Almost immediately after I got home after hanging out with Gerard my Aunt knew something was up and started rapidly shooting questions as me that I somehow managed to avoid giving answers to.
It wasn't easy though since it seemed very familiar to one of those word association tests when someone says a word and you have to say the first thing that pops into your head. So yeah my Aunt's questions seemed a lot like that, Mum did the same thing but she'd actually be able to get me to slip up.

She had a good reason to want to know what's going in though, especially since her niece who's usually frowning or doing some other self occupied task had just fallen butt first onto the floor while giggling like a manic with her face crimson.
I knew the giggling was totally out of character for me and my usual 'I hate people' personality but talking to Gerard gave me those cliche warm, fuzzy feelings and reminded me that I was only human and fully capable of acting like a girl and getting a crush on someone.

It should be obvious for me to know he wouldn't be interested in someone like me though, first of all celebrities pretty much only date other celebrities, second is that he's just lost two people who very obviously mean and meant a lot to him and third, I might not be his type just like no matter how interested Hayden might be I didn't feel the same and wouldn't ever want to go out with him.
We had nothing in common except for the same job and we both liked coffee, all further similarities ended right there.

Besides I'm too socially awkward to be dateable, just the thought of going out with anyone terrified me, I'd honestly rather stay at home with my art book than go out with someone.
The only time I'll happily be surrounded by people is when I'm at a concert seeing one of my favorite bands, the only thing stopping be from going into a grumpy, depressed state when surrounded by others is the music playing.

The only time I enjoy socializing with people is when I'm talking to friends, my family, when I'm getting payed for it (aka work) or when I get to meet a band after a concert and I was so ecstatic at meeting one of my favorite bands that I don't think I even said anything intelligent which isn't surprising since my brain enjoys shutting down whenever I have to talk to anyone important. Gerard and the one time I met Mikey was a rare exception to my stupid behavior.

It was actually kinda funny I acted like a normal person around Gerard, he was from my favorite band in the whole world and I idolized him. Not just the music but the artwork he does, like the cover of Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge which I thought was amazing although Gerard seemed more like the drawing type and I preferred painting since a pencil and my hand just didn't go together.

I'm not kidding hand me a pencil and the most creative thing I'll be able to make is a smiley face and it won't even be a perfect circle that's why all my paintings are done free hand and there's no preplanned layout or rough drawing.
Even my rough drawings look like crap, worse than crap, to get some idea of how bad my drawings are imagine the ugliest thing in the whole world, got it?

Yeah that's what my drawings look like and then some it almost hurts my eyes to look at my own drawings.
I could only imagine how horrible it must have been for my Mum when I was a little kid and would finish a picture then show it to her, she had to be nice of course and say they were could but her mind was probably cowering in a corner looking at the atrocious art I'd come up with.

It's amazing how pessimistic I can be about my own artwork, most of the time I'm a rather optimistic person unless I'm tired or hungry then everyone should avoid me 'til I'm feeling in a good mood again because I'm a venomous bitch when I haven't eaten anything for a while.
The best way to deal with me is make a sandwich, put it on the table, wait twenty minutes then come back and ask whatever it is you wanted to know and I'll happily answer anything, if someone were to start talking to me when I was hungry I'd probably tell them to fuck off or take a long walk off a short pier, I know it's mean but I can't help it.

You'll also be told to piss off if you start talking to me and I happen to be brushing my hair which was an odd trait of mine, if I'm in pain I just start swearing at everyone and everything, I was surprised I'd managed to suppress it when I steam burnt my hand in the coffee shop.
If I were to do that at home or any other public place it'd end up with a whole bunch of people starring horrified at a girl who was using some really bad swearwords, I could get damn creative when I was in pain and would come up with words that'd even horrify me.

