my hair refuses to hang the way I want it to, I'm wearing my last clean shirt because it's laundry call today and now that I've put on makeup I'm worried I'm gonna get another bout of morning sickness as start throwing up. I've got a freaking emergency bucket under my bed because I can't guarantee that I'll make it to the bathrooms on time, this is not what I expected from pregnancy.

You hear about pregnancy on tv and it sounds like fun, glowing skin and fawning over baby outfits but from where I'm standing it's nothing like that, just suddenly wanting to throw up when you weren't even feeling sick in the first place.

I've only got the sucky part of being pregnant, anything good's a no-show and I know I'll have a lot of problems to deal with when I get even more pregnant as well, like a big belly and all that bladder stuff, not having my clothes fit...I can think of so many things that I won't be enjoying but at the same time it is just a little bit exciting.

I finished getting dressed by pulling on my Led Zeppelin jacket and sneaking quietly out of the room, hoping that Iris wouldn't wake up and start asking a whole bunch of questions about where I was going and what I was planning to do. The most I'd talked to her about me visiting Gerard's brother was just saying that I'd be going out and wouldn't be back for a couple of hours which she responded to by asking if I'd be back in time for the concert.

It was pretty obvious the concert was tonight, I definitely hadn't forgotten about it and even if I tried to there was no way Iris was going to let me. She'd been talking about it nonstop and had apparently forgotten that she was supposed to be the shy one in the friendship so I tried to smile, nod and agree when I was able to get a word in edgewise.

I was able to see Gerard standing outside before I'd even left the dorm. He had his arms crossed over his chest and was stamping his feet slightly, small, white puffs escaping his lips with his black hair falling in his face and he looked kinda cute actually, in a schoolboy way.

What I was least expecting was how he'd dressed. I'd gotten used to seeing the priest collar and black shirt with a leather jacket over the top to keep himself warm but he'd changed his outfit a little when I stopped in front of him. I could see the edge of a white t-shirt from a gap in his huge, dark grey, overcoat that had done a good job of dwarfing him although he was still wearing the same jeans and black boots.

"How long have you been out here?" I wondered as he tried to stop crossing his arms and stand normally but I could tell he was freezing, I'd only been out here for a couple of seconds and I was already wanting to go inside.

"Just a little while." He replied as we started making our way over the frosted grass, towards the parking lot where I knew his car would be, I also got the feeling he was lying about how long he'd been out here for but I kept it to myself.

"You know we didn't have to leave this early." I grumbled as he fished through his jacket pockets, looking for the keys to his car and I tried to stop the shakes taking over me, in mere seconds I'd gone from warm to freezing to death, this was the reason I hated England.

"Actually we did, I'm gonna be busy for the rest of the day so I think it'd be best if we headed over to Mikey's and all hung out. You'd be able to decide whether or not you want to live with him and we'll probably be able to sort that out on the spot." I really did want to meet Mikey and get to know him but it didn't mean I wanted to have a conversation at eight in the morning, my brain still hadn't decided to wake up yet and there was a good chance I was slurring at the moment without even realizing it.

"What are you doing anyway? Aren't you still busy because of the play?" Last time I checked his desk was piled high with things he was supposed to sort out and I didn't think the amount of work was going to change anytime soon.

"Yeah, I am but the guys have a gig they want to play tonight so I have to do that," his voice trailed off as if he were distracted by something as we went to his car, only coming back to reality to unlock it before we got in, "anyway, how are you doing with your um, parents and brother?"

Just thinking about Mom and Dad made my jaw clench, I'd gone past being upset and crying then switched over to anger and had yet to move away from that and I didn't even know what to think about Dale. He hadn't called me since I called him the night I found out I was pregnant, he'd said he was coming to England and that was the last I'd heard of him. For all I know I could be about to see Dale at any second.

"I, I've tried to not think about it as much as possible but it's a bit tricky. I'm just lucky I've got Iris in my ear twenty-four-seven, she keeps me distracted and that's enough." I was opening up a little more than I wanted to but I was tired and I knew I wouldn't care that much until later on when I'd finished waking up.

"She's really come out of her shell hasn't she?" Gerard said as he started up the car and I put on my seatbelt when the wheels began to turn, not wanting a repeat of what happened last time I was in his car which was when I'd been sitting in the back of the car and almost ended up smacking my face into the seat.

"Definitely, now she's noisy and I'm the quiet one." It was true, Iris had been talking without pause for the last few days and I'd been quiet, I've had a lot of things to consider and didn't necessarily want to talk about them.

"I bet it won't take long until you're back to your normal self." I doubted that was going to happen, I was pregnant and by the time I had the kid I'd be a mother, I wouldn't ever be able to do the typical things I do ever again.

No more illegally going into nightclubs, sneaking off the school grounds or out off the house and I think fooling around with a priest will definitely be off the table. Ah, I can already see my life slowly being poured down the drain, sure it'll be pretty damn cool to have a baby but that's not gonna change how badly I want to keep my freedom.

"Yeah, I'm sure I'll be back to my sassy, wiseass, priest banging self in no time." I wasn't trying to be bitchy, I was just pointing out the obvious and I could tell Gerard knew it because he gave me a smile before going back to focusing on the road.

"Lets just pretend I'm not a priest today, alright?"

"Why, haven't you told your family?" I'd imagine his brother would know by this point that Gerard was a priest, conversations about what they did as a career would come up and at the end of the day there's only a couple of reasons for you to be working at an all girls, Christian boarding school.

"They know what I do but Mikey's gonna be fuckin' shocked when I tell him you're pregnant, or you tell him you're pregnant. Either way it's gonna be really uncomfortable and it'll be easier if we don't talk about what I've been doing lately in church first." I'd have thought Mikey would know I was pregnant by this point, he'd told his friend Frank that he was in love with me so I'd gotten the impression he shared everything with his friends and family.