I needed to remind myself not to swear at school which wasn't easy when you'd get paint in your eye or do a wrong stroke that'd fuck up the whole picture.
I've said before I get frustrated when what I see in my head doesn't come out on the paper or canvas, well it seemed to happen most often at school and the teachers didn't like it one bit when you swore like a truck driver. They'd usually be laid back about the swearing but I was the one kid in the class who could push their limits and make them lose their cool and depending on what teacher I had it'd be really funny when they spazzed out or it'd be really scary when they got upset and sent me out of the room.

Over the past couple of days Dayna had kept on asking me why I didn't want to hang out with her after work and each time I had to lie and say I needed to stay behind and clean up or I had to do some other task that'd make me too tired to call her.
I'll be honest and say I was avoiding her but it was with good reason, four days ago when work was drawing to a close she'd shown up for a chat and because I'd been in the stock room getting more coffee beans Hayden had gotten the chance to strike up a conversation and not regular small talk about the weather, he'd brought up Gerard since he enjoyed having someone to bitch to.

I'll put things as plainly as possible the relationship between Hayden and Gerard, they didn't like each other and that was an understatement, they'd glare daggers at each other, refuse to talk and when they did all their sentences would either end with Blondie or Kid.
Yep they liked each other so much they had pet names, I have no idea what Hayden's problem is since Gerard didn't start it and was probably being rude to Hayden because he kept on calling him Blondie which he absolutely hated.
I think if Hayden were to start being nice to him they'd be friends but definitely not close ones.

As I was saying Hayden told Dayna about the guy who'd show up at the coffee shop and I'd chat with 'til work was over then walk home with, she'd been very interested because it was a first for me to show any interest in the male species other than having to talk to one during a group project or work.
Dayna kept on asking to meet him to find out what 'Blondie' looked like and I had to keep coming up with excuses and I was quickly running out.

There was a good reason why I didn't want her meeting him, Dayna was a fan of MCR just like me and unlike Hayden, I knew she'd meet Gerard, instantly recognize him and all hopes he had of being able to hide away from the world would go up in flames no matter what hairstyle he had.
So far I think I've done a good job of keeping them away from each other and I'll probably have to keep it up until Gerard decides to make a public reappearance or Dayna gives up on finding out who he is.

When I mentioned to Gerard that Dayna was starting to become more and more persistent he'd suggested I tell her I was busy with work and unable to introduce the two or I should just tell her the truth and hope she kept her mouth shut. Considering that suggestion came from Gerard I'd actually considered it until I saw the look on his face saying he doubted his own words so I went with telling her I was too busy.

I was starting to get worried about how long I could keep this up though, Dayna was by no means stupid and I doubted it'd take her much longer to realize something was up. I was now hoping Gerard would go back to the band so I could tell Dayna what had been going on but I didn't want him to go back at the same time because he wouldn't be able to talk to me any more and I'd miss the chats we have when he walks me home or talks to me at work while being stared daggers at by Hayden.

It was nice to have someone to talk to on the usually scary trip home, I'd told Gerard he didn't have to walk me home but he'd insisted and with my inability to say no to anyone I'd agreed and since the day he walked me home for the first time it'd become a habit.
He'd spend the day at the cafe chatting with me while I manned the till (because with my burnt hand I was unable to use the coffee machine) and once work was over he'd walk me home, say goodnight at my door and leave while I went inside acting like a ditsy idiot and confusing my aunt thanks to my unusual behavior.

After all this I'd have to say Gerard and I were friends even if he'd kept the upset look on his face whenever we talked.
I know he had a right to still be upset, his parents hadn't died that long ago and the wounds from it would still be fresh no matter who he talked to, I still think he should consider going back to the band and talking to them though and if not the whole band then he should at least try talking to his brother. Mikey's got to be hurting too and even though I was an only child and couldn't really say whether or not I understood the relationship with siblings I still thought they should be there to support each other.

The thought of telling him to talk to them had crossed my mind and become a stronger when I read on their website the album would be put on hold until Gerard came back which was perfectly understandable since they needed him as the lead singer. I felt sorry for the fans who wanted to hear the latest album (including myself) but I also felt sorry for Gerard who was starting to look more and more guilty each passing day, maybe he'll go back to the band without me having to say anything.

One of the huge things that'd be contributing to his guilt was the public news he'd missed his parents funeral, he hadn't come in to the coffee shop on that day and only showed up after my shift ended to walk me home.
He'd looked almost as bad when he showed up as the first day I met him so there was no doubt he'd felt horrible and that had resulted in me feeling bad on his behalf even though I'd never met his parents or knew his family well enough to have the right to say anything on the matter.

I wish I could come up with some intelligent way to bring up the subject without seeming like I was trying to pry into his personal life because I wasn't and would hate it if he thought I'd do something like that. I was his friend now and I wanted him to be happy again or at least happier than he was currently because from what I'd seen he only had three mood settings, depressed, guilty and alright.
Yep alright was actually a mood or it was now and it seemed to be a combination between depressed, guilty and semi cheerful.

Because of those moods I felt bad for not helping him, I've been through the same set of emotions and went through them as a refresher every couple of months so I understood all to well what he was feeling right now and I was still unable to help him.
I had actually tried once now I think about it, I'd asked him if he was alright and the most he'd done was mumble a response that didn't answer anything then ask me if I wanted to start walking home.
It seemed like no matter how much I beat myself up over whether or not I should help him he didn't want help anyway.

There was a time when I remembered him saying there was something romantic about self destruction and when I saw him I thought he might honestly believe it because as normal as he might appear to everyone else he looked like the poster child for self destruction to me.

My mind would always come up with some of the worst possible things to scare me it'd decided a couple of days ago to think of the worst possible scenario and flashed back to the years when he was on drugs and drinking. I really hope he isn't doing any of that again, it was one thing to be on drugs and alcohol because of just plain depression but the depression caused by having someone die was something else entirely and much harder to get rid of.

Whenever I got depressed my Mum would almost smother me with attention until I started acting like my normal self again.
I had yet to know how I'd deal with being depressed while living in America but I had a feeling when it did kick in I'd just get over it with the help of my iPod and my artwork, I also knew I'd have Dayna there to support me,

We'd only known each other for six months but we were close friends and I believed we'd remain that way for a long time, I also had the support of my auntie even if she was distant more than half the time, she didn't get the hugging and sympathetic gene in the family.

I wouldn't count Gerard on my list of supportive people if I were to start being depressed again, not because he wasn't a family member or someone I didn't think of as a friend, it'd be because I don't think being depressed and then being around another depressed person would help him.

As they say misery loves company and I had no intention of giving him that company since I could put the pessimist in pessimistic when I was depressed, I could make the whole cast of Disney suicidal with my attitude and I considered it do be a real talent.

"Lyric, hellooo, are you in there?" I snapped back to reality and Dayna who was yelling at me from the other end of the phone.

"Sorry what did you say?" I'd totally tuned out while she'd been talking to me, I really need to stop doing it before I get stuck in LaLa Land and never come back.

"How's it going with that guy? What's his name, oh yeah Gerard. How funny would it be if he was Gerard Way?" A smile small came to my face and I had to think of something incredibly boring to stop myself from laughing, good thing she doesn't know it's the actual Gerard Way who I'm hanging out with.

"Yeah it'd be really funny, uh, I have to go now. I've got some art shopping I need to get done." She'd steered the conversation in the direction of Gerard again and I needed to go before she started asking when she could meet him.

"Okay do you want me to go with you, shopping buddies keep the weirdos away!" She started randomly singing and I couldn't help but smile, it was true that guys are a lot less brave when around two girls but if Dayna was to go with me I'd get distracted and spend much longer at the mall than I'd mean to and she's likely to start asking about Gerard.

"Thanks for the offer but I'm alright, I'll see you tomorrow at school kay?" I wasn't looking forward to school because I've been feeling very tired lately but I did have work and that meant I'd get to hang out with Gerard.