"I'll take it that telling him what we did in the confessional would be a no-no?" I grinned, finding myself to be hilarious with how tired I was, I was feeling a bit tempted to curl up in the passenger seat and go to sleep but driving in a car would get me to town a lot faster than taking the bus would and we'd be at Gerard's, brothers house soon.

"If you did that I can be almost positive he won't let you live with him so if I were you I'd keep that between us." The thought of bringing the first of our many times together up over a cup of coffee made me want to laugh, I could imagine them simultaneously freaking the hell out and almost wanted to do it but was smart enough to know when I should keep things to myself.

"How come none of your friends or anything freaked out when you wanted to form a band?" I asked, curious if they would have been put off by finding out a priest wanted to be involved in rock music but then again he might have been doing it before he became a priest.

"When I first moved to England I had some doubts about my faith. I went to the bar a couple of times and met these three crazy guys. We talked a bit, laughed and mucked around then after regaining my faith I went back to the school and thought I was never going to meet them again. I was visiting Mikey one day and I knew he had some friends over so I was really surprised to find out they were the same three from the bar and we almost instantly became friends. They'd already heard from Mikey that his brother was a priest and when they found out it was me they didn't care, they thought of me as a friend and didn't expect me to act priestly all the time so I've always been able to relax around them. That's why we hang out so often." I wasn't sure if he'd answered my question or just went off on his on topic but at the end of the day I did kind of get my explanation but I still wanted to know a bit more.

What I'd never actually considered before was what he was like as a person. We did sleep together a lot at first but I didn't know that much about him and considering he was helping me find somewhere to live I knew I should get to know more about his life and what he liked to do.

"How did you end up in a band?" I knew bits and pieces about him but had no idea what would have originally made him want to be in a band, I could understand the idea of wanting to make music but that was about it.

"I used to play music when I was a kid. I, uh, I played tuba in this group so I've liked music for a while and it'd always make me feel better. It seems that most of my decisions are based around when I start to ignore my faith, but I was feeling pretty damn bad one day and I was at Mikey's house. He and Ray were comparing what was better to play, guitar or bass so they were playing different parts from songs and I was in the kitchen, muttering loudly to myself while the guitar and bass were playing and Frank joked about how he thought it sounded like some kind of angsty punk song. It went from there, we decided to muck around and they played some Sex Pistols song and I sung a couple of lines then we decided to try doing it more often and ended up at Bob's house, playing songs so we eventually came up with the idea of writing our own songs." That was probably the oddest forming of a band that I'd ever heard but it made sense and paired with them not caring what he did would have obviously helped.

"Why don't you stop working at the church and just make money off being in a band?" Was my next question, I'd talked to Gerard about how he thought the only bad part about me being pregnant was the obvious fact he was a priest and it just occurred to me that there's a lot of ways around that.

"Obviously you've never been in a band. There's a lot of reasons. For example you can never guarantee that you're going to get a good pay, equipment costs a lot, you have to travel around all the time for good gigs and if I was to stop working at Rosehill it'd mean I wouldn't be living on the ground any more." I raised an eyebrow, we were seriously driving to his brothers house right now, the brother who was looking for a roommate.

"Uh, Mikey..." I started, ready to start up on the obvious and besides, I don't think it'd be that bad traveling around all the time, I'd love to just get in a bus or on a plane and see the world, I wouldn't care if the space was cramped I'd just be happy to travel.

"And if I wasn't on the school ground all the time I wouldn't be able to see you anymore. I've already thought about it but as I figure, maybe I could stop working at the school if you move in with Mikey, I'd have to guarantee there'd be places for the band to play first but I guess it's a possibility. The only problem would be that Mikey wouldn't be at the house and it'd be just you to fend for yourself and you might need something at some point when you get more pregnant." It was unexpected how much he was concerned by me being pregnant, I think he cared more about it than I did but to be honest I've never really expected him to care too much, especially to the point of not doing what he loves because of it.
"We're here." Gerard said and I looked out the windscreen.

We were parked in one of the main neighborhoods in Brighthollow, on one of the smaller streets filled with old but well built houses. There were a couple of other cars parked on the street but it looked that by this point most people were still in bed or had their vehicles in their garages so there wasn't much going on and no one driving by.

Without me noticing since I hadn't been paying attention, Gerard had gotten out of the car and walked around, opening the door for me and holding out his hand to help me out and I considered it for a moment before accepting.

This was a huge change from the first time I was in a car with him, he'd had to pick me up and throw me over his shoulder just to get me into the back seat and I'd been either ignoring him or trying to annoy him the whole time. When I'd gotten out I'd slammed the car door behind me and tried to storm off because I'd still beed mad at him for a lot but he stopped me by linking his arm with mine which had made me even angrier.

Everything was so different now, I'd gotten into the car on my own terms and we'd talked like a pair of almost normal people during the trip and he'd helped me out not to mention that I didn't want to kill him unlike last time.

Also he wasn't forcing me to walk with him now but one thing I wasn't expecting was how he didn't let go of my hand, instead he held it loosely, giving me the option to let go if I wanted to but a part of me I wasn't used to hearing demanded I hold on and I did as we walked towards a gated dark green house.

He pushed the gate open and we stepped through, walking up to the house as I held his hand a little tighter, it almost being funny considering I wanted pretty much nothing to do with him for a long while. It would have been unlikely for me to want to hold hands with him, let alone sleep with him at some points but here we are.

Holding hands, me pregnant and kinda scared to meet his brother since I hadn't met Mikey before and I didn't know what he was like.

That's why I almost laughed when Gerard knocked on the door and Mikey answered.

Notes