"Yeppo, see ya." Dayna hung up and I went to put my phone in my pocket only to be immediately startled by the beeping sound meaning my battery was about to die.

I'd been fully dressed and about to leave the apartments when Dayna called me, I'd stopped and chatted for nearly an hour which has thrown me way off course, I was gonna hang around the mall for a little while and maybe get something to eat but now by the time of finish buying my paints it'd be nighttime.
Might as well get this over and done with now so I can be back before it gets really late and I get stuck on the train with all the miscreants (I say that a nicely as I can) and freak my auntie out by being home late.

As I pondered taking my dying mobile with me it beeped once more then the screen faded to black and I narrowed my eyes, bastard thing why can't you live for longer than five bloody seconds, I thought as I threw it onto my bed and reminded myself to charge it when I got home. I couldn't be bothered to do it now and I just wanna go out and get away from the apartment for a little while.

I grabbed my backpack then sighed and remembered I'd broken the strap on it yesterday and had yet to fix it, instead I rifled through my closed and got out a long unused bag that hadn't seen the light of day since I got my backpack, this'll have to do for the moment but I'll be fixing the strap the second I get home.

Now with my much inferior bag I left the house and jogged down the stairs, you think a place like this would have an elevator but no, that's too easy for everyone living here apparently and we have to run a freaking marathon just to get to our apartments or maybe I'm complaining too much.
Either way I'm not enjoying the exercise I have to go through every time, I kinda makes me want to hurt anyone who talks to me.

I arrived at the subway just in time to get on a train further into the city where I could go shopping for the art stuff I'd neglected to get for the past three weeks because I'm one lazy bitch when I feel like it. I'm surprised I show up for school and work, actually not work because I enjoy talking to Gerard everyday and I love seeing the look on Hayden's face, it gets priceless sometimes.

It took me ten minutes to get from the subway to the humongous shopping complex that held everything I'd ever need as an artist, among other things of course. I don't think there's a mall dedicated to just art stuff although that would be really cool and by the time I left a place like that there's no doubt I'd have spent all my money on everything in sight.

To make sure I wouldn't distract myself and spend money on something I didn't truly need I headed straight to the art shop and tried to not look at any clothing that I'd buy and never wear again. I could be a real clothing hoarder sometimes so I'd have to tell myself I didn't need it and couldn't afford it, my money was only for savings, music and art, nothing else unless I actually needed it.

Being used to seeing my face on a regular basis the counter person smiled at me and I waved back before heading to the back of the shop where all the paints were kept, I was excited about getting them.
I could finish a song mural that I've been working on for ages, it wasn't for school, just for pleasure, I loved to finish a piece of artwork that I'd worked on for ages, it made me so happy to put it up on the wall and know I put blood, sweat and tears into every brush stroke.

What I was making currently was a piece of what came to mind when I listened to a My Chemical Romance song, slowly over time I'd added a small painting straight from my imagination.
I'd made one for every song on their two albums, I was gonna add the third one they were working on when it was finished but with no end in sight for it I decided to finish up the mural now.

At first I thought the paints were gone and it freaked me out a little because I really needed them to finish everything, to most people they would just look normal but I'd seen other artists use them before and it created an almost glowing effect that would be amazing for finishing off the main painting of The Ghost of You. I knew that of I didn't have those paints then it just wouldn't look right, it wouldn't be perfect.

On further inspection it proved they were pushed as far up the back as they can go, thank god, I sighed as I grabbed them and grinned.
I'll get to finish it tonight, this is so exciting, maybe I should consider showing the mural to Gerard once it's finished, na I can't do that, it'd be embarrassing, I've seen the artwork he can do, I'll never be able to do anything like that, no matter how much I wish I could.
I'd seen his comic, On Ravens Wings and it was wow, I mean, wow.

As I headed to the counter I got distracted by some masks hanging up, they were unusually shaped for something you'd buy in a store even if its one you could get from an art store that sells the more unique kind of things, I took one off the shelf and turned it around, it was completely white and obviously made to be painted.

The artist in me started listing all the things I could do with a blank canvas like that one, shapes, swirls, words, I couldn't help it and brought the mask with me to the desk, this'll look so fantastic when I'm done with it, this is exactly how all my money disappears. I impulse buy everything in sight, this'll be worth it, I can create a real art project, use it for a school assignment maybe.

"Hey, Lyric. How's the mural going." Heather asked as she scanned my items, she was always at the counter, I haven't seen anyone else work here.

"I'll get to finish it with the paints now, I'll bring in a photo next time I'm here." She smiled at me before handing me my plastic bag, I said bye me left the store, I feel in such a good mood right now.

It didn't take long for me to get distracted in the mall on my way back to the subway, within five minutes I'd wandered into a music store and was looking at the albums, I had nearly everything I wanted anyway. I have a huge collection of CDs and should probably chill out with my money, I'm gonna become one of those poor artist types if I keep up with my senseless spending of cash.

As I walked out onto the streets I looked up and noticed the black sky, I've been in there much longer than I should have, one glance of my iPod proved it was eleven o'clock, holy shit how could I spend so much time in there. I've been in the mall for five hours just looking at CDs and music related stuff, I'm lucky I've still got money in my pocket, this is the precise of thing that happens when I'm around music.

Ugh I wish I remembered to charge my mobile earlier so I didn't leave it at home, I know my aunt doesn't care much about setting a curfew for me but she's got to be worrying at least a little bit, I'll get home late occasionally but I've never gotten home as late as eleven, it'll probably be twelve by the time I walk in the front door.
Shit, shit, shit, if I was living with my Mum right now she'd be getting ready to call the police so they could search for a missing person.

My pace got faster as I walked towards the subway, it's not just my auntie I should be worried about, it's the people that show up this late at night, the really creepy kind who hurt you or something much, much worse. I didn't want to around those people, it's bad enough being around the semi bad people when Gerard was with me, these were mug someone and stab them kind.

With my plastic bag in hand and my headphones now on I slowly walked down the stairs into the subway, there was only one other person down here, a man in forties wearing a suit and a briefcase. Why someone who looks like that would want to be in a place like this, this late at night I don't know, maybe he'd gotten distracted by something and not realized just how late it was.

I walked quietly over to a seat in a corner, far away from everyone else, that's if anyone planned to come down here, I don't think I have to be worried about a guy in a business suit, the worst thing that could happen is him trying to sell me vacuum cleaners or a trip to Hawaii.
So yeah it's obvious there isn't much for me to over think like I normally do.

The music blared loudly and shut out the world completely, I'd know when the train shows up, I can feel the rumbling through my seat, besides it was another five minutes until the next one.
I'd have to wait it out with the help of games on my iPod and music, I selected a playlist and started nodding in time with the music the second it came on.
I love a good guitar riff, especially when it's paired with Temple Run.

I'd managed to beat my high score three times in a row and was on the best winning streak I've had in ages when a sound similar to a lightning bolt flew through the air, getting to my ears even though I'd had my headphones up real loud and nothing should be able to get to me through the noise, someone could yell at me and I wouldn't even notice.

Quickly I paused the music, took off my headphones and stuffed them in my bag before standing up and looking around.
At first I saw nothing in the dim subway then my eyes adjusted and I looked closely at where the business man from earlier had been sitting, he was slumped against the well with a halo of red splashed against the tiles around his head.
Two men stood in front of him, one holding a gun and the other one trying to get hold of the briefcase he had still tightly clenched in his hand.

The smell of blood hit me and I felt my stomach rollover in response, oh god they killed him, they shot him in the head, I'm in the subway with a dead person and a couple of fucking murderers, shit what if they see me, I'm right out here in the open, I've got to hide!

I tried to be as quiet as I possibly could and with my bag I crouched down and looked around for anywhere to hide, it didn't matter as long as they couldn't see me, I could stay hidden until they're gone then I could get on the train and make someone call 000.
Wait no that's the Aussie number, uh 911, that's it I'll get someone to call emergency services and I'll get police and an ambulance or whatever else is needed for someone that's just been murdered.

It was hard for me to take breaths as I took a few crouched steps towards the empty ticket booth, there should I be some in there, there always someone here, why the fuck is there no one here?!

My heart beat heavily against my chest and I tried to think of something other than the men standing in front of a dead body, oh god I can't believe this is actually happening, this is impossible, nothing like this should be happening.
I've heard of some really bad stuff happening in places like this but I never believe it would actually happen, this is like a nightmare come to life, I hate this and I wanna go home before I have a full blown panic attack, this I can't deal with.

"Did you get the briefcase?" They were talking, god this is like I'm in some horrible action movie, except I don't know what I'm doing.

"I can't get it, it's chained to his wrist." I was now behind the booth and I could see the steps leading out of the subway, if I could get out of here I could get to a phone booth and call someone from there.

"Just fucking shoot it off." There was the sound of another shot and instinctively I dropped to the ground, casing the plastic bag I'd put in my actual bag to make a loud crumpling sound.

"Got it. Did you hear something, hey wasn't someone sitting over there?" No, no there was nobody here, just stay way over there with your little crime scene.

"Yeah a girl. Shit! She's gone, we have to end her or the boss will kill us!"

Fuck! I have to get out of here as fast as possible, screw waiting around for the train or for them to go away.
I know that I can defiantly run fast when I have to, can I make it from here to the stairs before they catch me?

I peeked around the corner and saw them looking around, they're looking for me, I'm gonna get killed if they see me, how did I go from shopping to this?

Shoes tapped against concrete, getting closer and closer to my hiding place, I'm gonna die, they're gonna kill me and my life will be over, I can't die, I haven't graduated high school or talked to my Mum recently, when was the last time I told my family I loved them?

Okay calm down Lyric, you can get yourself out of this, they don't know where you are and you are young and faster than they are, I can get away from this and I'll be fine.
I'll find a way to get home and I'll lock the door like I've never locked a door in my life, remember what Mum says to do in an emergency, 'don't panic, don't panic, don't panic', if I panic now I won't be able to think straight.

"Gotcha, princess!" I screamed as I felt a hand come down on my leg and pull, I hit the ground and instantly started trying to get away, he's much stronger than I thought.

I've seen this kind of stuff happen in movies, the girl gets caught by the baddie and spends so much time screaming that she gets herself killed, I flat out refuse to be that girl, she's the kind of person I laugh at for being to stupid to save herself.
First things first, go for the throat, the most unprotected and lethal area to hit someone.

I spun around and tried to kick at his neck, I'm too short, I can't reach him from here, a hand came down on my other leg and I started screaming even louder, my legs are trapped and I can't get up to kick him.
Time for plan B or as close as I can get to a plan B because I've never planned what I'm gonna do if someone tried to murder me in a subway in New York.

With my mind racing at a million miles and hour with ideas from stupid to fucking dumb I put a hand up to my neck and felt my hand wrap around my necklace, the very pointed end of of 3D crescent moon dug into my palm, almost breaking skin.
I pulled hard and felt the chain on the necklace snap then before I could even realize what I was doing, I dragged myself up and brought the crescent point down hard on the mans hand, it sunk into his flesh and immediately blood started flowing, from his hand and onto my ankle

"The fucking bitch got me!" He pulled both hands away and I grabbed the necklace chain, freeing the pendant from his hand and getting a glance of the open wound that'd definitely need stitches.

I dragged myself up off the ground and launched forward, hearing the sound of bullets fly as I ran faster than I've ever ran in my whole life, something brushed against the skin on my back and I screamed as it felt like a trail of fire was left on the surface, if I get out of this alive...oh the things I'll do for charity, the public or just anyone.

"She can't get away, she'll blab and the plan will be fucked, kill her for fucks sake!" I heard voices shouting behind me and I ran up the stairs then onto the empty sidewalk, my bag was still somehow on me, the plastic bag continued to crackle, I had no time to muffle it and just wanted to get away before I died.

The necklace was still tightly on my grip, there's no way I'm letting this thing go now, it's my only form of protection, I don't care how much blood it's got on it.
I stuffed the necklace into my pocket as I continued to sprint down the sidewalk, hoping I'd find someplace that was still open this time at night, the sound of feet pounding behind me spurred me on and made me ever more determined to run faster.

A bright shop was open to my right but I was going to fast to stop and head in and there's no fucking way I'm turning around or stopping, there'll have to be somewhere else, this is America there should be tons of late night restaurants and shops open and even if its not a place like that then maybe a strip club or a brothel.
I don't care what place is open as long as I get away.

The sound of footsteps got even louder behind me, sounding closer and I had to resist the urge to close my eyes and cry for mummy, I want my Mum, or Dayna, she could kick anyone's ass when in a bad enough mood.
I want Gerard, I wish he could have gone to the mall with me and walked me home so I wasn't alone, this mightn't have happened if I was with someone.

"Stop now and I'll make it quick!" The guys voice was almost booming behind me I flinched slightly, there's no way I'm stupid enough to stop.

"Go fuck yourself you fucking murdering psycho!" I yelled back and his footsteps suddenly got much closer, then everything went quiet and I felt a body hit mine, sending me tumbling to ground, concrete scraped my skin causing it to burn just like my back that already felt like it was on fire.

I was pinned to the ground with someone kneeling on top of me, I couldn't move my arms no matter how much I struggled to reach my necklace in my pocket, my whole body ached and every inch of me felt scraped up, why did I have to wear a T-shirt tonight?

"You're not going anywhere princess." His voice made my skin crawl and I continued struggling to move my arms that were pinned so tightly by my side it didn't matter if they were above me or not.

Something cold was pressed up underneath my chin and my whole body froze, my instincts took over and told me not to move a muscle no matter how much I wanted to struggle or tell him to go fuck himself.
Now the only thing going through my mind was survival, do whatever it takes to stay alive.

"You're pretty, I bet I could make a lot of money on the market. How old are you? Fifteen, sixteen? I've got guys interested in girls your age, it makes more cash than the older girls."

A hand was added to my throat along with the barrel of the gun, it got harder for me to breath and I struggled to drag in air, black started to creep in the sides of my vision and I could hear air hissing its way from my mouth to my lungs.

"I'd rather die." The hand got even tighter and the small amount of air I was getting got cut off, allowing the black to take over my eyes, making everything dark around me.

I've always promised myself that no matter how I go out I'll be myself and tell everyone who ever deserved it to go fuck themselves, this was one of those moments, with my life flashing by in the darkness behind my life as I felt the air disappear from my body.

A two year old me with my Mum bouncing me on her knee on singing while I giggled and pretended I was riding a horse, running around on the beach all summer and dropping on the grass with hot chips when I was five and feeling warmed up from the inside out.
The wonderfully deafening guitar riffs of my first concert when I was nine, the art competition that I never expected to win when I was eleven, opening the unexpected letter from my current art school saying they'd like me to come to America on a scholarship.

Among all the thoughts and memories whirling around in my pounding head the one that stood out brightly like a diamond in dirt was the most recent happy memory I had.
The giggly, butterfly feeling I got when Gerard put his arms around me and I got an unexpected hug that didn't last long enough, then the small sad smile on his face when I gave him a cup of coffee the first night I met him.

The memory's dissolved into black and it took everything in me to drag up the last bit of strength I had, my body went limp as I spat in that motherfuckers face.

A gun shot cracked through the air as the world slammed shut like a finished book as I disappeared within myself.